he died badly
worthless content (complimentary) ► robbwitmer.info 📰 @apartment3gazette.com
146 followers 206 following 1,364 posts
view profile on Bluesky
he died badly
he’s not president anymore, he has health problems
rfk define the scientific method challenge
I thought it was very respectful of Colmes to show up for every episode wearing a Washington Generals jersey
please send national guard to my house please, I have plenty of yard work
my preferred type of procrastination is getting most of something done weeks in advance and then starting the last hour’s worth of work 45 minutes before the deadline
The Joe Rogan Experience
bringing you all the Michael Rapaport news all day every day
the woke democrats want to let him go free just because he hasn’t committed any crimes. sad
TIL that Columbus thought the earth was shaped like a pear with a nipple on top that would take you to heaven
no mob fights
guy who’s never gotten over them changing the name of Sugar Smacks
*cracks knuckles* okay, time to find out which one of these is Woke
don't get me started
naming the first episode of your tv show “Pilot” is just as stupid as naming it “First Episode”
wearing little shorts on top of sweatpants as an entire sub genre of comedy was the last great thing this country accomplished
I think we can all agree that one of the benefits of tesla ownership is not constantly having to get your engine replaced like you would with a normal car
I recently looked up the medical records of the patients in the children’s hospital we just exploded, and it turns out many of them were sick before we dropped bombs on their heads so everything is hunky-dory and we can continue to go about our business
I love nachos (bowl full of sour cream with hot sauce poured on top and covered with chip crumbs from the bottom of the bag, eaten with spoon)!!
“imprison ice” has a nice ring to it and easily fits on a t-shirt
probably for the best I got caught, because I think that was largely the end of my Life of Crime, but also I would have had to sit through a live performance of Phantom of the Opera, which would have been a punishment of its own
remembering the time I got caught forging my 8th grade report card with some friends because we left one of the originals in my friend’s dad’s home office photocopier and then I wasn’t allowed to go on the class trip to Toronto
concerning
there are two wolves inside you, but your lease explicitly only allows one wolf at a time so
I voted for Obama twice, my work here is done
when your PowerPoint party asks you to use Google Slides
vladimir putin has just been declared dead. he was in a secure location and the only other person in the room with him was US president don trump. a team of expert doctors and medical examiners have determined the cause of death to be a "terminal hand-job." beef tallow was found at the scene
the last time he was president, overdose deaths doubled! facts exist!
actually, never having to see tennis again would be one of the only benefits of blindness
they're calling roasted garlic aioli the new bump stocks
quick, somebody ask Jeb! what he thinks
it’s actually very easy, we can all just be romantic one at a time
they big
✅ touch grass ✅ smoke grass ❌ cut grass
his dumb mug gonna look so good behind bars
cursive handwriting should be illegal, we don’t need two alphabets for the same alphabet
no
they’re saying it’s one of the most important things to ever happen to something that’s not important in any way
say what you will about the tenets of nihilism but at least it’s the rejection of ethos
that's what they all say
this is the only rooftop performance I'm interested in
we have done a thorough investigation and have determined that the reason this vessel imploded at the bottom of the sea is that it wasn't designed to not implode at the bottom of the sea
we must invest in nuclear because it is the only way to provide the energy needed to power an Ai advanced enough to tell us that we should have bought solar panels instead
and “hero” is not a sandwich, but it’s supposedly how some people pronounce “gyro” even though that is incorrect
hoagies are hot, subs are cold, and nobody knows what a grinder is, I’m sorry but that’s how I was raised
"barely legal" is, by definition, legal
in Russia, drug companies pay YOU!
I bet there’s stuff in my parents’ freezer that’s older than that
if Biden is president and the job numbers get revised down, that’s a conspiracy against trump, and if trump is president and the job numbers get revised down, that’s a conspiracy against trump. this is actually all very easy to understand
we need to cut rates to improve the bad job numbers which are fake and good actually
correction: no one is ALLOWED to admit it
hot take but what if we already had too many jobs?
doesn't even bother giving any real reasons — he just doesn't like the numbers!
yes but think of how many jobs we would have if jeffrey epstein hadn't stolen all of our spa workers
nature is healing
it's not even as serious as "people are mad online," it's more like "we found someone online who is mad"
somebody else having an opinion hits so hard when you're stupid
definitely not a manufactured controversy designed to enrage right-wing dipshits!
the number of second best times to fire Ben Cherrington that have existed since the best time to fire Ben Cherrington is so high that it is indistinguishable from infinity
okay so does this mean a seat just opened up in the Beetlejuice waiting room?
the media: trump is winning! the people: what is he winning? the media: so many deals! the people: what are the deals? the media: roughly-sketched major agreements! the people: what are we getting? what is the problem being solved? the media: trump is winning!
Trump Awards Ghislaine Maxwell Presidential Medal Of Silence www.apartment3gazette.com/p/trump-awar...
look up the Letterboxd reviews for any random Cillian Murphy movie and you will be amazed at what you find
honestly that’s probably all we can handle at a time
this is the question I ask someone if I’m trying to figure out if they’re a narc
them: (offers me hotdog) me, crawling out of desert, starving, on the brink of death: but there was recently a study…
they’re calling him a Man of Pianos
“dippy not drippy” is how we take back the country
the best content
just heard the tragic news about Hulk Hogan and no matter what you think of him, nobody should have to die by tripping face-first into a wood chipper and have their remains cooked on a flattop grill and then served as part of a weekday Philly cheesesteak lunch special at Mar-a-lago. sad
they're saying Colbert was fired because he told his audience the truth that Star Wars really happened. nobody's ever seen anything like it, the amount of truth he was telling
Ghislaine Maxwell has just testified under oath that she never under any circumstances and in no way whatsoever witnessed donald trump in 2002 roast a human body like in The Cook The Thief His Wife & Her Lover and then eat most of it himself
under the terms of the merger, Skydance/Paramount have agreed to destroy all known copies of "Donnie & Jeff," a mid-90's buddy cop tv pilot starring Trump and Epstein as homicide detectives who run a girls beauty pageant as a side business. it was not picked up for series
Food $200 Data $150 Rent $800 Omelets $4,800 Utility $150 someone who is good at breakfast please help me budget this. my family is dying
"we all float down here, donny"
seriously
please don’t put in the newspaper that my penis is weird
Rhode Island: New England’s New Jersey
people used to buy mp3s all the time back when posts were good
to Jeffrey, I wish you the happiest of 50th birthdays — shall we celebrate by visiting some local high school girls?
(Hold Steady voice)
asking siri the best way to murder my smartFridge without getting caught
clinch?
will you teach me about this — what is it? a new way?
projecting strength by getting chased out of town by a guy on a single crutch
