Every journalist should break the news with a spit take.
Every journalist should break the news with a spit take.
I'm "just got hit in the balls by a 5 year old" hours from getting to go back to work.
How do you convince people to vote when the Democratic party sucks so so so bad.
Use it to get employee discounts
Truth Art! #arresttrump #art
Favorite Madrid factoid: There's a statue of Lucifer at exactly 666m above sea level.
The government owning part of public companies is called China.
Or... Let's all be a little more French
I have a massive trade deficit with Amazon. Can I charge them tariffs on delivery of my items?
Spain in 3 weeks. I only have one half of my family, so, we know when it's time tk go
Im leaving
Behind every game, there's a story of resilience. 💪 Dive into the journey behind the creation & release of #RaRaBOOM, by @bergs.bsky.social on @polygon.com. www.polygon.com/ra-ra-boom-g... #IndieDev #IndieGame #GameDesign
Democrats are all commies, but also, "Go Putin" is such an interesting MAGA gymnastics feat.
My wife came downstairs today and I said "Awooooooga!"
MAGA turning on T because they won't support someone who doesn't "protect innocent children" is rich.
Modern Joker origin story: A sane person wants to improve the world, becomes a billionaire, and goes insane. Batman, born into wealth and convinced only he can save the world, battles the Joker whom he feels doesn't deserve his place in society or his fame.
I think I'm almost done with Assassin's Creed Shadows. Just another 50 hours to go.
Wait till he finds out Superman was created by two Jewish immigrants who wanted to make a Jewish hero and that he could put on a button up shirt and glasses to look Christian, feeling bigots were not smart enoigh to see through such a simple disguise.
Those kids didn't vote for anything so please stop being the monsters you claim the other side is full of.
I don't understand if PS2 sponsored this plane in the Museum of Flight in Washington or if this plane just had a PS2 sticker on it when it became part of the museum.
But a large amount of people gave them the power to do it and others in power to check them, instead enabled them.
Yeah. She also rooted for the Thunder in game 7 because "yellow is a stupid color."
Wife: Alexa, play Every Breath You Take by the Police. 5 yr old: Fuck the police! Fuck ICE! Aaaand scene.
"I want to listen to a romantic song... Alexa, play Peaches Peaches Peaches!" - my 5 yr old
Would they do this if Iran had nuclear weapons? Then you know why Iran wants them.
It’s a good thing Congress isn’t alive to see this
Trump: I'm just doing an Obama! Approve of me!!
An impeachable offense.
I had a bday lunch and no one showed up. I thought about starting a war, but instead got new friends.
I was wrong. I rolled my eyes at the value of a Breath of the Wild visual upgrade on Switch 2. But my kid wanted to see it. Oh, I was wrong. It looks amazing.
Am I Mario Karting wrong or is the open world sort of pointless? Am I missing something awesome?
Random white guy: "Elon, X keeps losing users. We need a bold new plan.." Elon: "Oh, I got this...l"
A good way to start the morning.
They DID. They made our most famous college because they didn't trust the voters.
Well, neither my Walmart nor my Target Switch 2 preorders have shipped or even finished processing so... cool.
Some Target employees will have reviews up before you. Sus.
One of my favorite taints.
Congrats!
Are we in a handbasket?
There's so much less for me to grab!
Because Tibbs runs them into the ground.
Pride month seems especially important this year, when the voices of the few are desperate to silence the choices of free people.
Literally the first thing I've done in 9 years of marriage that made my wife proud of me.
No notes.
When the spirits of the children you helped murder are haunting your bones... science can only explain it as cancer.
If ever I was to go into the woods...
Him: ¿hablas español? Me: ... Him: ... Me: [googling how to say "No, I speak Duolingo" in spanish]
I really hope he caves again on tarrifs next Tuesday.
Sometimes I forget a Switch 2 is coming in my mail next week.
This feels like the most low-key console launch possible.
My @nba.com playoff prediction: 99% heartbreak, 1% championship
How? Supreme Court gave Trump immunity. These are federal crimes and Trump has the power to pardon all of them.
When it was about their money, they turned on him fast. When it's about humanity, they say nothing and do nothing. We see you. Just following order. Mmhm.
My divorce wasn't as cold as that shit.
Citizens are being sent to a concentration camp. Not a prison. Prisons are when you're convicted. Concentration camps are where they send "undesirables" without due process. Yes, they're Nazis.
Nothing tells you the stock market is stupid made up fantasy than the past week.
Yeah. So glad I'm in the young generation that doesn't suck.
Awaiting the next coach firing after game 2 of the NBA Finals.
If the cost of eggs goes up and my income goes down, that's good, right?
Actually view of a living k hole
And also the rest of the world's half.
My favorite D&D character to play has a 6 or 7 INT but believes they have an 18. As someone who has basically role played Trump for 20 years... yes, this will lead to a TPK.
Not if you have no friends.
Yeah, it's a sin to jerk off. It's totally fine to jerf off.
True story, I can see my old house from here.
"This dude is playing tic tac toe with the eraser end of a pencil" is the best take on Trump "playing chess."
Checking on my 201(k) this morning.
Look, you were all bent out of shape when planes were crashing. Now this. Look, something has to be crashing. Pick your poison.
The only thing that will get me to buy a $700 switch 2.
FYI we can't grow coffee beans, bananas, or the trees used to make paper in the US. So if you start your day with a cup of Joe, a banana, and the morning paper, you will be broke in about 6 months.
It's "maybe we should move to China" bad here in the US.
The time traveler was a billionaire, you idiots. You think some middle class shlub can afford to build a time machine?
How many finger guns will be in this episode??
Wait there's someone other than Stephen A?? Couldn't hear anyone else.
Oh, you're very polite.
It's like watching my 7 year old play Mario Kart, but Civ 7 is actually booted up.
They did. It's crypto. They don't wanna play with their money. They want to play with yours.
Thank you President Trump for liberating my savings from my account. I am so happy to pay more for stuff for no reason.
Deport Elon
The kids have a daily joke calendar but clearly this was for me.
OMG she's taking the baby back to the pizza shop!!
When you realize Gemma doesn't know Mark got severed...
Dr. Octopus learns that Spider-Man is Peter Parker and hatches a nefarious plot. Using his connections at Caltech, he helps get Peter a full ride, thus moving Spider-Man to the West Coast and out of his way.
Also, doe Gemma expose the company if Mark is trapped inside?
I think you miss that this is a revolt. So if all the severed employees resist, it's like a sit in. No one leaves so the indies live maybe a week or a month more. The Dylan scene makes Mark's choice more... extended.
I thought our love would never die but now I'm unsure...
The saddest theme in Severance is that everyone brings their best self to work. And all of them are worse off and lesser versions in their free life.
Hope Jefferson didn't use autopen.
My dad didn't show me much love either, but like a normal person I just ended up in debt and incapable of shaping meaningful friendships. I didn't try to end democracy.
Judge shocked that president given total immunity and control of the justice department is just doing what he wants.
Tesla stock has plummeted costing Elon more than $130 billion in net worth. It's crazy to think of how all that money can now be redistributed to those in need. lol jk the stock market is imaginary.
No. WE own it. These rich fucks own none of this. It ruins our lives. I was a lifelong gem. Cutretn anarchist. Dems largely same as GOP now.
I met her there, too.
I'm starting to suspect the emperor has no clothes... but hard to tell because his dinky is so small.
The funding for oven and microwave time automation was cut by DOGE.
I feel like the weird way Oscar's work, he will need a major physical transformation. "Bautista in the Machinist Part Deux blew my mind!"
Thank you for not embarrassing us. Last night was the first in my life when I actually felt ashamed to be a Democrat. At least you aren't making us look like fools.
I'm now too embarrassed to vote for these fools. Like... I give up. Wtf