Thank you. As a abused & unwanted child, church was a safe place for me (In retrospect, maybe not so much, but I was young). I didn't recognize the spiritual abuse for decades. In fact, even after I realized something was wrong, I still couldn't identify it... Until I left & began deconstructing.
There were good things about being in church. I loved it most of the time. It was my last church who mentally abused me so much that I stepped back and saw how deeply wrong I was to be following the Bible literally. I lost my friends and church when I divorced. There was no reason to stay
There were some good things.....the sense of community, even if I was mostly on the outside looking in (never got invited to people's houses, didn't fit with the singles as a single parent or the marrieds because I wasn't, etc), but I started making excuses for what I was seeing ..... (cont)
.../2 at least a decade before I left, because I didn't know anything else. I didn't drink, smoke, or have extramarital sex, so I felt out of touch with unchurched people (I'm sure that's deliberate, too). My kids had friends there and enjoyed the activities they offered (when I could afford them).
/3 I was tolerated, and feared having nobody at all if I left, so I excused or ignored things that others would have seen as spiritually toxic and abusive. 2016 changed it all. I couldn't join with the crowd cheering on a narcissitic, racist, hate-filled man. So they gave me a choice -- (cont)
/4 -- reconsider my position and fall in line with church teachings, or leave. So here I am. I don't regret leaving, but it's been hard as hell. I'm lonely. I don't have anywhere to go - especially with Covid still tear-assing around. This is the deep South. There aren't many like-minded people.
I understand. I have no friends, I don't know how to make any. I was super involved, and love children, so families or just the kids hung out at our house most days. I volunteered all week, but Wed., Sat., Sun. We're the busiest. 2012 started me out, 2015 sealed it
We were in the middle of it all. Music ministry. Prayer. Women's meetings. Children's church. Bible schools. Youth group. Retreats. Retreats. Prayer vigils. Church camp for the kids. Cell group leadership. Special music. Revivals. I went to Bible college. I led worship for several years.
I did special music at other churches. I participated in concerts and musicals. You name it, we did it. And when we left, it was like we dropped off the face of the earth. Total silence. We were shunned for leaving. So much for "love your neighbor as yourself."
You're describing my life. Only difference is that I was 'born-again' when I lived in Albuquerque. I got homesick & returned to Vermont. I went from evangelical churches on every block to two within 50 miles of home. Unfortunately the one we chose severely messed me up. It still took 10yrs to leave
I was "saved" when I was 14, but had been attending church since I was 6 weeks old. I didn't leave until I was 56 (2016). I remember consciously choosing to make excuses for things that made me uneasy within the church beginning in the mid-90s. That's about 21 years of denial.