i feel like you could convince rfk jr that midichlorians are real
sports, emo/punk music, political meltdowns, irreverent passing thoughts, crab rangoons, things of that nature
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i feel like you could convince rfk jr that midichlorians are real
I am a hypermasculine and extremely powerful alpha male. As such my greatest fears are seed oils, rainbows, people who don't look like me being on TV, and preventative medicine. I cannot explain any of these fears and consider that to be your fault.
we solved stomp clap
surely we can come up with something better for 7 billion people than being lorded over by a bunch of plundering elderly murder and torture enthusiasts who whisper to each other about printing spare organs so they can immiserate others in perpetuity
Got drunk with my coworkers tonight and revealed that I’m really into shipwrecks and Gilmore Girls so I guess I’m back on the job hunt
scratch a libertarian and—
Can someone just fucking invade us already???
Oh damn Canada annexed Chicago???
(nick saban quiet but exhausted press conference voice) we just gotta get back to fuckin and suckin
i met anubis in the realm of the underworld, big strong guy by the way, had a dog’s head, i’m not so sure about that. and he said to me, mr president, you’ve got the heaviest soul we’ve ever weighed down here. can you believe it? they’ve never seen a soul that heavy in all of duat
You guys ever just think about how good rice is
Platner: No one cares that you pretend to be remorseful as you sell out to lobbyists. Symbolic opposition does not reopen hospitals. Weak condemnations do not bring back Roe V Wade. Maine deserves better than Susan Collins.
[they’re right tho]
This is the Texas Conway Twitty hair guy’s Wario
Hi did you move your newsletter away from substack? drop it in the replies so people can find you and subscribe! I am big on rewarding good choices
Bucket hats in the air like mortarboards at graduation
We need a Hakeem Jeffries of the right.
belichick at UNC still feels like a bit
I’m not gonna lie: I got queasy looking at this
This is why I found it so funny the ivys and snob schools rolled over so fast and got double fucked for doing it. These are the same people getting duped putting 50 grand in a shoebox. Rich and priveleged Americans are the easiest people to scam and bully because they've never deal with it before.
unironic use of the phrase "purity test" is the best way to signal to everyone that you're a selfish amoral piece of shit who would eagerly sacrifice any marginalized community you aren't part of in order to preserve your own comfort
And I saw this as a home owner, so it’s not a sour grapes thing. It’s just horribly unfair to poor and even middle class people that they can do this.
It should be illegal to own property you don’t live in. Full stop. Fuck landlords, fuck private developers, fuck property managers. And especially fuck the HGTV wannabes who view house flipping as a business.
Was casually browsing Trulia and saw that the douchebag with the cyber truck spent the last year renovating that house so he could flip it for $400k more than any other house in the neighborhood is worth. Eat shit and *** asshole.
You’re never gonna guess what this is in response to
You see, it's not the absence of the lowest common denominator that oppresses them, it's the existence of anything else
We built a calculator that doesn't work, but don't worry, it's also a plagiarism machine that will tell you to kill yourself. It runs on the world's oceans and costs 10 trillion dollars.
If It Happens (which god I hope it does) I worry that the ResistLibs will lose focus. The enemy is not Trump, it’s the white supremacist movement that has infiltrated every level of government. He’s a puppet figurehead. We need It To Happen to guys like Miller, Vance, Yarvin, etc etc
Army needs to bring back woke and LGBTQ+ Lotsa Good Blocking, Tackling and Quarterbacking + not losing to an FCS team
hearing rumors that army’s game plan was leaked to tartleton via signal
It would be funny if Trump dropped dead on the toilet like a dog but the unfortunate fact is we would be way more fucked with Vance because, unlike Trump, he's a True Believer
This future sucks
Honestly I wish there was MORE competition among elected Democrats for the prize of: who can tell Trump and company to fuck off in the strongest and (key) most substantive ways. Claim the crown, you ambitious bastards!
Reichstag Fire ass country
Tom Clancy’s Infinite Jest
There is no amount of money you could pay me to respond to your slack message at 10:21 pm. I am not interested in making that amount of money. I would much rather watch bobs burgers in bed while my wife snores next to me, which is exactly what I am doing right now. Bye!
It has been wild to see what were always the two most paranoid pro-Second Amendment scenarios—the government snatching people away and sending occupying armies into communities—literally happen this year, to the delight of conservatives
There can’t be any gun restrictions because we have to protect against federal government tyranny, and if kids get shot we just have to live with it. Also the President can send troops to cities because the federal government can do whatever it wants. These two ideas are consistent and reasonable.
National Guard is now tasked with picking up garbage in DC
Lmao you people are shameless
The entire point of telling people this far out that no, I will never vote for Newsom, is so they can choose someone who doesn't suck. If they go ahead and nominate him anyway, that's not on me (and he's still not getting my vote).
Too bad that our legal and institutional safeguards only work to prevent good policies. It would be cool if they also stopped the evil stuff
Pete Rose and Roger Clemens both had great minor league careers. You can learn more about it by googling Peter Rose Minor or Roger Clemens Minor
Just got home from the Eric Adams scavenger hunt. We had to find 300 children’s teeth hidden in the alley behind Zero Bond, and use them to build “an electric chair for rats.” The winners got to keep the teeth. I hate this city.
I don’t wanna live anywhere else for the rest of my life
I can't believe he basically got people to Pokemon Go To The Polls.
Yeah dude, it definitely lives up to the hype! Pittsburgh is also a super underrated city in general. My wife and I took a weekend trip there because they started doing cheap round-trip flights from our city and we loved it. Beautiful area, kind people, good food.
I have similar feelings about PNC. Just an all-around excellent baseball experience.
In fairness I went once in 2013 lol but I just absolutely loved it. What a ballpark is supposed to be. Most of the newer ones are just malls with a diamond in the middle.
Yeah this is a notoriously bad time to talk to friends and find joy
Fenway about 29 spots too high, Camden too low IMO
99% of young people in the eighties didn't look like that. they didn't know about sunscreen back then. the AI is lying to the youths
Nonsense aside: RI Energy is a monopoly here, and it can’t physically generate enough electricity to power the state, so they have to buy it from MA/CT/NY. They’ve jacked up prices over 40% since buying off National Grid. These projects are the only way RI can get energy costs down. Fuck us, I guess
Okay I guess I can see why this new logo is controversial
Ban trucks. Anything over a certain weight requires professional training and cannot be used in a personal capacity.
I will never forget this shit for as long as I live
RT if you also wish ill upon JK Rowling.
Personally I think one of the safest things you can do is walk with a baby carriage on a tight, busy city street next to a completely usable sidewalk. It’s almost too safe, actually.
In Middleton, NY. This guy probably saved his neighbors from Trump's masked thugs. This is how you firmly assert your rights and stand up for our communities.
I'm not right wing but some of this "woke" stuff is a little over the top [6 months later] Slavery was fine. Your city is under martial law
My wife wants somewhere to put up her feet when we’re watching tv but I refuse to have any ottomans in my home because the pasha might’ve maybe killed an ancestor of mine
Funny how these alleged-but-very-bad-faith efforts to “reduce crime” are causing an increase in the sort of behavior—like social isolation—associated with crime INCREASES. But the media just keeps repeating the “crackdown” lie, even as its falseness stares at them directly in the eye.
I love to show up every day for my job, which is standing around holding the front of my tactical vest and getting told to choke to death by thousands of passers-by while 11 of my coworkers handcuff a roofer on his way to work. Every night I drive 80 minutes home, thinking about nothing at all.
"It's not MSNBC anymore, Lemon. It's MS NOW. We bought the name off of a defunct multiple sclerosis awareness organization. It wasn't cheap, but we were able to save some money by selling Brian Williams to a Saudi prince who wanted to expand his harem."
Trump's occupation of DC is an expression of the idea that every unbreakable law and unpardonable act of violence becomes necessary if you first establish that you and your followers are complete and utter cowards.
It makes me so profoundly sad that you could write this piece without considering that the occupying force denying food and health supplies to the literal starving children dying in refugee camps (not to mention indiscriminately shooting people in the streets) is the problem here.
Turned 33 last week and now I’m up icing my knee at 3:30 am because I somehow tweaked it in bed and it’s too painful to sleep. Really cool stuff!
A Dem chief of staff marrying a Republican chief of staff just reinforces the cynic's view that it's all just a big game / kayfabe.
Some are even saying Holbrook and Abington. Not me, but some.
I have one somewhat Joe Rogan-pilled friend that I try to push an inch leftward every time we hang out (with some success!) and the one thing I cannot get him to understand is that CRIME ISN’T BAD IN MOST PLACES! It’s at a low point in recorded American history! Don’t fall for obvious propaganda!
"but crime is a real issue, people are worried about crime and you have to take that seriously" No you don't! If people are getting more scared about crime while crime is happening less frequently, it's a made up issue and you should make a point of yelling that all the time
CORMAC MCCARTHY: He never sleeps. He says that he will never die. He dances in light and in shadow and he is a great favorite. He never sleeps, the judge. He is dancing, dancing. He says that he will never die. JOE ROGAN: sure. I've met guys like that
Frankenberry and Count Chocula at the cereal reunion
I have lost all patience with the apparently unshakeable conviction that striking a reasonable, moderate pose means assuming the sincerity of transparently pretextual horseshit. Donald Trump does not care about reducing crime in DC. He is testing and normalizing paramilitary deployments in cities.
Whining about crime is super effective for right wing politicians because there's never going to be zero crime, so it's a good way to constantly sell total bullshit to the two dumbest groups of people in the world: republican voters and the entire media
Smashing Gourds?
But then we wouldn’t have Joyce manor, Barry has said half the reason they do the short song thing is that they really liked Ovens
once you notice that people simply do not believe that republicans have agency or any responsibility for the actions they take, you see it everywhere
Idk Jack feels like you could’ve helped oppose this by not voting for 1/3 of trump’s cabinet nominations instead of vomiting out vacuous, scolding memos a few months later! -signed, a guy who voted against you in the primary because of shit like this
Because they’re the worst generation in recorded human history and they can’t accept that they’re not the main characters. Worthless, petulant, vengeful little latchkey kids set loose upon an unsuspecting world.
the thing everyone is going to have to accept is that the post-trump period, whenever it comes, will not and cannot be a project of national unity, it must be a project of partisan project of renewal, in the same way that reconstruction and the new deal were partisan projects of renewal.
I miss winter. It’s too hot and there’s no hockey.
Banality of evil ass country
Good luck finding any time for any interest of your own while still affording a comfortable life. If it doesn't please the avaricious sensibilities of the billionaire class (Silicon Valley now every bit as grotesque as Wall Street), it isn't to be allowed. Your life is for them to be in charge of.
bragging about being a giant pussy is integral to the conservative mindset
Clams would do more damage just sayin
I do, yes. Would never dare call it a sub, let alone a 🤮hoagie🤮
One man, the son of Holocaust survivors, said, “People being kidnapped without arrest warrants, without trial, without recourse, by the president of the United States’s ICE armies ... We are not headed toward an authoritarian fascist government; we are already there.” trib.al/f5JzLeJ
hear me out here, what if none of it is a 'distraction' and they're just doing a lot of horrible shit simultaneously
Just going to reiterate that in 2016 Trump inherited the lowest murder rate of any president in 50 years. He set reality aside, gave his “American Carnage” inaugural address, and was then the first president in 30 years to leave office with a higher murder rate than when he started.
And the vast majority of the western mainstream media barely ever even deign to recognize these murdered journalists as our colleagues. These dead journalists who have done a job 10,000 times harder than any of us will ever have to do. Reporting on their own destruction until the very end.
The old world is dying, and the new world is so fucking stupid dude
Conservatives don't mean things literally and they will laugh in your face for behaving as though they do.
