Finest swordsman, soldier of fortune, outrageous liar, step-ladders repaired. Purveyor of bespoke load-bearing adverbs.
238 followers 115 following 2,378 posts
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Ahh. Well, then yes, they have made an omission and deserve your disapprobation. Perhaps they are but amateur tomato farmers and can only produce a handful of small wizened fruits each year, so they've only ever used canned for this recipe? Also, tomato soup is technically a smoothie.
He'll only need two coins for the ferryman.
Citizen Kane was the most appropriate response
@alt-text.bsky.social
@alt-text.bsky.social
Im not sure if you want us to have knives. We are six years old and will try juggling without prior experience.
They come in a can. Some of them have ring pulls, so you just pop off the lid and plop a pound of roughly chopped skinless tomatoes into the recipe. The author just doesn't want to admit that they use canned tomatoes.
White jeep? Not hot. I'll bet he doesn't use @alt-text.bsky.social either
The coroner concluded that Shaw's death was caused by an EXTREMELY RARE "vaccine-induced thrombotic thrombocytopenia". Vaccines give you a weakened form of the disease to activate your immune system. Had she gotten covid she would have died from covid, not the vaccine. Your point is not well-made.
Republicans stopping the wrong kind of shots at school...
Ted Cruz spends so much time in Mexico he doesn't know how to order a pizza. Dominos has had phone ordering FOR SIXTY FIVE YEARS.
Stop saying gums. Agggh now you've got me saying it
Teeth are just as bad
@raskin.house.gov well said Sir, well said.
Those who would give up essential liberty, to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither
Sink deeper into fascism*
•Impose a two term limit on SCOTUS appointees •public officials mandatory retirement age of 65 •Sue Elon Musk for the damage Doge has done and then take away his passport
THANK YOU FOR YOUR INATTENTION TO THIS MATTER. UNLESS YOU GOING SPEED OF LIGHT, THEN THANK YOU FOR YOUR INATTENTION TO THIS ENERGY
This is the Starmer equivalent of 'I have full confidence in the minister'. Under the bus by Christmas
That would be the 'delete all your content and uninstall the application' option sir.
Washed. Face isnt orange
How about one separate but equal bathroom for the transphobes ?
The charge could come from some really big capacitors buried under the forecourt, like the fuel tanks are. Trucks carrying large batteries could travel from solar plants to top em off.
@scalzi.com any burrito is a breakfast burrito if you eat it for breakfast
Flat Pluto was a player or the puck?
Pastafarians: Gnocchi is such a lovely name, it really suits her. Fettuccine, take your finger out of your brother Ravioli's nose, thank you.
*mansplained your search results to you incorrectly and demonetised the sites the information was scraped from, ultimately leading to its own demise? @pboyle.bsky.social has a great video on this
20-1 unpaid streetwalker 3-1 DUI 1-1000 Rubbernecker's karma
Didja at least get a blowie before she robbed you?
I did not search for this. I did search for who Watto is (flying alien that owned Mannequin Skywalker in case like me you had forgotten) and i noped myself off the interwebs. Just nasty.
Maybe he was sober but looking for company, thought he hit the jackpot, except when they got out onto the highway she pulls out a weapon, he slams on the brakes, and a car plows into them. Gotta explain who the lady in the car is, avoiding the headline 'Giuliani robbed by streetwalker in car crash'.
Disgraced bankrupt former Mayor, disbarred lawyer and reality show contestant
I tried, doesn't go through
Governing? Gaslighting, surely?
Bill Maher is clickbait made flesh. Ignore the troll.
Hey, if we all take the test the server will crash. Just a thought.
That the NYT? Why do you read it?
Mr Moss, if you believe you can pull off this suit, you have to put in on first.
I see these glasses and i think Shark Weep
That's a lot of words to say "I'm still in the closet and very angry about it".
I've seen cats stretched out on gravel. I shall not defer to their opinion in this thinly-veiled advertisement
Robert Mancuso, a Swiftie? Who knew?
I find him less funny than having a mosquito bite on the sole of your foot; you have to itch it but it tickles.
Unfortunately, they cannot, for they are programs. Can the people who program the bots fuck off? Yes, yes they can. In fact, they can fuck off so far, miles over the horizon and when they think they've reached the limit, they can keep going until they arrive back here again so we can tell 'em again.
Cinnamon and sugar in the coffee pot, don't boil it over
Horses or what? I know of a definition for that word and its combination with horse is not a pleasant image. Subway sandwiches are disgusting.
JD stands for Juice Drought
I have been inspired to start a plumbing business called Professional Heatman
I know karate and about ten other japanese words.
I mean it's more likely that Jesus wants you to jave a Pan Dulce and a Café de Olla, but at least it's better than asking 'can i jave an americano?'
AI Strawberry Milkshake
JD stands for Just Die
The beep test isn't the problem. It's the PT you have to do to pass the beep test that is the problem.
I have bad news about just-turned-50-year-olds
Senile purpura or leukemia?
If you could have dinner with any celebrity, alive or dead, who would it be? DJT, dead.
The JD stands for 'Just Don't'
It's a sign.
Just need one speech: "To settee the record straight, sofa we're divan into a longue chaise to correct the put-you-up tariff policy that's left our davenports empty. I would love to seat down with JD and hopefully by the end of the day bed he'll realise the ottoman empire collapsed the same way."
STG is 'Sofa Taylor Green', right?
I never enjoyed reading plays until they were read out loud with classmates playing the parts. Let them read the play, out loud, as intended, and let Sophocles' voice, who was the most celebrated playwright of Athens for almost 50 years, speak to them without a filter. They'll get it.
Harrison, Pneumonia Taylor, Stomach flu Lincoln, Assassination Garfield, Assassination McKinley, Assassination Roosevelt, Hemorrhagic stroke Kennedy, Assassination Harding, Heart attack Who knew it's possible for him to be mentioned in the same sentence as JFK, Roosevelt & Lincoln?
There's a bottle of prosecco in my fridge with his name on it. Fittingly, the label is in very respectful sombre tones. Decorum is important.
I see you have found my spirit animal
*any friends that deserve homebaked cookies
Someone tell two storey townhouse mouth that Idiocracy was a comedy, not an action plan
When i was at university my house mate was 19 and doing a PhD..... .....their second one.
Bit of #alttext wouldn't hurt. That text is one pixel high and my eyes aren't fresh out of the box
What do an LLM and JD Vance have in common? They both work for Peter Thiel
Blue states have higher incomes, are generally giver states. Red states have lower incomes, are taker states. www.visualcapitalist.com/mapped-u-s-m...
Worcestershire* Pronounced "Worst Sister Shire"
Dans le Mediterranja
Comme des luges? Sleds?
Un moment tout à fait acceptable pour parler français. Imaginez l'horreur des conversations sur l'oreiller en allemand ou *frissons* en anglais
Well he certainly knows how to* vacation. *get a river level raised for his *get trolled by bearded-babyhead whilst on *Change V is for Vendetta to V is for *pose for photos with his family that looks like they'd rather be anywhere else than with him on
I think he thinks Peter Thiel likes him.
Bonjour Salut Guten Tag Servus Salve Goededag Olá Tudo bem Opa Konnichiwa Ossu Nǐ Hǎo Privet Terve Päivää Assalam Alaykum Marḥaban Shalom Merhaba annyeong Geia Namaste Apa kabar Cześć Dorood Sàwàtdee Haai Selamat Pagi Kumusta Dia Dhaoibh Aloha Hui Bonġu
Shekoli means hello in oneida. Here are some other ways to say Hello. The Bantu doubt the intelligence of someone who cannot speak at least six languages, but they have no words for someone who attacks those who can.
You want more AI slop? Cos that's how you get more AI slop
The right is so intolerant they can't handle gluten
You're flirting game is *chef's kiss*
If you ever wondered what the definition of Ratioed was...
The only thing mitochondrially challenged is RFK Jr's frontal lobe. @rfkjrbrainworm.com how goes it little buddy? Do we need to send you a care package?
Should we get a gofundme going in advance? We know that's where she is headed, and we know thats what she'll do, and RFK might have destroyed all the rabies shots by then.
Burrito-shaped sandwiches are superior to all other forms of sandwich. We're not talking about ease of eating, but AERODYNAMICS BABY!
You think the hidden-kitchen restaurants are bad, wait until you go to one where they cook the food in full view of the diners. Its so expensive because they can't serve floorburger.
He went out to dinner? He must really love the taste of floorburger.
I am a bit of a faff
Way ahead of you here Patrick.
Why is the frog faced millionaire given publicity?
He's got a baffling career apparently built on being fundamentally unfunny, like you ordered your Peter Sellars from Temu.
You are all invited to italy. Come try REAL pizza
I had to look up feculent. How apposite.
