I’ve heard a bunch of hairy boarding stories, but yeah this… phew
I’ve heard a bunch of hairy boarding stories, but yeah this… phew
You’re telling me an artificial intelligenced this?
Look, I’m not naive. I know we do lots of 🤫🤫 drug interdiction stuff on the high seas* But for the President to post the video to an official account is WIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLDDDDDDDD *allegedly
This timeline is what happens when the nerds win and decide to use the jocks as their muscle We’re at the mercy of the Lambdas AND the Alphas 🙄
All those folks insisting that we’ll be okay because the military is trained not to follow illegal orders… I have a video for you to watch today
Will be a beautiful night to watch the Spirit at Audi tonight FOR FREE! Someone’s gotta know SOMEONE in the DMV looking for a good time tonight - okay that came out wrong 😬 Let’s GO, people!! #woso #DMV
I haven’t been this invested in the Illinois National Guard since they tried to stop Jake and Elwood Blues from paying the $5,000 property tax bill of the St Helen of the Blessed Shroud orphanage at the Cook County Assessors Office in Daley Plaza with earnings from their show up north on Lake Wazzap
Maine Beer Company Lunch is a solid American IPA Susan Collins could never
Did we just have a dumber Gulf of Tonkin Incident? And to be clear, the Gulf of Tonkin Incident was very dumb 🤦♂️
Y’all 😐
What will you do if you win the $1.3 Billion Powerball jackpot tonight, other than “burn it all down”?
What if the Illinois National Guard meets the Texas National Guard when it arrives?
They’re going to spin this like “these criminals were bringing drugs that would kill 8 million Americans! We saved so many lives! Also, they were brown, so… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ “
Listening to Redbone beyond “Come and Get Your Love” and why have I never done this before?
“… and when I say “I” I mean the person I am today. This was at least one molting ago, so it is clearly not the “me” you see before you today…”
If “Akshually” was an owl
Don't feel like doing a repost that puts the murder video on the timeline yet again but do feel like repeating the point that the president just straight-up assassinated 11 people for supposedly doing something that wouldn't be a death-penalty crime if they were caught and convicted
Me: these aren’t the ‘rhoids you’re looking for My Proctologist: every goddamn time?
Just Honey Badgering the crap out of a sponge cake
Friends with Benefits, but it’s Medicare Part B 😉
Remember when Preath was just a delightful rumor? #woso
Federal minimum wage is 7.25 17.25 in the city of San Diego, but still
I’m about 10 miles from the White House Fuck off
Southern Arkansas University, in case anyone was wondering BS in Physical Education
I don’t think I can name another person as incurious as Donald Trump He really doesn’t care about anything because he thinks he already knows What a pathetic approach to the world
Kelsey
hoodline.com/2025/09/viol...
You know… Black The absolute fucking worst
Why are men?
How would I even know if my dog was autistic? He’s dumb, goofy, and lovable. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
🚨 BREAKING 🚨 TRUMP NOT DEAD WORLD MOURNS
Trump is going to announce that he’s late because he settled “7 or 8” more wars while we were waiting. Really hard ones, too.
Trump is going to announce that the first step is the two-step
Trump is going to announce that Mar a Lago only serves potato salad with raisins and that salt is enough seasoning for any real man
Trump is going to announce a return to Old Time Football, before they blacklisted him from team ownership for being a tool
Trump is going to announce that he prefers Saja Boys
Trump is going to announce that he’s been trying to reach us about our cars’ extended warranties
Trump is going to announce that ladies love him, girls adore him, he means even the ones who never saw him like the way he rhymes at a show, the reason why, man, he don’t know, so let’s go
Trump is going to announce the resignation of JD Vance, and that he will now play the role of both President AND Vice President
Trump is going to announce that the border wall has been completed, it’s beautiful, under budget, and you don’t need to go looking king for it, just trust him, it’s totally there
Trump is going to announce the surprise spontaneous birth of his 6th child, Damian
Trump to announce that it’s taking way too long to cover his bruises with concealer
Trump is going to announce that Jesus Christ, he’s Jason Bourne
Trump is going to announce sanctions against Kendrick for the “a minor” lyric
Trump is going to announce that honeydew watermelon is “too spicy”
Trump is going to announce that Man U should switch to a 4:3:2:1
Trump is going to announce that he has set the world record of Big Strong Men with Tears in their Eyes calling him Sir
Trump is going to announce that he has ordered Nicolas Cage to find the blockchain ledger
Trump is going to announce that he always gets Wordle in 1
Trump is going to announce that he’s reached a deal for the National Guard to mow and keep Ivana Trump’s grave clean - wherever it may be
Trump is going to announce that Carly Simon wrote a song about him but he doesn’t remember the name because it was “nasty”
I can do this all day
Trump is going to announce that the Department of Education will mandate children learn that relief is spelled R O L A I D S
Trump is going to announce that he brought sexy back well before Justin Timberlake. So sexy, the likes of which no one has ever seen.
Trump is going to announce a naming rights deal with Taco Bell and introduces the Taco Bell Crunchwrap Supreme Court
Trump is going to announce that he always knew it wasn’t butter
Trump is going to announce that he has been elected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame
Trump is going to announce that ties must reach the bottom of the zipper Violation will be a felony
Trump is going to announce he’s bringing back New Coke
The Space Force announcement isn’t important - it could’ve been a tweet This is all a proof-of-life scene because they panicked about how happy people got when he disappeared over the weekend
This guy does everything and anything for publicity Toadie
As they say in Letterkenny, Ontario, Canada Fuckin’ embarrassing!
They’re so good
It feels like no one is left on Lycos chat sad
This is why no straight people ever got HIV/AIDS 😐 /s
Wherever there’s a dollar to be squeezed, it will be squozzed ‘Murica! 🇺🇸 🫡
Space Force?? lol
Because they all need some TOUGH federal mulching and AGGRESSIVE trash cleanup *does pushups until he pukes*
First Time Reaction? Oh no, I don’t do that
*making faces listening to the Phil Collins drum fill* Where’s my money?
- try not to kill us too much
One funny historical thing is that college football used to be a game played by college students when they weren’t in class Weird, huh?
Hard to believe Graham Greene was such a phenomenal actor and wrote all those novels *urgent whispering* Oh. OHHHHH!
Remember the first Trump administration when they just didn’t know how to turn the lights on in the cabinet room for like a week and had meetings in the dark? This administration is dumber www.independent.co.uk/news/world/a...
This doesn’t look too hard Have I just lacked imagination all this time?
Law and Malorter!
(you know what I meant)
TOMODAY OR TO HELL!!!
This is a long-running flanspiracy
Job Hugging is not a thing Stop making up shit terms to describe why we do what we do with our jobs under all this bullshit
Happy TuesMonday 😞
👀 @heyspirits.bsky.social @spiritsquadron.bsky.social
Get that speedo ready
That’s a lot of Find and Replace So dumb
Does the clearly-ailing BlueSky have an Advance Directive? If not, I’d like to invite it to a seminar at Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse where I will go through…
I’m sorry, you can’t just say “BofA” without saying “Deez Nuts” There are rules www.axios.com/2025/09/02/a...
Update: 2pm today Praying he shits himself on live tv
If I win the $1.3 billion lottery, I’m going to spend $1.28 billion crushing MAGA, and I think I can try to eke out a comfortable life on the remaining $20 mil In Jesus’ name, I pray 🙏
We’re going to sneak Bolsanaro out of Brazil and give him political asylum in the U.S. Maybe all the deposed authoritarians can live together at Mar a Lago and leave us alone
Someone’s job is to time standing ovations at film festivals and that’s the funniest thing I can think of right now 13 minutes standing ovations? There is not enough time in my life for that cringey nonsense
Due to Rudy Giuliani’s court losses, Donald Trump will instead have to present the Presidential Medal of Freedom to Ruby Freeman and her daughter Shaye Moss
Any updates on Giuliani and the bus full of nubile women he saved from domestic violence before being involved in a suspicious high-speed highway accident not at all suspicious what was I even saying totally normal?
If I was an English professor with a bunch of Gen Z students, I would simply stand before them and say “Literature is … LIT!” Then I’d dab and dab as they rushed me and lifted me on their shoulders, parading me across the quad as their champion
are… are you still wearing them?
not sure if satire or current hellscape 🤔
Two religions I’m glad I was never indoctrinated into: 1. Evangelicalism 2. College football Praise Jesus for mediocre to crappy teams like Rutgers
