New school year, same Durbs.
Writing and yelling.
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New school year, same Durbs.
@pattonoswalt.bsky.social Since I turned 43 today - I FINALLY got to do a real-life tribute to the KFC bit youtu.be/3R8rI0INHmg?... They truly did just pile glop in a bowl
Only three prints left of my collab with @pattonoswalt.bsky.social , signed by me AND him 20% off for Labor Day www.mollycrabapple.com/shop/p/patto...
I love the smell of consequences in the morning. Thank you, @dragoncon.org
💯💯💯💯💯💯😂😂😂😂😂😂
Oh wow! Flattered!!!
Happy birthday to Jack Kirby.
It’s just part of the process.
So stoked to be a part of this. Grab yer blood buckets and get to the theater, NOW!
you ever see a post like this and get this fuckin vertigo zoom in your brain to the streets of 1940 france where you'd hear this over a radio
The fact that this administration is hell bent on punishing Kilmar Abrego Garcia while rewarding Ghislane Maxwell tells you all you need to know about their violent racism and misogyny.
Pure chaos. That's what follows when the Archie gang switches places with the characters from Minor Threats. Have your comic shop reserve you a copy of the third issue now! @darkhorse.com @comicbooktimmy.bsky.social @pattonoswalt.bsky.social @scotthepburn.bsky.social @blumjordan.bsky.social
In summary, "Tootie" shoulda farted more, so the name made sense. Anyway, thank y'all for coming to my TED Talk.
To Donald Trump and his administration: If you hurt my people, nothing will stop me — not time or political circumstance — from making sure you face justice under our constitutional rule of law.
#ZcavengerHunt location #1. Literally thousands of people lined up around Union Square. #CuomoCouldNever
I loved the movie OPPENHEIMER about the race to build that world-changing negotiation.
THE POWER FANTASY, EXQUISITE CORPSES and anything and everything by Tom King, Mark Russell and Deniz Camp.
Guys, WEAPONS is fucking great. Zach Creggar is YOUNG which means we’ve got decades of his brilliance ahead of us. Yay!
I'm neither the first nor the last to have this bit of wisdom etched into my skin, but it's a perfect reminder for these times. Thanks to Michelle McNamara and @pattonoswalt.bsky.social for helping spread this message across our universe. Good still exists, and we all can be a part of it.
BREAKING: Golden Corral getting rid of glory holes
The lonely boy and his A.I. pal.
Minor Threats: The Last Devil Left Alive #1 is coming October 1st! Do not miss the start of Volume 3! Preorder now at your local comic shop. Cover A by Scott Hepburn and variant covers available from @jillthomsonart.bsky.social & @davidaja.com! @pattonoswalt.bsky.social @blumjordan.bsky.social
I have a new piece up @thenation.com on Billy Wilder, the Holocaust, survivor's guilt, and confronting the limits of Zionism. www.thenation.com/article/cult...
My brain fritzes out in the middle of a new bit. Come watch the ongoing collapse September 19th at The Paramount Theatre in Austin. Grab tickets here: tickets.austintheatre.org/12216/12217
Holy shit this thread…
💯💯💯💯💯💯
One time, Godzilla went past our hotel in Kyoto and he was hanging dong and I swear it looked like smooth broccoli.
Can’t believe Neil Young outlived him. I always assumed it would be… (puts on sunglasses) ..Neil before Zod.
I miss him too, Donny.
Minor Threats: The Fastest Way Down (2024) #1
This is brilliant. 💯💯💯💯💯💯
Fairfield, Connecticut! I’m heading your way! Join me at the @shucommunitytheatre on Saturday, October 18th at 8:00pm for a night of laughter or misery...your choice! Tickets onsale now! Grab your tix here: pattonoswalt.com/tour/
Our friends at ComicsPro are proud to announce @pattonoswalt.bsky.social & @blumjordan.bsky.social as the first ever Local Comic Shop Day ambassadors. Local Comic Shop Day is a worldwide comic industry event taking place on September 27th, 2025, organized by ComicsPro. localcomicshopday.com
On Monday, August 18th, the 4K restoration of Tobe Hooper‘s horror masterpiece, The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, will return to theaters for ONE DAY ONLY! Catch the film along with an exclusive sneak peek of the upcoming documentary, Chain Reactions, featuring me! Get your tickets now on Fathom.com.
The future (hopeful and optimistic): Flying cars and jet packs! The future (reality): You will never stop filling out forms online.
QAnon — a celebrity’s best friend.
Genuinely incredible that she's saying this with 2 accused rapists on either side of her
I guess we’re okay with this. (Feel free to RT this over the next few days, weeks, years, forever)
It ain’t easy being a superstar.
What happens if you don’t do background checks or training for thousands of people and you give them all total authority? ICE has been caught looting and destroying property at Pittsburgh restaurants. They even tried to break into the safes. They loaded food, supplies and equipment into vehicles /
When I was a Boy Scout they used to tell us the number one thing was to leave the campsite better than it was when you found it. So that it looked like no one had ever even been there.
“I’m an equal opportunity offender. I make fun of everybody.” - Guy whose identities all align with the systemically dominant power groups in his cultural and geographic context
It’s just a joke dude. It’s just an unironic metaphor about how your ethnicity is like bugs. It’s just an unironic hyperbole about how your ethnicity is always stinky. It’s just an ironic portrayal of your ethnicity as backwards idiots.
Every day I’m inspired by the bravery of these courageous ICE agents.
We found our Bizarro for the sequel!
Raleigh, NC! Join me September 12th-13th at the Goodnights Comedy Club for absolutely no fun 2 nights in a row! Grab your tickets now: pattonoswalt.com/tour/
American comedians Eddie Pepitone and @pattonoswalt.bsky.social are here to talk all about Eddie’s new special “The Collapse” (out now on Veeps)! Then, Wrestler Tootie Rivers drops by before a guardian angel named Mumps pays Scott an unnerving visit. Finally, a cannoli maker!!
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
‘Archie vs. Minor Threats’ #1 both is and isn’t what you’d expect @pattonoswalt.bsky.social @darkhorse.com @archiecomics.bsky.social @blumjordan.bsky.social #comicbooks #NCBD #comicsky @comicbooktimmy.bsky.social Read @cjwritesstuff.bsky.social's 9/10 review:
Oh god
Aw man. Ozzy, then Chuck Mangione and now Loni. How many original members of Black Sabbath are still alive?
she posts videos of them trying to get away from her on tiktok that are sped up yakety sax style and scored by norteno music, theyre hilarious
We're just days away from the eagerly anticipated release of the first issue of #ArchievsMinorThreats, and @comicbookclub.bsky.social has your sneak peek at the fun! comicbookclublive.com/2025/07/31/d... @darkhorse.com @pattonoswalt.bsky.social @comicbooktimmy.bsky.social @blumjordan.bsky.social
Contribute if you can! Wes is a comics genius and I can’t wait to read this one!
THE TEXAS CHAINSAW NOISE COMPLAINT #MildHorror
You’re never too small to dream big. From the studio that brought you Spider-Man: Across the #Spiderverse and producer Stephen Curry, #GOATmovie is exclusively in movie theaters February 2026.
Hell yes I bought 5 sheets of the Chris Ware USPS stamps. Wow! Lookit this design!
Holy shit, they did it. They wrote the headline.
New Substack post!
💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔
We’re down to the final tickets for tomorrow night’s PATTON OSWALT & FRIENDS at Largo at The Coronet! Head over to the Largo website and grab what’s left! See you there!
They finally caught The Zodiac.
Archie vs. Minor Threats might not seem like a natural pairing at first, but what better reason to crack it open and see how they are able to pull it off. Oh, and spoiler: it's fantastic. @comicbooktimmy.bsky.social @pattonoswalt.bsky.social @darkhorse.com @blumjordan.bsky.social
The Sandman Season 2, Volume 2 is out NOW! Catch me as Matthew only on Netflix!
We didn’t know how good we had it with Stephen Colbert @colbertlateshow.bsky.social Oh no, wait, we totally did.
New Substack post!
gawt-DAMN
I will only be at SDCC on Thursday, but make sure to come to the panel ‘cuz we’re announcing some big stuff!
I love @vidiots.bsky.social so much.
Cincinnati, Ohio! Let’s go bananas! Join me December 11-13th at the Go Bananas Comedy Club for 3 nights of laughter! Grab your tickets here: pattonoswalt.com/tour/
Love how he prepared for this journey these past months. Beautiful final show, embraced what was happening. Went out like the true searcher he was.
I love this so much.
Oh HELL yes!!!!
Idiot “comedian” Joe DeRosa has a new comedy special on YouTube. Yeah it’s funny and brilliant and like non-stop laughs blah blah blah but can’t it be from someone PLEASANT? youtu.be/qXQR_eqfFUg?...
All Time Restaurant on Hillhurst at 8:29am on a Sunday while “Wichita Lineman” plays.
i can see this one is going to get a lot of use
When your neighbor on the left is being dragged away by masked men and your neighbor on the right can't get an X-ray for their child, be sure to quickly explain that "both parties are the same" and whatnot.
Reminder. There ain't no law against admitting you got played.
I only pooped on cars when I was preparing to do YOUNG ADULT.
“It’s weird to hear Ratatouille swear.” – My 11 year old, listening to to the BBC history podcast You’re Dead To Me with @pattonoswalt.bsky.social. podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/y...
Lightning round went so fast that this nerd laureate forgot to mention SANDMAN MYSTERY THEATRE artist, Guy Davis!
ok but the laundry cheat sheet is life changing and I love this article
My brain is a thrift store on fire. New Substack post!
Remember when BARBIE came out and there were months of online discourse about it and then you went and saw BARBIE and it was an excellent, funny, well-made film? SUPERMAN is an excellent, funny, well-made film.
Ossoff: Did anyone really think the sexual predator president who used to party with Jeffrey Epstein was going to release the Epstein files?
OH MY GOD I just went in here to buy a copy of INTO THE WOODS and the cashier had the WORST attitude and I think I screamed at her imfreakingoutimfreakingoutimfreakingout
[MAGA world suddenly looking at the photos and videos of Trump being weird with teenage girls and putting it together like the end of “The Usual Suspects” only it takes three hours because there’s a LOT of material to get through]
Narratively speaking, the tightest ending to this screenplay is probably the freed J6 protestors storming the White House to demand the release of the Epstein files.
Sorry Superman ain't flying around, randomly putting brown people in swamp prisons. That must be hard for you. Thoughts and prayers and whatnot.
Lenore is an amazing, talented artist who needs our help. Pitch in if you can?
Really roundabout way to say he’s definitely on the Epstein list.
Wilmington, Deleware - I'm heading your way! Join me for some laughs on Friday, October 17th at The Playhouse on Rodney Square. Can't wait to see you all there! Grab your tickets here: pattonoswalt.com/tour/
“Superman is too woke!” Literally the first page of the first ever appearance of Superman:
Is Superman woke? Or are you just realizing you’re the bad guy? 🤷♂️
I found a fun new way to expose AI bots.
Weird that Trump is going after Comey when that guy single-handedly gave Trump the 2016 election but then again he's also going after Elon who gave him the 2024 election
😂😂😂😂😂😂
This eternal dipshit.
