A bit of raw milk, some whale carcass, perhaps a bit of brain worm. They'd be perfectly fine.
A bit of raw milk, some whale carcass, perhaps a bit of brain worm. They'd be perfectly fine.
Waking up early on Saturday morning just to see if Santa Reaper visited last night
Gene, your uber has arrived. I've got an uber here. For Gene. Hey. Hey! Uber Gene
Forget the shoe! Follow the gourd!! Yes, yes! Worship his gourd!
It's no good any more
When's the next hard rubbish collection? I have a whole country in mind.
I had a dream he came back and somehow managed to become president for a second time. Despite everything. Crazy, right?
Send the LAPD to arrest the National Guard in DC Poke. The. Bear. You don't deploy the military on US soil. Ever.
Alarm might just be having a stroke
Even better, gather together a bunch of books in one building, and use tax dollars to pay someone to curate, catalogue, care for and lend out the books. Can't think of a name for the building though. Bookery? Readbrary? Person would a pagebrarianor something? Nah, it'd never work.
I'm a fast-paced, action cat. So I prefer short, sharp words. Like bed, nap, spa, sit, tea, zen, kip, meh and zzz.
Fine, I'll spill the tea Once I work out what spill the tea means
Pft, but who would vote for all that? Let me go check to see if any votes have come in for this so-called "perfect" politician...
Robert the Builder was way more relaxed
Surely the show about the time traveller should have been called Doctor When?
I sprained my ankle running from ICE You'll never guess what the doctor recommended
NewsMaxwell
Tom the tank engine seems pretty chill, until he hits you with "Actually, I'd prefer that you call me Thomas because that is my formal name"
I'd watch the shit out of a show called Dr Why
Why wasn't the time traveller called Dr When?
Judge Judy: How about you get the hell outta my courtroom and sort this out over a series of increasingly suspicious Truth Social posts, like a real judicial process!!
Hear me out: America, but with laws
It felt so real
Had the wildest dream that he came back and somehow managed to become president. Again. Despite everything. Crazy, right?
That's William Capra Aegagrus Hircus Jr. to you
ERM, fake. Count the shoes.
You're absolutely right! This is a profound insight into generated text that: 1. Uses π―πΌπΉπ± ππ²π π ππ΅π²πΏπ² it isn't necessary 2. Numbers items that don't need numbering β Identified the pattern. β No fooling this person!!
Another sale of Alaska that could have been an email
Police switched to non lethal, so we cut the crusts off
πΆ Don't you worry 'bout a thing 'cause every little thing already fucked πΆ By Bob Marley and The Wailers
Police switched to non lethal, so we cut the crusts off our sandwiches
You hold all the cards, sir. May I offer you Alaska?
Gavin should send the LAPD to Alaska "to restore order"
Leave your sandwiches at home. This is a non-violent protest. π«±π¨ π₯ͺ
International Throw A Sandwich Day π«±π¨ π₯ͺ
You hold all the cards, sir. Can I offer you Alaska?
Every time I hear Trump speak, I feel like HE'S having an aneurysm
Everyone should just go out today and throw a sandwich at a republican π₯ͺπ¨ π Make it into a movement
What is it when someone throws a sandwich at the sun?
Don't bread on me
Subway offers these teenagers a little pepper spray to go with their sub, too. Ludicrous.
Fifteen year olds can walk into any Subway and order a sandwich. No background checks. No sandwich licence. No wonder cops don't feel safe on our streets.
If the sandwich was seasoned, that's assault and peppery
If you think there's the slightest chance of a coup with the National Guard in D.C. then you are forgetting that at any time of his choosing, Schumer can write a stern letter. Checkmate, Trump
The thing about the National Guard in D.C. is that Trump is in the Epstein Files
#auspol
Anyone notice that Gina has not said a word about US tariffs and taxes on Aussie coal? Weird. #auspol
Taco taco taco! ( Obligatory: where's the Epstein list? ) www.abc.net.au/news/2025-08...
Hear me out... Ozempic Oreos
Pft, exactly what someone from Franklin would say
Feels like we're just moments away from 'stern letter' Crazy times indeed
Unlikely to get through my todo list before gigamorrow But I'll finish it in the next fortmonth
Meredith, Meredith, Meredith, Meredith (why didn't you tie the boat?) "Life is but a dream"
Sam Altman needs to hype GPT5 by linking it to TV drama selection use cases. We've hit the limit, everyone. No more text to scrape from the web. This was inevitable.
I'll be back in two minutes
I won't let that stand Oh wait, yes I will It says let stand for 2 minutes
The truly weird thing about US job statistics collected by trained government officials and subsequently verified by the media and senior economists is that Trump is in the Epstein files
For me it's the
Sleepy Joe let Epstein steal workers from me and I'm not sure what happened after that. Never met any of them. Both spa and not spa!
Latest jobs statistics are sitting on Pam Bondi's desk
Resting bitch fΜΆaΜΆcΜΆeΜΆ palm
I π₯Ύ LINUX
And yet somehow nearly all of them are "pants on fire"
Calm down, it's not a talking sheep. It's a singing sheep.
Erm, I'm just a sarcastic cat on the internet who thought the cute bird looked slightly menacing when looking directly at the camera
What would his posse be called? β‘ Power Rangers β‘ I rest my case.
Sleepy Joe stole my workers and sold them to Epstein, but I said "Get outta here" Both spa and not spa!
Sleepy Joe stole my workers and sold them to Epstein, but I said "Get outta here" Both spa and not spa!
Sleepy Joe stole my workers and sold them to Epstein, but I said "Get outta here" Both spa and not spa! Did that really happen to me? Yes, but tsunami than you, right?
All we need is a robot that can nod in the boardroom and announce yet another round of layoffs. Then we can stop paying these crazy CEO wages.
@nytpitchbot.bsky.social For your consideration
I've got this Gordian knot... Any ideas?
Self-proclaimed "Dr Bluesky" here, prescribing a nap for all who need it. You know who you are. No excuses. No exceptions. Nap time. Go.
Colbert 2028: Why not
Love me, tender
First they came for the Rosie O'Donnells, and I did not care because I was not a Rosie...
They got Epstein Barr at Epstein's bar
$130k to destroy 500 tons of food? Pft, they could have just put it on Pam Bondi's desk
So wild to see how massive the galaxy really is, and yet somehow Pam Bondi's desk is still out of frame here
Turns out it was Pam Bondi's desk science.nasa.gov/blogs/webb/2...
(He could teach you, but he'd have to charge)
Their lies are better than yours
β¨Ai summary: He's on the list
β¨Ai summary: He's on the list
Russia Russia Russia! Epstein Epstein Epstein! Honestly, it's almost like you didn't even notice all these new tariffs on Mexico.
Not as often as Vladimir said it's just Vlad, and we needn't bother with adding 'The Impaler' all the time
π See ya later, Auschwitz Alligator π§ββοΈ In a while, Nuremberg Trial
Unfortunately I've had to resort to this with charities. "I'll happily give you an entire year of 'regular monthly donations' right now, as ONE lump sum." "Oh, sorry we don't take one-off donations." "That's okay, Oxfam will take it. Have a nice day!"
Are we even sure there was ever an Epstein?
See ya later, Auschwitz Alligator In a while, Nuremberg Trial
Terribly tragic & sad. From outside USA we look on Texas with pity & sorrow. Texans can no longer heed the warnings of bad weather. Tx, who gave us the Houston Scape Centre, have now completely turned their back on science. When they look towards the skies? It is for god, not a weather satellite.
"See ya later, Auschwitz Alligator" "In a while, Nuremberg Trial"
Major shift in oceanic currents? Sounds perfectly fine, and definitely not cause for concern. Not at all. No sir.
