it’ll be just like this but with news headlines
when pokemon go came out the entire world found joy in the same thing and i think only one other event could replicate that
he would do it on labor day just we don’t get another holiday
yeah it definitely made them radioactive
aaaany minute now
i know rudy giuliani cant die in a car crash because he died in 2020
it was me. i radiated the shrimp. i was tryna see somethin
Rudy Giuliani has been released from hospital after doctors realized he just looks like that
feel like slim and fat chance should be a different amount of chance
ceo caught on video stealing a hat from a kid at a tennis match. ceo caught on video cheating on his wife at a coldplay concert. guys i’m starting to worry cameras make ceos turn evil
that was fast
CDC in 2020: wash your hands in boiling water CDC today: cure the flu by sucking on nickels
someone should make a video that teaches you how to airwalk
today was just practice for the real thing
they live on in your heart
i am also leaving SNL
i’m going to make them double mast
suspicious even
pop fresh refreshing a random shitpost from 2010 with 4 likes
constantly refreshing the TMZ site bc you know they’ll find out first
pretty funny that no matter how they try to prove he’s still alive we get to question its authenticity. nice AI buddy we’ve moved on tho
i don’t like the idea of the president missing. he could be anywhere. i am suddenly aware how little i appreciated opening my shower curtain knowing the president would not be standing there
sunscreen, maybe the only legitimate miracle slime
ah yes the scientific method: 1) question 2) research 3) hypothesis 4) experiment 5) analyze 6) ignore all the data and buy this grifter’s miracle slime
the reign of humans is over. we’ve entered the age of flesh-eating bacteria
appropriate
costco foodcourt is switching to coca cola products. huge news for my community
that’s so far away
when is the holiday for unemployed people
imagine getting the first edition covid strain. i bet i could sell it to jair bolsonaro
if we paint rainbows on all the crosswalks, then every cop will be assigned to guard them, leaving the rest of the block open to crime 😈
the harsh realization that you were hired to fuck up so bad your entire agency goes down
[an update is ready] microsoft teams: wait until 1 minute before a meeting
six word horror story
ask not to whom it may concern. it concerns to thee
damn ok ok
if it’s flavored like the robin hood cereal i will 100% try that shit
unopened mint condition. bidding starts now
making my baby smoke one (1) cigarette so she can get the covid vax
we can if we work together
ohh that’s why they call it getting dome
earth was annoyed that the “dome” was in fact a box
bullying works
www.foxnews.com/politics/gop...
but really how do they live like this
Making them wear high-visibility vests over camo is such a good joke you couldn’t write it
i accidentally fused two emojis to make a mr beast emoji and it won’t let me delete it
*burping antifreeze*
it’s too late
ok i’ll bite what’s a cake pop demon hunter
there should be a word for finding pleasure in hearing about burning man attendees suffering
RFK jr really is ushering in his legion of parasitic worms
to the surprise of absolutely no one this is delightful
thanks!
nah this was just over medium heat, electric stove
just a stovetop pan with a bit of avocado oil. the color is mostly from Trader Joe’s salmon rub
i made halibut tacos with a side of halibut
not so secret anymore is it
start packing your spf 12 billion sunscreen
farmers HATE newsome btw. like they have gigantic billboards saying how much they hate him
none of this is because of newsome lmao. we can let politicians drag trump without worshipping them
imagine owning only one crypto and its mac dre’s thizz coin
i too am pulling all my music from spotify
did they lace the obstacles with kryptonite
AI is glorifying the 80s when it didn’t exist. this is a cry for help
my complaint about iced coffee is it’s too drinkable. i will consume the entire cup in 90 seconds and then vibrate for 2 hours
if you squint you can see the outline of a cockroach under there
he’s cooked. they’re giving him the landlord treatment
“microwaving raw eggs” aka cooking them
feels like the cracker barrel thing is just further proof conservatives are running out of things to be mad about
I dunno let me try: Gavin Newsom once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, he’d have done it faster but for 14 of those minutes he was throwing away the possessions of a homeless person
literally same
like 30% of our problems would be solved if society stopped casting jared leto in stuff
imagining some chip factory worker opening their wallet like “wait why is this full of chi— OH NO”
[walking into dominos headquarters] hello i am domino
i am bestowed with incredible power. i can choose to use it for good (delivering pizza) or evil (delivering calzone)
i need him to explain in detail what he thinks his sins are
my car has transformed into a ‘98 corolla
they just left the entire bag. is this how they choose a new delivery person??
potentially the funniest thing he’s said yet
i’ve moved on
removed by Arthur 😔
lol it is but where’d the post go?
go ahead, listen to the FDA. OR?? become CAPTAIN CRUSTACEAN
he doesn’t care what the constitution says. i don’t even think he actually expects to get rid of mail-in ballots. he’s just setting the stage for claiming election fraud after the midterms
attending a dillydally boot camp to awaken my inner lollygagger
john kennedy gotta have more bangers in him
better read the reviews first
republicans now advocating for gender-affirming care
you can’t hear it but this image captures like 30 different animals screaming
spent the weekend in nature entirely offline and i gotta say it’s just as terrifying
grim reaper here. conservatives please keep saying this shit on national tv
BREAKING: mold experiencing chronic symptoms from exposure to jordan peterson
interested in an Alienn v Pest
appeals court rules trump administration can divide by zero
nuh uh, your honor
please hold your questions until the end thank you