Chronic Illness Humor • Feed
avatar
Chronic Illness Humor @chronicillness.bsky.social

1. BLAME SOMEONE The victim is hurt. Use your finger to assign blame. Shame the person until he or she feels adequately guilty. (Image: person pointing finger while kneeling over victim) 2. CHECK TO SEE IF NIPPLES ARE HARD If not, rub forehead until proper nipple tension is achieved. (Image: person lifting up chin to listen for breath) 3. KISS SENSUALLY The victim is unconscious. Now’s your chance! (Image: person kissing unconscious victim) 4. APPLY CAPRI-SUN STRAW TO NECK This is important. Just do it. Optional: squeeze Capri-Sun liquid into victim’s mouth. The flavor explosion may revive him. (Image: straw being placed at victim’s neck) 5. USE HAND TO REHARDEN NIPPLES Don’t let those puppies get soft! (Image: person pressing hand to victim’s throat) 6. PICTURE LIFE TOGETHER As life leaves body, picture how great your life together could have been. (woman giving cpr) Once dead, feel free to enjoy any remaining Capri-Sun liquid. (Image: person mourning while kneeling over victim)
aug 31, 2025, 3:41 pm • 45 11

Replies

avatar
jadesidhe.bsky.social @jadesidhe.bsky.social

This is only slightly more useful than cpr is

aug 31, 2025, 9:12 pm • 0 0 • view
avatar
Shweetie @shweetie.bsky.social

🤣💀

aug 31, 2025, 3:44 pm • 0 0 • view