(Fred Schneider voice) i wanna fuck you like an ANIMAL
Writer, punk rock musician, and record collector. Bass player in Western Addiction. Total ding-dong. YAY AREA. Go Warriors.
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(Fred Schneider voice) i wanna fuck you like an ANIMAL
My mistake was somewhat blindly following a lot of 'Starter Packs' when I first joined, and was inundated with Scientists with Awful News.
Masterful gambit, sir!
"The Orgy Dome has been destroyed."
is that what i think it is
Blowing Man
Hyperventilating! at the Petting Zoo
"I gave my life to Christ in the Cracker Barrel parking lot" is the most American quote I've ever seen.
"For friendship."
my daughter is obsessed with Nightmare Before Christmas (as people usually are mid-August), and I must say it is the most unpleasant movie. Just abysmal.
He likes Coldplay and voted for the Nazis.
me: You MIGHT have heard of my band... we're a pretty big deal. We went viral for our on-stage tiramisu drawer. Her: Nice! And how about your songs? They any good? Me: Ermmm... well....
*if you're Republican
when my boss tells me I need to put on deodorant or else I'll get sent home
why does he look like the old man version of Boy from Little Monsters?
they're both fruit salad filler and I'm tired of pretending otherwise
Counterpoint: these buttholes live for feeling like GI Joe.
Further proof that Lou Reed was one of all the all-time Genuine Weirdos.
She wants to be First Lady so bad.
when I don't know what to do with my arms
went to the county fair, and the 'tattered American flag shirt' bros were many. My favorite brand of theirs is Ariat. Like, dudes, you're just a couple letters away from revealing it all there.
this ain't your grandpappy's hacky sack
and Bill Clinton has a permanent pucker going for his saxophone playing. I love it.
this rocks. John E. Kennedy has made me fall in love with AI.
it just like me
who says good things can't happen
yeah, this whole thing sucks and is pointless, but let's not overlook the fact that there's someone out there named Cush Jumbo. That's the name of an extra-large joint you buy at a place with Rick and Morty posters on the wall that smells like nag champa.
Goddamn that's a dumb take
this is the take of a person who has never traveled outside of the United States. You're telling me every country in the world has no culture???
if the band comes out with these, you're gonna die in the mosh pit
With all the attention Airplane! and the Naked Gun get in the spoof world, I feel like there's considerable Hot Shots / Hot Shots Part Deux erasure happening.
The internet gives us a fire hydrant's gush of what's HAPPENING NOW every day—so much so that much of what came before inherently feels stale, obsolete even.
I'd love to see him run for even literally five steps.
My favorite album from last year!
the only thing I'll hand to MTG is ass pennies
Creating a problem then watching the peasants fight each other over it might be the closest we'll get to feeling like billionaires.
After a couple questions, I will stand up from my seat, drag it to join the outer ring, and the event becomes 21 40-Year-Old Posers Just Talking.
Posers need apply.
I'm staging a Jubilee-style debate for myself, entitled 1 40-Year-Old Punk vs. 20 40-Year-Old Posers.
"And he actually looks just like Liam Neeson too. Craziest thing."
It's important so that viewers can pick up the extreme nuance of the story.
I sort of have that job.
that song is my Abu Ghraib.
I lead a presentation while doing 80 up the 101 and leadership watches in horror as I clip the barrier on the Richmond-San Rafael bridge and flip my vehicle. I scream I'll circle back to them as I plunge into the churning Bay waters, never to be seen alive again.
*insert Willem Defoe meme* I'm something of an innovator myself
They know their boy Bill Clinton and probably several of their other friends will be ensnared in all of this too. They're all fighting against this thing being released.
me at your wedding after 3 too many Double IPAs
live your life so as to not have a complicated legacy.
and make no mistake, I'm in the latter!
Reeeeally starting to feel like Elon's behind all this.
.... slam piece?
RIP to the goat, and to the man responsible for the greatest interview opening of all time.
City folks just don't get it!
And by that I mean, I could vibe with him heavily.
Hunter Biden feels like if Joe Biden were cast as a character on Trailer Park Boys.
they're making Spiderman ICE.
he smoked a rock then plunged head first into the Discover tab.
one of my favorite bass performances of all time and there's hardly any information on him!
The BFG
Stop all the downloadin
.... that I myself have been teasing as a means to destroy my enemies for years.
oh wait I forgot the punks haven't found Bluesky yet.
tell me more
any place with an enormous "Ska Now More Than Ever" flag behind the stage guarantees your social anonymity. Small caveat, though—your side piece may leave you.
take your side piece to 924 Gilman, they barely have bathrooms there let alone kiss cams.
Food Court Rodeo
Coke up Colbert is a frightening thing to imagine.
music Bluesky needs some work.
Tim is funny. Eric is TRYING to be funny. Know the difference.
getting old is realizing John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt absolutely slaps all other children's songs.
I for one can't wait for the Late Show with Jim Belushi or whatever bullshit.
can't forget all the quotes in this clip, especially "Got a good taste." Always got that one in my back pocket.
pretty much half the things I say are American Movie quotes. Like "Nice day... if it doesn't rain" and calling vodka "votka". No one understands them ever.
you're telling me THIS phase of the band was silly???
This could fully pass for something on Clickhole, but it’s real, and I love it. Even down to his name.
he's just like me, except my accomplishment is simply getting out of bed and staring at a laptop all day.
I was just listening to Core. Snake-dancing like Weiland in my living room.
at night he puts on make-up and goes by the moniker Art the Clown.
Him: I took an IQ and passed with flying colors. The doctors said they'd never seen anything like it. I was the smartest guy they've ever laid eyes on. Assistant: *leaning close, whispering* sir, that was a rabies test.
Still very much in the denial phase.
I remember when Riley Gale died and this fucking chode wore a Power Trip shirt on-air like he was actually cool. This fucking Nazi pencil dick.
just setting the table real nice for the Real Dictators.
this music is so COOL and URBAN
Reporter: Are you going to release the X-Files? Trump: Yes, we're going to give you all the files. The Jersey Devil, Duane Berry, all of these wonderful ECKS-Files... R: And the Manitou, a spiritual being capable of shapeshifting? Trump: Oh, well... sure, we'd be happy to maybe explore that...
he would literally be incapable of phrasing his answer as a question.
this pertains to my interests
goddammit these losers are gonna make me start hating em-dashes, aren't they?
it is not hyperbole—there are literally more pictures of Trump with Epstein than there are pictures of Trump with his daughter Tiffany.
I kept thinking he was the dude from Love.
sometimes making dumb jokes on Bluesky feels like farting at the United Nations General Assembly.
Let's connect on LinkedIn.
Ad Rock.
I ain't reading all that. I'm happy you're at peace though. Or sorry you're dead.
(living in a country where the most successful people are obscenely rich and shameless perverts and psychopaths) Time to teach my children to be honest and study hard in school
watching an interview with Seth McFarlane, I ponder: why do dudes with hairplugs' hair always stand straight up on their heads? Like, can you not comb it down? Is it just too untameable for conventional hairstyles? Or are these guys so stoked to have hair again they're letting it fly?
