TV & standup & improv & podcasts, hardly any movies paulftompkins.com/live
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when you die on the white house toilet you die in real life
The Silver Bulletin (2025)
No kidding it’d be great if he drank a glass of water to rapturous applause again
This turned me into TWO The Jokers
Using one photo already on your phone, what is the announcement tomorrow at 2?
i met anubis in the realm of the underworld, big strong guy by the way, had a dog’s head, i’m not so sure about that. and he said to me, mr president, you’ve got the heaviest soul we’ve ever weighed down here. can you believe it? they’ve never seen a soul that heavy in all of duat
THE LAST EPISODE!!!! im really really proud of this show. We filmed it in my house but we take a trip at the end of this ep with very permanent consequences.
look I'm not myself a political scientist so I can't say what effects it would have for a spate of politicians to crop up saying "the enemy is the oligarchy" and "the enemy is billionaires" while swinging a kettlebell but I think we should try it for science and see what happens
?
I really find volunteer AI boosters pathetic. If your job depends on pretending AI is the wave of the future, okay, you're conning everyone for your own benefit, I can respect that. But falling for the con and cheerleading the digital snake oil on your own time? Come on now, have some self respect.
We need a Hakeem Jeffries of the right.
Happy Labor Day to everyone, even the masters and commanders
when they beg me to log off
I am trying to advocate right now. To you!
That doesn’t seem to be an answer to my question
Central Coast Farm workers wish you a happy #LaborDay Campesinos de la Costa Central les desean un feliz Día del Trabajo. #WeFeedYou #SoyEsencial
What if they not letting Trump speak because he had a Reverse Fetterman Stroke and hes woke now
What do you do for them
It's sorta like final destination in that they didn't release the Epstein files so instead they all just die
Oh the governor’s office said it
Honestly have to ask what you saw in what I said that led to this reply
I get that you’re having fun but I actually did survive foot
FUCK he sounds vital
absolutely loving the idea of the woke cracker barrel tip line
rudy giuliani (seeing the secretary from beetle bailey having a problem with her typewriter): i need to help this woman. whatever the cost
I don’t know that “enforcement” and “compassion” can realistically coexist in our society
Lisa, honestly, I’m not being cynical. They won’t have just somehow stumbled upon a way to make these methods suddenly work.
I still don’t understand the use of word “boundaries” in the name of the program
Unfortunately it won’t be as it hasn’t been before.
!!!!!
Martha we can truly get by without one
Out on the street every day, peckin at the ground, flies away a little bit if you come at him too quickly
I remembered later thank you
Oh well
If they were I wouldn’t ask
Right now I’m trying to get you to see unhoused people as human beings but I don’t think it’s going so well
And sorry, but you all need to do the internal work of dealing with that, rather than lashing out and threatening the most vulnerable and marginalised in our communities! We will never return to the “Before Times” and frankly? We shouldn’t want to. We should want to be better.
Sounds like you should talk to this guy.
The Marlon Wayans quote is apparently fake, but this is nice
Actually, Frankenstein is a doctor success at the Venice film festival
As a disabled person: this is a terrible take. Eugenics and fascism have always gone hand in hand. Along with Jews, disabled people were one of the first groups the Nazis focused on in the Holocaust. We have always been at the forefront of fascist minds. Hence why they use ableist slurs so easily.
Could I meet a regular pigeon or is that not in the spirit
Variety says Guillermo del Toro’s ‘Frankenstein’ got a 13-Minute Ovation in Venice. Hollywood reporter says 14 minutes. Deadline Hollywood says 15-minutes. I don't know WHAT to believe!! We NEED to know EXACTLY how long these ovations are!!
You genuinely surprised me at the end, I weirdly assumed this reply was all about your personal inconveniences. Anyway there is a third reaction to have which would be better for everyone.
A nation heals
What I enjoy about this is you don’t get too many of these that feature two insane people
You shaded me for eating Habersett scrapple and your favorite cake is CARROT CAKE?
middle age means knowing the names of the people you knew in high school who’ll believe that trump’s been replaced by a body double, but only if you can link them to a 45-minute YouTube covering the basics of the theory
Reading bios of women from the 60s and 70s and it's like "Poet, Revolutionary, Theorist. Spent three years in prison for setting fire to a draft office. Paul Simon wrote 'Rag Time Boogie Woogie Woo Woo Baby' about her."
They should make a less bouncy trampoline that you could just chill around or eat food off of
The Cased Meat Celestials have come to pass judgement, just as Jack Kirby foretold
If you truly think they’re going to do anything different than they’ve ever done before, you’re the one who needs to open your eyes to something other than press releases
It’s based on everything they have ever done before, there is no reason to have faith in these people. The way to solve people not having homes is to provide them with homes. But no one wants to actually do that.
Yo @Wendys how many reskeets to get RFK Jr fired?
dad tried to chatgpt together a family photo from two where different people were holding the camera. I think it came out great
Hahahaah I forgot about that story
“As Al Qaeda seeks to empty out the World Trade Center towers…”
The solution is to make affordable housing but no one wants to do that
It’s the same thing they always say. And no one had any choice in giving it a chance. If they can’t fully define it before they begin it’s because they will offer the same “options” they always do and destroy people’s sole possessions in the process.
wait let me draw him rq
What’s the boundaries part
“The claim that trans people are disproportionately responsible for mass violence in America comes up every few months. It has never been true.” USA Today fact check from their extremism beat reporter www.usatoday.com/story/news/n...
the haters and losers will say it's foolish to indulge in wild speculation but you can't deny it's extremely funny that they have to write headlines like this
Milwaukee’s Beast would be a good cryptid
ALL I KNEW WAS THE POSTER
Anyway Weapons was really good you should see it
Earlier today Me: I want to see that movie Airplanes I heard it’s good Wife: Airplanes? Haven’t heard of it Me: it’s a horror movie, same guy who made Barbarian Wife: Speaking of horror movies I heard Weapons is really good Me: Oh um
I bet he’s so many colors and textures right now
Laura Loomer is threatening jokes about Trump being dead because she has to delay the truth coming out: Secret Service agents found Donald Trump trapped between the toilet and wall. He slid off, got pinned between the two, and asphyxiated from the pressure. Agents describe his body as "in a bra."
I hope they nuke this demonic horseshit from orbit
melania constantly refreshing the tl
any body want to help me plan sneaking around and raising all the flags back up to full mast
I beg your pardon
"hes probably not dead" yeah no shit! shut the fuck up! im gonna spray you with a fucking water bottle!
At the very least it’s fun to think of this as a sort of tailgate party before the big event
Thank you for spelling all of this out
Googling sad versions of YMCA just in case
Today was the day BlueSky finally became Twitter
Remember how if a kid choked on a little plastic toy they used to stop selling the toy
Every step of these “plans” heavily depends on “we did it!” and then never thinking about the people again
Do you think I am following all these people that reply to me, they just show up like you did
heard a firework go off somewhere outside, a single firework, and was like FOR REAL????
Goodnight have fun manifesting
Why is no one talking about this
nobody has seen the president in three days [burping and rubbing my president shaped tummy] that’s crazy
Would be a great start to the long weekend though
Real trying to get to sleep on Xmas Eve vibes around here
this is “stuff pillows under the blanket to make it look like someone is sleeping in the bed” levels of cover up
There is a zero percent chance Trump’s playlist includes Bowie
It took me less than 30 seconds to realize you’re a soulless piece of shit
Demi did it podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/g...
What’s weird is that I would never listen to that Bruce Springsteen Barack Obama podcast but I would listen to a podcast where two guys pretended to be Barack Obama and Bruce Springsteen
:)
No
