When I was about 15, I first read the pieces my mum wrote for Virago. “Why did you give me such a goofy alias?” I asked. Turned out this was the first choice that her best friend and my aunt went “honey, no” to. So frankly literally every detail of this is unsurprising to me.
George W?
Some people really, really need to do the "This is my accountant, Crumpets" test. Possibly several times. (Did they not at least give poor Crumpets a middle name she could go by at school?)
It gets worse. She did. A perfectly good, nice, maybe slightly untrendy name from which one can source some nicknames. (Also names need to be a bit formal. They will, godwilling, be attached to a grown up at some point)
Best not be too hasty. What’s the surname? Wouldn’t want to be called Helen Highwater or Helen Back, for instance
True. But maybe an improvement on Crumpets Helen Highwater though?
(My ex knew a guy at university with the extremely unfortunate name of Guy Rimmer. Never sure if the fact that he was extremely gay and could use his name as a chat up line in some circumstances made this better or worse.)
Most people’s parents seem to have planned this through. Although I did once know a Huw John, who occasionally pronounced it “Juan” for the same purposes And Jo King was much more insistent on people using her full name than Nat West was
Went to school with a Helen Beck, genuinely.
I may be a fuddy-duddy but I am firmly of the belief that "trendy" should not be a consideration when naming a kid, beyond, like, the 20-year name trend cycle
Oh I agree (I would say that "untrendy" is good), I was just slightly startled to realise that Helen is cycling into one of its nan names eras.
I'm OK with left-field choices, as long as they actually sound like names rather than random objects. Of my two, the eldest's is unusual but recognisably a name; the youngest's is a bit grandmothery but long enough to have a good selection of nicknames, should she desire.
Yeah as an Inigo whose sister is a Freya I am fine with people having somewhat left field choices of names, it's just as you say, there is a difference between it actually sounding like a name and being utterly ridiculous.
(I have also always had the Catholic thing of having been named after enough saints and relatives to a) technically have a range of options and b) make filling in forms with my full list of names awkward)
By contrast, I have no middle name whatsoever!
Unintentionally grim example: I remember seeing Paula Yates on a chat show talking about her new baby girl, Peaches. The interviewer challenged her on this. PY: It'll be great! [sultry voice] Hi, I'm Peaches... "Hi, I'm Peaches, your accountant", not so much.
Crumpets Smith MP?
Or also ‘England football captain, Crumpets Smith’?
I wonder how hard the registrar's tongue was biting down to avoid laughing on the day that particular visit to the office happened. Or at the very least there must have been an extremely arched eyebrow. "Really? Are you SURE?"
I met someone who ran a charity who went by the name Peanut (I believe it was a childhood nickname that stuck). If you're posh enough you can get away with anything.
I am the youngest of four. I'm told there was so much argument over what to call me, my mum came up with two sets of names that she thought were ridiculous as a threat, to shut everyone up. I still have a christening glass inscribed with one of them, from a friend of hers who didn't get the joke.
I have a vague memory of a Peaches Geldof doing a bit about naming your child when Apple Martin was born and how hilarious her schoolmates found it to shout “Oi Peaches, are your parents bananas?”
A bird in the hand is better than two in the
Cronut Bush?
So much worse!
Boniface Beauregarde III. The Law. Genghis Attila. Ace. Socks.
You have to tell us now!
Ballad or Poet? Kate/Bob?
Mulberry?
You and @cjayanetti.bsky.social are close in that it was a particularly poor fit with “Bush”.
Australia.
Kid in the year below me was named Harry Muff.
Amercan kid in my class was called John Thomas. I can only assume his parents thought it would build character.
I always thought John Woodcock had a name that, well I’m not surprised he became Lord Walney.
I had a mate whose surname was Rowbottom and his sister got some “unkind” nicknames
I’m assuming a poor fit in the sense of ‘Bush’ meaning female pubic hair?
Richard (Dick) Bush?
I feel like my guess was *slightly* more plausible as a name.
You were closer in the “important to put yourself in the mind of an NGO leftie single mother in the 90s” energy.
And that's why @byrobdavies.bsky.social works for The Guardian 😉
Harry?
Diana?
Blue?
ok let's go with Barbara then
Shepherd?
"Flaming"
Burning?
Remoulade?
Unshaved Bush?
“George”
There are nicknames you give to your unborn children and names that they have to go by in the world, and they absolutely need to be different!
Pain au Chocolat Stiastny is, however, THRIVING at university…
Harry?
We're all on tenterhooks now...
"I named him Shepherd because he will gather friends and protect them!"
