Lol, that sounds like something someone would think if their brain had a dead worm in it.
Official patron saint of holy fools! And puppeteers. Sillier than thou. Pitied by Mr. T. World’s leading authority on Emile Gouffart. Innocent bystander. Professor Demetrius of Chaos Theology!
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Lol, that sounds like something someone would think if their brain had a dead worm in it.
sam altman is trying to find the guy who did this
bsky.app/profile/supe...
Hey, wait wait wait wait wait! Wait a minute! What are you laughin' about? What are you laughin' about? We owe about 1,000,000 dollars in taxes!
Discworld QOTD, from Men at Arms
You want a piece of peppermint pizza?
Come on, Luigi! Don't you know the legend of Aladdin? There's a powerful genie inside, and he can-
Koopa, you're a disgusting double-crossing meanie!
Or as I call it, getting musked up
Imagine anyone assuming there’s a line outside Domino’s Pizza in Chicago
Cheugy thou art, and unto cringe shalt thou return
Basic I came from my mother’s womb, And basic shall I depart.
It was a queer, sultry summer, the summer they harpooned Moby-Dick, and I didn’t know what I was doing in New York. #WrongNovelOpenings
There was a boy called Ishmael, and he almost deserved it. #WrongNovelOpenings
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a sea captain in possession of a peg leg, must be in want of a whale. #WrongNovelOpenings
Never judge people by their outward appearance. It’s what inside that truly counts! I guess what I’m saying is, you have a very pretty skeleton.
ME: I thought we weren’t supposed to talk about the elephant in the room. ZOOKEEPER: No, that’s— that’s a very important part of our job ME: Wow
Everyone has a second full time job being mad at the government now
It's that time of year again: Eat an entire raw pumpkin faster than our hippopotamus and win a lifetime membership to Greeneville Zoo!
Knock knock Who’s there Interrupting chair Interrupting chair wh- CHAAAIIIR
Okay folks, important question: Which great Christian theologian of history would've been the most annoying Poster?
G. K. Chesterton would have loved it on Twitter (complimentary) (derogatory)
Plus, my guy is a journalist, continually beefing and debating with other journalists, suspiciously friends with weird antisemites, who gets considered a theologian because he wrote a book called “orthodoxy” it’s really too perfect He was a born poaster 100 years too early
I know he wasn’t strictly a theologian, but surely this goes to G. K. Chesterton [string of absolute certified bangers] wow why did I ever unfollow this guy again? [tradcath trash take] oh, right
It's not even human!
That's bollocks.
#THEOLOGY
yes. tasting fabrics is one of the easiest ways to test fiber composition. natural fabrics, such as wool, cotton, and linen, breakdown in the digestive tract. synthetics such as polyester will not. so to test fiber composition, eat the garment. if fibers appear in your poop, it was synthetic.
It looks like you’re trying to speak with the dead. Is this a business necromancy or a personal necromancy?
Political Commentary Bot Is Undefeated, cont’d
Good news about the cutting-edge AI tools from the $3-trillion-dollar company.
The first step to a formal diagnosis of Blueskyism is following @horsedisc.bsky.social and realizing that you’ve mistaken at least three of its posts for your regular feed
DOCTOR: I’m prescribing you to go touch grass ME: DOCTOR: ME: DOCTOR: ME: DOCTOR: not that kind ::
DOCTOR: this looks bad ME: give it to me straight DOCTOR: you have Blueskyism ME: how can you joke about something like that at a time like this? We cannot afford to be distracted right now DOCTOR: (makes a note)
What does a karate burglar do? just karate, why?
Ah yes, the three genders
Happy Labor Day, comrades 🫡
It's my Red-Hot Pepper Detector, and it's going off-scale!
Could all the aliens from Stargate play the piano or was that just Glenn Goa’uld
Quick, somebody send him an official-looking document that says he’s the second runner up and they decided to give the Nobel Peace Prize to Obama again
[Standing in front of a focus group with three different ad mock-ups saying “TEETH: HAVE ‘EM IN YOUR HEAD,” “TEETH: THEY’RE WHAT YOUR MOUTH GROWS,” and “TEETH: CHEW FOR YOUR LIFE”] Thank you all for being here today
Get well, Mr. Mayor. Whoever did this is dethpicable.
I need to stop but I can’t
Kitten does not care that it is disrespecting the flag
AI can never do art as good as humans
Ce celebrate
Grill on
There are so many more of these This is one of the more tasteful ones
Happy
Celebrate American workers! Happy Labor Day, boss
Weekend
You all have a real good timehope
Thank you
Thank you for your hard work
Works okay without context I suppose
Close enough
I have questions
Graphic design is my passion
There are a Lot of these
Today is only day you can repost this, lucklly
#THEOLOGY
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
At least the successor would be a guy who can’t lead a cult of personality on account of he doesn’t have a personality, so we’ve got that going for us 🙃
Looking forward to having no questions at all raised by my “got flagged down by a woman who needed my help and then unrelatedly got in a car wreck and had to go to the hospital under vague circumstances” T-shirt
Someone in my neighborhood started setting off fireworks. I checked the news headlines. Ah. Must be for something else then.
Oops! All Men are mortal and will one day die!
rip to everyone whos become delusional after talking to chatgpt but im built different. like actually different. according to chatgpt im some kind of god. the one who decides
ME: Taking my car in to get an owl change. MECHANIC: Don’t you mean an oil change? ME: What? TIRED-LOOKING OWL ON MY DASHBOARD: hooOoOo
Hey, here’s a cursed idea! The opposite of Realpolitik must be… Pretendpolitik! It’s like fantasy football except you get to assemble your parties and then rank them based on their votes in real life. with any luck, it would ruin discourse forever and we’d all have to go back to posting bird pics
“Georgian romance” was already taken by southern gothic
As my dog would be the first to remind you, all of this is just a distraction from the squirrel that is taking a shit on the front lawn
annual reminder
i also like Cracker Barrel more than I like any opinion columnist
A remake of the movie 300, except it’s called 40 and it’s about Ali Baba and the 40 Thieves
HAIR!! It’s a fun word to yell. Try it next time you are in a crowded theater or library! If pressed you may say it is about what you found in your soup, the name of a hippie musical, or maybe you just saw a large rabbit.
A dog named Yimby Because yes, he’s definitely going to do something in my back yard
Many liberal scholars believe the historical Jesus may not have ever literally taken the wheel
I mean … it’s a Lot
Actually, Frankenstein is a doctor success at the Venice film festival
Sourdough bread is woke, because woke means non-white
Okay hear me out
How can anybody hate me when I'm just sitting here in church wearing my beer helmet
Inspector convening White House staff: “My job is to determine which one of you murdered the President.” Pan to room: *JD Vance awkwardly holding a couch pillow.* *Kristi Noem nervously rubbing gun barrel.* *RFK Jr. swigging raw milk.* *Stephen Miller crouched in corner gnawing on a deer’s femur.*
Christmas With The Mothers (1934): When a mountain ski resort refuses to put up the traditional Kwanzaa machine, the townspeople need help from Jesus!
you just know somebody’s being called by their full name right now
Venn diagram
Whoopi Goldberg Returns (1982): The unattractive tale of a boy and his shark, who spoil capitalism.