Exactly what I was thinking.

bsky.app/profile/aman... I liked this take on it

On August 8th, I saved a small child from a burning building. A few hours later, I was injured in a scooter accident when I jumped a curb and I hit my butt on the handlebars and the handlebar went in my butt and now I need surgery on my butt.

Are they trying to imply that whoever hit him did so out of revenge for his being a Good Samaritan?

Lords work, Vince

Earlier this afternoon, while disabling a time-bomb placed inside of a children’s hospital, Mayor Giuliani was blindsided by Terry Tate: Office Linebacker, shattering his pelvis and causing his adult diaper to fly off and land on a ceiling fan where it started flinging diarrhea everywhere.

One has to assume. Also love the head of security saying there's no way to prevent his asset from being rear ended.

Please God i hope its to cover that he was reversing at 50mph against traffic on a rural highway

Seems like an attempt to explain away his, er, companion.

He was absolutely driving drunk

This is what you get when Michael Clayton doesn’t return your calls.

Reeeeaaally clumsy attempt to get ahead of…something

michael ragusa lmao