give me liberty or give me beth (from accounting) she'll know what to do
🏳️🌈 He/him Shitposts: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:plpviiolyyfxmopm6cqloy2b/feed/aaaixp73zpsx6 Bangers: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:plpviiolyyfxmopm6cqloy2b/feed/aaajqswcg7w2k vaguely menacing in an endearing way
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give me liberty or give me beth (from accounting) she'll know what to do
looking for love in 𝙖𝙡𝙡 the places: right places wrong places gray areas—no one will be spared
a lynch mob but it's just a bunch of people wearing david lynch masks asking where agent cooper is when you need him
I think so? but who knows with david lynch fans
and that's why we love her
Bluesky Stats: Currently, eight out of ten Bluesky users are engaged in sexual activity. The remaining two are me writing this and you reading it.
Flirting by being covered in ivy
For a brief window of time, we weren’t doomscrolling, we were tombscrolling.
if i didn't care so much about hygiene and personal space i'd have such a good time at a music festival
ai generated announcement from the recently deceased president of the united states
the girl with the grover from sesame street tattoo
2003 was 42 years ago
No one wants proof of life, btw
i know the earth isnt flat because no company is trying to sell me a trip to see the edge of it
can’t wait for his announcement to just be something like “my new secretary of the interior is toby from the office”
I see what you did there 😜
you make it sound like love is all around us if we only open our eyes and I guess that’s what I’m secretly hoping for
thank you that means a lot coming from you 😊
give me liberty or give me beth (from accounting) she'll know what to do
looking for love in 𝙖𝙡𝙡 the places: right places wrong places gray areas—no one will be spared
a lynch mob but it's just a bunch of people wearing david lynch masks asking where agent cooper is when you need him
I have quite a few funny people I follow that I'm sad don't follow me back. Then I realized why... It's because I skeet about buttholes a lot. It's hard being rad.
“Quiet night, Jimmy?” “Yeah. You want that topped off?” “Not just yet, thanks.” “Mind if I put on the TV?” “Anything but the fucking news.”
Here are some more betterer skeetsmiths....shitposters if you will.
(consulting Magic 8 Ball) so is it all the cocaine that makes you magic or
i think nate silver is a made up thing, like euchre
Let's all chip in and get him a get well coffin.
I went on a creative writing course. Lesson one was Kill Your Babies. Regrettably Metaphors was lesson two.
Nobody ever talks about ‘Public Enemy Number Two’. It’s as if they just don’t care.
thanks greg 🫂
watching Alien: Earth and thinking about deviled xenomorph eggs
Wait, stop. I’m wired to explode if someone tells me a humorous anecdote
I contain baditudes
Dolphin therapy? Don't make me laugh! These mammals would rather rescue a drowning teenager than go to therapy!
happy Labor Day from your unemployed friend from the internet
tried to chat up a milf teacher sexbot but ended up learning the quadratic formula
I’m a hydration skeptic. not sure you need to drink that stuff
her: we should try role playing in bed him: you know i’m allergic to gluten
small feathers say yes because they are down
if i've been "suggested for you," there's been a terrible mistake
𝘕𝘦𝘸 𝘠𝘰𝘳𝘬, 𝘕𝘦𝘸 𝘠𝘰𝘳𝘬 is my favorite song about a certain city in the northeastern U.S. but I’m not going to tell you which one. You have to guess.
i used to put ketchup on mac & cheese if you’re looking for a girl with a refined palate
big watermelon doesn't want you to know that if you swallow a seed, it doesn't grow in your stomach. it grows in your intestines (where the poop is) and then watermelon grows out of your butt
Tomorrow we’re screening an early cut of Citizen Kane where, in the shocking final moments, we learn that Rosebud is a brand of mayonnaise that paid a large product placement fee.
jizzable chin ya got there, be a shame if someone missed it
Who called them sea monkeys when shrimpanzees was right there?
What idiot called it Net Neutrality and not Xfinity War
BREAKING: supreme court rules 6-3 that it's okay to have a dead president
My Procrastinators Anonymous meeting just got rescheduled for the 8th week in a row.
The older I get, the more important it is that I not turn off any alarms I've set before they go off.
Oh sweetie, that holier-than-thou stance makes your ass look huge.
Proudly logging into bsky and seeing y’all like…
"Summery execution?" Sounds like a really pleasant way to die
happy birthday work
A fun thing about Star Wars is that every background character not only has an expanded universe book written about them but since Disney declared stuff non-canon every background character now has two distinct histories (legends and new EU) and yes absolutely I need this for the werewolf in the bar
I very clearly remember when they came out with Badtz Maru thinking ‘this is going to change everything for me’
add a scoop of baby formula to your coffee for a formulatte
my son has decided he wants to become "a famous rapper" and he's practicing by doing the fast parts of Rap God but he doesn't actually know any of the words and i love every second of it on every level
bedazzled my dick for greater and more glittering girth
"More like Dame Judi Drenched" I say as I ready the water balloon launcher
There’s been a street festival outside all weekend long and teens keep wandering in to ask if we’re playing Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Is this a TikTok thing or…?
sinister no?
why am I just now learning this
spree
many are called but few are chosen
who are you lrrr from omicron persei 8?
they're practically preserved from all the not being eaten
you're gonna love my peanut butter drink (hot and runny)
call it the half n half of a pb&j
some men just want to watch the world burn
if you like
corn dogs for sale never eaten
catch a tiger by the toe? are you insane?
did you know you can crush eggshells to make plant food or that you can set yourself on fire
it's important in life to have things you're looking sideways at
friend: do you have a tissue i think there’s something in your eyes me: [touching my face] omg is it peter gabriel
RFK Jr in prison: I’m the powerhouse of the cell!
Four Seasons Total Landscaping and Emergency Services
Pornhub for dogs. It’s all human legs and stuffed animals.
If BlueSky is an echo chamber then why is Mark Cuban still here
For cringe and country
Sure she's pretty but can she split you clean in half with her battle axe
Bill Mahar is in a weird amount of Murder, She Wrote episodes
i think the bigfoots don't want to be found because they know we would put them to work
Take some carbon and hydrogen, throw in a bit of hydrogen and oxygen. That's the way they became The Brady Bunch.
thanks I think we'll be okay and I have some hope that things will get better with the world sooner or later
it is now
I also combine jellies when it suits me
pretty good I've got work to keep me busy and I get to play board games with my husband on a regular basis and have my doggy roo to love/take care of so things aren't too bad despite the world conspiring against us (oddly enough we haven't been personally affected much by the political situation)
I'm breaking all the rules tonight (putting smooth and crunchy peanut butter on the same slice of bread)
lol how's married life?
it's the only way to fly (into a coma)
I'm sure that's it 😜
self-leveling cock
deleting the most embarrassing replies before sending
Who the fuck even are you people?
how can we be sure lizards aren’t furry under the scales
You ever listen to music that’s so good it makes your nips hard?
if I'm a freak and you're a pervert then who's flying the plane?
Big popular accounts add alt text to you screenshots challenge (impossible).