I didn't know how VODs work. So the next game I streamed, for reasons I no longer remember, was Undertale. I really had always wanted to play it. I think it may have been the first game I streamed with a camera on me and not just my cat XD I struggled. I was not good at it, and I felt bad about it.
Chat was there,though. Chat had a few people I had barely met, who kept coming back to cheer me on. I think they were all excited to watch someone who not only had never played Undertale before, but also hadn't been spoiled on it. Literally the only thing I knew was you can choose not to hurt anyone
I was adamant in that. I wasn't going to hurt anyone. I was excited that I didn't have to. I didn't kill anyone by mistake. I just died, a lot, a LOT a lot. And I mean, the normal things that happen when you play Undertale happened to me; I laughed so hard I started coughing more than once.
I lost faith in myself multiple times, but especially on the Undyne fight. Papyrus kicked my ass, but Undyne wrecked my shit so hard I was afraid I wouldn't be able to progress in the game. Again, chat was there for me. Told me the game is hard. Told me you're supposed to have a hard time.
Encouraged me to keep at it. Helped me when I didn't have any more faith in myself, and the "stay determined" message wasn't enough for me, but the real people there telling me that I could do it, were. I eventually did it. I slowly gained confidence after that. After making it past Undyne.
I didn't want to fight Asgore. The game makes you fight, and I despaired. Chat was there for me again, explaining that there really was no other way; telling me how many hours they had spent trying to find another way. Another universal experience.
Of course I cried at the end, and then I was shocked to find out that there was more. That I could go back and make even more friends. The depth of the full pacifist route left my head spinning. The game goes in so many directions; deals with SO many concepts.
I have always had a deep love for cerebral media that makes you think. The only kind of horror I enjoy is psychological horror, and God, is Undertale full of it. Oh, I struggled so hard on the Flowey and Asriel fights, too, but I kept at it. By that time, the game had already changed me.
It changed me forever. I was never able to go back and do a G route. As my friend said, I cared too much about the little pixel people. But Toby clocked me again, speaking through Flowey at the end of the G route playthrough video I watched, GIVING ME SHIT for not having the balls to do it myself.
Playing Undertale opened doors for me that have been closed for, I don't know how long. I have another one of those "I can't tell you how much this game means to me" stories, all true. I fell deeply in love with the game, and I feel no less than blessed that Deltarune is also a thing.
So, yeah. Game changed me forever. Oh, & Alphys. I will never be able to say how grateful I am for Toby writing Alphys. For letting a suicidal character exist in his game, and explaining very clearly why she feels the way she feels, and making routes where she makes it, and routes where she doesn't.