That's why when my doctor says to eat beans and salmon for my diabetes, I crack open a box of Apple Jacks.
Coiner of the popular expression "Zut, alors" and inspiration for the Lynyrd Skynyrd song "Gimme Back My Bullets."
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That's why when my doctor says to eat beans and salmon for my diabetes, I crack open a box of Apple Jacks.
Same thing Stalin was doing.
* putting roadkill on a fishing pole and concealing a deep pit with leaves *
Perhaps a tragically poignant trinket will suffice
Spread the word. www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025...
Joni Ernst stepping down to spend more time supervising her wig-maker.
" ... but at least they'll outlive our natural hair."
“All of our political careers are going to die.”
Could be worse. Could be Arby's.
Conservatism was always just cover for an ideology that amounts to: take wealth and power from the vulnerable and give it to the wealthy and powerful. 99% of them never believed in free markets or strong families or quality education. They were always oligarchs & authoritarians at heart.
Critics. Whaddarya gonna do, amirite?
JD Vance asks Kristi Noem how big the gravel pit needs to be.
Stick with me, kid, and I'll teach you sad 65-year-old streetwalker.
finally, bluesky has targeted ads
Just googled it. JFC. I was told over and over as a kid that he had wooden teeth. Talk about whitewashing history.
This is obscene thehill.com/policy/defen...
to know, know, know me, is to spray, spray, spray me with lysol
The time to freak out was when Trump openly broke nepotism laws by hiring Jared & Ivanka, stacked blank papers to pretend to divest from bizzes & broke lease terms for our DC Post Office building. He was clearly signaling that he doesn't believe in representative democracy & we shrugged it off.
Republicans are trying to redraw congressional district lines to keep their grip on Congress in the midterms and beyond. Voters should pick their politicians, not the other way around. Get involved with the @democraticredistricting.com as they fight back: bit.ly/3HJ1ayW
CEO Worried 23-Year-Old Only Into Him For His Keen Business Acumen https://theonion.com/ceo-worried-23-year-old-only-into-him-for-his-keen-business-acumen/
What are these staffers' names? I'd like to write them in on my ballot in the midterms.
Another galloping good time at Muttville HQ. (🔉 sound on) #muttvillesf #seniordog #rescuedog #dogrescue #adoptdontshop
So if anyone stole "Steal This Book," that makes it "an extraordinary new power"?
interesting. people are ridiculed for any look-at-me behavior. women especially.
Might be completely useless if his thugs in big cities just start "arresting" and raping women as they go to the polls. Any legislation can end up being decided by Clarence Thomas, Samuel Alito et al. Think bigger.
Soon you'll have fewer teeth to floss, so you're saving yourself future work.
Trump's DOGE cronies put YOUR Social Security data on an unsecured cloud server. Now, 300 million Americans are vulnerable to identity theft & could even lose benefits. This is a reckless failure. They must be held accountable. www.nytimes.com/2025/08/26/u...
INVENTOR OF THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICE BREAD: I need to up my game.
They'll react to it the same way constitutional conservatives reacted to sending troops to suppress US citizens: "Trump's for the white man, so we love him no matter what he does!"
Trump Says Cracker Barrel Should Go Back to Old Logo politicalwire.com/2025/08/26/t...
Don't look away. She Pushed to Overturn Trump’s Loss in the 2020 Election. Now She’ll Help Oversee U.S. Election Security. @dougbockclark.bsky.social
It would be more legitimate to talk about the problems with MALE bodily autonomy. Why do we never question whether serial pedophiles, rapists and deadbeat dads should keep their testicles? This presumed right causes massive harm to the public. Maybe testicles should be a privilege & not a right.
This. I am not going to 'debate' women's rights to bodily autonomy. It is not a legitimate viewpoint that is up for discussion.
Trump's cryptocurrency is basically a bribe bucket, and completely anonymous.
... and the list is fucking loooooong Obamacoin, anonymous purchases welcome
Called the secretary of state in Georgia and asked him to find 11,000 votes.
On the left, my warning from September 2024 about what Trump 2.0 would look like. On the right, recent headlines. I wish I'd been wrong. But because Trump is following a classic authoritarian playbook, it’s up to state and local governments to push back on this tyranny while it’s still possible.
Tariffs: more $ under Trump's control Spending cuts: more $ under Trump's control Intel buy: more $ under Trump's control Look at how Putin, Trump's hero, uses cashflow to skim & let oligarchs skim.
An M.I.T. study found that 95% of companies that had invested in A.I. tools were seeing zero return. It jibes with the emerging idea that generative A.I., “in its current incarnation, simply isn’t all it’s been cracked up to be,” johncassidysays.bsky.social writes.
For 1st time ever we have a president who sells his own cryptocurrency & does real estate deals on the side. I'm sick of media reporting with 100% certainty that his policies are good-faith. Did they even ask whether the switch from "I'd let Putin do whatever he wants to Ukraine" was cuz minerals $
Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows they can torture you by reminding you Russia got you elected.
Guys, I'm thinking maybe we went too far when we made saying "Merry Christmas" a capital crime punishable by death.
this man is trying to ban drag queens when they could so easily teach him how to blend his foundation
Jamelle's being too kind to Trump. It's about domination and power. He is the law. He decides ... everything.
If you're in New Orleans, yes.
So weird how mishandling classified documents and real estate fraud are the two crimes Trump can come up with.
spending cuts, tariffs, appropriations all redirect money through his hands. the more money he controls the flow of, the more ways he buy supporters w/contracts, skim for himself, etc. it's what putin does. he's getting his mitts on more of our money while going full emperor
Breaking: Bowing to public pressure, Cracker Barrel changes its name to Release the Epstein Files.
I should be allowed to get drunk out of my mind every year on my sobriety anniversary.
⚡️Trump's intelligence chief ordered halt to intelligence sharing on Russia-Ukraine peace talks among 'Five Eye' allies, CBS reports.
You joke, but it's so true that people perceive things the way they're told to perceive things. Like, "It's not meaningful that we found 140+ Trump team contacts with Russia because we can't (or didn't try) to prove a quid pro quo" = "Russia hoax."
This is Tuffy. He is the only example of taking up the whole sidewalk that is not only justifiable, but encouraged. 14/10 (IG: mypittuffy)
I had a dream last night that I was fighting Jason Bourne, Will Hunting and Tom Ripley. After months of therapy I'm finally battling my Damons.
In a post-truth world, where you don't need evidence hydroxychloroquine cures covid or that Antifa attacked the Capitol, no need.
A Super Soaker of peach Nehi
If the GOP had ever been more than a fascism-in-waiting party, George W. Bush would do the same.
Soft-spokenness is the most important trait on which to size up a KGB veteran.
NEW: Texas Rep. Nicole Collier, who caught the national spotlight after choosing to sleep in the state capitol rather than accept a police escort, was threatened with arrest for being on a press call organized by the DNC. From: @jimsaksa.com
... lubricated.
Thanks for injecting a bit of levity here, because a public servant talking that way about the people he works for is fucking infuriating.
Let them know you're filming them and keep asking the key questions: "Do you have a warrant signed by a judge? Show me." "Do you have a badge? Show me." "Do you know how pathetic you are? You showed me."
Remember when Jan. 6 rioters moved caches of weapons to just outside DC because DC had strict rules on firearms? Looks like Team Fascism found a loophole.
Enjoyed Season 1 but ... too bad it's on Amazon Prime because fuck Jeff Bezos.
My husband once asked, when it was sweltering outside, whether running the car air conditioner makes the engine cooler.
★★★★☆ Excellent customer service.
when all you have is a Hammer every problem looks like parachute pants
I'm producing a play, The Pitch, in New York City this fall and today we are listed in Theatermania! with comedy legend PHIL HENDRIE! #theaterNY #offbroadway www.ThePitchOffBroadway.com www.theatermania.com/news/phil-he...
also: horses never landed on the moon. total hoax.
if you hate pooping alone just get a cat
Epstein Epstein Epstein Epstein Wholesale inflation up .9%. Epstein Epstein Epstein Epstein Strikes out with make-believe peace meeting. Epstein Epstein Epstein Epstein $60 million taxpayer money on golf outings. Epstein Epstein Epstein Epstein
SpaceX Gets Billions From the Government. It Gives Little to Nothing Back in Taxes.
The sharpie on that hurricane map. Pathological.
That's his M.O. Truth is what he says it is. Facts are what he wants them to be. What he wants to be true should overrule any objective truth because he's god.
Because you're blinded by love for them. Objective observers can see that is the look of cats about to steal one of your kidneys.
I wonder what his left hand is doing.
very
That's awesome news. Means you can just remain seated till August 2026.
much like the heat index, where it's actually 88 degrees outside but it feels like 94, we should develop a fascism index where it's actually 2025 outside but it feels like the 1930s
Keep it under your hat that Roman emperors also got whole months renamed after themselves. Once word is out that branding the calendar is the badge of a mighty ruler, brace yourself for Dontober. www.etymonline.com/word/august
Minnie the Mulcher
That's a great segue into a discussion about what human blood tastes like.
They're so disgusting.
this is the strongest case i've ever heard for milk, milk, lemonade.
Unlike people like me, who haven't eaten Chik-Fil-A in 30 years and have no intention of doing so.
MMMBop
Fee waived for all pet adoptions at Pasadena Humane Society this Saturday, Aug. 16, from 10am–2pm. See adoptable pets — including bunnies and a cat named Batman that looks like Batman! — here: pasadenahumane.org/adopt/view-p... #ClearTheShelters
We reported in July that Trump was poised to slash regs protecting the public and the environment during rocket launches by companies like SpaceX. Yesterday, Trump signed an executive order making it happen. Here’s our story. www.propublica.org/article/trum...
Amazing how peak masculinity for a Republican is swearing that you’re too afraid to go outside
honey, are you okay? you’ve hardly touched my penis
Police resources allocation suggestion: Have them all rim each other.
