I own a small business, I regularly tell my employees "I hate work, I hate capitalism, I hate that we have to be here but we all love cheeseburgers and Netflix and this is the only way I know to get those things, so let's make this as painless as possible"

I'm not even my boss and I'm like this

I feel seen

Boss says I gotta eat all this cheese. What can you do, ya know?

I thought the phrase was 'bee your own boss' and I have yet to figure out how to 'bee' someone

“Me? Unemployed? Nah, I’m my OWN boss. I gave myself some time off. For the last 4 years”

No… just generally skiv and do the bare minimum not to get any ire. You should always act like you are trying to fool yourself into thinking you are too essential to the company, when in fact you are just good enough and, most importantly, cost effective to fire.

Grab your own ass once in a while

Still cannot find mine—and yes, I'm using both hands.

I'm told a map is useful in that situation

I've been told even that won't help. I'm just going to sit down until I can find i—EUREKA—I'VE FOUND IT!!

Pay yourself poverty wages and then get mad when you take a sick day

Actually, for me, it’s the perfect solution, since I already hate myself.

ha ha ha I am already micromanaging and insulting myself on the reg, it’s called low self-esteem

Yes. I'm my own boss, and I can totally be a demanding asshole. And I'm going to have to have me come in on Saturday, too.

Give yourself the day off

I -do- like sexually harassing myself

tyler this is absolutely getting reskeeted ok

😐😑😐🙂‍↕️