How was this coercion?

Have you ever said yes to something you didn’t actually want to say yes to?

How do you know that she didn't want to? Coercion implies some kind of threat or force used.

Not in the least. Good thing I can remember old telephone numbers on the spot. “You’ve reached [my former HS] attendance office. How can I help?”

I sometimes feel this way about marriage proposals that are huge productions and really put the askee on the spot. It just feels coercive when there are cameras and stuff around.

And when the woman runs away I always know there's a whole lot more to that story!

You should always feel that way about those proposals. The askee should never be put on the spot like that.

The askee should put the asker on the spot and just say NO! 😂 I’d have no problem doing that. But you’re right just don’t do it.

I would. I would have a lot of trouble “ruining the good vibes” and disappointing [emasculating] a man in front of his friends after he planned a whole thing “for me.” I would feel scared and humiliated and pressured to say whatever got me out of the spotlight.

And that's exactly why they do it!

I’m not certain that’s always true. I’ve seen a few big production proposals, and the askee made it very clear for a very long period prior that the answer was always going to be yes. Purely anecdotal, but the possibility of rejection in front of many people would keep most from trying to ambush.

That’s why I used the words “on the spot”

Sounds like something deeper here. I'd imagine it's quite scary or nerve-wracking, in some cases, proposing in a large, crowded venue. Maybe he's certain you'd say yes? Or if he's ready for marriage but you're not, then there's bigger fish to fry than something like a stadium proposal.

If you don’t want to see this behavior as a red flag, I cannot stop you. But I stay away from guys like this now and I’ve never regretted it.

Of course. But saying, "You should always feel this way about these kinds of proposals" is a bit much. We can't possibly know everyone's situation.

I don’t think it’s too much to expect the person asking you to spend the rest of your life with them to not force you to make major life decisions in front of their friends. It doesn’t get better after you’re married.

Hopefully he'd know that it's not your thing. I know plenty of women who want these kinds of proposals. We can't speak for all marriages that start this way.

Thats why I specified the surprise kind of these things. If it’s consensual, do whatever you want. Flashmob away. But so often abusers hide their abuse with big public displays of affection and love bombing. Always question the wholesome.