I'm preaching to the choir here, but family should have to earn your respect and place in your life just the same as anybody else. They don't get a free pass or more grace just because you happen to be born into the same group of people.
Replies
Relatives are the people forced on you by birth. Family are the people welcomed by your heart. An important distinction to make.
aug 24, 2025, 4:41 am • 3 0 • view
Been right there with you. And my chosen family were right there to catch me in the aftermath of that. I don’t call them my chosen family now, they are my family, for we have earned one another’s love, and it’s built on mutual respect and comprehensive understanding.
aug 24, 2025, 2:34 pm • 1 0 • view
Damn straight.
aug 24, 2025, 3:36 am • 1 0 • view
I feel like respect starts out at a certain point for family, but once you become an adult, the respect needs to be maintained. Otherwise it can decay just like anything else. Lisa that's how I view it. When I was a kid family got respect, as an adult they need to earn it and keep it
aug 24, 2025, 3:15 am • 2 0 • view
Ugh this absolutely this!!. Ive gotten the its a joke, or you're just too sensitive answers more often :/
aug 24, 2025, 4:50 am • 15 0 • view
As someone raised by parents who Understood The Assignment from the get-go, and having brought two victims of this kind of psychological abuse into my life (and family), absolutely agreed. Family is not a free pass. Family is EARNED. That's what family IS.
aug 24, 2025, 5:19 pm • 0 0 • view
I'm so sorry you got this treatment by these folk, and I wholly agree with your sentiment. I'm thrilled you have a support network and found family to comfort and take care of you. It sounds like you've got some fantastic people around you to help you! Found family is such a gift.
aug 24, 2025, 5:22 pm • 0 0 • view
In short, yea, ABSOLUTELY preaching to the choir. Family needs to earn it, and that's why my wife and bestie have gone no-contact with their family. Found family RULES. Also as a little happy anecdote: My mom adopted both my wife and best friend as her additional kids. She gets the assignment!
aug 24, 2025, 5:26 pm • 0 0 • view
I stopped talking to most of my relatives years ago, and went full no-contact on the worst of them because no one needs that. I have family. They aren't related to me, but they've been more family to me than my relatives ever were.
aug 24, 2025, 3:08 am • 5 0 • view
Mine are still oh so shocked I basically cut ties after tiring of their nitpicking and crap. So my heart goes out to everyone still dealing with it.
aug 24, 2025, 4:12 am • 1 0 • view
It's the same kind of guilt trip as "You only got one sibling!". All or nothing with traditionalists...
aug 24, 2025, 3:14 am • 0 0 • view
My immediate thought on reading this: "Whose fault is that?"
aug 24, 2025, 9:18 am • 1 0 • view
And they expect us to act like nothing happened after making us feel like shit the day before. Why we want nothing to do with them.
aug 24, 2025, 3:21 pm • 1 0 • view
It's so complicated. I have very shitty family members who have mistreated myself and other family many times, without consequence.... But I also know they would do anything for me and (most) of the family. They would give up comfort and time and resources for me. BUT THEY ARE STILL SHITTY! Fuck.
aug 24, 2025, 5:16 am • 4 0 • view
They are good people, who allow themselves to do bad things. The former matters less when you do the latter. Be quick to set boundaries, be slow to burn bridges. Always remember no two situations are equivalent. No advice is perfect, no decision permanent.
aug 24, 2025, 5:18 am • 4 0 • view
"Blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb", as the saying goes
aug 24, 2025, 10:14 am • 2 0 • view
Family typically have a couple decades to earn a baseline amount of respect to be tolerable. Sounds like a lot of wasted time at this point. Go get a hug from Echo, see which person is having a bigger impact on you, and talk with her about why that is. Seems like it would be good for both of you.
aug 24, 2025, 3:25 am • 0 0 • view
And for the record, an actual apology would be “I’m sorry *I made* you feel that way.” Cue the quotes.
aug 24, 2025, 3:27 am • 1 0 • view
Honestly "having a shitty family that feels entitled to your love and dedication" feels more or less like generational trauma for the average person under 50 at this point, so I wouldn't be surprised if this expectation becomes the new cultural norm after another decade or two
aug 24, 2025, 3:16 am • 3 0 • view
And this is the thing you tell them (albeit worded differently) because how you feel matters. Family should have your back, and it sucks when people have to learn it the hard way.
aug 25, 2025, 5:08 am • 0 0 • view
That sucks to hear, especially if its family. I should speak out about things to my family as well.
aug 24, 2025, 7:03 am • 0 0 • view
aug 24, 2025, 3:26 am • 5 0 • view
"Family is not blood, but a choice." Words my mother told me after finding out she was adopted, and chose to keep her 'mother' as her mother. Something I was very glad to have been taught as I began meeting some of the extended 'blood' on my father's side. 🙄
aug 24, 2025, 5:30 am • 7 0 • view
Heck if anything they should be trying even harder than everyone else! I thought family was meant to live you up not drag you down!!
aug 24, 2025, 7:53 am • 1 0 • view
Here fuckin' here.
aug 24, 2025, 5:12 am • 0 0 • view
Man thank you for articulating how I feel about family
aug 24, 2025, 3:26 am • 0 0 • view
Tried explaining that to a colleague the other day. "No, family is family. You have to love them" he said. The hell you do. I'm not sticking around for abuse just because of a familial link. Blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb, after all.
aug 24, 2025, 9:09 am • 1 0 • view
We can be thankful for the gift of life, but there are no required links after that. Find the family that cares for you. Find the friends that value you. And show both those groups that love and care back. You're right. They should not feel like it's a given or obligated, by blood.
aug 24, 2025, 5:53 am • 1 0 • view
I used to think my family was supportive and then after a fight with my brother, it very quickly became apparent that I was simply tolerated by everyone. Who I was and how I felt meant nothing compared to my brother’s happiness. It’s a crushing pain to realize how unvalued you are to “loved ones”.
aug 24, 2025, 4:21 am • 2 0 • view
It's less "earning", more "maintaining". Every bond has a limit and if one side strains it enough, it snaps. Family bonds are like the starting gear at the beginning of a game. It'll get you through things but you'll find others as you progress and if there isn't reason to keep them, you ditch them
aug 24, 2025, 3:15 am • 3 1 • view
If only more "family" understood this fact.
aug 24, 2025, 3:33 am • 0 0 • view
THANK YOU, I'VE BEEN SAYING THIS FOR YEARS
aug 24, 2025, 1:09 pm • 0 0 • view
I agree 10000000%.
aug 24, 2025, 3:24 am • 0 0 • view
THIS!
aug 24, 2025, 3:09 am • 1 0 • view
I hope they come around and see the error of their ways. it's hard dealing with family that's so stuck in their ways. You are valid in your pain and how they made you feel, and no one is allowed to tell you different. take care buddy ❤️
aug 24, 2025, 9:04 am • 4 0 • view
The family you make for yourself is more important than the one that is forced upon you on birth.
aug 24, 2025, 12:20 pm • 0 0 • view
As cringe as this might sound, I always think about this quote from Supernatural that I think people need to learn about and internalize cause "family members" frequently do the most damage. "Family doesn't end in blood, but it doesn't start there either."
aug 24, 2025, 9:18 am • 0 0 • view
I honestly do think that you should just be respectful to family on the account that they are your family… but clearly *you* are the one being disrespected here. People always use “you should respect your family” as a way to victim-blame rather than point at the actual problem people
aug 24, 2025, 3:44 pm • 0 0 • view
That is exactly why I don't want to see my brother anymore, we litteraly have only our parents in common, I hate the guy. But all the other family members give me the same "But he is your brother!". Well, he's a pretentious racist prick, I don't want this kind of people in my life...
aug 24, 2025, 11:45 pm • 0 0 • view
This 1000% and I'm so sorry they're minimizing your feelings like that. It's a whole other level of betrayal imo when family is supposed to be the support network you can always count on.... Seems like found family is the only way to ensure you have this anymore
aug 24, 2025, 4:12 am • 0 0 • view
THAT'S RIGHT!! Sending hugs... It's so painful when family doesn't have your back
aug 24, 2025, 3:17 am • 0 0 • view
The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb
aug 24, 2025, 3:18 am • 34 1 • view
Full Quote!
aug 24, 2025, 9:19 am • 0 0 • view
As I've always said, you only get one family. You also only get one appendix, and when it turns on you, you cut it out. That said, I'm sorry that you're dealing with so much stress in your life, hon. You deserve better than that, and I hope things turn out better in the future.
aug 24, 2025, 4:11 am • 10 0 • view
Hell you only get one large intestine but the minute mine turned toxic on me I had it cut out and I'm livin life fine without it. Lots of family members and internal organs we can live without if they wanna make our lives miserable, is the moral I'm getting at here.
aug 24, 2025, 4:49 am • 1 0 • view
Ever since you cut out the bad bits, you can work thru and process shit so much more quickly now! And waste is processed and moves thru your body real quick too!
aug 24, 2025, 5:22 am • 1 0 • view
Literally this. Respect is a lot more than just being related by blood. Hell, family could lose respect if they pull some shady tricks that do more harm than good.
aug 24, 2025, 11:19 pm • 0 0 • view
i have a friend with a family so unfortunate, a situation so tangled, not even calling the authorities helped. I keep trying to help them stay sane, stay afloat, stay alive. Their family ever neglectfull, mocking, harmfull. A cave breeding suicidal ideation. I keep hoping they can get out safely..
aug 25, 2025, 7:20 am • 1 0 • view