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m

@keptsimple.bsky.social

gave my life to baphomet in a denny's parking lot

created July 10, 2023

10,854 followers 561 following 4,290 posts

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Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

you really got a hand it to anybody who ever called a republican a nazi or a fascist in the last 60 years. they called it.

3/9/2025, 1:38:18 AM | 88 11 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Jordan Uhl (@jordanuhl.com) reposted

Villager Bernard: Greetings, traveler. Headed west, are ye? I have a gift for you. [1 Lobster has been added to your inventory]

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2/9/2025, 7:43:41 PM | 825 96 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social) reply parent

and even in the US, a police investigation and questioning following such repeated and public threats would be routine

2/9/2025, 9:18:33 PM | 32 1 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

as usual the Graham Linehan story about "being arrested for tweeting" is actually about being arrested for making graphic threats of violence (I do think the tweets would fall just within the boundaries of protected speech in the US, but not in much of the rest of the world, least of all the UK)

2/9/2025, 9:17:44 PM | 119 16 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social) reply parent

no more stuffing a hefty bag into the overhead compartment for you

2/9/2025, 9:03:41 PM | 8 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

guy thinking his dog has cognitive issues but it's just being a dog

2/9/2025, 9:02:46 PM | 42 1 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture g0m (@g0m.bsky.social) reposted reply parent

getting so mad thinking about trans people that you have a heart attack

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2/9/2025, 11:43:26 AM | 1192 126 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

how do women see my instagram stories so fast? I post like 2 a year

2/9/2025, 8:59:00 PM | 9 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture CRIMINAL SIMPSONS (@criminalsimpsons.com) reposted

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2/9/2025, 8:52:40 PM | 418 50 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social) reply parent

never has a fantasy author spent so much time describing the ins and outs of a magic system that has literally nothing interesting or unique going for it

2/9/2025, 8:55:07 PM | 4 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social) reply parent

I don't think you can make much of a judgment based on a few posts. and as a general matter I don't think we should be socially disfavoring or favoring any types of adult consensual relationships

2/9/2025, 8:47:07 PM | 3 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social) reply parent

I don't like the people who are really into it as a lifestyle because it enforces the regimentation of sexuality that, in theory, something like polyamory seeks to avoid.

2/9/2025, 8:28:36 PM | 5 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social) reply parent

the whole reason clunky terminology like this exists is because the american relationship with sex is highly regimented.

2/9/2025, 8:16:02 PM | 21 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social) reply parent

you have no way of knowing that and it's no business of yours

2/9/2025, 8:13:28 PM | 9 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social) reply parent

not really

2/9/2025, 8:10:48 PM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

I'm not poly anymore but I still think all this griping is a way for liberals to channel their puritanical hangups in a socially acceptable way. why do you care what people who aren't you are doing with their sex life?

2/9/2025, 8:07:21 PM | 48 2 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

the most pronounced trend among this kind of voter has been opposition to Israel

2/9/2025, 7:29:51 PM | 26 1 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

they should keep space force in colorado because mountains are close to space

2/9/2025, 7:23:01 PM | 125 8 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social) reply parent

yeah i've seen it on the cutting board. annoying. pan just sounds dangerous.

2/9/2025, 6:44:22 PM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social) reply parent

yeah getting tired of that one too

2/9/2025, 6:35:26 PM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social) reply parent

there's this guy who makes videos of himself making giant burritos who was kind of entertaining in a stupid way but i had to block him because he ends every video by squeezing the burrito and saying shit like "squarnch"

2/9/2025, 6:32:29 PM | 16 1 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social) reply parent

yeah but that would require her to come up with an original idea

2/9/2025, 6:28:47 PM | 7 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

also, while i think the accusation that such and such fantasy/sci fi character is a stand-in for an offensive jewish stereotype is often a pretty flimsy one, it is absolutely true of rowling's goblins. her lack of any creativity led her there.

2/9/2025, 6:23:43 PM | 30 2 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

once again, i don't think they're allowed to do that. good photo though.

2/9/2025, 6:20:09 PM | 68 3 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social) reply parent

yes. it's his same theory on January 6. (but also that January 6 was an FBI inside job)

2/9/2025, 6:18:21 PM | 2 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social) reply parent

my theory on glenn is that he is an asset of like 15 different conflicting governments because he is so easily bought and flattered

2/9/2025, 6:17:38 PM | 26 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

whatever glenn does in the privacy of his bedroom is his business but he should keep his masochism fetish out of politics

greenwald complaining that bolsonaro is being tried for what was merely an attempted coup and then lodging some weird complaint about the judges that makes no sense headline stating that bolsonaro wanted to put glenn greenwald in jail in 2019
2/9/2025, 6:13:02 PM | 37 1 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social) reply parent

it's a really funny thing to say when every one one his posts, including this one, have been virtually indistinguishable for 9 years

2/9/2025, 6:03:38 PM | 29 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social) reply parent

as many of us age our real milk tolerance becomes not so good

2/9/2025, 6:01:46 PM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

the trend of social media chefs cutting their finished sandwich or burrito or whatever in half and showing the cross section to the camera while they squeeze it into a disgusting mess.... what's going on there

2/9/2025, 5:57:42 PM | 60 3 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

one of the funniest things about glenn is his trump-level obsession with ratings and rankings

2/9/2025, 4:48:27 PM | 48 1 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

asking for a refund on my "chapel bill" branded t-shirt, hat, mug, beach chair, and toenail clippers

2/9/2025, 4:47:32 PM | 12 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

has anyone done an in depth analysis of what makes modern american journalists love getting stomped on by a boot so much?

2/9/2025, 4:05:58 PM | 30 2 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social) reply parent

congrats!

2/9/2025, 3:56:35 PM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

while I think we need to redistribute wealth in this country, the trans lawyer is absolutely not gonna do that

2/9/2025, 1:37:32 PM | 34 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social) reply parent

I don't understand how it's even possible. aren't pretty much all families double income these days?

1/9/2025, 8:05:15 PM | 17 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social) reply parent

the thing about public school is that it is the only type of school that teaches kids how to live in the real world. but we're ruining that.

1/9/2025, 8:04:20 PM | 236 19 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

put your kid on the fucking bus this shit is so stupid

1/9/2025, 8:00:33 PM | 917 103 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

no one reads politico except the 50k or so people in the country with the most influence on politics

1/9/2025, 6:20:22 PM | 178 15 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

"trump died" discourse was actually good because it tricked the white house into posting photos of trump looking like a complete wreck

1/9/2025, 5:29:22 PM | 174 11 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social) reply parent

this is the guy they hired specifically to cover rfk!

1/9/2025, 5:27:37 PM | 141 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

lol the Atlantic rules

RFK Jr. Is Repeating Michelle Obama’s Mistakes MAHA is “Let’s Move!” 2.0. By Tom Bartlett
1/9/2025, 5:24:47 PM | 1702 139 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social) reply parent

drop the hair. it's cleaner.

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1/9/2025, 4:23:03 PM | 3 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture sonboy megapractical (@jimpjorps.bsky.social) reposted reply parent

the era of skeuomorphic presidents is over

1/9/2025, 4:19:59 PM | 9 1 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

I for one love Trump's new minimalist UI

smooth trump in a big white
1/9/2025, 4:18:19 PM | 47 4 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

it's cool that he talks like a caveman now

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1/9/2025, 1:10:54 AM | 355 16 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

lol

31/8/2025, 11:38:47 PM | 67 5 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social) reply parent

I stopped posting in january

31/8/2025, 9:44:44 PM | 2 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social) reply parent

many people are also mad because the woman who made the cookies is having a party. everyone is turning into the crazy old lady who bangs on the ceiling with a broomstick when she hears loud music.

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31/8/2025, 9:25:27 PM | 55 1 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social) reply parent

cookies are even funnier than chili. it's like the default neighborly food gift.

31/8/2025, 9:17:01 PM | 86 1 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

somehow twitter had a second meltdown over someone making food for their neighbors, this time over cookies

31/8/2025, 9:16:20 PM | 183 11 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social) reply parent

from the classic film hocus pocus, and therefore family friendly

31/8/2025, 3:18:47 PM | 2 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social) reply parent

I think you would sometimes but they've given over their understanding of women to the right wing fever swamp. if they have any real interactions with women, it just doesn't compute for them.

31/8/2025, 2:51:23 PM | 9 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Big Dog on the Space Cat (@derekcarrsopp.bsky.social) reposted reply parent

Touching a Palantir and being brutally interrogated by Killer Bread Dave

31/8/2025, 2:48:23 PM | 23 3 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social) reply parent

I think dating for anyone is harder for anyone living in a rural area, but based on my past experience on the dating apps in a small city where I saw a lot of profiles of exurban women in my search radius, most of them are libs too

31/8/2025, 2:48:16 PM | 8 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social) reply parent

he's thinking "fool of a took"

31/8/2025, 2:43:43 PM | 14 1 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social) reply parent

that she's buying stuff, that they don't like her voice (it's fine), that she might be a lib (probably so since she is a woman under 35)

31/8/2025, 2:42:27 PM | 9 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture leon (@leyawn.bsky.social) reposted reply parent

edited tweet by normal_now Sometimes on campus you accidentally walk by a Law school and the professor is writing like
31/8/2025, 1:53:26 PM | 1744 192 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

after the line break she starts talking like a hobbit

31/8/2025, 2:40:01 PM | 322 31 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social) reply parent

exactly. as a normal disgusting straight man, I just thought the gen z boss and a mini girl was cute.

31/8/2025, 2:36:23 PM | 11 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social) reply parent

exactly

31/8/2025, 2:32:50 PM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Folk-Punk Demon Hunters (@gonebabygone.bsky.social) reposted

This is why "haha leftists are triggered by Sydney Sweeney" wasn't sustainable as a shiny object, leftists aren't the ones who will just freely volunteer that "Gen Z boss and a mini" made them want to do a mass shooting

31/8/2025, 2:31:04 PM | 105 8 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

right wing men on elon twitter have been melting down for like a week at some beautiful NYC influencer woman with giant yabos for posting a standard "here's me ordering matcha and doing pilates" video. heterosexuality is so cooked.

31/8/2025, 2:29:15 PM | 84 1 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

pro israel liberals are a prime example of how liberalism fails itself.

31/8/2025, 2:22:21 AM | 90 6 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

I have absolutely zero sense of what I look like and I don't understand how I could. I look at myself in the mirror and just see an amorphous blob. I'm aware that this is strange but I also have no idea how it could be any different.

31/8/2025, 1:16:07 AM | 23 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

trump has returned as trump the white

30/8/2025, 10:48:36 PM | 61 6 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

anyone else notice that sean duffy is slowly becoming a skeleton

30/8/2025, 6:34:00 PM | 31 1 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

wait there is a tate mcrae and an addison rae

30/8/2025, 6:17:59 PM | 12 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

AI search results are helpful when you don't care enough about the question to care that much if the answer is right.

30/8/2025, 6:15:07 PM | 23 1 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

checking in after the taco bell ceo said they were becoming an "AI first" company www.bbc.com/news/article...

30/8/2025, 5:56:46 PM | 100 12 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

one of the worst guys to emerge in elon twitter is "matt van swol," dude who pretends to be a former liberal and constantly posts stuff like "I'm just realizing that trump is awesome, what about you guys?"

30/8/2025, 5:08:15 PM | 26 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Kath Barbadoro (@kathbarbadoro.bsky.social) reposted

Remember how if a kid choked on a little plastic toy they used to stop selling the toy

29/8/2025, 5:09:51 PM | 7995 2492 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

I'm against this but otoh trying to get a jury in DC to impose the death penalty would be really funny

30/8/2025, 2:31:31 AM | 16 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

me if it happens on labor day

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29/8/2025, 11:23:50 PM | 188 9 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

turns out trump thinks crime rates are on the rise because he keeps watching madame blanc mysteries while sundowning

29/8/2025, 10:21:37 PM | 21 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Ryan J. Reilly “paints a vivid and urgent portrait of… disarray” (@ryanjreilly.com) reposted

Art depicting “Sandwich Guy” now at the scene of the alleged misdemeanor.

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29/8/2025, 5:55:18 PM | 18651 3257 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

I'm out of DC and a 65-ish black guy saw my DC plates and commented on the national guard presence. He told me he was a cop for 25 years and very pro law enforcement, but hates what they're doing with the National Guard in DC. Really hasn't hit elite media how broadly unpopular this stuff is.

29/8/2025, 5:35:50 PM | 2763 481 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture y2k (@y2k.bsky.social) reposted reply parent

it is wrong. Liz says that even she, who wrote the lyrics for the cantina band song, found Sad Thad the Skintag Lad pitiable

29/8/2025, 3:10:10 PM | 8 1 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

the flonase lavender scent is so pleasant

29/8/2025, 3:27:58 PM | 9 1 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social) reply parent

also I think this is wrong

29/8/2025, 2:49:29 PM | 8 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

AI fucking "um actuallyed" me

There are no
29/8/2025, 2:48:27 PM | 20 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social) reply parent

I think one man singlehandedly causing a global recession in one year is pretty damn impressive

29/8/2025, 2:41:47 PM | 20 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

I mean sure but does anyone seriously think we won't be in a recession 6 months from now?

29/8/2025, 2:37:46 PM | 44 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

mark do you ever think about how the tres comas guy on silicon valley was based on you

29/8/2025, 2:28:09 PM | 69 4 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

truly embarrassing that he hasn't been disbarred for like 3 different reasons already. state bars have completely failed.

29/8/2025, 2:25:17 PM | 153 18 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

leavitt has had more ffs than the average trans woman

29/8/2025, 2:11:31 PM | 20 1 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

29/8/2025, 1:48:43 AM | 39 3 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social) reply parent

the duality of man

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28/8/2025, 10:36:09 PM | 3 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

I think it was good when social media companies would remove false posts purporting to be a long list of trans mass shooters

28/8/2025, 9:15:51 PM | 133 17 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

literally the worst kind of landlord.

28/8/2025, 5:43:16 PM | 65 6 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

matt you work from home man

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28/8/2025, 3:50:48 PM | 69 3 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social) reply parent

a university (which is essentially a government for the students who attend it) forcing students to debate each other using university approved conduct rules is about as far from liberalism as you can get in that kind of setting

28/8/2025, 1:50:18 PM | 30 1 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

we as a society are so far afield from understanding what "liberalism" actually means

28/8/2025, 1:46:17 PM | 47 2 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Cooper Lund (@cooperlund.online) reposted

It’s easy to say that this is all RFK Jr., but Trump was talking about vaccines and autism at least as far back as 2014. We have to assume that Trump fully supports this and wants it.

28/8/2025, 1:15:13 PM | 187 23 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

I don't think anyone should be mincing words about how crazy this guy is

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28/8/2025, 12:35:47 AM | 91 10 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

remember the people on here who were like "ah so the left thinks a black woman shouldnt be allowed to care for her daughter" when Bowser left town at the beginning of the militarisation

27/8/2025, 7:50:58 PM | 60 4 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social) reply parent

you're taking orders from law students? sad

27/8/2025, 7:08:35 PM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

DC grand jurors clearly support my legal theory. gonna submit a case note to harvard law review.

27/8/2025, 7:05:44 PM | 29 2 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture m (@keptsimple.bsky.social)

just flashed back to a random bush era conspiracy theory: people thinking that janitor basins were "muslim foot baths"

27/8/2025, 6:15:51 PM | 42 2 | View on Bluesky | view