Got some fun stuff lined up. Laundry. Vacuuming. Hell, I might clean the bathroom if I'm feeling saucy
Let's tear it all down and start over already! I love horror movies, cooking, Kpop, and being a smart ass. š
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Got some fun stuff lined up. Laundry. Vacuuming. Hell, I might clean the bathroom if I'm feeling saucy
Everyone knows they usually give the Nobel Peace Prize to the person who wants it the most. The person who never shuts up and begs for it the most.
Immaculate film
I have a friend who is supplying me with delicious perilla leaves from her garden and I couldn't be more delighted.
The response of a true coward with no valid argument.
Too bad there's no way for the government to cap prices on staple foods. The government is literally powerless to do anything of use for anyone. A shame, really.
LAYERS of fucked-up-edness
They won't rest until Sandwich Guy is a martyr.
You given yourself the greatest gift: hashbrowns
Gosh, remember when things were even just slightly okay? ...man...how lucky we were...
I might as well do the same. It's already covered in cobwebs.
America worships guns. So they'll never blame violence on their "god".
My hero!
My job has a fun system where there's always more work to do than there is time to do said work. And, strangely, also no plans to hire more people. Perhaps your job also implements this fun system.
(Screaming) You have any goddamn what I've been through these last 12 weeks?!! What any of us have!??!
I don't remember names. I just act like they're a new phone model of celebs I know. "oh look. Tom Hanks+ 5G"
, she said from deep inside his ass.
What a roomful of complete shitheads.
You forgot the important last step where you make a wish
new iPhones will be launched until morale improves
It should socially acceptable to blast these Yankee Candle people with a hose.
This clip gave me second-hand brain damage
Had lunch. Now I feel like someone injected sleeping pills directly into my brain.
Well, we gotta start somewhere
She vinge on my vernor til I fire upon the deep
This is the shit I log on for
If you sew a new flag, you get a one year vacation.
He looks like shit. Sounds like shit.
AI is poison. My condolences.
Facebook Notification: Hey! Create an AI Me: Go fuck yourself
Jesus Christ, get a room already
I hope you find someone who loves you as much as I love peanut butter
I checked my horoscope and it said it's Friday. Bang on.
Fo pown
Warp Tank is goddamn fantastic.
*a la Earth Wind & Fire* Do you remember, September 4 September 4 September?
Absolutely bang on
Hey. Why don't you treat yourself to a bathroom break? You've earned it, champ.
Im 'getting healthy' so i went to the gym and made myself a beautiful summer salad for supper. It fucking sucked. All of it fucking sucked
I'm giving up on quitting stuff.
*screams with delight*
If we don't maximize the protein of every meal I fear we will cave in on ourselves like the house at the end of Poltergeist.
Maybe. I'm too cheap to pay to find out, so I'm just gonna wing it and cook everything in a hot bowl held over a candle.
I think the secret is cooking it with salt *shrugs*
In only 3 or 4 hours I'll be given control of this novel to make decisions.
Boss: Great news! We've had 100 days without a workplace accident! Me: Wow! In a row? Boss: Look, don't diminish this
I should be at home playing UFO 50. It will heal me.
Gawd this guy fucking sucks
That's right it's Monday. A brisk 15 degrees outside. The wind is like being kissed by the goddess Aura herself
All I know is that calzones are okay to hit someone with as long as they are unheated and it's above the waist.
The only way to prevent muggings is Joint Light Tactical Vehicles
What a pathetic gaggle of cowards.
Have you ever wanted to pay handsomely for torture? Try the dentist!!
Had to cancel my Sasquatch Safari to go fight fascism. That's the kind of year we're having.
I'm old enough to remember when summers were survivable
"Yeah I'm fine," I scream at the top of my lungs. "Why do you ask?"
Quesadillas
Trump deploys National Guard to your living room
Sorry for not texting you back I was obsessing about tragedies Iām powerless to change
You'll have to speak up. I ate too much yogurt and now I have yogurt throat
Well that's messed up.
I know there are a lot of other examples of tech having gotten worse, but GODDAMN is predictive text on smartphones garbage now.
If I went too close to the road as a kid, my mom got me back by shaking a bag of potato chips
I ordered a Dirty Coffee and the barista added one scoop of dust and hair from a vacuum cleaner bag
I've seen ass kissing before, but these shameless sycophants are tongue deep
Hmmm, the weather heat map looking rough.
Hey, #TTC, thanks for the extremely loud and completely unintelligible announcement. A real lose-lose situation.
PRO TIP: if you feel lightheaded eat a spoonful of jam, and get right back to the lovemaking
I was built for reading books, not emails.
If AI really knows everything, it must be super depressed.
Fuck, I miss consequences.
The kind of day where you want to nosedive into a dumpster and hopefully break your neck
Trump was able to bankrupt a casino, and now his economy might completely destroy Las Vegas.
America, I swear to God, you're like 7 months away from witch trials.
"Being a human is tough. Isn't there some machine than can engage in my humanity for me?" - some fuckin idiot
...Sorry, I zoned out a minute. What was that about the spam malfunction?
Ask for a briefcase of Canadian Tire money and treat yourself to a tent or something.
It's a party of raging criminal hypocrites.
Child Diddler on the Roof
What a rascal. I hope he dies of thirst up there.
Took 3 people to drag me out of bed this morning. Don't even know who two of them were.
Of course. They were interfering with both sides of the election to .... break even. Good work, Senator Brain Damage
Fuck. I'd hate to find that in my pillowcase
Trump signs EO to immediately start construction of a giant dome around the White House made of human skulls
I guess we have a 35% tariff because trump is a fat pedophile or something like that, I don't follow the news too closely
And it'll still mention Trump 5 or 6 times.
"Sorry but I can't make it in. Need to clean up after a case of the night runs. Need to boil my mattress "
"Won't be in the office today. Tossed and turned all night because my night terrors are back "
"Can't make it into the office. Slept like an amateur, now I'm cranky "
The roller-skating group date was one of the most baffling, unintentionally hilarious things I've seen in a minute
YES I AM WHAT THE HELL
I absolutely love this show. It feels refreshing, the singles are flawed but genuine, the locations are gorgeous, the hosts are entertaining.
you better believe it.
I've loved every hilarious, awkward, heart-breaking minute
Toronto's transit is slower than usual this morning. Must be the tsunami warnings.
Love these crispy boyz. Injeolmi and chocolate churro flavours are š
Can we expand the program to include my memory of his gristle mug in the Great Scrub?
TRUMP: I wasn't ever invited to his very beautiful island. Not once, can you believe that? Everyone says it was incredible. Every fantasy realized. Where dreams come true, they say. *stares wistfully into the distance* .... but I wouldn't know.
America, I'm running out of WTF's
The sun. She is so angry today.