Absinthe it is then. Or Pernod if Absinthe unavailable.

Stupid, fascist, complotist and charlatan, that one is a collector...

The Onion edges ever closer to reality. Or is reality edging closer to The Onion?11

God bless @theonion.com

There may be some side effects.

Right, like we'll all be as stupid as RFK Jr.

Why not, he and his family swim in sewer water.

Which, I think, is the main ingredient in this here concoction.

Excrement Elixir

I tried to think of one beginning with “Fecal” but I couldn’t think of anything. “Excrement Elixir” it is! 🙏

the Fecal Float?

Not bad. You have a knack for this sort of thing.

😂

📌

Wouldn't be surprised if right-wing grifters start pushing radium as a cure-all again.

Slurm?

The man looks, sounds, moves like the walking dead

😂

We need ex-FBI agent turned industrial saboteur David "Mo" Rutherford on this shit immediately

Good thing I know this is from The Onion - you had me going there for a minute because with RFK Jr. on the case, it could just as well be true. Oy!

Reanimator scientist sends RFK Jr a new formula after realizing its secret worm ingredient resurrects.

If only.

I grew up on bug juice, i'll be fine.

You first, Little Bobby.

LMFAO! probably came from that creek he swam in...

the most wild truth is he is a CURRENT drug addict, not just formerly for 15 years, he simply switched drugs imagine enforcing health laws espoused by a drug addict but that's America in a nutshell where criminals now write the laws and drug addicts define "healthy" and "safe"

Satire…or just seeing three weeks into the future again?

He drinks aquarium cleaner so this might not be made up.

JFC.

Wait, really? Do you have a source or anything because of true then that's wild

geneticliteracyproject.org/2025/02/11/v... Really wish I’d made this up.

why does this article use really bad AI art

Ew ai art die

No source needed as it is satire 😎😂

If*

🤣

ASK BEZOZ TO GIVE THIS GUY A RIDE IN HIS SPACESHIP AND DON'T COME BACK.

RFK Jr. saw $500mil going to mR. NA and thought who is that mR. NA guy he's not worth half a bil and I'll show him

There actually was a liquid product for children in the 70’s that was glow in the dark. We put it on everything and turned off the lights. Especially on our bodies. It wasn’t around long… I wonder why?🤔RFK is bringing it back making us great again So many dangerous toys back then.

Another idiot. Merit hiring process.

Did he drink @doobusgoobus.bsky.social ?

No fucking way will I EVER touch that!!!!!!!

Him first😏

IMBECILE..

what's in it heroin?

Gosh I needed that laugh today

Looks like Absinthe What a surprise

Captain Kryptonite can go first.

What's sad to me is that I almost believed this to be true. These are the times we're now living in. What a time to be alive.

Fuck RFK Jr. He's insane.

😂😭🤦🏽‍♂️

Every time I read something from the onion I get so pissed! Then I remember it’s satire. 😂

Looks like the soap we use to wash the car

Considering how much of this is barely disguised malthusian eagerness for a mass die-off, the sharks are apt.

The elixir of strife

Oh, it’s a joke!🤣

Oh my God! This guy is a witch doctor! It couldn’t be worse!

It's his last urine sample ....

The point here is the culling of the people.

The RFK Jr. Brain Worm approves!

Please Bluesky install a laugh button!

The thing is I don't doubt something like this.He will do in the future.That's the scary part!

He wants us to drink Ooze?

Wicked!

Please send him to a psychiatric sanitarium.

Once again, it's hard to distinguish between parody and truth.

Actually RFK is antivax.🤣

What flavored Kool-aid will Robert (Jim Jones) Kennedy want us to drink.

MAGA would do it at the drop of a hat if you called it Jesus juice.

I'm sure it's a wonderful idea... What could go wrong?

Heck yeah let's go

Stronger with a craving for road kill

He can go first.

When did you guys start reporting real news?

No thanks. This crap shouldn't be mandated for sure. This guy is nuts.

Is it available from Amazon

Yeah thats a hard pass Ricky Bobby...

Guessing. Would it be his urine because everything with this administration is a pissing contest?

Last thing he'd ever do is take a sanity test.

(The Onion rips from the headlines) /s

Wondering if RFK Jr. was not an unnamed co-founder of Heavens Gate along with Applewhite & Nettles? 🤔🤣 www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ZQv...

🤣

And then they line up the senior citizens to contribute to the Mysterious Glowing Liquid factory. #SoylentGreen

😂🤣🤣😅 yeah, not today.

Woah woah you missed the important bit ‘JFK Jr Mandates all Americans Drink Mysterious Glowing Liquid from TrueMed Use the code WORMBRAIN for free shipping’

I’ll pass

Soilent Green

I have a special liquid he can drink

Perhaps they should, trump supporters especially.

That’s just him on St Patrick’s Day. Sure haven’t we all been there.

Creme de mental.

😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣👍🏻

You're right. I *should* watch Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

🤣😂🤣😂

I think this is fitting. youtu.be/rXq4zWt9iso?

"fluorine bad, irradiation good"

Be careful Onion. Some of the MAGAts will believe this and drink antifreeze and…. You know what? Never mind. It’s not important. Carry on my good people. Love your work

Antifreeze sales will quadruple in Alabama. 1500% in Mississippi and South Dakota!

Brilliant!! 🤣🤣😂

We should inform more MAGA of this and let them go first. First...ya know.

BEAUTIFUL!!! 🤣😂🤣😂🤣

"He told me the libs would hate me for buying this!!"

Nothing to see here. Everything is normal 😆

Don’t be selfish. Spread that shit around with every MAGAt you see. Pretend it’s their idea. It works every time. 😂

Love this!

Would mags folks like a glass of prestone on the rocks. Pl4nty of free samples, help your selves.

Aren’t you just the kindest soul. Bless you Aunt Trapper for being so generous. 😊

Maga: Thanks, Destiny!

Oh ! Jeeze! Never thought of that! LOL

OMG! I was thinking of saying same like this, but you said it well.

I tried it....and I feel GREAT ! 😄

I feel horrible saying this, but man I am ready for that phase of the cult!

You got close after *that* Trump covid speech, with a 150% rise in calls to poison centres. And he didn't explicitly say to drink bleaches. Imagine if he had.

Not drink - inject. www.politico.com/news/2021/04...

He said disinfectant. That's every bit as bad. How many dumbasses took a swig of Pinesol after that????

The increase in calls was related to disinfectants and antimicrobial cleaning products as a whole. So yeah, kitchen cleaners were sampled.

I’m so tired of this country

Crazy how fewer folks listen to their health team but will drink poison if dear leader suggests it. 🙄

I give it antkher year before RFK is suggesting adding random, homeopathic things to food and water. After all his shit against fluoride.

He will likely profit off those things too. It’s the MAGA way.

It's amazing some people have lived as long as they have. They will fall for anything.

Now I understand how trump got in... Millions of Americans are just plain dummies.

These days, with this administration, that actually sounds far too plausible. Sigh.

A cocktail of embalming fluid mixed with antifreeze.

It’s Gotta be getting harder to come up with wild headlines considering the real headlines are so wild these days

They have probably included LSD, shrooms, DMT, salvia and meth on the budget so as to fuel their minds. At least meth. Or just meth but a ton of it.

exactly what I was thinking

I had to search to validate this was satire…this announcement would seem like a logical next step

It's sad when I read a headline in the real news that should be in The Onion. Unless it's about Florida Man! 😂

They say JRFK Jr plans to bring back self radiotherapy drug Radithor to cure cancer.

He can mandate whatever the fuck he wants, but if he seriously expects people to drink that shit, he's even nuttier than the preverbial fruitcake.

This mf is totally insane he needs to be in a locked ward for the criminally insane, NOT telling people how they should take care of their health!

They didn’t even want fluoride in the water. This reminds me of Gotham City. Where’s Batman?

So that is why this idiot is the way he is.

The national guard has my permission to throw a bet over this guy ASAP before he harms himself 🧌 or after, you’re call! 🥶🥶🥶🤢

"I don't think people should be taking medical advice from me" - actual quote from RFK Jr (okay the context is kinda insane as always but still)

Does it kill the brainworms? 😁

Radioactive Kool-aid. 🤣😂🤣😂

That’ll be the day when I follow any advice from this incompetent quack

Glug, glug, glug.

They should have coloured the liquid Trump Orange.

The panacea, newly discovered novichok vaccine kills all bacteria, viruses and cancer cells.

Muscle cells, GI cells, etc.

Let’s see how many of your real followers and magas drink your green neon magic potion. What’s in it? That is probably a secret. It was developed 100,000 years ago by the shubegebecdrt tribe. You cannot disclose because you promised when you went back in time to get.

RFK first, or is that the problem.

Makes sense. His face always looks like it’s about to collapse in a pile of ooze from consuming too much of The Stuff.

The Sinister Potion!

It's gold-plated godking rapist pedophile felon insurrectionist traitor bleach. Cures ignorance.

Hopefully, the article is satire because he wants to put it in our water!

🤣

Wacko

Wonder how many will take his advice!

I remember when you used to do satire. Good times.

Stop post shit he may actually say! 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

Die Onion ist wie ein Spiegel, der uns zeigt, wie absurd die Welt sein könnte, wenn wir nicht so absurd wären.

The day I start listening to a brain dead, heroine junkie and steroid addict is the day I realize that I need serious help.

Well, since he already looks like one, he can be the first test dummy to check it out

Such a horses ass

RFK acts like Starfleet command taken over by brain bugs in the 2nd to last episode of Season One Star Trek Next Generation

Goodness, what a fucking sociopath RFK Jr is. The day I drink a green glowing liquid is the day I die first. Mandate? Who the fuck is he to mandate anything? He can’t make 340 million citizens of this country drink something unknown and frankly scary-looking. What the actual fuck?

Tell Bobby to F*ck off!

Dammit! You got me again! It's so hard to discern the new stupid from satire.

Looks like mystery solvent to me. @mysterysolvent.bsky.social

Antifreeze. Definitely. Solve hella world problems.

The Onion must be protected at all costs❗️ Also, I'm almost sure they need strong coffee. ☕️

Hope it kills him!

Will someone with half a mind please go through proper channels to section this man who is dangerous and a waste of tax money and life’s precious …TIME!

Only if it kills brain worms!

Aluminum

The land of Oz is missing it’s idiot.

I can’t tell anymore if this is a satire site, or if The Onion has gone legit.

he definitely would have been one of those guys who drank radium for health back in the day.

😳 Of all the things that were ever “a thing” this was really a thing???? And I thought cocaine in Coca-Cola was bad …

It's nuts. Search the internet for "Radium Girls" or start here: www.the-sentinel-intelligence.com/p/weve-been-...

“Radium girls” should be a band.

Or “Eben Byers”: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eben_By...

This very much was a thing, for a couple of 2 decades… basically in cosmetics (sic!) and lifestyle products. And Radium-226 is ~3,000,000 times more radiant, than Uranium-238! A 1g dose of each would be like: U238: ~12.4 kBq Ra226: ~37 GBq Look up “Radium girls” and “Eben Byers”!

The prevailing logic of this administration can be summarized by Nathan Explosion: "Bleach is mostly water, we're mostly water. Therefore we are bleach."

😂😂

Radium?

…and swallow the worm at the bottom.

The Onion chose a greater a to become relevant again.

We have now literally reached the drink the koolaid stage

WAKE UP, PEOPLE, HE’S GOING TO SELL/GIVE ALASKA BACK TO PUTIN. THOSE ‘LAND CHANGES’ HE TALKED ABOUT YESTERDAY,THEY’RE NOT JUST ABOUT UKRAINE!! THAT’S WHY HE KEPT SAYING HE WAS ‘GOING TO RUSSIA ON FRIDAY’. PUTIN’S CALLING IN HIS DEBT & COMING FOR N.AMERICA. WAKE THE FUCK UP

@theonion.com Stop. Predicting. The. Future. The rest of us have repeatedly had to deal with your Cassandra thing.

Approved by Dr. Herbert West.

Yeah, I wouldn’t doubt it.

This fits in a Herschel Walker kind of way. theonion.com/rfk-jr-recom...

Did you know a werewolf can kill a vampire?

I want to be a werewolf now and I want to give China back its bad air so we can get our good air again

This man( or whatever) is absolutely bat shit crazy! Took him two days of fishing (& God only knows what else) before he acknowledged the officer that passed in the CDC shooting!

I thought it just awful that he didn’t recognize that falling officer

Remember when those four army soldiers were killed in a training accident in Lithuania earlier this year? During the transfer ceremony when the lithuanians gave us their bodies where was Trump? Playing golf

Sure as hell wasn’t acting like the President of the free world (or used to be)!

The difference between Nazi Germany and maga America, if a world war breaks out, there's no one strong enough to defeat this regime who would actually want to.

I knew he'd develop zombie juice someday 😂

I was not sure, until I saw the Onion ring!

BRAWNDO: The Thirst Mutilator!

ROFLMAO

😂

I may know where the glowing green stuff came from. It's what they infected Trump with.

The Jim Jones chapter

Well if it is that special "kool aid" and they all expire as a result ......yes, please take a hefty swallow.

That photo should be RFK Jr. official state portrait.

Fuck me America, if this is not a joke, you guys are in a cult and is a suicide cult. Remember Heavens Gate?

Soylent Green

There's already a green drink by that name being marketed to hipsters at health food stores across America

Hard to tell satire from reality these days….

Isn't that the stuff they put in glow sticks?

I understand that many of RFK, Jr’s closest advisors studied under Theodoric of York, Medieval Barber.

If this is an IA generated picture, I'd admit it. Otherwise the guy has severely been attacked by brain worms and shall urgently be driven to an psychiatric hospital and immediately dismissed !

Don’t worry, he’s just fine.

You know anything about this, @toddkeisling.com?

Well, yeah. He's a former resident of Fairview Acres. 🪱

You laugh but his supporters enabled him to catch the eye of the Fuhrer. The Reich makes Cabinet appointments based on social clout, not qualifications.

From Rock Creek

I’m not doing it

This isnt even fake news though. Methylene Blue

He literally eats booty like groceries

You beat me to it! 🏆

Wtaf

Um, is it organic???

Not getting anything injected under his authority… Not. One. Fucking. Thing. He swims in sewage!

The Burning Legion shall rise again!

I can't keep up with all these fancy new drinks. I'm sticking to bleech.

It is going to be homeopathy for cancer. Trust me. But he will take the full chemo you know?

I always wondered what would we be forced to do if witches were to take power. I am beginning to get some answers thanks to this dumb MF.

Why is the onion so close to reality all the time…..

That's what makes it a thriving horror site

The headline in a month....

LOL

The photo would have been better if he had a green blob on his head...

Brought to you by Pfizer

Sorry, I'm not drinking Kryptonite.

I know this is satire but is razor thin satire.

Yeah, him first.

ITS KRYPTONITE DONT DO IT

Will it improve his voice? Make it tolerable to listen too?

MAGA: "where can I get some?"