I really hope I'm wrong, but I can't shake the sense that Platner is a milkshake duck waiting to happen.
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I really hope I'm wrong, but I can't shake the sense that Platner is a milkshake duck waiting to happen.
Whatever the announcement, Glenn Greenwald supports it.
He's putting Don Jr. up for adoption.
The only thing we can be sure about is that there's gonna be a fuckton of insider trading being done by cabinet members and other high-level White House officials between market open and 2PM tomorrow.
The Make-A-Wish Foundation has convinced Ivanka to sleep with him.
Could be more tariffs on Indian goods.
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I'm sure there's no potential downside to Tesla trading at a P/E ratio above 190.
I really expected better from the guy who made Benny Johnson a thing. But that's on me, I suppose.
Literally one of the first things to occur to me...
Not my favorite, but I've always loved this song.
You ever see him around the neighborhood? I've run into him a few times at Zabar's.
Photo passed along from a federal employee from inside the Dept of Labor building, where a giant Orwellian image of Trump's face is now draped outside. Big Brother is watching.
White House releases photos of President Reagan healthy and barbecuing this weekend.
I have an idea...
If you enjoyed Trump dying during Labor Day weekend, thank a union.
I can
Actually, Frankenstein is a doctor success at the Venice film festival
Amazon's $40M Melania documentary will probably be more interesting now that she's a widow.
In lieu of flowers, please send mean tweets.
Melania has only been seen with Trump a handful of times since the inauguration, but I don't think Barron has been seen with him at all since then.
Really want Joe Biden to issue a short statement like "Jill and I are praying that the rumors about President Trump dying aren't true."
*cough* George Conway *cough*
Maybe he's just brain dead, but technically alive.
Who are you gonna believe ā Trump or your lying wallet?
Natalie Allison, who is now at the Washington Post, will be describing his dressed-up corpse as "serene."
Rudy Giuliani happened to be in the middle of one of his favorite pastimes - RESPECTING WOMEN - when he suddenly broke every single bone in his body. Please do not call and ask any questions because his business partner is taking care of him ā¤ļø
Trump and Giuliani dying within days of each other would be too much to ask, I suppose.
The police version of the crash, as relayed by a local Manchester reporter, is unsurprisingly quite different from what Giuliani's spokesman says. The whole thing is even more murky now, however. manchester.inklink.news/rudy-giulian...
"I watched Snow White when I was a kid and I ain't give a b*tch a poison apple yet" is my favourite line
She has an active TikTok account.
Ghislaine Maxwell says Trump is alive.
They're just gonna start cutting down every fence they encounter.
Oh my god!!
My dog got a delivery from Chewy today, and I noticed that they still have the Twitter icon on the box, more than 2 years after the name/icon was changed to X. š¤£
He might as well issue an Executive Order that says votes cast for Democratic candidates won't be counted.
Trump is our first post-alive president.
This is the type of person Trump pardoned. He proudly asserts that they should have injured a US Capitol Police Officer worse than they did on January 6th (@sergeantaqgo.bsky.social) had to medically retire). But MAGA supports law enforcement? Seriously? Then show me by condemning this guy.
Trump can still be dead if Mike Pence has the courage.
No, it's from June.
I'm hoping that Kyrsten Sinema stole this lady's style, and not vice versa.
Who would be the funniest journalist to break the news?
There is no link, and nothing on Google News about this. I'm calling bullshit.
It's like staying up late to see if Santa is real but we're hoping Santa's dead
Don't hold back against Don Jr., Eric, and Ivanka just because they're orphans now.
āGood,ā said Toad.
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Nothing would be funnier than Trump dying because he took RFK Jr's advice over that of actual doctors.
Greenland 1 Trump -1
General Motors is alive.
Weekend at Bernie's is literally set in the Hamptons on Labor Day weekend.
Art of the deal, baby.
If Trump wants to fake his death and leave the country, I'm good with that, too.
Hoping he gets snubbed by the Emmys "In Memoriam" segment.
At the very least itās fun to think of this as a sort of tailgate party before the big event
Sad.
Worth it, regardless.
Iām just saying that when it happens Iām jumping out of bed, running to my window, and tossing a coin to a boy to buy the biggest goose in town
Someone should be reaching out to Trump's "Home Alone 2" co-star, Macauley Culkin, for comment.
Egg McMuffin take Trump
So much for the tolerant left. (laudatory)
It's a tradeoff I'm willing to accept.
A tweet from Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.
Have some fucking respect and don't tell us he's probably alive.
I've been prepping for this...
So many netizens tonight seem to be indulging in the kind of hopeful flights of fancy typically reserved for kids on Xmas Eve. Itās all silly, of course. But seeing the joy it brings warms the heart. We havenāt lost the capacity to dream.
Debbie Downer over here.
Worst-case scenario, we'll all have refined our jokes and be better prepared when it really happens.
"hes probably not dead" yeah no shit! shut the fuck up! im gonna spray you with a fucking water bottle!
The Grim Reaper
This is like in Peter Pan where the audience tries to revive Tinkerbell with applause. Except, you know, the opposite.
Donald Trump is now a Spirit Halloween.
Hoping he gets snubbed by the Emmys "In Memoriam" segment.
We're still gonna need to see those Epstein files.
JD wants you to forget about DJT
used to be when White House press pool we havenāt seen and werenāt told where POTUS is, heād be on a secret flight to some far off war zone to visit the troopsā¦ but that canāt be it now since the troops are deployed right out on the White House sidewalk
kind of fun to imagine the rest of the world flying their flags at 1.5 mast in reverse mourning though
Getting this ready for when Biden outlives Trump.
Before the body gets cold.
I'm just glad that he lived to see his tariffs ruled unconstitutional.
Reiterating my offer.
It's very sad that Jake Tapper doesn't seem to give a single fuck about our dying president's health.
On the one hand, I'd love to see Trump outlive Lindsey Graham so he can skip Lindsey's funeral to play golf. On the other hand, I'd love to see Lindsey throw himself on top of Trump's casket as it's being lowered into the ground.
Chekhov's Q&A
If Trump is actually ill, I truly hope that he's getting the best medical attention that RFK Jr. can offer.
The weekend that Trump was hospitalized with COVID was Peak Twitter.
I think everyone's counting on the idea that Trump is fucking this country up so bad that there's no reason for our adversaries to get in his way.
Trump is gonna regret coining the term "groceries."
Vance ready to sign Donald Trump Memorial Tariffs Act into law.
Yeah, those are the ones I normally get.
The laughter in Seoul, Tokyo, Frankfurt, Ottawa, New Delhi, BrasĆlia and Beijing must be .. hearty. š¤” @bloomberg.com www.bloomberg.com/news/article...
A federal appeals court has ruled that President Trumpās tariffs exceeded his authority under an emergency powers law.
theyāll just move him to a different parish and heāll do it again
If I were charged with a federal crime, Iād hire Pam Bondiās brother as my lawyer. Because I donāt think this is a coincidence.
If you're in NYC, they're currently on sale at Morton-Williams for 2/$7 (roughly 3 for the price of 2).