The Parable of the Sheep and the Goats 2: The Democrats You Called Sheeple and the Republicans Who Fed Your Children To Mammon snazzy avatar from @cowtoolsdaily.bsky.social
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He had to pause his brief negotiations with Heaven (and a few other unmentionable members of the deadland parliament) in order to seek the Nobel Peace Prize for rescuing the USA from aliens in Alabama and humans in Chicago, and showed off his neat bath bomb which could mean another peace prize! ✌🏻🤞🏻
“following rumors of his death donald trump held a press conference announcing extrajudicial killings of civilians and plans for a military invasion of an american city” is a perfectly factual headline that could be used to describe what we saw yesterday
“And I’m sorry if I said anything to offend you. But I’m not really.” - How we all should be speaking, not just Dave Matthews Because he’s correct. Artists art. Scientists science. Musicians music. And politicians are telling us how to live our lives? Mmm, nnnnooo. They’re not cut out for it. 🖕🏻
WAKE UP! The survivors of Jeffrey Epstein deserve justice. They deserve to be heard. Today at 10:30 AM EST / 7:30 AM PST, they’re speaking live at a press conference. The system tried to bury the truth, but these voices are rising anyway. Watch. Share. Don’t look away. (Link in 🧵)
Add that stuff to your mac & cheese You won’t believe how much you’ll hate me and love me for having read this comment.
Detox Jeanine Pirro
This is some M*A*S*Hception shit.
MacLeod.
This reeks of parasocially “involved.”
You should have seen the way my mom would catch an entire stank-face when my aunt would watch Kenneth Copeland in front of her (bad enough) but then he would say “covetousness.” She pointed it out to me once and now I get the stank-face just thinking about it. Covet-chuss-ness.
Thanks for your attempt to exert your authority on the matter, @trump-fucks-kids.bsky.social. When it’s needed, you’ll be contacted.
What was that Michael Moore movie? The one where he specifically showed all the countries that do the American dream better than America ever did.
Times like these, I miss Judy Tenuta terribly.
That’s the face of a guy who just let the most rank fart but knows he’ll never catch the blame because his boss always smells like he just shit himself to death, decomposed, revived, and then did it again another two times in a row.
My grandpa put me to work in his sawmill at six, #nepobaby
Yes. Why does he need Just Dance Vance standing beside him for this entire performance when that cowardly lion has been hiding from work for the last ten months?
Tapper wrote that book to embarrass and shame and discredit President Kamala Harris. It got released because eh 🤷🏻♀️ might as well humiliate the old man and make some money. But there’s no incentive for him to 💩 on Trump. He’s on that team.
If Musk is truly concerned about low birth rate, he’ll figure out how to turn human males into seahorses. He’s not. He’s interested in something else.
roses are red gold is the key
👃 like 🐂💩
I hope it’s a signed resignation. But I think you probably would be okay with that, too. 🌆✍🏻
Probably be an AI deepfake, whatever it is.
Ketchup. It’s always ketchup. Catsup if ya nasty.
Same ones that see the boxification of fast food restaurants as some sort of DEI commie thing instead of capitalism making everything into interchangeable LEGO buildings.
Cow Tools are extraordinary in that regard, tut tut.
Name rhyme with “Take Japper”?
Judge Sooknanan: As I said at the start of this hearing, I got a call at 2:36 am [last night] because the government chose the wee hours of the morning on the Sunday of Labor Day weekend to execute a plan to move these children. That's why we're here.
Chris Carter was out of pocket with this recast, but I’m kinda feeling it.
I mean, “Prior to the incident” could have been 1985 for all we know. #weaselwords
I feel like a purrvert, watching this tender moment 👀
getting into trepanning because maybe some micellar water on the dura mater will cleanse the nerve ghosts idfk
You understand that if they’re rerunning videos and photos that they have overthrown the government
“I’m a Boinger” and “U Stink But I Love U” #tubasolo
Bill Cassidy Senator Louisiana Call or write WASHINGTON, DC 455 Dirksen Senate Office Building Washington, D.C. 20510 Phone: (202) 224-5824 Hours: M-F9-5:30pm www.cassidy.senate.gov
Sending the first one to my therapist, thanks
Taylor Lorenz getting exposed and dragged skinless all over social media is so satisfying. www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8BbRRSy/
Damn, I gotta slow my roll on my hideous personality, lawyer said he’ll get that thing prepped next week.
Listen.
They’re setting off fireworks in my neighborhood. Why?
I mean, I want to spend $3 million max. I got like 10¢ in the bank and they don’t return my calls, but
Like clockwork
New in PN: Alert the media — the WH is lying about Trump's health "Something's clearly up & the official explanations don’t make sense. That’s not a shock given that Trump is a liar surrounded by toadies who surrendered their shame long ago. But it’s past time for reporters to ask some questions."
only so many words you can put in a headline but the whole response is loud and proud support for the trans community and worth reading
oh that brought back a memory
Say it to her face mikeywikey, not on Fox.
You do it, we’re dying.
I’ll take it in orange peel 😈
Walked into the CDC and said, “Let’s get some disease in control of this place!”
No notes
Looks like Taylor Lorenz is getting exposed even more for her falsehoods. Perhaps she should just find another line of work instead of placating the tankies?
Why does he always look like a toad that’s about to pee on you so you’ll put it back in the moat where you found it
“When I call Kennedy a ‘dangerous crank,’ I'm not saying that as an insult or as hyperbole, but honestly as the most economical way of describing the man's views,” says @chrislhayes.bsky.social on RFK Jr.
THIS 👉🏾 What price are you willing to pay? “You’re letting masked men snatch girls’ parents off the streets.”
You know, I’m going to withdraw my funding if you don’t start cooperating
Thank god he’s got practice getting booed at in so many different vacation spots
Jugular Dissecting Vance
Missiouri Republican Rep. MarkAlford to his angry constituents: "If you didn't want to hear my lies, why did you come here?"
Tub full of boats and submarines (sandwich toppings not included)
Give him a bath and some boats to play with in the bubbles, he won’t know the gd difference.
I got a new shirt. I guess I’ll sing about it.
Me walking in like “Do you want me to sit on you or are you just gonna believe me about my BMI” lol
Jesus, make a bunch of videos accusing a ton of people of being paid actors and then delete them and go “Oh, this guy said this. I guess I’ll present both sides!” Less than a two minute womp-womp. Not even an apology for attacking people on the word of Nazi-lover Taylor Lorenz.
I can't stop thinking about this photo. How dare Republicans call themselves “pro-life” when this is what their policies do.
Let’s talk about the misinformation campaign in a recent Wired article. Let me know if you have any questions!
He did a play through of the demo for Demon Bluff a month or so ago, very funny. Made me feel better about how bad I am at logic games.
Had a fun time writing about bread and circuses vs. bread and roses and whether in crises we're allowed to have fun. www.meditationsinanemergency.com/circuses-vs-...
Abbe Lowell and I represent CDC Director #SusanMonarez. Contrary to govt statements, Dr. Monarez has neither resigned nor yet been fired. She will not resign. We have issued the following statement:
Man, hecc darren sharper, all my homies hate darren sharper
RULE ABOUT AMERICAN FLAGS: If you burn the fabric part, you're looking at jail. But it you use the pole part to assault a police officer, you get a presidential pardon, praise, and some cash.
In your underpants…on the first day of school…in front of the cheerleading squad! Literally the stuff of nightmares because why the hell is this even a scenario that was created without the involvement of a weighty calzone right before an ill-advised nap 💤 💭
Did you say
always appreciated Dr. Moonhattan's arc
It’s 97 degrees Fahrenheit, that’s a demon. I’m shielding myself with the flag to protect me via the holy trinity of red white and blue praise murrican jesus
But this is the logo they were using when they introduced that stupid “plant-based” sausage on the menu, right? Woooooooooke!
We’re all innocent on that Old Town Road 🙏🏻
Disney princesses aren’t special, y’all forgot that you can talk to critters with intention. Whether they choose to listen is up to them, and what their ability to understand is up to both of you, but try it. Work on it. I can’t be the only one.
Walz says Harris "would have been a fantastic president... we wouldn't wake up every day to a bunch of shit on TV. We would wake up to an adult w/ compassion & dignity doing the work, not a manchild crying about whatever is wrong with him. May his fat ankles find something today. Petty as hell."
Just remember that, about a century ago, some girl showed up out of nowhere and dropped a house on the entire cast of Westenders, stole their shoes, then fucked off to America somewhere.
Esquie, mon ami… Goûton voir si le vin est bon?
You want me inventing words for you, you’re going to have to pay me.
Seeing this story out of Texas, I think it would be fun to have barbecue tonight.
“Stay angry, little Meg,” Mrs Whatsit whispered. “You will need all your anger now.” "Okay I get that," Meg whispered back, "but I've been angry for over a decade straight and my arteries are basically solid carbon fiber at this point. Do I ever get a freakin' break?"
and today everyone is talking about Clemens’ longtime exploitation of late country singer Mindy McCready that began when he was 28 and married and she was just 15 so enjoy that spotlight Roger (backstory: pitcherlist.com/bbwaa-is-era...)
That adrenochrome 👩🏻🍳 💋 (What? I’m just offering yet another conspiracy theory they kept throwing against “the swamp.”)
It’s a good look for Clemons, if he wants to remind people that pedophiles hang around together. It’s a great look for Trump, if he’s trying to keep the Epstein Files in the news.
Spiro Agnew was the last great, I fear.
Monkey’s breath pillows.
High stakes conspiracy theory: He’s fine and they’ve been playing up the angle that he’s failing because if one side is watching and waiting for the day, dominoes can fall into place that will end all the days. So with just a little flair and panache, ~casual failure~ is made to look like ~eww~.
He has to be well rested for when he’s thrust into the spotlight as the treasonous bitch-boy prez after what’s his name clogs his last toilet next week lol
BREAKING: We have a major Jeffrey Epstein update. Congressman Robert Garcia tells me the Justice Department gave the House 33,000 documents, but only 1,000 contained NEW information. Spread the word and watch this. They are stonewalling us. open.substack.com/pub/aaronpar...
Important. Clear, concise, imperative. Please watch.
Sure seems like there have been a lot more FDA food recalls recently. Surely more deregulation & fewer food inspectors won’t have any negative effects on keeping deadly bacteria or broken glass out of our mouths! This is the 3rd separate company to have cheese recalled for Listeria in the past week
This sort of admission—the VP is involved in prosecutorial decisions, the "concerns" arise from political actors, and the administration knows they don't have probable cause—would have prompted the Founders to impeach everyone involved.