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Employee appreciation lunch features cheapest food possible
BREAKING: D.C. area man not currently dead, has definitely never been dead during past week
White House reminds press pool that lots of presidents smell like they’ve been decomposing for 5 days
Canadians paralyzed by choice on what movie to watch to remember Graham Greene
Mark Carney celebrates Labour Day by ordering labourers back to work
Mark Carney celebrates Labour Day by ordering labourers back to work
All the haters who are constantly accusing us of not changing the conversation about better cities must feel pretty stupid right about now.
5 fun or cheap activities to make the most of summer, and yes, we did mean “or”
Joe Rogan of the Left? This credulous dipshit is vegan
Obviously, when it does happen you'll hear it here first, because of our many inside sources. Or, as the Americans would write it, sorces.
BREAKING: Nope, not yet
Report: Entire world refreshing newsfeed for no particular reason
Air show opens with sky acknowledgment
A&W’s new Complicated Family Menu features Step-Mom Burger, Secret Cousin Burger
Lesbian who doesn't like sports may as well just die
“They didn’t have autism in my day,” claims man with thorough knowledge of the history of the Caledonian Railway
Maybe Taylor and Travis will register at the Beaverton Merch Store??? Check it out!
"AI is just a tool" says tech mogul who is just a tool
Real life Jason Voorhees? This kid’s mom is weird
Fervent acolytes await prophesied return of Pumpkin Spice Latte
International Court of Justice rules that Israel must bomb civilians more humanely
Danielle Smith says Canada has some of the lowest living standards in the world thanks to her hard work www.thebeaverton.com/2025/08/dani...
Coppertone unveils new SPF 1,000,000 sunblock that shrouds land in eternal darkness
9. Rachel Maddow 10. Barack Hussein Obama 11. Joe Biden 12. Hunter Biden 13. Joe Biden’s wife 14. Justin Trudeau
The Beaverton Weekly Report podcast will return with all-new episodes in September, but for now enjoy this conversation our host Luke Gordon Field had with Canadian Geographic!
Leading physicists claim Mark Carney’s elbows are in a quantum superposition of up and down simultaneously
Patriotic Canadians resigned to consuming Pizza Pizza www.thebeaverton.com/2025/08/patr...
Elizabeth May says she won't lead Green Party in next election after Green Party tells her same thing
Point/Counterpoint: The Nintendo Switch 2 is Too Expensive vs. Big Monkey Smash Rocks www.thebeaverton.com/2025/08/poin...
Air Canada, union reach deal, forcing travelers to fly Air Canada again
Zelensky pretty sure disgraceful meeting could have been disgraceful email
Fairy tale wedding? This ceremony was attacked by wolves
Bruce Fanjoy wins Battle River-Crowfoot by-election
Billionaire with doomsday bunker wants you to know AI great
Air Canada consoles stranded passengers with pictures of their executive bonuses
“Sit the fuck down, you miserable little cretins” begins Air Canada apology statement
Poilievre promises Battle River-Crowfoot if elected they will never see him again
“Sit the fuck down, you miserable little cretins” begins Air Canada apology statement
Poilievre promises Battle River-Crowfoot if elected they will never see him again
Trump demands 20% gratuity for selling Ukraine to Putin
As strike looms, Air Canada thrilled to have new excuse to cancel flights
WestJet debuts new slogan: “Air Canada, but somehow worse.”
Trump demands 20% gratuity for selling Ukraine to Putin
Billionaire with doomsday bunker wants you to know AI great
Newfoundlanders use $500 wildfire payout to pay half a hydro bill
“I probably did something to it” says man whose back just like that now
Our good friends at The Goose explain why Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson not only suck, but they suck for the environment too!
Mark Carney still answering question reporter asked 6 weeks ago
Garage sale host far too willing to share which items belonged to dead wife
How dare Tim Houston ruin my child’s favourite summer activity: burning down the province of Nova Scotia
Canadians travelling to the US advised to not fucking do that
New employee quits over fun fact pressure
Poilievre rushed to safety after actual journalist question makes it past security
European relatives visiting Toronto say they’d love to drive and see the Rocky Mountains while they’re here
Smelly man rebrands himself as savoury man
Canada: “We are prepared to issue as many empty statements as necessary to stop this genocide”
Nation's mothers hail 18-year-old tennis champion Vicky Mboko as new unattainable standard for you to live up to
Pros and Cons of building a tunnel under the 401 thebeaverton.com/2025/08/pros...
Pornhub leak reveals most of their actors are not actually step-siblings
Elon Musk releases new baby name book, “From Arargnft to Zrrfppfortt” www.thebeaverton.com/2025/08/elon...
We asked some Australians to try these classic Canadian snack foods and they died, they all died
Five adorable Victorian fashion accessories to go with your child’s measles
Owner walking large dog off leash on sidewalk really fucking cool
5 tips for celebrating Saskatchewan Day, New Brunswick Day, Natal Day, Briti—wait, Natal Day? What the fuck?
Patio season convinces Ottawa woman she doesn’t live in desolate arctic hellscape 90% of year
Apple TV+ spends $1 billion on the perfect film, then burns it as a tax write-off www.thebeaverton.com/2025/08/appl...
Realtors warn that if housing market collapses everyone could one day afford house
‘So far so good’ reports baby carrying around Ming Dynasty vase
North York condo penthouse boasts dazzling views of absolutely nothing
Declining attendance leads Catholic Church to perform ‘ambush baptisms’
We ranked the provinces and tried really hard not to put New Brunswick last
95% of Millennial birds expect to never own their birdhouses
Elder Millennial opens zip file of cherished memories
Trump says Canada backing Palestinian statehood jeopardizes U.S. trade deal he was gonna break anyway
Home prices plummet from ‘not a fucking chance’ to ‘look into buying for 5 seconds before giving up’ levels (Podcast)
Western World to recognize Palestine as a state in September if it’s still there
Local car crash victim remembered as “nothing special, if we’re being honest”
Western World to recognize Palestine as a state in September if it’s still there
Season Finale of our podcast available now! -Trump visits the finest Trump brand golf courses in Europe -Canada caught lying about arming Israel -Housing prices fall and we still can't afford housing +More Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/6gEfZLv...
End of days? Shoppers pharmacy answers phone
Man stranded on desert island regrets bringing favourite album instead of flare gun
I’ve been silent for 21 months of genocide, but this one editorial criticizing Israel will prove I’ve always been on the right side of history
Mark Carney seeks to reach young Canadians by delivering speech in form of rap
Among the 100 names Ghislaine Maxwell offered to the DOJ in hopes of obtaining a pardon: 34. everyone that works at NPR 35. Kamala Harris 36. woke Superman 37. Nancy Pelosi 38. Barack Obama again
Trump places 200 percent tariffs on Donkey Kong Country
The 100 names Ghislaine Maxwell named as being on the Epstein List
Millennials increasingly depressed they’ll never be able to tell children to get off their lawn
Sleepiness credit non-transferable between couch and bed
5 ways to reuse your “Fuck Trudeau” flags
Who's got however many thumbs we've got and is now verified on Bluesky? This comedy site. You can't see it, but we're all pointing to ourselves, with our thumbs.
Hulk Hogan declared dead after paramedic's elbow drop fails to restart heart
Carney guarantees that his policies will transform Canada into four corporations in a trench coat (Podcast)
Alberta separatist arguing in the comment section definitely real and not CIA
Trump tempted to release Epstein Files just to see own name in print
Self-described “grill master” skills limited to hot dogs and frozen burgers thebeaverton.com/2025/07/self...
6. House of Commons to be elected on strict rep by population rules, and also cows count as 3 people