Rudy Giuliani Awarded Presidential Medal Of Incest https://theonion.com/rudy-giuliani-awarded-presidential-medal-of-incest/
Well, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this shitshow. Oh, wait, I'm still here. Fuck. BTW, instablock to anyone who messages me who has never met me in person. Mastodon:https://zirk.us/@cherold
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Rudy Giuliani Awarded Presidential Medal Of Incest https://theonion.com/rudy-giuliani-awarded-presidential-medal-of-incest/
Aside from looking very puffy, sniffing a ton, and rambling off track even more than normal, Trump doesn’t look bad. He seems to be recovering well from whatever the White House was hiding.
one can dream...
I heard they’re still struggling to get the president to master the line “putting on the ritz!”
And then they came for the Holocaust museums.
Trump says that because he’s moving Space Command to “a locale called Huntsville, Alabama” which will *now* be forever known as “Rocket City.” He’s so powerful with these names, the bib from the marathon my dad ran there in the early 1980s has had this brand new nickname magically appear on it.
Trump says he’s moving Space Force because Colorado has mail in voting. Lol wut
Aside from the comical inaccuracy of this post, I maintain that I will stay on this site till I'm the last one here as long as Glenn fucking Greenwald isn't on it
"Work from home is bad for everyone Only a few people retain productivity Intangible office connections are gone Young people r further isolated and lonely City centers decay" -Vinay Prasad, the FDA Director of the Center for Biologics Evaluation and Research, who barely comes into the office.
🚨BREAKING: Federal court STRIKES DOWN down new South Dakota law imposing a nine-month deadline to file ballot measures declaring it unconstitutional under the First Amendment. Congrats to Dakotans for Health and their legal team! www.democracydocket.com/cases/south-...
white teen males ashamed of being white don't transition they do this-
Damn.😙
WaPo on who's responding to the ICE recruitment drive www.washingtonpost.com/immigration/...
Actually, the email subject line was better: DOJ lawyer in Harvard case once wrote a paper from Hitler’s perspective
bluesky: world famous for wanting to hug and kiss democratic leadership and the DNC
Are these lefties who don't get angry at republicans in the room with you right now?
Don't let him distract you from the fact that he died.
Going up to lady at the bar. "Heaven must be missing an angel. I heard it on the news - they're offering a reward. His name is Max, have you seen him?"
#WompWomp Keep ‘em coming “D.C. grand jury declines to indict another defendant amid Trump's crime crackdown Grand juries have declined to indict at least 👉🏼six times👈🏼 in recent weeks as part of Trump's federal policing in Washington.” www.nbcnews.com/politics/jus...
And gun violence actually *is* an emergency, unlike Trump's bullshit.
Where I live, in D.C., the Trump administration just effectively repealed our gun laws by refusing to enforce restrictions on AR-15s and public carry. It's a two-way street, right? The next Democratic administration should declare a nationwide ban on assault weapons. It's an emergency, after all.
Impound ICE's funding and redirect the money toward mass refugee resettlement. Cut off federal funding to states with draconian abortion laws and use the money to build reproductive health clinics in those states instead. End oil and gas subsidies then funnel the money to green energy projects.
Other things the next Democratic president should claim a prerogative to do unilaterally: •establish Medicare for All •forgive all student loans •legalize weed •mandate nationwide non-partisan redistricting It's an emergency! And he's the duly elected commander-in-chief! That's how this works now.
The next Democratic president should declare that the National Emergencies Act and Article II of the Constitution allow him to: •admit D.C. and Puerto Rico as states •abolish ICE •grant citizenship to any immigrant •disband the 5th Circuit •expand the Supreme Court Seriously: Why the hell not?
Imagine how strong the mainstream media incentives to normalize and equivocate must be if they result in a piece that looks at a deranged, anti-science conspiracy theorist devastating public health and goes: "Good questions, just going about it the wrong way... just like Michelle Obama!"
Eric Daugherty has a bachelor's degree from Florida Gulf Coast University, but assumes he's qualified enough to assess Judge Jia Cobb, who graduated magna cum laude from Northwestern and cum laude from Harvard Law School, clerked for an appeals court, taught law, and made partner in a law firm.
Myers-Briggs types I’d like to see NCFS - never too cold for shorts PTHC - a pleasure to have in class GDNR - gives directions for no reason HDAY - halloween decorations all year VAEN - volume always on even numbers
Health and Wellness | What to do when your podcaster and your pediatrician disagree about vaccines for children.
What would be hilarious is if Trump shuffled out for his announcement and had a heart attack on the spot from the strain of trying to prove he's still alive.
Lori Chavez-DeRemer: "I was elected as the Labor Secretary for all Americans" (She was not elected)
"The West" has low birthrates *because* it's been economically successful. He's advocating for an economic collapse in order to birth more white people.
The thing is @semaforben.bsky.social truly believes that modern politics is merely entertainment fodder. That’s what he learned back at politico with his buddies Maggie Haberman and GlennThrush. It’s why he hired Benny Johnson at Buzzfeed and stuck with him when the plagiarism first surfaced.
Let's get this judge's decision right. It's not saying the Trump administration just happened to violate the law. It's that they *knew* they were breaking the law but did it anyway. @notus.org: www.notus.org/courts/judge...
be sure to count his fingers
Breaking: Today's 2 pm White House announcement regarding the President's health will be preceded by a montage of video highlights from Trump's life set to Sarah McLachlan's "I Will Remember You."
I’ll tell you what I know about subatomic particles, very little
"We are retaining some features for premium users. Want rule of law? That’s premium. The right to run your company without government interference? That’s a paid feature now."
I don’t know why everyone is saying Trump is dying. I just saw him perform at the Hall of Presidents at Disney and he seemed fine A little stiff, maybe, but fine
How bad can things get when you put cranks in charge of government science? Soviet Russia has an answer. Lysenkoism Comes to America weeklysift.com/2025/09/01/l...
Our former friends are laughing at us in private; our empowered enemies are laughing at us in public. Who but Trump could have brought such jolly unity to the world? by Marc Thiessen
No idea what this Oval Office announcement is. Could be resigning Could be apologizing because Stephen Miller molted all over the Residence and someone caught staff dumping the exuviae out of the window Could be clarifying that tariff revenue is really eleventy three trillion
3/ "What the media, pundits, pollsters, Democrats, & activists should be doing is sounding the alarm, not feeding Trump’s deflections. Asking Maryland Governor Wes Moore, as one reporter did on a Sunday morning program this week “but don’t you want the help fighting crime?” is utterly irresponsible"
"If Putin offered to help Zelensky fight crime in Ukraine would the media be so naïve as to focus on crime rates in Kyiv? We know what Trump is. We don’t have to pretend anymore." open.substack.com/pub/sherrily...
Mike Pence must be ruing the fact that he could have soon been President if Trump hadn’t tried to have him killed first.
Someone please kill me right now.
President Trump had 4 strokes on the 17th.
Donald Trump will be the first President to die in office since John F. Kennedy. Why that's bad news for Joe Biden.
The most perverse outcome of this dynamic: The more extreme and deranged rightwing politics gets, the more elite Democrats/liberals react with ritual self-flagellation. “They are elevating RFK? Wow, we really must have angered those good folks with our crazy liberal/woke/leftist overreach!”
This is exactly right! The Right’s core claim is that they represent an authentic, “real" America that is constantly being victimized, made to suffer under the yoke of leftist/liberal overreach, and therefore rightfully aggrieved. And too many Democrats/liberals look at that and go: “I agree.”
Good piece. It occurs to me that the authoritarian approach to stopping authoritarianism in a democracy would be to prevent the authoritarian-brained from voting or holding office. And I know people who say exactly that!
"The more we practice embracing complexity – and the more we work on expanding our sympathies, however we choose to do it – like a gymnast stretching her muscles, the more flexible our thinking can become" #StretchThatBrain Here’s Why terikanefield.com/heres-why/
I've never seen such a disconnect between Dem elected/staff/consultants and actual Dem voters. The latter understand what's going on. The former are awash in right-wing brainrot, hence @schatz.bsky.social blaming COVID mitigation and BLM marches for the GOP's wanton destruction of public health.
![@EsotericCD It was in this moment that many of us hanging on to a thin sliver of trust in our institutions irrevocably lost faith in them. One of the most poisonous blows to public trust in living memory - worse than the effect of the Iraq War in many ways. RFK Jr is a direct result of this. Quote Steve Guest @SteveGuest · Aug 31 Politico 5 years ago: [screenshot of article falsely claiming public health officials lied about COVID measures then abandoned them for BLM protests] Views](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:ddvus7otnqtlh7fdooxm6qat/bafkreihsypwydo5rcis7mc54cwct6h33l5co477nvh7g7hs7na2fz4jl3q@jpeg "Click to view full size")
Well now you know how the NY Times would airbrush Dr Mengele
I can’t believe how bad the UK government is at doing what it thinks it’s trying to do.
We dumped a president for being too old only to elect one who immediately died. You can't say that's not funny
In an ominous turn for the President, RFK Jr. has relinquished oversight of his medical treatment to Kristi Noem.
Out of force of habit RFK Jr. starts stuffing the President into his chest freezer.
Breaking: In a 1-0 decision God upholds the U.S. Constitutional amendment disallowing a President from running for a third term.
Breaking: President Trump posts on Truth Social: “GOOD ETERNAL DREAMLESS SLEEP!!!”
I am today releasing The Epstein Files memecoin, it’s going to be hard to get your hands on but oh so worth it when you do.
“Utter Chaos”: Reports of White House in disarray as staffers shred incriminating files, loot gold from Oval Office walls; helicopter lands on roof to evacuate Tulsi Gabbard to Russian Embassy.
White House officials this morning cautiously approaching President Trump in bed with a small mirror.
Through its work in disease prevention, the CDC has saved millions of lives throughout the globe. Some of Trump's partisan critics question his plan to dismantle it.
One strange advantage of fascism is that a surprising number of intellectuals appear to find talking about it incredibly boring: it’s so facially evil. “Fascism bad” doesn’t seem worth anyone’s time so it often gets attacked only as part of a collateral attack on other, more interesting targets.
seems likely now that trump is going to send ice/national guard/etc to blue cities before the election this year, making up some risk of mass protest or public disturbance etc — or “ballots from illegals” — that constitutes some BS emergency that will empower him before a judge can intervene
Parroting Trump, Raddatz repeatedly attacked Moore for claiming he had a Bronze Star when he didn't. She apparently didn't know that Moore now HAS the Bronze Star that his superior officer told Moore he had earned years ago in battle.
Pritzker on Trump sending troops into cities: "He has other aims other than fighting crime... he would like to stop the elections in 2026 or frankly take control of those elections. He'll just claim there's some problem with an election and then he's got troops on the ground that can take control."
Again, when Trump says the US is being "invaded" ... well, say it with me: Everything out of Trump's mouth is a lie and/or projection/confession
Mayor Bowser was doing more to help Washington DC when she was out of town on vacation.
Anyway, I'm sure it's fine that the guy who normally won't shut up for the cameras has avoided them for nearly a week now.
This is why Trump fears Marc Elias. Marc stands up to him, he fights him, he wins.
The truly weird thing about MAGA propagandists is how they toggle between “Under Trump America is the strongest it’s ever been!!” and “If this one thing changes America is ruined!!” www.axios.com/2025/08/31/t...
Keep 'em coming
This whole thing is great but the highlighted bit made me laugh out loud. 😂 Marlon on Snoop:
If you keep making jokes about Trump's death, you'll feel really bad when he actually dies and you've already used all your best jokes.
To get to the bottom of the cover up over the president's bad health, Jake Tapper is working on another book about Biden's health.
WHITE HOUSE AIDE: we need a distraction from the president being dead OTHER WHITE HOUSE AIDE: let’s kill Rudy
First the came for IHOP, and I said nothing because who eats at IHOP? Then they came for Waffle House, and I said nothing because I do not go there sober. Then they came for Cracker Barrel...
He rolled on his deathbed, to his Cabinet gave a whistle, And away they all flew, like a nuclear missile: But I heard him exclaim, ere he headed toward the light - Epstein files to all, and to all a
White House staffers lining up to use the autopen to sign their pardons.
on the plus side, cookie dough ice cream will be more authentic because of the salmonella
Giuliani Injured As Karma Decides To Get Off Its Lazy Ass.
"Nobody wants to be a cop [in DC]. They were abused. They were spit on." "When you when you say they were abused and spit on, I'm assuming you're talking about January 6th, correct?" "All you guys want to do was bring up J6 about the answer to everything."
Police states are really good at minimizing petty/street crime. You're not going to pickpocket or carjack if there's a cop on every street corner. But police states result in the proliferation of state-sponsored crime as police are given free rein to abuse human rights.
The police version of the crash, as relayed by a local Manchester reporter, is unsurprisingly quite different from what Giuliani's spokesman says. The whole thing is even more murky now, however. manchester.inklink.news/rudy-giulian...
It's true, only perfect people are able to watch an animated film with a lesbian couple and not become so traumatized when a kid asks them a question about the couple that they can't go to the movies anymore.
The race is on! Who is going to untangle this Giuliani nonsense first? The MSM, or an indie reporter? I know which way I'd bet!
Shaken up victim: Thankfully just then an 81 year old pervert happened to be passing by,
Spent the day driving around Manchester, New Hampshire, a city for 80-something New Yorkers in deep debt apparently. I was driving alone, something I’m known to do. I saw a woman fleeing domestic violence. I “rendered aid,” vaguely. Minutes or maybe an hour later I was walloped by a Mack truck.
“Dictated from my deathbed, not read.”
It’s nice to think that Donald and Rudy will soon be reunited.
When God closes the dead-Trump door, he opens the hospitalized-Giuliani window.
Riiiiight. That would probably be very uncomfortable for him.
