If it has been blessed why wouldn't it be? It just has some salts and other things added it's still almost entirely water.

I was actually okay with this one

That is…Assisi, where St. Francis is from (or something)! Some great Giotto stations of the cross there, and an INSANE entranceway to a (brothel?)

Ignore the pizza machine

Definitely not in Italy

Hee hee

Babies don't deserve to be baptized by Gatorade until they at least win a pre new years day bowl game after an underwhelming 7 win season

But... it has electrolytes

Ooooh, so we’ve been baptizing coaches on Sundays for decades.

Another thirsty priest...

Is this the new Bioshock?

ok but what if the baby had just coached the winning Super Bowl team

Jesus loves electrolytes!

And maga loves kool-aid.

it's what the Garden of Gethsemane craves!

im not even catholic and i know not to trust any priest with a fuccboi name. wtf is father Justin? Father Kyle replacing him after the Gatorade baby scandal?

With Gen Alpha’s impending adulthood we all better get ready for father Brayden

at least it was that, and not diddling alterboys...

Bless the fryer oil

“What if the baby is a game winning coach, though?”

Stupid AI priest, you need to put glue on the Gatorade first

This is one job where AI would probably do less damage.

To be fair, an AI priest saying baptisms can be performed with Gatorade is low on the totem pole when it comes to Christian idiocy.

This shit is so fucking funny lmao

Disagree, this is awesome

At first glance your response kind of sounds like you’re saying: “this future sucks: because they demoted the ai priest for baptizing with Gatorade “

I mean, isn't it?

Everyone knows it's Brawndo that has what infants crave.

Gatorade? Not Brawndo?

it's got what babies crave

waitasec.. I think the answer is correct. In the absence of pure water, i think any substance could be used for a baptism if you somehow had to do an "emergency baptism", like if they were dying and somehow wanted to convert. Gatorade probably would work.

That's what I remember from Catholic school. Knew a person once who had been a rough birth, nurse wasn't sure they would make it, so was baptized with orange juice as that was handy.

And Gatorade is almost entirely water anyway, so hey why not.

People are 60% water, so what's the cutoff point?

Human Chum! It’s got electrolytes!

Urine big trouble for saying this.

Not sure where they covered this in Vatican II

So we can't bet on the color Gatorade that gets you higher salvation

Clearly Fierce Grape. It's the color of royalty.

It’s the Catholic Church. Obviously only the original green color. The Protestants get blue and red.

The assumption that the Lord's water is not full of electrolytes is why we had the Reformation.

It's literally Idiocracy world

nah, virtual priests can't rape kids, I support this one

Actually that is hilarious. I'm assuming flavor was lemon-lime

It may not be the future we want...but its definitely the future we deserve

I mean, water is blue...and gatorade can be blue...its basically the same right...?

Brando, its what babies want.

Great. Now what am I supposed to do with all this Gatorade?

Put mercury into it

More of a Powerade guy huh

Purgatory stuffed with Brawndo babies.

Babies unwashed souls crave Brawndo

Man, my Catholic upbringing didn't prepare me to no longer be allowed to baptise children in Holy Gatorade

At least it cannot touch kids.

Of all the things done by the Catholic Church and a Gatorade baptism causes a stir? Really? C’mere and let me tell you some stories.

still no legs

Fruit Punch or better. For Gatorade Zero Lime Cucumber is an abomination into the Lord.

Heretic!

Jolt is no longer a sacrament.

@buddhaferret.bsky.social @mediawarrior.bsky.social remember Bro's "nicotine in the gatorade planet"? Now there's this.

Don't give nobody no ideas, again.

STFU is this for real?

Historically speaking, one of the lesser problematic interactions with a Catholic priest

One of the funnier heresies too.

Is it heretical? I sense a schism coming, Electrolytholics vs Catholics

i looked but there's a real dearth of good schism gifs

In nominus Catodicus, Anodicus et Reticulus Sanctus, amen.

I like to think of various monastic and templar orders based around the different flavours.

😂😂😂😂😂

Do I pledge my sword to citrus or "blue?"

Search your heart for the refreshing flavor within you.

And also with you.

No shit!

I've seen such baptisms in the past but only for adults.

😝😝😝

Demoted to what? A different server?

No he was just demoted to a regular priest.

Demoted to what?

At least it didn't suggest human sacrifice.

*that we know of

Yet

Just the one. But it's already happened.

Human sacrifice is consistent with Catholic doctrine. Gatorade is not.

*that* SNL sketch with The Rock comes to mind.

I'm not sure which future the poster is saying sucks: The one with the AI priest that baptizes with Gatorade, or the one in which AI priests who condone baptizing with Gatorade are demoted. (I'm OK with either meaning.)

We all know God is a Powerade guy

I'm laughing more that I probably should

This reads like a Futurama headline.

This is ok tho

Of course they caught him, he was being more closely supervised than actual priests

Who ordained this abomination?

The headline is pretty misleading. A company made an LLM with a priest avatar and people didn't like it so they changed the avatar to be a layman. There was never an ordination or affiliation with the RCC.

yes, that was my point. this was never a priest at all

Father Justin is a Civ 4 leader?

I dunno, considering what catholicism is up to usually, it's honestly an improvement. They've done far worse things to kids.

Upon reflection, this means not only did someone come up with the idea of an AI priest, someone else said yes that’s a good idea we should do it.

Really sucks, gatorade is the perfect substitute for water if your in a pinch

kill all ai now

He also said slavery was ok in the past for the Jews but not now today and god would never condone slavery, but it’s also ok if it was in the past which he also didn’t condone but also did. That’s its logic because it has the same data and idiotic logical potholes as the human apologists.

“It”, not he.

youtu.be/jUC9uMHAWLs?...

Why? What's the problem with Gatorade?

I think he was in Civilization Sux

"Do you reject thirst, and all its works?"

Demoted? What kind of Gatorade are the people who come up with this stuff drinking?

I thought it was only if they just won the big game

Where’s the lie though! Quench those sins!

This isn't an avatar from Civ 7?

I disagree, any future where we can dunk babies in Gatorade is a good future.

Before this topic disappears from the news, we need to know what flavor Gatorade.

"As we cast out Satan's darkness, let this child step into God's everlasting electrolyte..."

we don’t even get cool cyberware, clothing, and body mods in this dystopia 😭

So if they don't allow Gatorade, that implies that there's some minimum purity level needed for water to be considered "baptism-grade." Where is that specification called out? 🤔

Use Pedialyte, you monster

They will just move him to another parish and he’ll do it again

"Demoted" - was it actually ordained, then? Did it have a parish?

Demoted to ai-powered Deacon Justin

Sent to Craggy Island with the other eedjits

This is the second worst thing a catholic priest can do

Gatorade is Christ aid for that deep down spiritual thirst.

What if the Gatorade has been consecrated by a priest, smart guy?

Would it have become just “holy water”? Or Jesus’ pee?

Exactly, so sad that the Catholic Church no longer believes in transubstantiation 😢

But Gatorade has electrolytes, and it's what plants crave!

I mean, Gatorade has water AND the electrolytes we need. Double blessing.

How about ordaining women?

I always assumed baptism required holy water such as bourbon or scotch.

Bourbon? What if you had Mihono Bourbon baptizing babies in bourbon?

“Is He in you?”

it's what catechumens crave

I got one like and for such an esoteric quip I am good with that

Least problematic interaction between priest and child in decades so ....

Could have been Pringles. 🤷‍♂️ Sponsorship is sponsorship, so whatcha gonna do?

Shrek is in the background there somewhere

Electrolytes!

What are you supposed to baptise them with? Water? Like in the toilet?

Is it more ridiculous than "here, drink this, it's the blood of the bloke we put up there on the cross... and while you're here with your cannibal tendencies have a munch on his flesh."

The gatorade transubstantiates into holy water, so it's all good, right?

Technically speaking you should only baptize babies in SoBe because John 4:14 says "I am the water of Life"

This is Big Pedialyte™ showing its power right in front of all of us.

No, no, wait. Let's hear him out.

To be fair, the checks and balances in the Catholic church seem to be working better than those in the American constitution.

Sid Meier's Collapse of Civilization

It'll probably be better received than Civ 7.

This only sucks because they won't let him baptize children with Gatorade

"It's got what souls crave!"

I mean..why not? Except it should be Redbull, not an American brand.

Lol 😂

This sounds like something Ricky Bobby would do to his kids Walker and Texas Ranger

Looks like Ai cleaned up the Catholic Church

This is a Civ 6 leader asking you to open your borders

What flavor?

I thought the pope spoke out against AI?

Absolutely. It should have been promoted for that brilliant cross-marketing insight. Pope GPT I !

Demoted

What was wrong with that, gatorade has what babies crave, it's got electrolytes

You mean it's ok with Faygo ?

Maybe Brawndo?

I came here for this joke and am not disappointed!

Really hate how art imitates life at times

In french we say "dystopie néo fasciste" they call it : how to reinstall apartheid and slavery "in two weeks" by the debt.

Condamner

Did he tell the pope about the electrolytes?

Did they move him to another server?

Who’s selling and profiting from the Vatican on this garbage?

as a Coke man, God prefers Powerade

This was once common and has just fallen out of fashion. The 'G' in G.K. Chesterton actually stands for Gatorade, as he was named in celebration of this practice.

The K is for kwench, an outmoded English spelling of quench.

They were all doing the Gatorade Kwench back then. But it all got forgotten about after John rebooted the clergy with Vatican 2.0

🎵 Time to get down on your knees / open up your Glacier Freeze

“Gatorade King”

It’s what babies crave

it has electrolytes

They improve holy conductivity.

A salt, and...battery!

Use water? You mean, like, from the toilet?

back to Monster then?

Goofy ahh dystopia

Everybody knows it should be Guinness.

THE CORRECT ANSWER

*all* colors of gatorade?

The sin mutilator

BRAWNDO is the only acceptable alternative. Gtfoh with that Gatorade shite.

Yeah! It's bullshit it was demoted!

In his defense, he had just won the Super Bowl on Madden.

Can’t have FAITH without AI

Class !

I thought praxis was pedialite.

Pedialyte, I'm told.

😂🤣 I can't even 😂

It's got what plants (and the unbaptized) crave

What is more pure than gatorade? What kind of religion is this?

Hey @clairewillett.bsky.social i’m betting you have Opinions on this story.

my immediate first thought is that I refuse to take a “Father Justin” seriously

He looks like a character out of the Civilisation games who’s just about to threaten you with war if you don’t trade grain with him.

Fathers Justin explains why he wears his vestments as tight as a scuba suit, and the answer was not holy.

Well y'all were cool with this

Yeah, but tbh that's kinda badass

Thank you for that alt text 🤣

Yes, we ended up in the timeline where they elected Trump TWICE. We are doomed.

well yeah, it's got what plants crave

Man was the first cool priest, and they did him in.

I was baptized in vodka. My heaven will be more fun.

Not to be overserious but the key line in Genesis is “God created humankind in His image.” An AI priest feels idolatrous on a bone deep level.

Lord, why does your humble shepherd of your eternal and divine love have Far Cry 2 ass graphics?🧎‍➡️

How did a Sim become a priest

he went to siminary

damn. that’s good

honestly this doesn't seem so bad

I dunno, it's as plausible as a whole metric ton of other doctrines.

What about Crystal Pepsi?

What are we supposed to use? Water? Like from the toilet?

No, water that's run-off from the new ai data center that just sprung up in your neighborhood.

Ok so why can’t Gatorade be consecrated to use for baptism?

The gospel according to James (Cade) disagrees

Did i look up facts about Gatorade in order to make this stupid joke? Yes i did

OK. But why is it *not* ok to baptise a baby with Gatorade?

I mean, assuming the priest has waved their hands over it and said the magic words?

Bc this ai fuccboi was made up by a llm to grift off of socially isolated catholics and no association w rcc rcc allows emergency baptisims bc w/o it, all babies go to hell

Oops Purgatory- not much better

That explains why *this* “fuckboi” can’t baptise a child with Gatorade. But *this* “fuckboi” can’t baptise anybody with anything. But my question is not about *this* “fuckboi”.

With Alt-text

If this was a tv show, people would be insisting that it was either too ridiculous or too offensive. Instead it's reality and I am laugh-crying because THIS IS WHAT WE GOT INSTEAD OF FLYING CARS.

Powerade is cheaper

Seriously. What happened to the flying cars and sht

They were replaced with Hyperloop

One is in testing, but I assume it’ll be for rich folk www.ktvu.com/news/bay-are...

The median consumer’s ability to safely operate anything like a flying car.

Road rage hits differently @ 3000ft, I'll give you that

Keep the flying cars, I want the two day work week.

I hate to say that it's correct. In extremis, absent even a priest, any Catholic can baptize someone into the faith.

AI Buddy Christ: from the people who brought you Vatican Funko Pop bsky.app/profile/catc...

You keep Luce's name out of your mouth

My bad, AI Buddy Priest. Buddy Christ is something else

I mean, if there is a drought and all you have is Gatorade, I think the writer of the Didache would approve...

I'm tired of living in a lesser Black Mirror episode.

immediately thought of this

But it's got electrolytes.

brawndo - it's got what sinners crave

dammit what does he say about baptism-by-Mountain-Dew?

Only valid in several Midwestern archdioceses, I was a Mountain Dew baptism

Okay, but you might still be heretical depending on which flavor it was.

Original, as the Lord intended

I DECLARE A SCHISM. SCHISM I SAY. Only Mountain Dew Livewire-baptised babies go to heaven. SCHISM! the Livewirian denomination will never agree with Original Flavor Mountain Dew-baptisms.

I feel like you need to go to seminary school to be a priest, being unsafe around kids isn't enough of a qualification

Why would someone waste Gatorade like that?

And yes, I side-eye those celebrations.

But it has electrolytes.

When an AI app hallucinates. From an engineering POV, some chinks still in the machine. A major cautionary reminder to those who think their AI app is a friend/counselor/person.

being raised an unwilling catholic, i have to say maybe this could’ve convinced me to stay (i LOVED gatorade as a child for some unknown reason)

I, for one, think this is a great development in the canon of the Catholic church

Whoever did the demoting is directly contradicting clear information provided to me in 1958 by Sister Germanus. We were told that, in an emergency, anything will do.

But Gatorade has electrolytes

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Good_Ne...

I’m definitely getting Civ 6 vibes

We Kyles already have our priests do it with Monster Energy 😇

Holy Gatorade Batman!

He was defrocked!

Kinda hilarious ngl

This isn’t real, is it?

explain to me why he’s wrong if the gatorade is blessed.

Give us this day our daily electrolytes.

demoted by who exactly?

Bro isnt even a real guy wtf

John McCrea from Cake - I recognized him

honestly I think at least some percentage of actual priests would endorse this in an emergency situation (which, yes, if you're Catholic, there can be an emergency baptism)

SkyNet didn't need to invent cyborgs. It just needed human collaborators and glowing rectangles. Because we'll fall for anything.

catholic-link.org/ai-catholic-...

I wonder how many instructions there are in that thing's prompt to steer it away from anything to do with discussions on child abuse.