If only they'd put up "Use of Firearms Prohibited" signs on the walls outside the church...
If only they'd put up "Use of Firearms Prohibited" signs on the walls outside the church...
When you have a rabid raccoon running wild in your attic, you don't hold a family meeting to decide what to do. YOU CALL FREAKIN' ANIMAL CONTROL.
It says a lot about the kind of person you are when the prevailing speculation about your prolonged absence from public view is the hope that you are dead.
172nd Landscaping Division - The Leafblowers
2025: "What I'm enraged by, is the continuation of the war." 2022: "I don't care what happens to Ukraine, one way or another."
But remember, as bad as it gets, he can always count on the support of a loving, caring wife. I mean, is she even in the same state as he is?
It was Hide Your Medical Condition Friday at the White House.
Roosevelt really focused too much on that whole Pearl Harbor brouhaha.🙄
Somehow, I have a hard time feeling sorry for him...
It's the actual real ones he has trouble with.
"Harsh measures" like what? Put tariffs on Coors Light?
Big, strong people, with tears in their eyes, I'm sure.
TRUMP: "What about lunch?" PUTIN: "I already ate yours, I'm full, thanks." TRUMP: "OK."
They should drag this meeting for as long as possible. Trump will get bored by hour two, and he'll be putty in their hands.
I loved Molly Ringwald as Don's much younger wife, Melanie.
You have to make a good impression when your boss comes over.
His lawyer probably forgot the part where you first have to cut a two-million dollar check to Trump's future presidential library.
Chapter Two: Converting to your tech billionaire donor's religion.
Researching his forthcoming book: "Hillbilly Luxury."
These numbers were pulled from the brand new Advanced Statistics Service, or A.S.S.
More like the Las Vegas version of Versailles, minus the rows of slot machines and the 99-cent shrimp cocktails.
"Where in the rule book does it say that a mule can't be a field goal kicker?"
I, for one, am looking forward to future Fed chair Maria Bartiromo.
The kind that only knows three adjectives: strong, beautiful, and tremendous.
They're also preparing their fall 2025 exhibit: Barack Obama: American Traitor.
Somebody should warn Burgum of the catastrophic failure that will occur when there's no more oil to be pumped out of the ground.
That is one magic golf ball!
"Are you expecting any more cost overruns?" "You mean, apart from the one that you just made up? No."
"Stick to the script, and you'll get a pardon."
I can't wait to visit the Hall of Fake TIME Magazine Covers.
"I can stop this anytime if you just give me names."
You can see on Rubio, Hegseth, and Ratcliffe's faces that they're dealing with a mental patient.
And dementia.
"Sure, you've lost your house, your car, and everything else that you owned, but what about the price of those eggs, huh?"
Putin's mistake was NOT nominating him for the Nobel Peace Prize.
Trump's Great Leap Backwards
She looks like every teen movie substitute teacher that gets stuffed in a closet within 15 minutes of the opening credits.
Has Fox News started the "XX days that Trump hasn't gone to Texas" counter, yet?
He can't fathom the idea that he'll have to go to Texas in July for something other than a MAGA rally or to autograph a border wall.
In Trumpspeak: "It was one of the wettest floods from the standpoint of water, the likes of which the world has never seen."
That's just what Trump, Miller, Noem and Homan are waiting - I'm sorry, hoping for. And then it's not going to be masked agents and SUVs anymore, it's going to be Marines and tanks in the street. And no habeas corpus.
Dark matter pasta salad is actually more filling than you think.
"That it be."
I guess we're at the "building concentration camps" stage of the authoritarian regime transition.
"...thank you to the Captain and the crew!" And the Professor! And Mary Ann!
Punxsutawney Jill.
Before we all get teary-eyed about how cool-headed and reasonable Massie is, just remember that this was his Christmas card just four years ago:
These guys are committing more crimes and misdemeanors per day than all the people they're rounding up combined.
Live from the Meth Gala
Trump's just waiting for a fatal accident to happen so he can invoke the Insurrection Act and put California under martial law.
"And I don't even want your stupid Nobel Peace Prize because it's stupid! Stupid! Stupid! STUPID!!!" 😫
The Nobel Committee should issue a statement: "We will decide on awarding President Trump the Nobel Peace Prize...in two weeks."
He'll be reminded of it when they show "The Rock" on cable again.
And HAL would be signing Lee Greenwood songs instead of "Daisy Bell."
The toddler has had a long, tiring day and needs to go to bed.
"And I should have had six or seven Emmys for 'The Apprentice,' too. But it was all rigged."
More like lukewarm gazpacho, if you ask me.
Melania finally had to agree to give him his contractually-obligated "birthday gift."
No need to worry. I'm sure that Laura Loomer will give him sound, reasonable advice on the situation.
"Did you also know that before Canada joined in 1976, it was called the G6? A lot of people don't know that."
What he's really saying is that tariffs are what you use when you are too lazy or stupid to negotiate a comprehensive trade agreement.
Just like O.J. in his Bronco. You can't never be too prepared.
So if Kamala is President, wars are bad, and if Trump is President, wars are good. Got it.
Waltine looking over: "You okay, boss? You want a Diet Coke?"
I see that Kristi wore her Top Gun costume, today!
I call Bolshevik
182nd Bike Rack Brigade, reporting for duty.
And when the cops finally corner him, they'll de-escalate, talk for hours, and take him alive without a shot being fired.
For those Governors, it's a win-win either way. If there's violence, they'll say: "Thank God we were prepared!" If there's no violence, they'll say: "It's because we were prepared." Those NG soldiers don't realize that they're just actors in a game of political propaganda theater.
The Curtain Factory also makes dresses?
When will ICE go into Beverly Hills and Bel Air to "liberate" them from the scourge of Nicaraguan maids and nannies whose papers may not be in order?
And a return to plastic straws.
The question now is, which poor schmuck of a federal prosecutor will accept to destroy his/her career by taking this case?
Kids' table. Better food and more mature conversations.
Dambusters would have been proud.
Also that it was okay for Granpa and Grandma to die during COVID so that we don't have to shut down the economy.
"Shoddy assumptions..." Like math and accounting?
He's more concerned about Congress not letting him keep his 400M$ Qatari Air Bribe One.
How much does he charge for a private lap dance?
Trump won't even look at you unless you're an 8G or above.
"But first, we need to hold preliminary discussions to set a timetable for a framework on possible future negotiations."
If Trump wrote that, then my wife is Morgan Fairchild.
And it doesn't mention the 2020 "stollen" election.
Trump could've offered to give him a free ride on his new Air Bribe One. That would have saved him some money.
But let's take a look at Hunter Biden's laptop one more time.
Susan Collins says that they learned their lesson...
It won't be a struggle for Stephen Miller and Trump to violate the Constitution and the rule of law. They can do it in their sleep. The struggle will be for Congress and the Supreme Court to do anything about it.
Kennedy Gabbard Noem Patel Hegseth Bondi Pirro... You'd think that these so-called journalists had figured out that qualifications and competence don't matter one bit in these nominations. Only loyalty to the Dear Leader does.
"An American in Paris, Texas"
It's a good thing that it wasn't "Papillon," or he'd have them shipped to French Guyana!
Doofus of Orange I
Why should anybody be upset about the fall of the stock market when your retirement plan is the Powerball lottery?
At least he's got two years to learn factory robot maintenance. 🤖
But thank goodness America is safe from Kilmar Abrego Garcia, right?🙄
"Why won't Italians buy Geo Metros?"
Putin, Xi, Orban, Erdogan...He never misses an opportunity to praise his favorite autocrats.
C'mon guys, he didn't bankrupt casinos overnight!
CBS should be careful, or Trump will slap them them with a 60-gajillion-dollar lawsuit that they'll have to quietly settle again.
Nero played the fiddle while Rome burned. Trump played golf while America burned.
