He's going to announce a national emergency which allows him to use the power vested in the Executive by the US Constitution to take over as head coach of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.
A little bit of this and a little bit of that. Phish / Seahawks / Politics. NYC by way of the Best Coast. Formerly @buhhhhlieevmeee on the bird site.
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He's going to announce a national emergency which allows him to use the power vested in the Executive by the US Constitution to take over as head coach of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.
Yeah. It's part of the package they're sending to the Nobel folks as part of the application.
Amazing. He's announcing the release of his posthumous album Live After Death, featuring this single, The Eleven Trump Commandments.
He's going to announce that Cracker Barrel has been nationalized and will be the official catering partner of the new concrete Rose Garden.
Folks, they're saying it was the highest rated live death ever. Ratings the likes of which nobody's ever seen. Big men - very strong men - coming up to me, tears in their eyes, saying, Sir, your death was beautiful, I don't think we'll ever seen another quite so beautiful again.
I think it'll actually be something insane about mail-in voting.
He's going to set up like a six foot tall basketball hoop, show us how healthy he is, try to dunk a tennis ball, fall, and fracture every bone in his body.
He's going to sign an executive order declaring whatever is killing him illegal.
Watch the international seasons with normies, they're better than the subsequent US ones that are all Bravolebrities and reality show contestants
Best friend's five-year-old refers to me by my full name. It's hysterical. His parents call me Uncle Prince. Not little man. I'm fully the royal Prince Caspian, Lord of Jersey. None of us can figure out why. They asked him and he just shrugs and is like "But that's his name!"
Jeff Blehar and his band of merry jerkoffs standing atop a bulldozer, sledgehammers in hand, lamenting how the public no longer trusts the structural integrity of the building they're knocking down.
I lived within walking distance of that building - even watched it get built! Something the article tap dances around without *explicitly* addressing is the state of the neighborhood itself. One block north is an open-air drug market. A few blocks south, encampments. Tough sell for that income range
We finished it like our collapse! Very slowly and then all at once.
huh
Just learned on the app so im giving up. 🎶🎶 Came a tribe from the North, brave and bold! 🎶🎶
I will learn this, courtesy of the app, on the next orbit:
Refreshing the Vandals/Cougs game in the ESPN app and it's hysterical. Never seen anything like it. It updates once every three or so minutes of game time, with complete radio silence in between, like I'm following as the Apollo astronauts repeatedly transit behind the moon.
Have seen many a daytime photo with the flowers. Have seen many a nighttime photo with the skyline. Not sure I've ever seen a nighttime photo with both and the lighting on the decking. Love it.
I think it's the that he's mostly dead part.
So, River, you're saying there's still a chance?
Limestone plus!? The fuck? Why not limestone ultra you cheap prick?
This is the funniest "I am but a smol bean" I've ever seen.
This is only 75% of the weekend crew.
The Ryan Day pierced nipple photo has now pulled Andrew Cuomo's pierced nipple into the timeline and I now want to bathe myself in whatever is consuming Trump's hand.
Last night on Bluesky felt like when he got COVID and we all had hope and felt alive again.
He got a mini longhorn in there?
People say he did heroin, but that's not really accurate. Heroin did RFK, Jr.
This was one of my favorite things about buying our house here. An adventure building a new collection of Guys. The electric but not low voltage guy. The low voltage but not electric guy. The gutter guy. The local shoaling knower guy. The collects and sells used bikes cheap guy. The extra gravel guy
This Must Be The Place Saturday over here. The first hints of fall, all the windows open, lounging on the back deck, coffee in hand, company arriving for the weekend.
They, too, will soon begin their journey to complete the circle of life!
Sir, the stench of that festering death must be so overpowering. Can you tell us how you so strongly mask the putridity and decay? What's your daily regimen to appear slightly less dead?
Sir! It's great to see you alive and well. But your hand, sir. Oh, and the ankles. Can you please tell us how you manage to remain so incredibly strong as death visibly consumes your hand and ankles? Do they hurt? Do the family pets and very small children lick the wounds out of curiosity?
Now this is the shit I can get behind. So long as we can physics up a camera to capture it. We need to watch. You know, just to be sure.
my father-in-law is a “I know a guy” Guy. sadly all the old Guys are aging out of the Guy Economy. Guys are fundamentally incompatible with Hustle Culture because it’s not about “winning” a deal, it’s about collecting favors and goodwill in a mutually-beneficial cycle. protect your local Guy Economy
A house fell on him and his feet shriveled up.
Striper must be running because there are more boats out on the ocean than I've seen all summer.
I've officially declared it AC off and windows open Saturday.
Not-dead leaves the door open to so many more wonderful possibilities, many of which are prolonged and painful. That's the attitude I'm heading into this beautiful weekend with.
A consensus emerging.
This guy gets it. Go forth and spread the good news.
If he does show up at golf, we go all in on the clone narrative. And we do it until the whispers break containment and he hears it.
I will buy a flag approximately the size of a house and ride back and forth in Barnegat Bay like fucking Paul Revere.
A beautiful Saturday morning in America at the start of fall! Which means people waking up early, firing up that tailgate grill to prepare for college football, and begging in the YouTube comments of Kool & The Gang for the President to die.
Good morning! And welcome to Something’s Up!
My favorite part of this is that it's ultimately going to get John Roberts to invent LLM personhood, which is totally eligible for the Presidency.
I woke up at 8am on a Saturday and there's no fucking proof of life!?
the river styx folks, we’re gonna make a deal like youve never seen for that ferry. ive been talking to charon, they say i shouldnt say that but we’ve been talking, we’re gonna make a deal for that ferry, youll hear the entire underworld will be saying “thank you mr trump for the big beautiful deal”
theyre calling it the last great adventure folks, can you believe that? well we’re gonna do it better than anyone has ever dreamed before. theyre saying theyve never seen anyone heading toward the light quite as quickly, the biggest beautiful light theyve ever seen
Turning my pajamas inside out to match the baseball cap I've fetched to sleep in which has gotten the same treatment, as one does.
No, no. The big exclusive sit-down interview get was with Rush, I heard.
Because we deserve good things, Mr. Onion and we want to believe they're still possible.
Trump did Disclosure on his deathbed.
I find the most compelling data point to be that, as far as we know, he still hasn't personally fired the CDC Director as required (and which her lawyers are arguing in court).
i was just making pottery and i felt donald trump's tiny hands on mine. probably nothing
I described it as me after doing keg finishes while pledging.
Shhhhhh. No, no, no. They're *planning* the music for a big event for him.
lmao. "Tariffs and Non Tariff Trade Barriers" gives the game away.
And the far more circumstantial: His general health (the bruised hand, the ankles, stumbling around the tarmac w/ Putin, dragging his leg at golf the other week), openly talking about being low on the totem pole to get into heaven (!?) recently, the JD Vance interview that was fairly strange, etc.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it. There's a billion dollar Powerball tomorrow and I'm not literally praying for God to deliver it to me, so much as the thought of it is incredibly exciting, bordering on intoxicating.
The USA Today Vance interview with the weird quote was Wednesday too.
Also, I understand there are a few lingering issues with his license, but by any chance is Ronnie Jackson on call?
Was that also when the stumbled around the tarmac looking like me after being forced to finish a keg during pledging?
There was a fairly horrific newsworthy thing that happened this week and there was no statement or public appearance either, FWIW.
Me? I'm waiting for the innocuous "Helicopter hovering above Abbottabad at 1AM (is a rare event)" post from some random account in DC.
The funniest way for this to end is for him to walk out onto the South Lawn tomorrow, talk to the press, joke about it, there's hall monitor Discourse here encouraging us to reflect on the morbidity of wishing death upon him, and then his heart promptly explodes on live TV and we all die laughing.
We are manifesting folks. Focus.
alright i'm going to be honest some of you are hoping against hope the president is about to die and some of you are lifelong mariners fans lamenting another loss and none of you are being all that clear about which one you're feeling right now
It dawns on me that we really need to be encouraging RFK, Jr to be spending as much time as possible in the company of Trump. He'll heal him up right quick.
We love a niche joke followed up by an equally niche joke, don't we folks!
The easiest way to tell that Princess Caspian and I both had too many last night at trivia is that Friday night is a Guy Fieri Triple-D marathon.
I just vom'd
Oh god, one of the victims of the Minneapolis shooting was the daughter of Phish fans. The picture on this Reddit post with the dad holding Junta and the daughters with Taylor Swift and Frozen just wrecked me; I’ve literally taken my girls to RSD multiple times. There’s a Go Fund Me in the post.
The very obvious explanation for Trump's gangrenous hand is that it's where Thiel is biting him to drain the remaining life force, all while telling him they're giving him the Bryan Johnson regimen.
lol
Someone get Marianne Williamson on the horn. Tell her to bring the drums and the crystals and all that woo shit. We are going to psychically manifest this event into existence.
Dan Scavino will continue tweeting as him long after he's dead and gone.
RFK Jr looks like he’s been sampling the diseases at the CDC
Really shuckin' it.
Righter rock: he->we
Still can't believe Cassidy voted to confirm this fucking lunatic and he's now running public health into the ground.
Who wants more wishcasting and wild, completely irresponsible speculation? Everyone? Ok, then! The President was not seen in public yesterday. The President was not seen in public today. The President has no public events on his schedule for this weekend. Happy Friyay!
Have not moved from the couch for at least three hours. Still enjoying the laundry fresh smell. 11/10 would wash and then sloth again.
"Soverign Citizenry Travels to Australia" was right there for the taking, headline writer. Come on.
The scene from Wayne's World where they're playing street hockey, but the game on/off is tariffs and it is America, rather than Stacy, crashing into the parked car.
I would eat the radioactive shrimp. I don’t care anymore.
"I moved [here] from America" is an all-timer.
It's darkly funny that these people are physically incapable of experiencing shame and/or embarrassment, until it is a useful lie to tell courts in order to prolong their illegal destruction of our country.
A+
Yeah. The tent blew down in the playa winds. It was a whole thing. The bar it is.
Crazy, right? Whodathunkit
Little bit of this. Little bit of that. Just a general feeling of swift national decline.
What a week! Enormous collapse energy. I hate this for us.
(I'm aware that the meaning of the digits was phased out like fifteen years ago, but it still persists, obviously, for folks born prior to then who've not needed to get a new one).
Are you excited? I'm excited! Out of the ashes of financial ruin and identity theft, we'll all emerge better off when we each get a new, proper unique identifier assigned to us: an opaque GUID that reveals neither your geographical region of birth nor relative ordering within your assigned group!
People like to use Google has a prime example of enshittification. And it's not that they're wrong per se, it's just that they're completely overlooking the Weather Channel's website.
