So, yeah. I'm sorry if this was shit to read, but I only am writing because 1) I've sent random anonymous messages or mentions of admiration, but, like, at least here you can block me lol and 2) I FUCKING BELIEVE IN YOU. Unequivocally. If you do make this your next thing, it will be your next W
I wish I felt capable of this. It is the hardest thing in the world to me. I’ve felt some pretty severe self-hatred since I was about 9 or 10 years old and been to different kinds of therapists about it but I have not been able to overcome it. I get angry when people say nice things to me.
It is, without a doubt, not just the hardest thing in the world, but the scariest, and, sometimes, the loneliest. I've done the math on my life, I've had 5.5 "happy" years in the 26 I've been self-aware. Half were manic, so I'm not sure they count. The number only started going up again recently.
And I'm saying this (hopefully with enough human substance) in hopes you believe me when I say I am familiar with where you are. And maybe then you might believe me when I say what feels impossible can be done. It's just a process, not a binary transformation from self-loathing to something better.
I truly do not want to make you angry, and I do feel like a prick for barging into your space, so I will leave everything here. But I just do believe in you, Kim. I'm not sure what exactly would shake that at this point. Unstoppable force vs. an immovable object type shit. Nothing can be done lol