Thats such a thing, absolutely have to make myself call people shitheads in a funny voice so my kid (3.5yr) doesnt get scared by daddy shouting Once you see that reaction it's so easy to see how that will pile up on a kid if you let it. You're meant to be the safe human.
yeah it's nuts how much that instantaneously stops me in my tracks. I had to be a little bit forceful waking her up when she had a night terror, and it worked, but the whole time I stayed with her while she was falling back to sleep I was having an "I am the worst parent on earth" existential crisis
It's so brutal when you can't fix it immediately but then also feels amazing (if it works) when you give them a cuddle and they realise things are going to be ok