Starting to understand why this guy needs an app to snitch on any of his potential jackoff sessions - he’s incapable of telling the truth
I do skateboarding for the government
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Starting to understand why this guy needs an app to snitch on any of his potential jackoff sessions - he’s incapable of telling the truth
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. filling an IV bag from a murky puddle near Trump National's sixth tee. "The president needs parameciums," he tells the assembled media. "It's the only treatment proven to work in real testing." His golf cart is piled high with dozens of dead birds.
trump bending over for a ball on the golf course, his pantlegs riding up and revealing his skin accordioned over the top of his socks like a twisty straw someone hasn't stretched out yet, folds the gleaming healthful color of a ziplock bag filled with log cabin syrup
It’s truly devastating, if anyone ever deadpan-talked about me like this, I’d have no choice but to walk into the ocean
really worth watching
Weird, sounds like there’s not a lot of crime in DC or something
I’m living in the golden age of audio where headphones are improving by leaps and bounds every year, and my hearing is degrading like a hotdog left in an arizona parking lot garbage can
Let me save him 2 minutes and a trip to Alaska
you have to hand it to them, somehow subway figured out how to bake bread that smells like a dog
Imagine sitting around a table dreaming about bootlicking
"80 million jobs were added in june, very nice very nice. 300 million jobs added in july, even better. but this month mr president, 2 billion jobs were added," I confidently declare, doing the easiest job in the world so i can own a home in a walkable neighborhood
lol at this response to a “man on the street” interview with protestors at the Tesla diner
NEW investigation: DOGE-Pilled The full story on the transformation of 23 year-old Luke Farritor and how he ended up at the Department of Government Efficiency--slashing, dismantling, undoing--wielding a résumé that "didn’t pass muster” NO PAYWALL! www.bloomberg.com/features/202...
Holy shit, they did it. They wrote the headline.
Charlie Kirk is such a stupid Nazi fuck that he literally thinks “New York City would be so cool without the gays, and immigrants and Blacks and Jews.” Motherfucker, we are WHY New York City is cool you stupid little bitch! People like you not living there is what makes it cool!
All the dire implications notwithstanding it is hilarious how evil this technology is. Billions of dollars spent on this greasy lying stupid thing that was literally built to replace people, and everyone that uses it gets weaker, lazier, dumber, and sadder for having done so. Well done all around.
“Before the second Trump era, it would’ve been seen as a ridiculous violation of the First Amendment to have some kind of monitor making sure the media was being nice to the president.” @gizmodo.com $PARA gizmodo.com/fcc-to-appoi...
It is fucking insane that we had a decade of people complaining about the dangers of cancel culture, and now literally hundreds of thousands of people are being purged from government jobs for ideological reasons, but that is not cancel culture.
Hey, remember when Trump tried to make a guy who had sex with minors the Attorney General of the United States? And then, after that didn’t work, he picked the former Florida AG who didn’t charge Epstein during her 8 years in office?
Again, when Trump complained that he could no longer “date” 17-year-old girls, he was 53 years old.
“The wrong order will be brought to you in three hours by a remote-controlled robot. Please do not ask the robot what its name is.”
Not to sound like a conspiracy theorist but I don't believe Colbert fired himself
I’m excited to eat at a restaurant where they take my order and then promise a really great burger is coming next week
It’s true - Two millenials broke into one of my extra houses and forced me to rent it to them.“Please no!” I begged “I bought this house to watch it depreciate” “Too bad, old man” one of them snarled, between bites of his avocado toast “We’re going to pay your fucking mortgage for you! Hail Satan!”
“We’re getting reports that B52s from the US dropped a lack of nuance on several sites in Iran”
Here’s the bottom line for what’s going on with Grok - if the owner of the website is putting his thumb on the scale hard enough for the chatbot to turn into Goebbels, you should be deeply concerned about what he’s doing to the algorithm that you can’t so easily see, and what it’s doing to you
Trump just announced a 50% tariff on copper, which sounds like a lot, but that’s because he’s pro copper, and really loves it. He’s a real coprophile!
I’ve got to be honest, this Ben Ryan guy writes like he’s dissolved his brain with solvents
Imagine running for mayor of NYC when you have the same name as noted creep, Andrew Cuomo! Lol, uphill battle much?
Proud to be taking a stand with my party by sending pizzas with “let’s meet in the middle” written in pepperoni to my political rivals 💕💯
Yeah, if anything they’ve spent $300 sending them both a beautiful bouquet of sympathy flowers
The flood of encomiums and morality tales about Elon's turn in Washington cldn't be more predictable, vapid & sickening. If you want a story, get me the story about the crisis comms team directing this. He ran anti-constitutional blitzkrieg thru the federal government, did massive harm, violated ...
What the fuuuuck
Dear Mr. Clegg I have started a business, selling the contents of your house I knew when I launched I did not have legal access your house Without this access my company will not be profitable Others have told me I have a flawed business model, but I disagree Please advise how I should proceed
Some of those posts went up on the same day Elon was IN the Whitehouse watching Trump parroting his revolting little lies!
There’s a lot to choose from, but the latest thing to sour me on media has been every outlet breathlessly posting near-identical “Elon is getting out of Politics!” articles within 3 days of each other, in one of the most blatant bits of PR manipulation I’ve ever seen
“A man came up to me, a big burly man with tears in his eyes, and he says ‘Sir, thank you for taking such a huge bribe from Qatar -$400m!’ And I said you’re welcome, are you my son Don Jr and he said ‘No, I’m an electrician named Jack’ Disgusting, I said, get this tradesman the fuck out of my face”
Sorry Matt, all my content is DOPE Derrible Oppulent Pfraudulent Exciting!
But I forgot that federal cons think being conservative is whinging like a toddler with diaper rash 24/7 about “woke” and going on podcasts
The federal cons started the fight by complaining that Doug Ford isn’t conservative enough, like… all the guy does is do conservative shit like (try to) freeze public worker wages and blow billion dollar holes in the budget doing handouts for drivers.
It looks like R2-D2’s hearse.
I know it's not the most important thing here but this story also corroborates one of my biggest theories about these tech guys: they do zero hours of work in a day. They do no work no matter how much they claim to work 14 hours a day. They're just on their phones.
My daughter asked me where does potting soil come from. “It comes from a bag, honey” I replied. “Mr Home Depot grows it in his parking lot”
Leaky Pete hacking the Pentagon's IT system so he can drunkenly text people. They should call the scandal PeteyLeaks
my plan to get people to start having more kids? make climate change worse. abolish the department of education. also milk is poison
Oh boy, I completely forgot that dog whistle was their slogan
“But Soapbox, why would Trump send JD Vance to the Pope? Is Vance some sort of… Harbinger of Woe, tasked with snuffing out the beautiful light of humanity’s salvation?” I dunno dude, sounds like you’re answering your own questions here!
James Carville suggested that syphilis in Trump’s brain is causing him to act this way. This is ridiculous; Carville is not a doctor and we don’t need to make up fantastical reasons when there is a simple, logical answer - Donald Trump is the Antichrist, set to usher in the Millennium of Agony
Leaky Pete's Final Weeks Weakly Leaked
Regardless of how one feels about the Catholic Church or about Pope Francis, now is a time to come together to claim that JD Vance killed him
Stocks open lower today as markets react to news of JD Vance killing the Pope
None of us know when our time on this Earth will be over, so it’s so vitally important never to waste a single moment looking at the greasy, piggy eyes of JD Vance
*praying* the PCs, who’ve had the same leader for over two years, and were the presumptive next government for the last year can let us know before friday what their actual uhhhh fucking plans are
When Zuck personally puts $25m in Trump’s pocket to make this go away, do folks think the FTC will go with “Actually it’s not a monopoly” or “Actually monopolies are ok”?
i spoke to henry ford before i came out here - big guy, tremendous cars - and he said “sir, the austro-hungarian empire is cheating us very strongly,” and it’s really so true
I think I didn’t properly appreciate the last four years of not having to listen to Donald Trump lie and rant like the deranged old man he is
Something is fundamentally wrong with America when millions of dollars can’t buy you a Wisconsin Supreme Court seat, the respect of your children, the silence of your baby mammas, or a functional penis implant.
You bragged that you fed an aid agency keeping millions of the world’s most vulnerable people alive “into the wood chipper” and you’re whinging about someone dunking on your stock price?
Elon Musk advertises his blatantly corrupt attempt to buy a seat on the Wisconsin Supreme Court:
Stuff like this is perfect because it shows how utterly devoid of creativity genAI evangelists are. Great you recreated a photo that already exists in a drawing style that only has currency because of who you're stealing it from giving the world something with absolutely no value or meaning.
Whiskeyleaks Whiskeyleaks Spilling deets with his Signal freaks Is he drunk? Listen bud He’s got Woodford Reserve for blood Oh shit Here comes Whiskeyleaks
A powerful message from one-time presumed future Canadian Prime Minister, Peter Griffin
The person who Mike Waltz intended to invite to the Signal chat instead of Jeff Goldberg must be a real zero since they didn’t say anything and no one even missed them lol
How expensive is it to lose all your money to a rugpull?
From an operational security perspective, this is the highest level of fuckup imaginable. These people cannot keep America safe.
The FBI has started a #TeslaTakedown investigation, dubbed “Operation Lemon”, staffed by a team calling themselves “The Bomb Squad”. Lead investigator Rob Dummels vowed “Much like a crashed Model 3 wreathed in flames, there will be no escape for you miscreants!”
“Troops are set to enter Canada through the border town of Point Roberts, British Columbia, where Sum 41 and I were honoured to attend the annual Pickleboat Festival back in 2017.”
Just accidentally texted Steve Harvey the plans for my invasion of France. I'd appreciate privacy during this difficult time and whatnot.
"Tiger Woods is dating Donald Trump Jr.'s ex-wife, who kept Trump as her last name," I say. Forty-thousand bees descend on me instantly, killing me in seconds. That was the magic sentence, it turns out. The relief is immense.
I’m sure other countries can get the “good” jets if they buy a couple of $5m dinners at Mar-a-lago
Incidentally, you’ve probably heard of demi-human shitpost Mike Cernovich, but you may not have read his own words that illustrate what a subnormal creep he has always been. web.archive.org/web/20160318...
Supreme Court rules 6-3 that Teslas are priced to move with $0 down and no payments for 48 months
Trump buys his granddaughter a cybertruck, doubling monthly sales of cybertruck
Canadians in the US must now email hr@opm.gov five bullet points each week describing why they deserve to remain here
Every government on the planet should be unwinding relations with Musk owned companies. He is a threat to your national security.
Gavin Newsom’s son being a big Charlie Kirk fan means progressives don’t actually have to worry about him becoming president - as soon as there’s the slightest chance of it happening, he’s probably waking up one morning to see that son holding a pillow over his face
I don’t believe this gopher-looking motherfucker has ever “seen” anything in his life, let alone a fentanyl lab in Canada. We’ll let you know if we need some roots gnawed on, or Bill Murray tormented, Kevin
This ivory tower elite doesn’t want you to have an airplane. I’ve seen it. It’s the most beautiful airplane you’ll ever see, but you have to believe in it. Do you believe in it?…. Don’t tell me, tell them (the kitchen wall rolls up revealing two pilots in a cockpit. You fly into your own mouth)
This ivory tower elite doesn’t want you to have an airplane. I’ve seen it. It’s the most beautiful airplane you’ll ever see, but you have to believe in it. Do you believe in it?…. Don’t tell me, tell them (the kitchen wall rolls up revealing two pilots in a cockpit. You fly into your own mouth)
The writer of this headline is fucking grotesque. You know we ALL watched that video, right?
The arc from “freedom fries” to “hitler fries” is a good encapsulation of how American conservatism has evolved in my lifetime
Tariffs can be very scary, but fortunately for me I’ve already made my millions - I’m the sole manufacturer of the perfume Temu uses to make their plastic clothes not smell like lighter fluid
For Season 2, Bond requests a Mission Impossible-style kit that can let him infiltrate Pussy Galore’s inner circle. Cleese-Q shits blood at this suggestion
I’ve got a 6 episode Bond miniseries pitch for Jeff Bozos - it’s back to John Cleese as Q. The first ep is him showing 007 a brand new Aston with ALL the gadgets. Then, 4 eps of Q sitting quietly behind a desk. Ep 6: Bond brings him back just a smoking steering wheel. Q says “you did what with it?!”
Like, does he think that all those stories standups tell A) all actually happened B) happened “just the other day”
Elon says that “comedy fails when it lies”, which is very stupid, but also explains why he’s never said his little salute was “just a joke”
When Musk’s role in govt or in FAA oversight was under consideration, perhaps it was fair to say “raising concerns about conflicts.” When he announced SpaceX would redesign the ATC system, that was at least a clear conflict. Now they’re buying SpaceX products to do it, it is just plain corruption.
Dang, sounds crazy!
Mark Zuckerberg was hospitalized with severe dehydration after jacking off to completion to each and every facebook status posted on Saturday, 2/15/25. When reached for comment Zuckerberg was quoted saying "ooohhuuuhhhhhhhuh"
It honestly looks like they fixed it by making a second avatar that’s JUST legs, and attaching the two models at the root bone
Those currently in power are “among the very worst human beings this 🌏 has ever produced—the most uncaring, the least intellectually curious, the most disconnected from their own humanity, the most gleefully malicious + deliberately destructive, with an all-consuming greed @ the ctr of their being”
People say Elon is a brain-melted, ketamine addicted billionaire nazi, but he puts his shirts on just like anybody else - one raised arm at a time
Let’s see what motivates this guy to join DOG…oh
everything is a conspiracy if, like david sacks, you are a fucking idiot
i need a 52 year old man with $800 billion to impregnate my wife . i am worried our offspring wont be sufficiently feeble and/or annoying
