If you're tasked with bringing the cold cuts to a surprise birthday party there's no delicate way to ask the host where you should hide the salami.
A writer by hobby, a nobody by trade. Lover of all things horror. Politically progressive. One self-published novel, Felix Colt Knows Pain, available on Amazon. https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:vmecdrychbtp65evvliujnwz/feed/aaacbcic6hr2g
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If you're tasked with bringing the cold cuts to a surprise birthday party there's no delicate way to ask the host where you should hide the salami.
The argument comes to a screeching halt the second you step on one in bare feet.
Lol quite possibly my 2 favorite things. Thanks for the follow back.
Impossible to not like him.
It's wild how much better Sinner and Alcaraz are than the rest of the field. I guess Djokovic is still a threat if he's healthy, but that's about it. #USOpen
I'm so bored. Maybe I'll try and convince everyone I'm from the future, just to feel something.
Friendly reminder: try to live your life in a way so millions of people won't laugh when they hear you were in a terrible car accident.
Woo-hoo! Congrats, Maureen!
Are you seriously questioning America's Mayor???
What a match! Taylor was sad but she had a helluva US Open.
Agreed. And it's long long overdue. We've become hoarders. It's clear this is only Phase One.
Is it bad that my first thought was he must've been drunk?
Goddamn this Krejcikova - Townsend match. Sad Townsend couldn't close it out in the 2nd (what a tiebreak) but this match deserves a 3rd set. Holy crap.
I assume John was constantly yelling at the teachers. "You've gotta be KIDDING me!!"
Tennis up a band: Fleetwood MacEnroe
Going to NYC and to the US Open over Labor Day weekend had become a bit of a tradition (went 3 of the last 4 years), so I'm kinda sad we weren't able to go this year. Oh well, we're doing a major garage clean out this weekend which feels really good.
On the bright side remember the last time a dictator ended up in a bunker.
Congrats and I'm sorry.
I'm talkin about workin for a livin, I'm talkin about SHARKIN!!
Just remembered during Trump’s fraud trial in NYC a MAGA cult member set himself on fire outside the courthouse and DIED. wtf
This is such a cursed timeline I’m getting nostalgic for the easy days of the early 2000s. Maybe I’ll get my eyebrow pierced and frost my tips.
Not the worst movie ever but just really “meh.”
I was disappointed but I was also really tired at the time, so take it with a grain of salt.
Preparing for a huge garage clean out today and I know I'm old because my main concern is tweaking my back 30 seconds in.
If the smoke from the White House chimney is black then we'll know.
Just ordered a WNYX NewsRadio t-shirt cuz I'm old and I like old things.
He's gonna make the first AI movie isn't he.
I haven't been working out like I want so I didn't deserve an ice cream sandwich but I just ate one anyway. I'm sorry, okay?
Me and my friend when we build the perfect sand castle.
People on the Left demand health care and living wages and equality; people on the Right demand restaurant chains don't change their logos.
Might have to mute the word “Newsom.” I’m so tired of hearing about him, from those who love him and those who hate him. The presidential election is 3 goddamn years away. Jesus Christ, people.
It will be illegal to burn the flag, but what if you do it while storming the US Capitol?
Another one who failed the "Don't rehab Bush in order to criticize Trump challenge."
🤣
Yep. And I'm satisfied. She has no reason to lie.
And now he's a biodegradable energy source.
I'm so paranoid about social media that when I see a "Post (insert pop culture reference) from the year you were born" my first thought is "Oh no, you ain't harvesting my data!"
My only concern for Mamdani is once he's mayor he's inevitably going to do some sort of "shitlib" compromise and all the Terminally Online Leftists are going to turn on him.
The US Open is officially underway! 🎾
Chernobyl is the best mini-series ever made. Hands down.
If I make it to the apocalypse I got dibs on all the surviving peanut butter cups. I got dibs!
One of my favorite jokes from Norm Macdonald Live: Pain and Gain, the new movie from Michael Bay. Critics are calling it everything from shit to fucking shit.
Funny local news: my town just built a literal field of solar panels and it's about 100 yards from the house that was decorated head to toe in Trump flags last year.
Thank you. Somehow I manage to keep going. LOL
Vampire: Bram Stoker's Dracula Werewolf: An American Werewolf in London Ghost: The Shining Slasher: Halloween or Black Christmas Folk: The Witch Big Monster: Jaws Zombie: The Return of the Living Dead Comedy: Tucker and Dale vs Evil Alien: Alien Psychological: The Babadook Anthology: Creepshow
I do like sports games. I occasionally play an NBA game and a tennis game on my switch. I'm probably just bitter that the switch doesn't have Madden and I refuse to shell out money for a playstation or xbox.
It's probably terrible. Like I said I'm tired and grumpy. 😂
Wow I'm never up this early. I hate it.
Couldn't they have just read the book?
He should just go full Steven Seagal and dye that hair jet black.
To me the most fascinating thing about social media is seeing how many white guys decided the perfect profile picture was sitting in their car while wearing sunglasses.
It would only begin to make sense if they'd replaced the old guy leaning on the barrel with RuPaul.
I'll go on record as someone who thought the premise of Jaws 3 was actually a pretty good one, but the execution was horrible.
I agree about all of them, but the sheer size of the cult Trump has managed to achieve will forever haunt me. Until my dying day I will never, ever be able to understand it.
Maybe I'm old but I'm not sure anyone should be eating THAT at 10pm.
John Bolton is a giant POS, but it's pretty alarming that the President of the United States is using the FBI to go after a private citizen because he doesn't like him.
What knockers!
I once counted my chickens before they hatched and then they hatched and they were all fine, so don't believe everything you hear.
Working on a superweapon that will incapacitate a person by banging them just right on the elbow.
Have they? I don't get out much.
This one was too easy
Get cracking on that bucket list!
Pro-tip: if all you do is scream about politics on social media day and night and never talk about anything else you quickly become white noise.
I want a WaWa!! 😭
And you can't flip AI over and spell BOOBS.
He'll be the chubby guy sitting on the curb icing his cankles.
Soft pretzels should be available everywhere. It's not fair that they've been relegated to stadium concession stands, theme parks, and carnivals.
There's far more than 3, but the first ones that come to mind are Pulp Fiction Fargo Caddyshack
I'm sure they would respond with something super intelligent like, "Elections have consequences, snowflake!"
I would genuinely like to hear a MAGA explain and defend Texas just arbitrarily deciding to change a bunch of districts in order to gain more House seats.
That's fair. I have no doubt it's different from the novel ending but as long as it lands I'll be fine with it.
The Long Walk movie will have succeeded if it could replace Platoon on the theater marquee when Frank and Jane walk out laughing hysterically during The Naked Gun montage.
I've read the novel twice and I can't wait to see this. Glad to hear it did the book justice.
I have no interest in visiting alternate universes and seeing how much better all my other selves are doing.
"TACO" was always terrible nickname for Trump because it was making fun of him for not doing the thing we didn't want him to do (???), but I'm okay with President Cankles.
Get em Michelle! I agree. No time for people who only live to ruin the day of others.
This has been such a stupid shitty effed up summer we already have leaves falling in the backyard.
Best compliment I can give the movie Weapons: at the beginning there was a loud mouth in the theater and I was like "Oh no" but apparently the movie got him because eventually he completely shut the fuck up.
WEAPONS was fantastic. Lived up to the hype.
Cool how the photographer at the Trump Putin meeting made it look like one of those old timey photos.
It's happening! Going to see Weapons tonight. And we're seeing it in the big RPX theater. The only thing I don't like are the stupid "buttkicker" seats. You should be able to turn those off if you want. But I'm guessing it's not a super loud "buttkicking" movie.
Will these douchebags just come out as Republicans already?
The phones are smart but they're making the people dumber.
They're certainly not Super Bowl contenders yet but I'm excited about the Patriots this season. I think we're going to see a big improvement from last year. 9 - 8? 8 - 9? I think it's possible.
Going to see Modest Mouse and Built to Spill in October and I'm so excited. I really like Modest Mouse but I LOVE Built to Spill. I saw them a few years ago in a small venue in Boston and it's still my best concert experience ever.
Getting ready to watch preseason football because I have no plans and no life.
Honestly surprised he didn't vote for it.
Wow, what a cool company.
I started digging a hole to China when I was 6 and I think it'll only be a few more days.
I can't confirm but sources say Putin gave Trump a copy of The Art of the Deal as a gag gift.
BREAKING: Sources say Putin gave Trump a copy of The Art of the Deal as a gag gift.
If someone was willing to throw a perfectly good sandwich at me I'd probably rethink my decisions.
Mediocre whoopie pies are a tragedy, but when they're good they're great.
It's so funny how certain things are called different names depending on the region.
Probably the best thing about growing up in Maine is I was introduced to whoopie pies at an early age.
Agreed. Super effective character study and just beautiful to look at.