If I'm on the 379th crisis PR Zoom at Cracker Barrel today, I legit pitch Gay Woke Cracker Barrel. Just go all in. Cracker Barrels are exclusive 9-seat diners in 10 cities now. Two-year waitlist. Existing Cracker Barrels are now called Bad Old Cracker Barrel. Sell an NFT with it I don't give a shit.
How about a change of menu to all vegan? 🥗
Go for it.
You're boned six ways to Sunday, might as well do something cool. "Recommitting to tallow fries" isn't gonna get it done. You gotta woke your way out of this one. Announce you're changing the logo again but just make the font one point smaller, no other changes. Do this again nine days later.
open "Cracker Barrel Deluxe" but it only sells CBD
Kafka Barrel
New logo just a picture of John Brown
Or Nat Turner
Nat Turner and John Brown presiding over the gay marriage of their sons while, in the background, Sonia Sotomayor provides free IVF treatments for undocumented immigrants so they can have anchor babies while a Fox News commentator tries to remember if they like the Jews this week or not. Too busy?
Two words: Michelin Star
They could at least change out the crap on their walls
Da fuq is tallow?
"but just make the font one point smaller, no other changes" ah yes, the iPhone approach
“We’re being back the person in the logo. They’re name is Erinn and they’re non binary”
It’s Gluten-Free Wafer Barrel now, and we only serve customers with made-up food allergies
First commercial will show Erinn sitting in their parents’ basement playing video games.
Just fantastic spelling and grammar here
It’s better this way, perfect for the press release copy. Part of Gay Cracker Barrel is every employee is hammered 24/7.
They should do the logo in wing ding font.
I'm fucking in.
Aw geez
I see... an elegant young woman, and... Donald Trump?
Wouldn't it be "their name ARE Erinn"?
What?
Due to verb-pronoun concordance rules, in the same manner as it already applies to groups and companies such as "the police are" or "Google are", it should follow that Erinn should, too, be conjugated in the plural, hence "Erinn *are*"
But the subject of the verb is "name", which is singular
Most would say “Google is…”
Yeah, it's inconsistent because the rule varies per country. The UK does use groupal plurals as a standard, but not the US.
We even got crackheads on BlueSky. Cool.
Eh, I'm just a learner of English as a second language trying to extrapolate the new changing rules
“Name” is the thing that would be agreeing with “is”. “Their” can refer to multiple people, or to one person of unknown or nonbinary gender.
"Name" is the subject of the sentence. Please go back to 3rd grade.
...hold up that's right, the sentence didn't help matters much though
Made perfect sense to me. Maybe youre just not very smart.
Again, just learner of English as a second language. Still getting used to the language basically dropping conjugation down the board at times.
For maximum effectiveness it needs to literally be the same guy they had on the logo, but there's now a blurb on the website explaining that his name is Erinn and he's nonbinary.
Announce a collab and meal deal with the singer of "Drift Away" and change your name to Uncle Kracker Barrel
Stick a farting hall in each location and you’re gold.
so you're saying cracker barrel max?
Crackr Barrl.
Slowly make the logo progressively smaller until it's just a blank space, then follow it up by making the font so impossibly large it fills up the whole space with a single black letter
Do it for only the "Cracker" part though, until this time next year they're just BARREL
They should buy an ad in The Onion too.
Barrell made of Beans. Flick this, losers!
Fcould also throw the Chicago bean in there
“Ok hear me out, there’s a rainbow shooting out of the barrel like a play on pot of gold leprechaun imagery but totally gay. Maybe there are some fries or whatnot poking up from the barrel, too, because why not.”
Restore America's days of glory down at the Cracker Barrel Glory Hole, with padding from quilts stitched by real grandmothers.
The only woke out is thru.
WHO GIVES A FUCK??? HE"S USING OUR FUCKING TAX DOLLARS TO FUND A PRIVATE ARMY AND YOU"RE DUNKING ON CRACKER BARREL???
Bud, there are a lot of decaffeinated brands on the market today that are just as tasty as the real thing.
WHY ISN"T ANYONE ELSE AS "ANGRY" AS ME??? AM I THE FUCKING PROBLEM HERE???
LOOK AROUND YOU>>> LOOK DOWN THE BAR FROM YOU>>> IS THIS THE PLACE YOU WANT TO BE???
Since Cracker Barrel started serving alcohol? Yes.
LAUGHING ALL THE WAY TO THE GRAVE.. ACCK THPPT!!!
Is this a Cathy "ACCK" or a Bill The Cat "THPPT", or a newly discovered combination of the two
DID YOU EVEN READ THE COMICS???
Is this a bit?
I don't think you understand who is failing here
WHO THE FUCK AM I??? I DON"T GIVE A FUCK!!!
I thought your whole deal was giving a fuck.
WHAT"S YOUR DEAL??? WHAT GETS YOU RILED UP>>> BUCKO???
Go ALL in, Baby!!
I just realized the whole Cracker Barrel malarkey was caused by Robby Starbuck, the idiot activist Meta hired to consult them on woke AI. Some pretty crazy language here all to get an old man back on a logo www.foxnews.com/politics/con...
or better yet, announce the change to the logo. have a big photo op, presser. but don't change it. "I can't help if you can't see it. we love that you have nostalgia for the old cracker barrel, but this is the new cracker barrel..."
No location will have a health grade above C to comply with MAHA
Cis people are banned from the bathroom and toilet stalls are only for doing K and gloryholes. All food items now contain high dose HRT and the gift shop only sells trans pride pet accessories. The logo is now lavender and has the old man with barrel wearing a maid outfit. All staff are hot thems
Go for the obvious based on the convoluted font and re-brand as "Gracker Barrel"
Do a whole "Wario" thing. Inverted colors. Crooked mustaches.
Lean into the pegging. bsky.app/profile/toow...
They should open up food carts in the one place angry conservatives are too afraid to go: The New York subway.
Colik Kaepernick's TRANS HONKEY BARREL whenever you enter you have to salute the rainbow flag while screaming the lyrics to Pink Pony Club
I like this scenario where Cracker Barrel invites the CEO of The Onion to their PR crisis zoom. There, already, you’d think they’re ready to lean in on some unorthodox ideas.
what if...stay with me...what if we drill a glory hole into the cracker barrel
Just another hole for a peg to fill
Banger
Oh look who’s too good to just use the bunghole like the rest of us.
Dinner and a show. Good idea.
Cracker Barrel/Subaru cross promotion
have a whole bunch of logos that are mostly just iterations of the new one, except for one logo that involves the cracker barrel guy bent over the barrel getting pegged by a blue-haired gender studies major smoking a bong
Is there anyway to make it so that what logo is picked for the week is random (like a wheel)? Most watched stream as they spin and everyone waits for your logo to finally go official.
Crkr/Brl for the city diner model, Cracker Barrel Classic for out in the sticks.
I want a job where I can be a consultant who gets paid for my advice, which is removing some detail from the logo and calling it quits.
Quacker Barrel. Replace the old man with ducks. Everyone loves ducks.* that should go over well *Unless they’re mages who refuse to heal you and coincidentally share their name with an asshole.
They shudder jus done put the old Cracker in the barrel.
Quick, start the backstory for the guy on the logo. Mason, orphaned by the Spanish flu, vowed to do whatever he could to prevent another pandemic. That’s why he has his barrel full of N95 masks that he takes to distribute in underserved communities. He and his partner, Jamie…
MORE KITSCH but now more ironic.
😂
gay and woke would NEVER sell an nft or buy one. chop that sentence off lol
How can so many people on line forget this? This is may be why they want to rebrand. aaregistry.org/story/restau...
That was 20 years ago.
It's either that or lean the other way and release a slur tier list
We said exactly this yesterday, in speculating that chick fil a may debut the “Chicken Tender Penis,” the “Rainbow Corndog, “and the “Fish on Fish Sandwich If U Know What I’m Sayin” with “Waffle on Cultural Issues Fries.” 2 minutes of mockery of people who deserve it! www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8B9X2eM/
Cracker Barrel Original and Cracker Barrel Crystal (may or may not serve meth)
i will immediately go to cracker barrel if they become woke
i take pains to stay out of cracker barrel but if they turn the logo into a pride flag i'll be there every goddamn weekend
they could let AARP know they're adding free valet parking (tips not accepted) for the already giant parking and their customers wouldn't care what logo they used.
Pay a teenager to dress like Donkey Kong and throw branded barrels into passing traffic. There are no bad ideas.
bsky.app/profile/wild...
rebrand it again as "The Crack"
We're gonna bring back Gay Hooters, folks, you're hearing it more and more
All dishes assembled with tweezers?
"We at Cracker Barrel value our loyal customers. And we hear you. We know we made some mistakes, but we're committed to listening and learning. In that spirit, we're pleased to announce that we've removed the gay frogs from our logo." (re-release the new logo again with no changes)
the whole cracker barrel discourse is much funnier when you learn its a ploy by the majority stakeholder in steak n shake as either revenge, or a plot to lower the share value, of cracker barrel after he failed a hostile takeover of the company in nov last year.
Luxury Gay Space Cracker Barrel
This woke Cracker Barrel has EVERYTHING.
Что делать, крекер бочка?
Disagree. Go hard the other way. They should hire the Whittakers as their new spokesmonsters and change their slogan to "Same barrel. More crackers."
I went to a Cracker Barrel and they tried to turn my children trans. I DON’T EVEN HAVE CHILDREN!
I’d say I was going to boycott, but I have too much respect for myself to have gone there in the first place
Me, screaming at my laptop for refusing to recognize my password to the PR Zoom: I HAVE THE ANSWER
The only thing I've seen about this saga that's made any sense was this thread: bsky.app/profile/repo...
"Two year waitlist" So the average Cracker Barrel then lol?
Sans serif font. All lowercase. "cracker." That's the new name, it's woke and will sell billions
NO WHITEY BARREL
Bring back the barrel with a saltine in the chair, insist that it's the original logo. Insist aggressively.
Booths made for 8 people for your Octo-cule
Michelin-rated "Baril de Craquelins", renowned for its "bifteck avec oeufs style ferme"
No one knows what barrels are anymore. Rename it to Cracker Loot Box.
I believe the "Crackers Barrel" is the preferred plural.
Or to paraphrase “I don’t care. Do you?”
Roll out all the alternative logos that didn't make the cut. Assign them to different locations at random. Push new menus, mashing up current offerings with world cuisine. Chicken fried chicken with kimchi. Biscuits and marmite. Add a halal section.
Cracker pronounced crahKAY
you'd think this outrage would be good on balance because people are being reminded cracker barrel exists which is a massive step up from where they, as a brand, lived in the minds of the average american.
wait Tim is Cracker Barrel up for sale? .......i have an idea for you,
Cracker Barrel of Laughs?
And they serve avo-toast and bone broth and mushroom coffee. The others? Just biscuits-n-gravy, with moon pies.
if they publicize the fact that byron donalds was at florida a&m in 1997 when he got popped for marijuana possession, the same time he said he worked at cracker barrel in tallahassee & gave his life to christ in their parking lot, cracker barrel would become a cult favorite amongst pot heads.
Cracker Scarrel: Haunted house chain of Cracker Barrels decorated exactly the same as the original Get yer rebran' and keep it da same
💯🎯 If nothing else imagine the joy you’ll feel by tipping a server who has been led to believe that gratuity means rounding up
i pitched kawaii barrel the other day
A liberal friend from Georgia just filled me in on this fake controversy and it is SOOO America in the present. Everyone is pretending to care about something that no reasonable person could care about.
Facebook has been bombarding me with "Look what they've taken away from you!!!!111!!!" video slideshows of the inside of Cracker Barrels.
bsky.app/profile/supi...
Unfortunately Cracker Barrel business went up when they fired all the gays...
Oh man, did you see THIS? (It's genius, but personally I wish they would've kept some barrel lines in the background, otherwise it looks more like a cracker (which would be its own separate idea for "cracker design").)
Isn't this Hamburger Mary's?
They already have what you are looking for. Cracker Barrel bough Maple Street Biscuit Company in 2019 www.maplestreetbiscuits.com
