Don't you think Danny Dyer would be better? Less of an all-rounder than McIntyre but so good at what he does. "See that penguin there, he's a right little c***"
Don't you think Danny Dyer would be better? Less of an all-rounder than McIntyre but so good at what he does. "See that penguin there, he's a right little c***"
Awww, it's Call The Midworf!
He's become surprisingly versatile recently. He'll fill it well.
Stenders doesn't need Attenborough. The "loveable senior gentleman" position is already skillfully filled by Walker. Unless Attenborough is able to play in the embittered matriarch position then he's better off staying where he is.
I'm quite nice really.
She's an utter flytrap.
That's what she wants you to think. In reality she's riddled with space monkeys waiting to attack.
HEY JUDE
No hun. That's neither a rock nor Michael Flatley.
I've changed my mind. Edward Scissors for Hands could be useful WHEN WE NEED TO START PREPARING OUR DEFENCES FOR WHEN THE MONKEY ALLIANCE ATTACKS.
Are you sure you're not mistaking rocks for Michael Flatley, hun?
Oh my! It says non-s*xual n*dity. I didn't know rock could be n*ked.
Some people don't even know the basic facts about our home solo system. Here's everything you need to know
Michael, maybe we should pull the plug on medical science if it's only being used to keep the elderly alive long enough to vote for racists? Btw, which planet are you on?
Or maybe because Venus has b**bs on display? Utterly unacceptable planetary behaviour, imo.
We'll sit at the back with popcorn and big fancy hats.
The publishing industry is in decline. Some say it's because of changing market dynamics. Others say it's because of technological disruptions. But the truth is it's because they refuse to publish my lovely book of Heartwarming Stories for Children.
These and Childhood Diaries are my favourite Michael things. I can't understand why they haven't been awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature. Btw Michael, if I can't find anyone else to go with, please would you be my +1 at Taylor Swift's wedding?
I'm sure the other boys are quite lovely. Maybe Mammy1979 could text Mo Salah's mum to arrange a play date for the pair of you? He could benefit from you sharing your knowledge of the beautiful game with him.
Oh dear. LFC have again failed to select you for the squad haven't they?
Poor Michael. He can't ban you from enjoying your favourite breakfast soups without admitting their existence. It must be a frustrating dilemma for him.
Are you banning Leah from breakfast soups as well, Michael? Leah is very fond of breakfast soups, especially overnight oats breakfast soup.
Ah Killian, he's so dreamy đ
This applies in my house too. My cat also uses an outside privy so Greg's role is replaced with cat flap maintenance.
Steven, are you in the Soup Troops?
She's in the PG6 group chat and she's doing fine. She's a busy person nowadays.
Tankie! How could you?
I didn't say it was Leah! [DM to Leah: we could probably get away with blaming Dot while she's busy being busy somewhere else]
Oh Leah,
Oh dear. Maybe my innocence has led me to see things that aren't there. You have much more exp*rience than me. If you say there's no inn*endo then there's no inn*endo. Please accept my sincerest apologies, Michael.
***INNUENDO ALERT*** Michael 1979! No wonder Gordon is King if you're going about saying stuff like this! @slacko.bsky.social I'm so sorry you had to see that.
Are you sure? He could wear his Stealth Warrior bandana while you and Gordon give him a hoist up.
Ouch!!
@sirmichael.bsky.social are you heading to Irvine at all? #LadderHamInDisguise www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...
I'm in the process of applying to join The Soup Troops, Michael. I'm currently on page 397 of the application form and I'm about halfway through the 8 volume handbook. Just one question before I continue: Do we really have to refer to you as The Mighty Crouton?
I can imagine it now. A poetic recital of MMMBop accompanied by interpretive dance.
She's a saint. An absolute saint.
Would Mammy let him be an escort?
I think the Girlfriend Village has been on TV tonight, Michael. @greennotcabbage.bsky.social has been watching Rose of Tralee and discussing it very sensibly in PG6. It feels like it could be coming live from the Girlfriend Village.
Ok, that's a fair point
Michael, I think what you've done here is prove, incontrovertibly, that The Beatles were not that good. At last someone has had the guts to say it. Well done đđģ
You're implying grandmothers can't be s*xy? Is it all over between you and Mrs Buckley then?
Norwegian W**d
No mate. No you're not.
Father? Is that you?
The truth often is, Neil.
What is the likelihood of Sunderland being in the Premier League for more than one season? This could be a problem that solves itself relatively quickly.
Do you mean football? If so, yes.
It works for tennis
True, but if the ref goes up the ladder during the game they would see the whole pitch and eliminate the need for VAR. That's got to be a good thing?
Maybe referee whistles could be made of ham? Then, if PL teams only accept players who are vegan, the whistle problem would solve itself? (If the odd meat eater does accidentally get through, the pea inside the whistle would taste great with the ham exterior)
Fair. My daughters want to visit Liverpool with me at some point as it's 'in their blood'. They'd like to see Kenny. I'm not sure I'm up for that.
On holiday or have you decided you need some distance?
Well bugger tits to that.
Kenny getting to you, mate?
The home preceded the Girlfriend Village by quite some time. We had a wonderful time drowning our sorrows as we discussed* life's disappointments** and then Dotty blew up the gin store. *slagged off ** The Lovely Boys
Ah, the good old days, when convenient walls were accessible to all. Do I get an OCB for remembering the good old wall, Michael?
Ok, that's fair. Have you changed your poster wall? I don't remember breeze blocks in the good old days.
I remember when he was all damp and glistening, in his speedos and nose clip, at the little flippers swimming class. @averyheart.bsky.social do you remember that?
Michael, if I arrive at 4.29, will the start of your meeting at 4.19 count as the good old days, and if so will it be ok to discuss it?
Excited to announce that I have decided to become an events coordinator. My first event is scheduled for tomorrow afternoon đ¤
Michael, I'm one of the world's leading art experts and I happen to know The Louvre is looking for a picture of a twerking horse to show in their upcoming 'Where It All Went Wrong For Horses 1998 - 2001' exhibition. Might be worth giving them a call.
That's almost 98% certainly what might have potentially happened.
We've all been there.
This is all true, but my point is that if some corporate bigwig hadn't decided to put the Titanic in water in the first place, none of it would have happened and DiCaprio would have got to paint Winslet's b**b's again. The water isn't at fault. It's being scapegoated.
How would you know, Tankie? You were kicked out âšī¸
Ah, fair point. My girly anti-frizz serum would be totally unsuitable because it comes in a round bottle rather than a manly square bottle. It's probably too delicate to survive your manly hands.
Steven, would you like to borrow my hair straighteners? I have some anti-frizz serum you could use too.
For centuries, people have wondered if water is a good or bad thing. Now, thanks to data, we can finally make a definitive assessment
Water isn't culpable for the Titanic disaster. Whoever took the Titanic out of dry dock and put her in the water is to blame. The Titanic would have been fine if her owners had fitted wheels to her and driven her round on the land. This was a human error. Water is not responsible.
That's a question for @sirmichael.bsky.social
He's an eagle that looks like a duck. Of course he's amazing.
Jefferson took the photo of his feet himself.
Exactly! Poor Jefferson.
Oh okay. Jefferson is a bit greener than I expected an eagle to be. And the webbed feet were a surprise too.
Well, bugger tits. Can anybody lend me some sun cream?
For anyone who needs to know how to rename a file, here's my handy how-to guide. Hope this is helpful đ¤
Michael, I've been looking at the picture you sent me of Jefferson, your pet eagle. Are you 100% sure eagles are different to ducks?
That's just beautiful.
Never change, Michael.
VT are you trying to undermine Michael in front of his dedicated followers?
[[Encrypted DM to Tankie: you think her bucket is blue?]]
You'll get kicked out the Lovely Boys if you keep talking like that!
[[Encrypted DM to Tankie: Keeping Up Appearances you say? You leave Mrs Bucket out of this! She's a goddess]]
We do. Ask Mrs Buckley or Mammy1979. Ask @greennotcabbage.bsky.social.
The moon is very important. Whenever it's full we bare our br**sts and run, howling, through the woods. It's an integral part of being a lady.
If Tim Key is at your funeral could I be there too, please?
All the turkeys are furious with you. I can't repeat what they put in their latest email. I'll get banned from the interwebs if I do.
Oh dear. I've just had another email from all the turkeys. They are upset by your post and they are plotting revenge.
Steven's innocence? It doesn't exist. He might be upset by fl*sh but he's not innocent. Don't forget he almost found the Girlfriend Village once, Michael.
I know, but I'm pure trash. These things are to be expected.
Ah Michael. You shouldn't have done that. I've had a reply from all the turkeys and it's not pretty. They said to tell you they are coming for you, and your yellow belt won't protect you. Sorry mate.
Or we could send someone up a very big ladder with a blue bucket of iced water to pour over the sun. This would cool everything down and prevent Steven from seeing unnecessary fl*sh. It would also be an excellent way of celebrating ladders.
Michael, I've just had an email from all the turkeys asking if you could please drop your plan for The Christmas of Spring. They say one Christmas a year is quite enough if you're a turkey. The American turkeys also added a few expletives about Thanksgiving but I'll not repeat them here.
Oh girls. Well done!! And against 12 players too.
