"I am preselling pieces of my coffin"
Creator: @sorrowscopes.bsky.social Contributor: @sorrowscopes.bsky.social, @riversidecasino.bsky.social, @greenevillezoo.bsky.social
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"I am preselling pieces of my coffin"
the fadeout
you're probably right, but i can't imagine it without her
they're both great, but e-bow the letter---- damn
I have a story in this that I'm happy to have out in the world.
cosign. a generous, super talented and sweet guy
What could you possibly want with my amulet bro you wouldn’t even know how to wield it’s power
As I make the jump to hyperspace, I realize I left the baby on top of the ship.
thank you both
cheers
lol
cheers
sorry
[Giuliani's final breath] Tell my family I loved...9/11
i'm not doing it
Life is short and the hour of our death is a mystery, so no, I will not rate my transaction
feel like slim and fat chance should be a different amount of chance
Again, we apologize to the river witch for accidentally using her cauldron for the Sunday brunch lobster bisque. Please turn our chef back into a human.
Please don’t provoke our penguins into a fight or flight response. You're only going to get one of those.
lol
this has been in my drafts for 8 yrs and now you know why
Foreigner: ♫ I want to know what love is ♫ Genie: And for your 2nd wish? Foreigner: ♫ I want you to show me ♫ Genie: Wait wh- Foreigner: ♫ I want to feel what love is ♫ Genie: Please stop singing
Spilled Kool-Aid on my karate pants
13 jars of unpitted olives
i don't have one of those (but my wife does)
just saw bigfoot walking kinda quickly through a field; he shrugged at me and said "eh, it's a living!" No idea how he profits from this.
I’m reading Blade Runner and I love that Philip K Dick imagined a world with nearly undetectable humanoid robots and a machine that lets you mentally access all the empathy and pain of the human race, but a guy still needs his secretary to look up numbers for him in the phone book.
confounding potential intruders
the majority of my museum experience is walking up to a portrait and thinking “look at this fucking guy”
I hate when you go to a funeral and another guy is wearing the same skeleton costume
Standing outside the supermarket asking people if they want to trade groceries
sadly, he is inconveniently alive
melania constantly refreshing the tl
what's the worst that could happen
Ah! Well. Nevertheless,
RFK Jr looks like he’s been sampling the diseases at the CDC
it's a bigger dog eat smaller dog world
from wiki: In 1942, the U.S. Government requisitioned a "major portion of the production of the wafers, during World War II since the candy doesn't melt and is 'practically indestructible'
i assumed it was after you got one
He's getting a dick transplant
tide pod challenge: dead president style
a labor of love
It's nice when the community comes together to celebrate someone's death
when you die on the white house toilet you die in real life
no :(
he was seen hugging don jr.
bsky.app/profile/did:...
why can't we do both?
[holds finger to earpiece] I'm getting word that Trump isn't the only bad person on Earth
lol
You mean Hell, right?
you can do it-- we believe in you
It's crazy to think of how much better the world would be if one person had the courtesy to die
You’re about to leave the grocery store without the milk you came for when you hear that little voice: Joan, you must save the nation of France
They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I was honestly expecting something a little scarier
all i know about it is the title, and i am also terrified
she's got a Her complex
I mean, who do you think you are- God?
thanks, soren
I’m at this weird place in my life right now where I’m being chased by police cars
Goju-Ryu
*Casually mentions karate 7 times in my wedding vows*
"Trump isn’t a capitalist in a meaningful way" you should be wearing a propeller hat
shit-- it's "YA GOT SMOKED, BABY" which is better on both counts
you got smoked, baby
i just gave them your contact info. they said to come early next thursday and wear something white
et tu, jeff?
I thought I was a good person until my daughter asked "Would you step on a dog for 8 million dollars?"
imagine you and all your buddies die in a storm and everyone is like wow The Perfect Storm
i've been mostly focused on the dancers- they're so graceful
[strangers in goat masks dance around a bonfire as I’m being tied to a wooden stake] It's getting pretty late, I should probably head out
Our stories failed us. We didn't realize that evil would be so stupid
Good morning to everyone except the sentient computer who locked me out of the space station
if this is true, i'm overpaying for my insurance
If your likes aren't sticking, don't worry. Just means you've been dead the entire time.
What’s the German word for when you drink too much cough syrup and get your head stuck in a miniature golf windmill
THE NEW SORROWSCOPES ARE HERE! TELL YOUR FRIENDS. TELL YOUR ENEMIES. TELL THE FACELESS DETECTIVE WHO RELENTLESSLY PURSUES YOU FOR A CRIME YOU DIDN’T COMMIT
Aries: You’ll soon have the perfect beach body. Your skin will turn to sand. The tides will wash over you. Young crabs will burrow into you. It’ll be nice.
When i was growing up in the 70s, my parents just let us bike the neighborhood all day (with no phone) The only rules were: — be back before dark — return with an extra bike you stole from a smaller, weaker child
some patients are going to die, and you have to find a way to accept that - it’s just part of being a really bad chiropractor
Our friend Abby @itsabbyyep.bsky.social has a blog! Learn more about her and her recovery while enjoying her sparkling wit! rantmetheserenity.com
that's so cool- it's a gem
another fave: www.rottentomatoes.com/m/with_a_fri...
might be *the* best
As an empath, I can sense when an eccentric billionaire is hunting me for sport
the only one of these i knew was omar little haha
he's not fully evolved- literally
according to malcolm gladwell, you need at least 100 hours of flight time to pull off a successful 9/11
Once, The Boxer, My Left Foot, In The Name of the Father, Small Things Like These, The Snapper
FRIEND FROM COLLEGE: After I sold my tech company, I moved to France where I met my wife, Juliette. We have three beautiful kids and run a bed & breakfast in Paris ME: Remember how I used to like creamy peanut butter? Now I like chunky
same
My dog knows more English words than I know dog words
wtf Jeff
i thought he was talking about Jenga
oh look at me i can intuit the secret plans of evil billonaires
It's not the gloom, it's the doom
lot of big talk about 'man's destiny,' but he never specifically mentioned hunting me for sport