For all the Jake Tapper jokes, it is pretty unusual when someone writes a book on a topic to not be booked to opine as an “expert” when almost the exact same situation is very relevant again. Jesus, Woodward and Bernstein are still dragged out to comment on every presidential scandal.
Tell me about it…
For those of you who are still around from the Golden Age of Blogging, this young lady turns 36 tomorrow and you are so very, very old. Like, very…
I’M NOT DEAD. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER.
There has to be at least one National Guardsman who believed one weekend a month dedicated to training was a pretty cool way of getting out of doing yard work. “When duty called, I did my part by cutting back some overgrown agapanthus. We lost some good men that day to blisters. War is hell.”
Tech bros: We’re spending billions on AI to increase human efficiency by rapidly analyzing massive amounts of data and converting it into simple visual formats by using enormous amounts of energy and physical resources. Us: Will it be able to find and connect to the printer? Bros: LOL. No.
The bad news is that Trump is not dead, but he has entered the "Angry old man ranting on NextDoor about shoddy workmanship" phase of his life:
This would be Beckham, number 3 of 7 bassets we’ve had. He went to the vet to be neutered, vet came out in panic when I picked him and I thought “Oh shit.” Vet explained a cheap blanket got caught in his cone and his drool made the dye run and it wouldn’t come out. 4 months and lots of explaining.
What members of the National Guard signed up for. What Trump has them doing.
I imagine future historians will judge us by recent events where the shooting of children in church is met with shrugs, thoughts and prayers, and a tech bro getting the crap kicked out of him by a 15-year-old girl resulted in a military occupation of the nation’s capital
Two of Chuck Todd's favorite guests on MTP were Hugh Hewitt and David Brody. This comment further illustrates perfectly why he was so incredibly useless.
This is absolutely nothing to worry about here. Nope, not at all…
Wikler is Martin with a beard. I've watched both of them in action, and I've seen actuaries who are more riveting.
The DNC needed a wartime consigliere and instead opted for a particularly yappy Pomeranian trapped in a minivan in a Target parking lot. Some real, "Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!" energy going on there.
Occam's Razor Illustrated:
Hurt my back yesterday by “standing up” so now I’m prone and bored and it’s too difficult to meander outside. Getting old is a real joyride. Anyway, here’s an old pic of Ripley…
Going to assume the same branding experts who convinced the NBC braintrust to go all in on “MS NOW” to replace MSNBC came up with this for Kristi Noem when she was governor of South Dakota:
We have seen this movie before...
Hakeem Jeffries inability to read the room is almost like a superpower. He could stumble into a Klan rally and stick around till they light the cross and he’d nudge the guy in the hood next to him and ask, “So whose birthday is it?”
… and why won’t Mamdani condemn them?
Well, that is where his name came from, so….
Hiring Kieran Press-Reynolds to write something, anything, was a mistake
It's times like this that I wished to god I never learned to read:
With the promise of treats, there will be drool stalactites. Ripley is so gross. Rosalita Esperanza Beyoncé less so
I bet sandwich guy is going to get a really cool prison yard nickname like “Cold Cut Combo” or “Ultimate BMT” and maybe a tiny prison tat under his eye that looks like a fresh baked cookie.
“What about ones that come with a Capri Suns?” Gorsuch chimes in. Kavanaugh perks up, “You know what would cool? Beer Capri Suns although I can never get the straws in.” “Fuck my life,” Roberts murmurs as he stares at the ceiling while Ketanji Brown Jackson laughs behind her hand.
“What about a charcuterie board? asks Justice Kagan. “We consider that a weapon of mass destruction, so multiple felonies based upon the meat selection,” answers Trump’s solicitor general. “How about a Lunchable?” Thomas asks “A misdemeanor unless it’s the taco one, then international terrorism.”
I, for one, hope sandwich guy’s case makes it to the Supreme Court where there will be a heated back and forth over a hypothetical use of a hot dog as a weapon and Alito loses his shit because a hot dog is “NOT a sandwich.”
Old man Ripley warming his bones in his old man therapeutic bed
If he had just stayed in the locker where he had been shoved for being a total fucking dweeb, he wouldn’t have this problem. Make Bullying Great Again
Probably a coincidence that Ghislaine Maxwell is free to leave her minimum security jail at the same time Taylor Swift is releasing a new album aimed at emotionally needy young women who would be susceptible to a “Hop in the van, I got an early copy, we’ll make friendship bracelets” pitch
Can this idiot shut the fuck up already?
“The Covid pandemic set the stage, then came the Jan. 6th insurrection, Trump’s re-election, the ICE detention centers, and worldwide economic collapse due to Trump’s tariffs. But the real tipping point was when no one would sell Alan Dershowitz a pierogi. There was no coming back from that.”
Kennedy Curse Sure Taking Its Sweet Time With RFK Jr.
Dean Cain is the Scott Baio of Supermen.
This is fucking genius: “Now Prescott will be piloting an offense that has about as much life to it as Payne Stewart’s Learjet”
Ripley* and Rosalita** Esperanza*** Beyoncé**** went on strike on the walk home from the beach. I should note that this happened four(4) times in the block and a half it takes to get home. *from "Alien" **Springsteen song ***From Spalding ****Random name I plucked out of the air that no ones uses
Michelle Obama cooks ESPN: "If I watch ESPN for an hour it's like watching The Real Housewives of Atlanta. It's the same drama, they're yelling at each other, they don't get along. Stephen A. Smith would be a great Real Housewife. What's the difference? It's just drama."
America is 248 years old and Trump keeps calling it “the hottest country in the world” despite it being 234 years older than his normal target age for fuckability.
I see $50k going towards a new F150 and an OnlyFans account instead of catching up on child support for those kids they only get to see every third weekend and every other Christmas. Maybe throw in an American flag to liven up the wall in their sad divorced dad studio apartment.
THE NEW DIRECTOR OF THE BUREAU OF LABOR STATISTICS IS GOING TO COUNT THIS AS A JOB. TWO JOBS IF YOU RAKE THE LEAVES. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER.
Meet your new U.S. Attorney for the District of Columbia:
This is right on. For people like Allen & VandeHei, being "opinionated" just means expressing progressive opinions, the idea that things should change. Opinions that reinforce status quo hierarchies -- ie, conservative opinions -- don't count as opinion at all. They're just "the way it is."
They are both awful in their distinctive fucked-up ways, but yeah
I’m pretty sure if he went by Tom Williams instead of Thomas Chatterton Wigglesworth Punting-on-the-Thames Williams he’d be writing ad copy for Anthropologie which is embarrassing in a whole different way.
Also, I tip very well because of that.
Normally when I pick her up, the manager tells me “Rosie was screaming again.” Rosalita does, in fact, scream at the least convenient times and for no reason. She is very weird.
Rosalita Esperanza Beyoncé was ”allegedly” a “very good girl” who was “cooperative” and “pretty relaxed” according to “John” at Petco grooming today. You got played, “John” — if that is your real name.
I once floated Poulan/Weed Eater Bowl for a basset and my family shot me down because they lack imagination.
Fenway (foreground) and Wembley about 13 years ago. I’ve taken photos of all seven bassets I’ve owned, but Fenway had a glow about him that made it so easy. He was a natural…
Rosalita Esperanza Beyoncé has grown fond of carrying her new squeaky toy around the house and it is both cute and tad unnerving
Fox News will report: “Trump pays touching tribute to Ozzy” Politico: “Dems in disarray after Trump throws them a curve” Axios: “Trump interrupts press conference — Here’s what AI has to say” And the Washington Post won’t report on it because everyone took the buyout and it’s a Spirit store.
Bondi is going to do a press conference to push back at the WSJ report and Trump will be lurking behind the door and if it starts to go bad, he’ll burst through the door like Kool-Aid Man yelling “JD REALLY DID FUCK A COUCH. TULSI IS A WITCH!” Then he’ll bite the head off a bat as an homage.
Catherine Rampell following Bump and Capehart out the door at the WaPo, but readers will still have Megan McArdle to illuminate the world for them. This is like the Lakers trading away the entire team for used equipment and rebuilding around Bronny.
The Return of the Son of “Is it irresponsible to speculate? It is irresponsible not to.”
We spent a considerable amount of time down by the water today and a certain someone came home exhausted.
Went to see a play last night (Noises Off) at the Old Globe which drew an elderly crowd. Outside the theater was a drag show because it was Pride Weekend in San Diego and I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many old white men looking so distressed and uncomfortable outside of a colonoscopy waiting room.
These people vote. "This, this mafia cabal that has run the world, which I believe is the beast of Revelation. It's a, it's not a single, the antichrist, it's also called the antichrist. It's not a single person. And a lot of people have no idea that that's what really spurred the Great Awakening."
"Engorged with artistic ardor, Donald's grasped a large black Sharpie with his small but manly hand and thrust it over and over against the virgin white paper, sketching a shy maiden on the verge of womanhood for his best pal, sweet Jeffrey" -- Wall Street Journal's slightly more "bawdy" first draft
Here’s a basset for the weekend. In this case the late, great Wembley that time we had to tell him that, yes, being stung by a bee made his face look fat. As you can see, he was not pleased. Not one of his finer moments…
On the other hand, better he’s occupied with this rather than directing Percival Everett’s “James” as has been rumored. The horror…the horror…
I bet the editors of the Wall Street Journal came to blows over whether to use “bawdy” or “ribald” for their Epstein letter headline, while one stood on his desk and screamed “Rabelaisian” over and over until someone cold-cocked him with a well-thrown stapler.
Going to start selling these inspirational posters to wine moms starting tomorrow.
peggynoonan.com/88/
It’s an evergreen, bless Peggy’s vodka-soaked soul.
Last Thursday Dan Bongino had a blow up with Pam Bondi who accused him of leaking and he stormed out. He didn’t show up for work on Friday. One week later, the WSJ reports on Trump’s naughty birthday note to Epstein. “Is it irresponsible to speculate? It is irresponsible not to.”
President Trump, to The Wall Street Journal: “I never wrote a picture in my life.“ Currently available for purchase on eBay:
Welp, the WSJ came through. “The letter concludes: ‘Happy Birthday — and may every day be another wonderful secret.” I wonder if Trump has this in Spanish for the occasional quinceañera
“When Jimmy Fallon dies his tombstone would read ‘here lies replaceable’” Ari Shaffir has joked. With CBS dumping Colbert, NBC has a chance to right an egregious wrong, basically a crime against humanity, it has inflicted on America for over a decade. Do it.
This my now grey-faced Ripley (see below a couple of posts) when we got him as a rescue about seven years ago. He was out wandering the streets of Hemet, CA. When the couple who owned him were tracked down they said, "He keeps getting out. You want him?" They have no idea what they missed out on
“… also God drowned those little girls at that Christian camp in Texas with a flood because fuck them kids.”
Like many non-New Yorkers, I sometimes get Andrew Cuomo and Chris Cuomo mixed up. Here is a handy guide: Andrew Cuomo was forced out as governor of NY due to multiple accusations of sexual harassment Chris Cuomo was forced out at CNN amid multiple accusations of sexual harassment Hope that helps
Shakes hands with Black man Shakes hand and talks to white woman Shakes hand and talks with Black woman Honks boobs of young white woman Shakes hands and poses with Black man Looks at phone with Black man Ad agency: Don't worry, we'll edit that one part out
Ending the weekend with the golden hour…
Trump: Despite what Bondi said, the Epstein files do exist and Hillary and Obama wrote them so they are fake including the part where I had sex with Amber who was only 15 but I swear she looked 18, maybe 19, so I can’t release them, nothing to see here. Thank you for your attention to this matter!
Have to admit after watching the new Superman movie, having it end with him voting for Mamdani, exiting the voting booth with his fist raised and shouting “Allahu akbar!” might be considered “woke” in some quarters. #ImmigrantsWeGetTheJobDone
Personally, I think dead puppy Cricket saw something and had to be eliminated. Dead dogs tell no tales.
The thing people don't realize about Kristi Noem is that, like Sarah Palin, she is a minor league beauty pageant queen who was desperate to flee her backwater state to get to the big city. There she can play dress-up, slather on make-up and canoodle with Corey Lewandowski without the cows watching.
Hard to believe that a person best known for taking her kids’ puppy into a gravel pit and shooting it in the face could actually sink lower but, hey, meet Kristi Noem…
Not since the Washington Post decided to give dullard Megan McArdle a national platform has anyone failed upward as spectacularly like Bari Weiss in the race to make civilization dumber.
If you are about-to-be, or already, former federal worker who lost your job because one of Elon Musk's incel DOGE dweebs hit "delete" and then LOL'd , you can get a new job working for ICE allowing you to get a paycheck while leaking like a colander in the rain Thank you for your service in advance
No coming back for Mamdani after this. He had a nice run but it’s over….
When someone “Well,actually…” something like this, the FBI should be alerted…
So I turned 70 today, which my friends and family have assured is “a big one,” and I don’t know how this happened because I’m totaly sure I was still in high school, like, last Wednesday and I am not happy about this and I would like to speak to the manager because this is bullshit.
After two hours on her hands and knees picking strawberries, Brooke Rollins would be begging someone to shoot her and put her out of her misery.
Furious at being scooped on Mamdani’s SAT scores by the NYPost, New York Times Asst. Managing Editor Patrick Healy has assembled a crack team of investigative journalists to find out how much Mamdani can bench using X commenter @swolBrooklynTony as a key source. Total game changer.
The last place on earth you want to be is at a Taco Bell by the beach at midnight on July 4th. It looks like this:
Rosalita Esperanza Beyoncé, on the other hand, doesn’t give a shit about fireworks but is always amenable to a Taco Bell run.
Ripley is majorly afraid of fireworks, two years ago he ruptured a vertebrae jumping into a tub in a panic, so we had to get him heavily stoned last night because festivities around here go to 3am. He did better this year and we didn't even have to take the little drooling dope fiend to Taco Bell.
I wish I could say that Dictatorship Dissident was just trolling here, but one look at the account and…nope. “Beyond hope” is an understatement.
Chlorine Barbie’s husband is a green card holder whose skin tone can be found at your local Sherwin-Williams next to “Snowbound” and “Sunbleached.”
If only Mamdani had written, “My mom and dad teach here. LOL.” like Josh did on his college application…
I stopped paying attention to ESPN when they started treating UFC like a legitimate sport instead of what it is: a bar fight that spills out onto the sidewalk and ends with less crying, drooling and police showing up too late. It’s entertainment for meatheads who move their lips when they read.
This is bullshit reporting. A Democrat replaced a Democrat who stepped down from the Board of Supervisors. All nine members of the City Council are Democrats. The mayor is a Democrat. Not saying there isn’t an east coast bias when it comes to reporting, but this is absolute crap
