I almost feel like I have to be so morally perfect and exist in a society where looks don't matter if I want to truly be "good enough" as a progressive lesbian. But I also have trauma and many "lost" years, and am feeling very isolated. Aging in those circumstances is just harder and very lonely.
The fact is that my recovery has taken so many years, I just want to be able to enjoy feeling at least kinda young for even a year or two. There's so much people take for granted, or that they assume you've been able to enjoy already and should just move on from.
But in these very heavily straight woman spaces, I feel like I don't exist or that I'm some kind of bizarre anomaly. It's kind of an extension of how doctors treat me. They also make these big, generalizing statements in full confidence that just don't apply to someone like me.
And every video of content about what to do for your health after 40 is some straight lady telling me that she's a mother of two, that she's a dedicated wife, all of these things. "You've probably spent your years... blah blah blah," and I'm like, I used to always be able to avoid you people.
Being young and queer and alt just like, you can avoid a lot of contact with that mainstream world of straight people and families. But coming over into health, into aging, into doctor appointments, nothing is for you, you feel like an outsider. You're not a consideration.
That's really the thing, isn't it? No health advice or online support groups for things like perimenopause seem to be a place where I feel welcome, and not weird or broken, and that I'll be even a little understood.