I had bilateral ovarian cysts that were resolving in the combination of the pill and the implant. The right one is resolved, but the left one increased again in size following the April pregnancy. What is concluded is that I'm one of those rare women with breakthrough ovulation.
I am the 0.01% failure rate of hormonal birth control because my body is imbalanced due to hormonal and emotional issues, but I've been seeing a therapist recently to help me recover from the abusive relationship I'm now out of. Moon and I weren't actively trying for a kid, and
it'll still be a while before we actively try. We had gotten the green light to try whenever we were ready in early April (we almost had a far more interesting ultrasound lol), but we didn't know my body was still unstable... Otherwise, I think we might have tried to save them.
I'm sad losing the baby with Moon, and while I didn't like the father of the first pregnancy, I did grieve heavily... I have a journal of places and things I would have loved to show them, and it made my heart fill with more love to see our positive test in April. I loved them.
I've been very sickly since our April pregnancy though because I never finished recovering from the October miscarriage due to my avoidance of proper care and treatment... Insurance, Roe v. Wade, not trusting the father... I've been taking things slow, day by day, growing...
There are days where I don't have the strength to get up — I can't tell you if it's physical or emotional all the time, but I've been spending a lot of time reflecting on love, grief, surviving domestic abuse... I harp on it a lot, and there are a lot of bitter feelings. I admit
It's very painful to have someone deny your reality when you're dealing with the physical consequences of it. The main thing has been the estrogen imbalance since the last pregnancy/chemical miscarriage... My throat is swollen, as are my airways, vocal box... It's awful.
I wake up in the morning with a sore throat that even an ENT has given up on treating because we can't get my body to stop producing mucus as a response to the estrogen fluctuation from the pregnancy. Even with it being another unplanned pregnancy though... I would've loved them
Don't see what happened to me as a horror story to not love. See it as an opportunity to find light in the weird gifts life will show you. We were worried I would be sterile, infertile... Life just wanted to show me what mattered Who I need in my life to heal And how to live.
I've been focusing a lot on self-discovery, learning who I am, who I was never allowed to be, what I want to share and show the world as I would've shown my children. There are losses There are rebirths It's about who you rise with that matters But yeah, estrogen/cortisol wonk.