Half man, half-wit. Dublin, Ireland. I have a book. https://linktr.ee/richycraven
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A thing that happens when you get engaged if you actually picked the ring yourself is that every woman in your fianceé's life will say some variation of "aren't you brave?" Or "You did *so* well!" like they're talking to a toddler and I should be offended but I actually like it.
Trans people have been around your whole life. You’ve been sharing bathrooms with them your whole life. They’ve been in your communities your whole life. They’ve even been playing sport your whole life. And you didn’t care *at all* till a few years ago when every right wing org decided you should
All timer movie.
It’s funny how Starmer chooses the worst Irish person to defend but will shit over kneecap and Sally Rooney
My lowest-stakes conspiracy theory is that the Bake Off production team sabotage the settings of the contestant ovens slightly so that they're a few degrees off what the display says.
Starmer's latest run of form is so disastrous that it feels like we're two weeks away from the headline: '"The ref was right to give it." - Starmer claims that Maradona's hand of God *was* a header'
Deciding to back Glinner is the most baffling unforced error that I could possibly conceive of. Even TERFs think he's weird.
Just a few hours until Bake Off is back and I'm hurling abuse at some blameless amateur baker for running out of time in the signature. "You only have yourself to blame there Tony. That's what you get for trying to be Bobby Big-Bollocks with an opera cake on week one."
I really like my GP but I'm always partially distracted by the fact that she has this special ergonomic desk chair that looks like a high bar stool that ends in a kind of wobbly ball thing. It feels like I'm getting medical advice from a Subbuteo player.
Sad to see you guys go Alan. Nowhere else would have given me a platform to talk about Space Jam for as long as we did.
Being so against tarot is deep-cut Catholicism. One of my characters covets some oxen in my new novel so I should probably steer clear.
Just a few hours until Bake Off is back and I'm hurling abuse at some blameless amateur baker for running out of time in the signature. "You only have yourself to blame there Tony. That's what you get for trying to be Bobby Big-Bollocks with an opera cake on week one."
The start of every 80s movie:
The bank app is telling me to "tap & pay like a boss😏" and "rally my crew". I am 37 years old and you are the bank. Don't talk to me this way.
It's one of these guys. Every time I see it I think "I'd say that's great for your back" and then continue to go back home and sit like I'm experiencing the gravitational pull of Jupiter
I really like my GP but I'm always partially distracted by the fact that she has this special ergonomic desk chair that looks like a high bar stool that ends in a kind of wobbly ball thing. It feels like I'm getting medical advice from a Subbuteo player.
You know what, fair play to Scooby Doo villains. They walk into a room dressed as a ghost, see a talking dog on its hind legs making the world’s biggest sandwich and somehow manage to stay in character.
Bluesky growth discourse
It’s Cameron Diaz in The Mask, it’s always Cameron Diaz in The Mask
Stop changing your profile picture. Choose one and stick with it for 25 years like a normal person
"I'm being as racist as I can" tearful Starmer tells voters
waka wake
I've had some close calls getting to the loo in my time but I've never had to throw my boxers out the window.
I could see her briefly glance at her engagement ring with regret.
Every straight guy goes through a phase where they think that if they learn one skill like guitar or close-up magic that it will suddenly make them irresistible to women. When in reality the thing that truly makes one irresistible to women is Warhammer 40k.
Explaining the context of this to my fiancée took fifteen minutes and a graph
Donald Trump watched the James Bond movie where he has to battle voodoo and died of fright. He was 79 years old and had a BMI of 54.
What's the most amount of red flags you can fit in a paragraph?
If your grandpa started to look like this you would have to take a deep breath and tell yourself “he’s still grandpa” every time you visited him
You heard her. She wants someone to recite the Orks Codex to her instead.
I mean that's not an inaccurate summary of the film
Skaven are a babe-magnet.
The prospect of writing a description of this in alt-text made me re-examine my life for a little bit.
I don't know how to break this to you but she actually asked you out because she thought you knew a lot about Space Marine combat patrols.
Bluesky growth discourse
My fiancée has begged me to stop talking about the finer points of the Horus Heresy when I'm out as it makes women throw themselves at me.
Every straight guy goes through a phase where they think that if they learn one skill like guitar or close-up magic that it will suddenly make them irresistible to women. When in reality the thing that truly makes one irresistible to women is Warhammer 40k.
Fair play to Naoise Dolan, and to Sarah Clancy (@sarahmaintains.bsky.social) - two Irish writers joining the Sumud Flotilla to Gaza. It's a brave thing to attempt. I hope they make it. 🇵🇸 ✊ #SAILTOGAZA globalsumudflotilla.org
Running a Twix finger running my nose like it's a Cuban cigar.
Everyone's a know-it-all until they have to figure out what wattage their microwave is.
Cheers Anne-Marie. Glad you're enjoying it
This week's buke is Spirit Level by @richycraven.bsky.social. A bit of Irish black comedy (the best kind) about young male friendship. And a ghost that an only appear when drink is taken 🥃 Some wickedly sharp and witty lines in this - liking it a lot. #BookSky #IrishBooks
My back doesn't click when I straighten up. I wish it clicked. If I pin my shoulders back after an hour on the couch, my mid-spine releases a deep, resonant crunch that puts one in mind of an unwary child stepping out on a frozen lake, too close to the spring thaw.
Haha, probably a spike in the numbers all right.
This one here bsky.app/profile/jame...
This is a small but significant win for Ireland. bsky.app/profile/were...
Also, I am a huge moron. The increase in sports posting that I've noticed could possibly be explained by the fact that there's been a Lions tour, a women's rugby world cup and the start of the Premier League season in the last two months.
The trouble with using Victor Frankenstein as a template for today's tech maniacs is that he does pretty immediately regret it. No, what we have is Dr. Moreau, weird colonialists who gets cancelled and then spend their money creating more and more unwanted monstrosities for no particular reason.
That thread has actual data that interaction is down 25% since the peak in January. I'd be interested to see regional data. Feels like it's picked up in Ireland but, again, that's completely vibes-based on my part.
The "Bluesky is dying" thread is interesting to me because, entirely subjectively, it had seemed like there had been an increase in posts and interaction on here recently. I'd noticed things like football/rugby discussion really spiking after being fairly absent since I joined.
Give him everything!
I for one am shocked that Luis Suárez, who has bitten more people than Nosferatu, would do something so impulsive.
My back doesn't click when I straighten up. I wish it clicked. If I pin my shoulders back after an hour on the couch, my mid-spine releases a deep, resonant crunch that puts one in mind of an unwary child stepping out on a frozen lake, too close to the spring thaw.
giuliani is gonna sue the hell out of whoever painted a tunnel on that brick wall
Thank you. Glad you enjoyed it!
Two attacks on our beautiful government in the first ten minutes of #TheTraitorsIrl 1) everybody wants to spend the €50k on a house deposit 2) they had to skip the train intros because of our substandard railway infrastructure
Nick the Estate Agent is just there to get the numbers of everyone looking for a housing deposit. #TheTraitorsIRL
rip to everyone whos become delusional after talking to chatgpt but im built different. like actually different. according to chatgpt im some kind of god. the one who decides
Siobhán McSweeney looks like the headmistress of a school for evil, gay witches (complimentary). #TheTraitors
Cracking up at the guy who is hiding the fact that he's a Garda because he says people would think he's "some sort of Sherlock Holmes". #TheTraitors
Saying "I'm just going to have a really quick shower" and then proceeding to stand under the water for 35 minutes like a homicide detective trying to wash the filth of the city off of their soul.
I am excited for the Traitors Ireland but still have some concerns. This country is too small. Like I'm worried I'll spend two weeks calling someone a conniving psychopath on here, only to learn that they're my cousin.
No joke CMAT did the nation a great service putting out a pop song belting “I was 12 when the dads started killing themselves” wearing a BERTIE top just as the presidential circus was taking off
After a meal at my go-to place, you could remove my tonsils and I wouldn't notice.
I've said it before but if a Sunday pub lunch doesn't make me feel like I'm under the effects of general anesthesia then I don't go back there.
A Kofi commission. Someone's fever dream. I still these open if you want to get your own: ko-fi.com/A813CQ1 #kofi #mrblobby
The local coffee shop staff are liberal with dog treats so, when we get there, Rio transforms into the most perfectly behaved Collie in the world. She makes eye contact with the barista and stands up very tall like "Look how good I'm being!"
I picked a fight with some hydrogen that's 93 million miles away. I lost. On my hatred of the sun, and the horror of sunburn. observer.co.uk/news/columni...
At one point, when they were showing the worst of the messages, I was like "forget prison, whoever this is needs to be put in the fucking phantom zone from Superman"
Same. I was mildly surprised that the resulting charges didn't seem to include sending such explicit messages to a minor.
I called him out on it when we parked up and he seemed genuinely surprised that I was annoyed about it.
I got a taxi home from the pub the other day and the driver had his phone on a dashboard holder and just had a YouTube video playing. I only noticed it near home (because I was, ironically, on my phone) but he was fully glancing over at it while driving.
Insane. My criticism of the actual doc is like multiple times it would stop to have a 14 year old go "So Khloe and I had been sorta, kinda more than friends since we were kids and I think Loryn was jealous-" and I'd be like "Enough high school drama! Please go back to the awful cyber crime!"
I've watched this twice and I still have no idea whether the dog at the start was intentionally part of the course or just a stray who kept wandering on
You couldn't make Trigger Happy TV today. Not because of woke. It's simply that most of the audience wouldn't understand that the loud guy with the big phone was doing something bad.
Fully agreed. Welcome to The Tribunal™️
Genuinely, if you're doing a documentary about your past actions and, when you arrive, they've lit the room like you're Emperor fucking Palpatine then just leave. You're not going to come out well from this.
10 episode, 30 minute sit-com season? Rejected. Give us 22 a year or get out.
I am against totalitarianism in all forms *except* I think all TV shows and movie productions should be forced to have all their run-times/number of episodes approved by me personally. 2 hour and 35 mins for a comedy? Rejected! 95 mins or nothing. 6 part docu-series? Rejected! Wrap that up in 3
my father-in-law is a “I know a guy” Guy. sadly all the old Guys are aging out of the Guy Economy. Guys are fundamentally incompatible with Hustle Culture because it’s not about “winning” a deal, it’s about collecting favors and goodwill in a mutually-beneficial cycle. protect your local Guy Economy
One moment you're young and then you catch yourself saying things like "Oh that breeze is lovely!"
Every few years, the planets align and I'll watch a racing movie for dads like this or Ford vs Ferrari.
Since social media is terrible now, I mainly go online to argue with Australians about what day it is.
Like, you know when, in school, when the teacher didn't show up for the first ten/fifteen minutes and everyone got excited about the prospect of a free class and then they do turn up? It's going to be that times a thousand.
I am watching that F1 movie. It is absolute dad-porn but sometimes you need that on a Saturday afternoon.
Like, you know when, in school, when the teacher didn't show up for the first ten/fifteen minutes and everyone got excited about the prospect of a free class and then they do turn up? It's going to be that times a thousand.
Goodness, if the President has a serious health problem I certainly hope he follows the expert medical advice of his Secretary of Health and Human Services
I don't think he's dead but I do think that the audible planet-wide groan of disappointment when he shows his face next might finish him off.
Guys, if wishing could make it happen, then Kissinger wouldn't have been a fucking Highlander for a literal century.
It's extremely unfair to speculate about Donald Trump's health just because he's elderly and can't form linear thoughts and has the diet of a first grader who won the lottery and his flesh has been changing color like autumn leaves.
"how am i going to explain gay people to my kids" my man I was on a hike with my family and my wife mentioned "grizzly man," I had to explain grizzly man to my kids. you need to get onto my fucking level. we must have talked about grizzly man for forty five minutes and i felt every one
Wow, that Thursday Murder Club movie is proof that you can have all the talent attached to a project in the world and Netflix can still make a bad film out of it.
What the hell happened to Ben Kingsley? How do you go from Ghandi and Sexy Beast to be out-acted by Pierce Brosnan doing a dodgy English accent.
I react to people my age tell me they're going to Electric Picnic like fucking Bormir at the end of Fellowship "You did what I could not. Go! Leave me behind. Where you go, I can no longer follow!"
I somehow hadn't heard this before but yeah, that is creepy AF
macksting 