I felt a lot of love for my pregnancies and I'm salty with myself for being so bitter in this thread, but I refuse to deny my own reality for his petty ego any longer when I'm terrified of upcoming tests and attempts to fix my body. I could die and I wasn't even allowed to grieve like I wanted.
I wasn't ready to be a mom, I still don't think I am, but like HELL am I going to let someone who admitted under oath to stalking me shut me up about the deepest pains I've felt because I wasn't his property. I'm here for my own autonomy and agency as an INDIVIDUAL who is now safe from him.
I've cried before because I haven't felt safe expressing love for even my fiancé and I's pregnancy due to the unnatural obsession and stalking. It's not fair to me that his control has been allowed to strangle me for so long. I hope you all can understand where this is coming from, I'm sorry.
So... furthermore Unapologetically I'm going to share my love and grief for my pregnancies, I wanted them to be loved and to show them a world of love but life happened... and while I wheeze while I breathe, I cry about them often still because I can't hold them but... my heart and art can.