Dudes are 12% stupider? That seems generous
Dudes are 12% stupider? That seems generous
Probably a measles rash. Pull out the N95 masks
Clapping for Putin? What a chump
The year is 2052. People are still keenly reading stories about how many days a week we spend in the office. www.ft.com/content/c8f3...
A dead person poked me on Facebook
Be kind to yourself and don't read this article
Trump theory of international relations: wars are over when he gets bored with them.
going to walk up to someone, punch them in the face, and then go "now is the time for peace!" and see how it works out
I think the mandatory American flag pin began at that time too
"Donald Trump has wrecked America’s brand. He’s made crossing over from Canada a betrayal, bordering on treason, while turning the U.S. into a laughingstock around the globe." @rollingstone.com www.rollingstone.com/politics/pol...
guys we HAVE to get rid of DEI. it’s about FAIRNESS
This looks just like a pharmaceutical presentation event. Something like "New Approaches in Treating Erectile Dysfunction"
"Masked security forces captured an opposition leader in the coastal province of New Jersey as regime officials continue their months-long crack-down against pro-democracy elements in the embattled United States. The arrest comes as the regime issued calls for summary detentions without trial."
“Wouldn’t you kids rather have some beautiful coal in your stocking?”
It’s Election Day, Canada. Go vote Canada Strong.
I said my main goal of this trip was to meet with Kilmar. Tonight I had that chance. I have called his wife, Jennifer, to pass along his message of love. I look forward to providing a full update upon my return.
(stoically chopping wood at a remote cabin) Subway franchise manager: strange place to find the world's best sandwich artist me: ..that's the past. I left that life behind
104% tariffs on Chinese goods go into effect tomorrow. Let's see how Fox News is covering the story.
Me: (2025) I wonder how the boardgame industry will react to the China tariffs. Will they move printing to another country or pivot to digital versions? Me: (2028) Ooh something’s wriggling in the rat trap! I’m eatin’ good tonight!
you can't spell "tariffs" without "FFS"
This is really unfair to everyone who just voted for him for the racism.
Is it ‘My wife and I’ or ‘Me and my wife’? Anyway, we just torched a Cybertruck
Using my mouse cursor to pet a jpeg of a dog
Explaining war to an American: imagine burger underground
New Study Too Frightening To Release
Teen Warned Not To Accept Group Chat Invites From National Security Advisors She Doesn’t Know
I am once again urging news organizations to learn the difference between questions and answers
(me making fun of your crop rotation idea and thereby holding our people back another 5000 years) jeff thinks the beans have to take turns lmao
*that we know about*
i wrote about my dog defector.com/for-chop
For a while now I have been thinking something to the effect of, “This is the most uncool era of American history,” and I finally put those thoughts into words.
four Cybertrucks burned overnight in Seattle, authorities say it's still too early to say whether this was an act of politically-motivated arson, or the Cybertrucks simply self-immolated to protest the cruel mockery of god and nature that is their very existence komonews.com/news/local/f...
You know, I've never once had a LGBTQ person force their "lifestyle" on me. But these miserable greedy billionaires, man, they are in my face every goddamn day.
Former Prime Minister and senior statesman Jean Chretien schooling the media on what their actual fucking job is!!!! Enough of this fake news bullshit! Stop parrotting Poilievre... we're not broken, and neither is our economy! To the Media! "IT IS YOUR JOB TO TELL THEM"! - Jean Chretien
Virgo: There are only about twenty-five blimps in the world but it'll seem like more when they're all trying to kill you.
Americans who don't give a damn about Americans being killed by guns don't actually give a damn about Americans being killed by Fentanyl.
US aid to Ukraine since Feb 2022 totals $128 billion, mostly older weapons, not cash. The crypto industry is seeking a bailout of $100 billion from the US Treasury. That is cash. Remember that when crypto CEOs accuse anyone else of "grifting." www.cfr.org/article/how-...
If not russian asset then why russian asset shaped
AOC: It's really because Republicans— they’re very thin skinned and they're very sensitive, and their feelings are very easily hurt. And so they have to vote on censure resolutions.
Brain: Your sneezes sound weird Me: No they don't Brain: Throw your car keys in that duck pond Me: No Brain: Let's buy a new toaster Me: Okay
Imagine DOGE opens your mail and finds your household electric bill. To eliminate this cost, they burn your house down without warning. Then they total up the bills that, as a homeless person, you will never again pay. On its website, DOGE boasts about the money it has saved you.
someone should do it everyone knows what I'm talking about
I've never seen someone that looks like both a child, and a child molester at the same time.
The worst thing about being attacked by a shark is knowing you deserved it
Ukraine has paid for our help in blood seems like a completely winning argument honestly.
If one guy holds most of the tech people rely on, it is a vulnerability, but also it's one guy: as a global population we should be able to easily just take it from him, so it seems to me the real vulnerability is an internalized belief that private ownership is more sacrosanct than human thriving.
You are making a big difference in standing up to tyranny. Your decision to cancel the family trip to the United States is freaking them out. As Donald insults our nation, businesses are watching our tourism dollars dry up. Boycott all trips to the United States. www.thetravel.com/us-travel-as...
Have you ever heard 'Tis of Thee by Ani Difranco? It's sad but very good. genius.com/Ani-difranco...
Fire everyone involved and take away their pensions
Stacy's mom's medicare is gone
He who saves his country violates no laws.
Cybertruck man. He's not actually blocking them, the auto-pilot just made them all swerve towards him before breaking down. (🖌️ @zezvaz.bsky.social ) #3E #EndOligarchy #TeslaTakeover #TeslaProtests
Government: We waste too much money on food for children. We are cutting SNAP by $100 billion and investing it in building a computer that can feel pain
I think they might even owe you money?
It's worth remembering that if a senator, or even the children of a senator, get killed now, the murderer will almost certainly go free. That was the point of freeing all the January 6th rioters—to send that message to the people who will carry out these killings.
This framing is their framing, and NYT took the bait. The correct and accurate framing is: “Deep cuts to medical research threatens progress on cancer and heart disease research, costs the economy $80B, and threatens 300,000 jobs across red and blue states”
pew-pew-pew
Did you have to enter your password all the time and then authenticate on a second device every day too?
Do you really think that would work? Tomorrow Trump will have another absurd demand. Don’t fall for it
Opinion | Republican policies will increase the cost of nearly everything I buy, while lavishing benefits onto billionaires. But Democrats are insufficiently racist. I have never felt more politically homeless.
So do they cook the groundhog in like a crock pot, or is this a smoker situation
Banning American beer is a more of a public service than retaliation.
At löst one government agency is still working
Can you mute someone’s face
Put air traffic control on the blockchain. by Andrew Yang
Remember the breathless reports there was a US Border Guard shot *near the Canadian Border*?
Hey #DeepSeek, do your thing to Crypto next!
Leo: One day you’ll buy the underwear you will die in. Go love somebody.
Being a person with deadly, incurable cancer who is nonetheless still alive for an indefinite timeframe gives me an interesting metaphor that helps me deal with things like large-scale corruption in government or commerce. Bear with me for a second while I try to explain.
just bought these. to mock our soldiers
Looking sharp. Best wishes
(announcer voice) Please rise and remove your hats for the singing of YMCA
what base is it when you check each other for ticks at the end of the night?
Be a tea snob, Something like Vanilla Chai Rooibos might be delightful
my new years resolution is for my neighbors to move
one major improvement i've seen in the world over the course of my lifetime is the emergence of lightly-salted sweets. i just swung by a bakery to pick up a chocolate chip cookie and it had the slightest flaking of kosher salt on it. that shit went crazy. i think we're doing great in that department
I bet my calculator app wrapped would be pretty shameful.
*passive aggressively turns off Christmas lights when someone stops too long to look at them*
Rolling Stone gets it. #DepartmentOfGreedAndExcess www.rollingstone.com/politics/pol...
Clarence Thomas Torn Over Case Where Both Sides Offer Compelling Scuba Trips theonion.com/clarence-tho...
We are asking Ukrainians to defeat the armies of Putin and Kim Jong Un. In their efforts to do so, Ukrainians helped bring down Assad. Ukrainian resistance is one of the most stunning military achievements in modern history.
New Florida Law Requires All Women To Produce 3 Healthy White Sons By 22nd Birthday theonion.com/new-florida-...
Pete Rice 
