normal people don't say "triggered" or "heteronormative," they say they gave their life to christ in a cracker barrel parking lot
Replies
I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom
aug 22, 2025, 3:27 pm • 5 0 • view
aug 22, 2025, 10:20 pm • 0 0 • view
“I gave my life to Christ in the Cracker Barrel parking lot” sounds like lyrics to some “every country music song post 9/11” parody that Kyle Gordon would make on YouTube
aug 22, 2025, 2:46 pm • 122 5 • view
Sounds like a Cracker lyric.
aug 22, 2025, 2:59 pm • 11 0 • view
eurotrash gurl rumspringa in america.
aug 22, 2025, 8:51 pm • 0 0 • view
I gave my life to Christ in a Cracker Barrel parking lot Last night there were skinheads on my lawn
aug 22, 2025, 8:18 pm • 10 0 • view
Masked skinheads.
aug 23, 2025, 2:48 pm • 0 0 • view
😂🎳
aug 22, 2025, 9:57 pm • 0 0 • view
It's got a kind of Jim Steinman feel to it, though it would be "I gave my life to Christ in the Cracker Barrel parking lot (and he never gave it back)".
aug 22, 2025, 5:00 pm • 0 0 • view
Is your faith THIS weak?
aug 22, 2025, 10:02 pm • 0 0 • view
(Not you, talking to the asshole)
aug 22, 2025, 10:03 pm • 0 0 • view
I feel like Christ is more of a Denny's guy.
aug 22, 2025, 8:30 pm • 0 0 • view
aug 23, 2025, 3:42 am • 1 0 • view
Normal people say, "covfefe", "Nambia", "the cyber", "two Corinthians", "peachtree dish", "gazpacho police"
aug 22, 2025, 9:46 pm • 2 0 • view
I wonder if christ won’t be able to find the cracker barrels anymore b/c of the different logo - surprised they didn’t consider this tbh
aug 22, 2025, 4:05 pm • 4 0 • view
Yeah but how many of those WHADBAGs hung out at the rest stop or the pottery barn all afternoon after being saved by the Barrel that very morning? open.substack.com/pub/noelkeit...
aug 22, 2025, 4:33 pm • 0 0 • view
I had a mystical experience at the Holiday Inn once. It was in the elevator!
aug 22, 2025, 6:05 pm • 6 0 • view
I can recite all of the Holiday Inn advertisement slogans! American culture ftw
aug 23, 2025, 12:38 am • 1 0 • view
Jingles are comforting. When my siblings and I got scared when riding the Mexican buses through the hairpin turns in the mountains we would sing little jingles to be calm. My sister knew all the jingles!
aug 23, 2025, 10:36 am • 1 0 • view
and in this way, queering our expectations for cracker barrel parking lot liaisons
aug 22, 2025, 4:25 pm • 4 0 • view
aug 22, 2025, 6:07 pm • 0 0 • view
Yes! Or that they got busted in the parking lot of the Pinconning Cheese House with a brace of guns and home-made grenades while on the way to behead the man who stole his wife.
aug 22, 2025, 2:46 pm • 0 0 • view
aug 22, 2025, 6:57 pm • 0 0 • view
And they treat Jesus as a "get out of Hell free" card.
aug 23, 2025, 2:39 pm • 0 0 • view
Pity he won't get to meet Christ and realise Jesus isn't a cracker.
aug 22, 2025, 8:30 pm • 0 0 • view
I once got busy* in a Burger King bathroom. *giving my life to Christ
aug 22, 2025, 5:08 pm • 6 0 • view
I gave my butt to Buddha in a Bed Bath and Beyond.
aug 22, 2025, 4:04 pm • 10 0 • view
I mean, where I grew up...yes. That was very normal. Except Cracker Barrel was too far away, so it was usually a Walmart or some such.
aug 22, 2025, 2:46 pm • 9 0 • view
For us it was the gravel pit.
aug 22, 2025, 3:01 pm • 6 0 • view
Why not a church or a field or by a lake? Am I missing something?
aug 22, 2025, 4:02 pm • 2 0 • view
It's wherever people are. In certain American cultures, evangelism is ubiquitous. So if kids were hanging out at the gravel pit, or the Walmart parking lot, or the field behind the Charms candy factory--there was probably some evangelism going on.
aug 22, 2025, 4:06 pm • 10 0 • view
Thanks
aug 22, 2025, 4:09 pm • 2 0 • view
You know what. I can’t even tell if y’all are talking about Jesus or sex in this thread anymore.
aug 22, 2025, 11:33 pm • 3 0 • view
"Jesus had me over a Barrel"
aug 22, 2025, 3:58 pm • 14 0 • view
At least that's what he said I was doing. Sometimes I wonder. 🤔
aug 22, 2025, 4:03 pm • 3 0 • view
OMG this may be the funniest thing I've read today.
aug 22, 2025, 6:29 pm • 3 0 • view
What is a Cracker Barrell and what is a parking lot . This is a strange series of unrelated words.
aug 23, 2025, 9:30 am • 0 0 • view
I hate that I have full context for this
aug 22, 2025, 4:05 pm • 6 0 • view
South Park couldn't come up with anything better. . .
aug 22, 2025, 4:05 pm • 0 0 • view
LMFAO! 😂
aug 22, 2025, 4:20 pm • 0 0 • view
Was it with or without Lube? Weird Al really needs to redo that U2 song now.
aug 22, 2025, 4:22 pm • 4 0 • view
For me, it was the parking lot at a Kriss Kross concert. Warm it up, Christ!
aug 22, 2025, 6:32 pm • 2 0 • view
* Kris Kross
aug 22, 2025, 6:33 pm • 0 0 • view
That’s why they call him the Cracker Christ
aug 22, 2025, 2:46 pm • 14 0 • view
Christ-its...?
aug 22, 2025, 3:47 pm • 1 0 • view
JEEZ-ITS WERE SITTING RIGHT THERE
aug 22, 2025, 4:00 pm • 5 0 • view
Pairs well with Cheesus
aug 22, 2025, 3:01 pm • 15 1 • view
Even better a nacho Manger For Babby Cheesus
aug 22, 2025, 3:48 pm • 3 0 • view
Does this count as kink shaming?
aug 22, 2025, 4:12 pm • 4 0 • view
I suppose it's because I am Irish/English & live in Gozo. But I have never heard of Cracker barrel. I do feel a little excluded. But by the tone of the comments I am probably better not knowing. England & America, divided by language & some cultural oddities I think. But shared idiotic politicians.
aug 22, 2025, 5:31 pm • 1 0 • view
It's a chain of diner restaurants, but with kitschy old-timey country store decor and an attached gift shop. You go there to get generic American breakfast food (pancakes, waffles, chicken-fried steak, biscuits and gravy, etc). It's okay. There are better places. There are much, much worse places
aug 22, 2025, 5:41 pm • 4 0 • view
Thank you, I can now picture it. Only ever been to America once & that was to Vegas. I suspect unrepresentative. Sounds like a good outlet to visit to get a taste of Americana. I understand the resistance to change. One of those places that stays unchanging in family memories. The worlds shifted.
aug 22, 2025, 7:24 pm • 1 0 • view
The Strip itself is a caricature, but there is plenty of Vegas that is just like any other American city. But yeah if you just went from the airport to the hotel to the convention, it's not. I'm a big fan of road trips so that you see a lot of stuff and also a lot of nothing. America has both!
aug 22, 2025, 7:44 pm • 1 0 • view
Went to the grand canyon. Hoover dam, helicopter to cover ground. Fremont was surreal. The hotels fabulous fantasies. Spent an evening with Meatloaf & days with burlesque dancers. Roller skating nuns & RPG juggling in the desert. Re-did my wedding vows in Luxor. Deep south preacher. Dreams V reality
aug 22, 2025, 7:53 pm • 1 0 • view
aug 22, 2025, 3:45 pm • 24 0 • view
Normal people also say "bing bing bong bong bing bing bing"
aug 22, 2025, 5:53 pm • 0 0 • view
How do we win back the moderate Cracker Barrel Christians?
aug 23, 2025, 7:32 am • 2 0 • view
It sounds like a country song.
aug 22, 2025, 9:59 pm • 0 0 • view
what about people who say both
aug 23, 2025, 3:37 am • 0 0 • view
I saw the face of St Barnabas on the side of a Cracker Barrel swear to god
aug 22, 2025, 4:03 pm • 0 0 • view
This would be a good pinned tweet
aug 22, 2025, 4:30 pm • 1 0 • view
Thats my story and i am sticking to it
aug 22, 2025, 2:59 pm • 1 0 • view
*asking about a conspicuously single family member* Has he, y'know... *waggles hand* given his life to Christ in a Cracker Barrel parking lot?
aug 22, 2025, 8:32 pm • 3 0 • view
If you are making a major shift in your spiritual life and you believe a corporate logo was integral to that event... I honestly can't think of anything ridiculous enough to be a punchline.
aug 22, 2025, 3:32 pm • 32 0 • view
Oh Christ on a cracker...
aug 22, 2025, 9:31 pm • 1 0 • view
lol
aug 22, 2025, 4:25 pm • 1 0 • view
i wAS bApTiZEd IN a BeeR boTTLe
aug 23, 2025, 7:31 pm • 0 0 • view
aug 23, 2025, 7:13 pm • 0 0 • view
I’m triggered by your heteronormative Judeo-Christian take on this issue, ngl
aug 23, 2025, 1:43 pm • 0 0 • view
Normal people don't believe in mythical characters like gods and this Jesus character.
aug 22, 2025, 11:38 pm • 0 0 • view
I read that post several times, I was born and raised Catholic, and I still don’t know what that means.
aug 22, 2025, 7:16 pm • 1 0 • view
I’m assuming a tent revival?
aug 22, 2025, 7:26 pm • 0 0 • view
And there’s nothing more normal than that!
aug 22, 2025, 2:41 pm • 1 0 • view
*checks Jesus' bulge on the way to the parking lot* Damn he is risen indeed.
aug 23, 2025, 3:35 am • 0 0 • view
Hallelujah! Pass the gravy please.
aug 22, 2025, 3:48 pm • 1 0 • view
is this what he meant?
aug 22, 2025, 6:08 pm • 2 0 • view
or.... under the bridge downtown 🎶
aug 22, 2025, 10:56 pm • 0 0 • view
Was that what the guy told him happened when he got up off his knees in that parking lot?....uh, I don't think that was communion exactly....
aug 22, 2025, 3:05 pm • 0 0 • view
My heteronormative self was triggered by this post.
aug 22, 2025, 6:57 pm • 0 0 • view
Kudos 😆
aug 22, 2025, 2:39 pm • 0 0 • view
that’s what happened in the backseat?
aug 22, 2025, 7:34 pm • 1 0 • view
"I gave my life to Christ in a Cracker Barrel parking lot" IOW: "Ten dollars, same as downtown"
aug 22, 2025, 8:21 pm • 0 0 • view
Suspect a lot of people have their come to Jesus moment after eating at Cracker Barrel.
aug 22, 2025, 4:05 pm • 8 0 • view
Most of these incidents are from eating too much.
aug 22, 2025, 4:09 pm • 2 0 • view
Before or after eating there? 🤔
aug 23, 2025, 12:38 am • 0 0 • view
“I gave my life to Chris T in a Cracker Barrel parking lot”. They got married there, I assume?
aug 22, 2025, 7:30 pm • 0 0 • view
And he has the cum stains to prove it.
aug 23, 2025, 12:40 am • 0 0 • view
and i think that’s beautiful
aug 22, 2025, 6:28 pm • 0 0 • view
I'm displaying radical transparency about my allyship for anyone giving their life to Christ in a Cracker Barrel parking lot. Holding space for them 🫂 and it is triggering not to
aug 22, 2025, 3:02 pm • 0 0 • view
Ah, you've been reading the seven dirty words Democrats shouldn't say on television...........
aug 22, 2025, 11:51 pm • 0 0 • view
truth
aug 22, 2025, 4:21 pm • 0 0 • view
What’s a normal person? Do they wear a giant gold cross like miss Karoline Leavitt
aug 22, 2025, 11:31 pm • 0 0 • view
bsky.app/profile/isth...
aug 22, 2025, 6:45 pm • 2 2 • view
bsky.app/profile/isth...
aug 22, 2025, 6:45 pm • 1 1 • view
bsky.app/profile/isth...
aug 22, 2025, 6:45 pm • 0 0 • view
bsky.app/profile/isth...
aug 22, 2025, 6:44 pm • 1 0 • view
That sounds like its own category on Grindr
aug 22, 2025, 4:26 pm • 12 0 • view
I hung out with Satan at a Denny's.
aug 22, 2025, 6:48 pm • 1 0 • view
Dude, I can't eat if you keep making me spit up.
aug 22, 2025, 11:34 pm • 0 0 • view
I think he meant Chris, who also offered him a sweet deal on some detailing.
aug 22, 2025, 5:06 pm • 0 0 • view
Or more likely CREATED life there......it's a southern restaurant chain so......
aug 23, 2025, 10:30 am • 0 0 • view
🏆
aug 22, 2025, 5:12 pm • 0 0 • view
It was probably back sex in the parking lot? But, hey who is to judge where people get their kinks?
aug 23, 2025, 12:07 am • 0 0 • view
Funny way for him to say he sold his soul to devil in a Cracker Barrel parking lot.
aug 22, 2025, 10:39 pm • 0 0 • view
“Where two or three are parked in my name, there am I among them".
aug 22, 2025, 8:29 pm • 3 0 • view
This is the new "He was in the Amazon with my mom when she was researching spiders...right before she died"
aug 22, 2025, 6:12 pm • 0 0 • view
or a Burger King bathroom
aug 22, 2025, 5:22 pm • 0 0 • view
I still think that phrase is code for sucking dick in the parking lot. youtu.be/qfEF-INpwb8?...
aug 22, 2025, 11:32 pm • 1 1 • view
Hahaha
aug 23, 2025, 3:33 am • 0 0 • view
I gave my life to Christ in the parking lot, but once I saw the menu, I gave my life to chicken fried steak. I have no regrets.
aug 22, 2025, 5:54 pm • 2 0 • view
What he meant was, "I gave my body to Chris in a Cracker Barrel parking lot." I applaud his honesty. 😂
aug 22, 2025, 3:22 pm • 20 0 • view
haha Chris T.
aug 22, 2025, 6:28 pm • 3 0 • view
Uhmn,…that creep Donald’s has been “endorsed”, firstly as a token for DJT, but also as a candidate for Governor of Florida. That cracked vessel has collected $20 million dollars! He’ll do anything MAGA wants him to do. He’s volunteered to personally ransack the National African American Museum. 🤬
aug 22, 2025, 6:46 pm • 0 0 • view
For real. I use those kinds of words when I’m training therapists and never any other time.
aug 22, 2025, 5:11 pm • 2 0 • view
In other words everyone lacks originality.
aug 22, 2025, 2:53 pm • 0 0 • view
Republicans are WEIRD. The decent people left the TrumpPutin Party long ago. Every MAGA is a bad person.
aug 23, 2025, 12:48 am • 1 0 • view
As I remember it, his first name was Jesus but Christ wasn't his last name... but I did hear that screamed a lot though. www.youtube.com/watch?v=C11M...
aug 22, 2025, 4:06 pm • 0 0 • view
Once when I was drunk as a teenager I vomited my soul out by a Taco Bell dumpster, so, same.
aug 22, 2025, 8:37 pm • 4 0 • view
Hahahaha
aug 22, 2025, 4:39 pm • 0 0 • view
If the breakfast combo is making you see Jesus, you don't need church, you need the local health department
aug 22, 2025, 4:03 pm • 8 0 • view
Oh, Mylanta
aug 22, 2025, 6:30 pm • 2 0 • view
I gave a cracker to Christ in a barrel house parking lot, what does that make me?
aug 23, 2025, 1:15 am • 1 0 • view
Someone has to come up with a song titled I gave my life to Christ in a Cracker Barrel parking lot.
aug 22, 2025, 2:48 pm • 6 0 • view
Feels kind of like paradise by the dashboard lights by meatloaf. Weird al, get on it!
aug 22, 2025, 3:02 pm • 1 0 • view
Maybe Tom Waits already has?
aug 22, 2025, 3:00 pm • 6 0 • view
More than likely but maybe not produced, just wrote it on the back of a matchbook cover
aug 22, 2025, 3:03 pm • 4 0 • view
💯
aug 22, 2025, 3:04 pm • 2 0 • view
This was the cracker barrel located next to the Queensborough bridge
aug 22, 2025, 5:58 pm • 0 0 • view
The real question is why would any good American go to Cracker Barrel when Waffle House exists?
aug 22, 2025, 9:54 pm • 0 0 • view
Christ in a Cracker Barrel is a great cuss
aug 22, 2025, 4:17 pm • 49 2 • view
Especially hilarious because you know he’d be flipping some tables
aug 22, 2025, 8:11 pm • 8 0 • view
‘Cause Christ wasn’t a cracker
aug 22, 2025, 8:16 pm • 2 0 • view
Honestly, none of that really sounds normal.
aug 22, 2025, 8:25 pm • 0 0 • view
aug 22, 2025, 3:26 pm • 70 1 • view
actual lol, top notch
aug 23, 2025, 5:01 am • 1 0 • view
😂😂
aug 23, 2025, 12:40 am • 1 0 • view
👏 👏 👏
aug 22, 2025, 7:47 pm • 0 0 • view