my take is trump had some routine but semi-risky surgery planned so he could recover in secret over the holiday and that’s why he’s been thinking about dying and also why vance let slip he’s planning to take over some day and why his cabinet had a three hour love-in this week
That made sense to me as well but in this timeline, I just don’t see sneaking the POTUS anywhere in DC without SOMEBODY noticing. It would require planning that I just don’t see this administration being capable of. Unless they did it in the WH basement.
The famous “tell me I’m pretty” suction-fest.
79yo men don't recover from surgery over a weekend he may be on vacation all september
It’s probably something like a colonoscopy or a prostate biopsy where he will be sedated, but not much in the way of invasive surgery is done. OTOH having a doctor want to check whether he has cancer would freak him out.
putin will take a polyp and then invade aggressively to claim the entire body
Well if we're lucky this one won't even recover from the anesthesia
Probably super minor thing that he’s being a big baby about.
Or a mild stroke
I’m hoping that RFK Jr talked him into some really random shit, like having his bodily humours balanced
And a bleeding
This is perfect.
You have the correct amount of black bile, I can just tell
A routine leeching
Being bled excessively was good enough for George Washington
if dems were actually interested in winning anything they could just record like a 5 second video of biden eating ice cream with obama and saying "and they call ME sleepy joe? where you at, Donald? hiding or sleeping?" but you know they'd never be cool like that
Reminding people that Biden exists won’t help the Democrats win
i think lobo’s got a masterpiece script here
in this particular case I think it could, for all the times he was called too old or sleepy or senile, it would at least show they're willing to bite back a little, but of course they need a different candidate and party line to win anything next time
Biden is too old and sleepy. Even when he was younger he sucked, now he just does it with less vigor
yes
This makes sense, except that he cancelled a scheduled vacation. Honestly, it was probably done kind of a significant, but ultimately survivable, health scare. That maybe yeah resulted in some relatively routine surgery that like had risks and stuff
Heart valve replacement
yeah was wondering if maybe they’re giving him a heart transplant to stave off that congestive heart failure lol
He's getting a dick transplant
says it all that you think a dick transplant is routine
Chris is only half right. It’s an ankle transplant
i assumed it was after you got one
I’ve had like, four? Just watching this exchange.
i'm a donor
The dick bank called and said it's good news, your mom is a universal recipient.
you have no idea how sorry I am
i have blaine’s
Bless
the Necco Wafers tattoo gave it away
from wiki: In 1942, the U.S. Government requisitioned a "major portion of the production of the wafers, during World War II since the candy doesn't melt and is 'practically indestructible'
Doctors suggest you replace it every 2-3 years
I get a new dick every month
Laura Loomer sucked his old one clean off.
These were my good eyes.
All so he can say “I’m innocent. This isn’t the dick in the Epstein files.”
Like a Nonce Of Theseus
best speculation I've read so far...
they had to suck his brains out his tits to pump them back into his ears and there was a big kink in the hose, but it’s gonna be fine
BBL
He could use some ass work. He has what I would describe as mashed potatoe pants.
Obvi
the twerkin’ trump era is upon us
Big beautiful life
RIP king
didn't go out like stan but did go out like donda
If he returns with 6 pack ab implants I'm done with this universe
Don't need a Diet Coke button when you have a 6 pack of Diet Coke permanently implanted in your abdomen.
Ankle slimming. He hates being called Cankles.
ewwwww
Three hour public blowjob.
I'm guessing stents
Huh — an extremely likely and sensible take. Are you new around here?
Shut up Trump is dead from ass cancer and no one can convince me otherwise.
One of his balls ate the other
Trump is ass cancer.
I think it was a bad batch of bronzer
fingers crossed
Yeah my FIL had TWO heart procedures in his 90s, they’ve really got the minimally-invasive, full recovery thing down pretty well these days
Not gonna stop me from enjoying the fantasy for a while though
Maybe a stent. If it's a heart bypass they'd need more time off and a temporary transfer of power. Which may be why Trump made everyone swear loyalty...
Mortality rate from colonoscopies is 1 for every 3,333
If I thought Trump had anything close to the capacity, I'd hope he'd have an "Alfred Nobel reading his premature obituary" moment.
Ghosts of John, David and Michael transfering their bullet, cancer and od into him 🤞
most reasonable speculation I've seen, people will definitely love it
Thrombectomy
Stent maybe one of those balloon things
a grover cleveland situation huh?
Tracks.
Sorry to the haters but he’s sitting right here with me as vital as ever and he asked me to post this pic to prove it
the grover cleveland parallels keep growing
Agree. Trump was probably getting some life-saving surgery that most likely won't work. I think they're going to bring out a zombie version of him just to see how it works and if they can carry the corpse through midterms.
Read all about it in jake tapper’s new book: okay, maybe they’re both old
Alas. bsky.app/profile/phil...
This is what I think. I do wonder what the surgery is
