I can’t believe I didn’t win the powerball last night
I can’t believe I didn’t win the powerball last night
80’s action movies set unrealistic expectations on how easy it would be to get your hands on a rocket launcher
Ok we can split!
Pretty sure I’m gonna win the powerball tonight
The pigeons of new york have gotten too arrogant lately
also, the mummy was a frankenstein
Dracula was busy making other draculae who caused a lot of damage and were monsters so he was also the scientist
Many are wondering this
Hearing reports that Rudy Giuliani was rear ended by a war boy after trying to rescue an Immortan bride on the fury road
Strong Eddie Murphy “I was just giving her a ride home” vibes
found the solution to the male loneliness epidemic
Michelle Wolf ASMR
if i had a time machine i’d go back to 1000 CE mesoamerica and bring modern medical knowledge/antiseptic technique, mass production paper making, soap making, advanced metallurgy and a chest containing 20 glocks and 60 magazines with a book on how to identify Cortez to be passed down to Montezuma
Can’t even listen to good music these days because of folk
How was the retreat??
Banger post
For french: “Ou est la plume de ma tante?” (where is my aunt’s pen/feather) For american english: “I take my gun to the hamburger store”
😮💨
Back in the box to wait for memorial day, and taking all the fancy candles with me
How is this not a trending topic on discover?
Stop stop I’m gonna cum
Chuck Schumer collecting photos for an in memoriam montage set to Sarah McLachlan’s “I Will Remember You”
Any democrat that posts something somber and respectful when it happens needs to be primaried
Rounding up some extra presidents to complete the set
my plans are just deciding if I should post ass on main when it happens
The amount of nudes on main is gonna be like 2023 all over again
long weekend at bernie's
Sure they act like they’re ass-gaurdians in public, but when the toys come out it’s all rainbow bridge this and I’ll be thor in the morning that
🫂
posting corpse so luke can say here are some nice mushrooms
If it happens, I’m giving mollz credit
Such an incredible day on the timeline
*shania twain voice* let’s gogurt
Okay good, just making sure
Skyline is gonna make the kissinger news look somber and dignified in comparison
Inshallah
Lets goooooo
you’re a horse right?
Is there some new update, or is this the usual manifesting?
Lovely weekend for it
Did it happen?
Every day you people expose me to things I wish I didn’t know when I just want to look at the lactating lobster with big naturals
really wish they closed with “shut the fuck up like a goose”
Find someone who loves you half as much as Gavin Newsom hates the homeless
naptub
🕯️ 🕯️ 🕯️ 🕯️ 🕯️ stovey 🕯️ 🕯️ 🕯️ 🕯️ 🕯️
CeeDee should have been going ahead of him anyway. Jefferson’s lingering hamstring strain is a high risk of reaggravation
Sofa Princess would never “bold departure from democratic and legal norms” the issues of the day
getting all my news from porn bots now
the dirtiest high pouring one out for our comrade What’s Mid
true posters smashed that like button at 5 to get to What's Mid, and then self-comment at 11 to boost the thread back to the top to grab that 12
Yeah, Melissa. We all know about cauliflower rice
Facebook moms like “cauliflower rice #IYKYK”
one in the frink, two in the HOYvingGLAVin!
Discover’s trending list is the answer to the question “what must I absolutely avoid finding about today?”
Amazing
jfc again with your parents, do therapy ffs. Buying all these toys is not going to fill the void
I don’t want to hear another word about how sore you are from all that swooping! If you just started your search for the joker at the abandoned toy factory like I told you to your dinner would have still been warm when you got home
Meanwhile, behind the façade of this innocent-looking bookstore… (mostly books, this place is legit)
Going to bed early to get a jumpstart on not existing
People don’t say “spooktacular” the way they used to
It’s safe to come out now?
Meanwhile our government is firmly in the pocket of Big Hasenpfeffer
Increasingly, it looks like vance’s beard is peeling away from his face and the whole thing is going to fall into his bowl of soup on camera
Love this for you!
Took a major personal L today, tell me something good
honestly heartwarming
also, and it's been said before, but I love how Kylie Kelce in 2014 was like okay I guess I'll go on a tinder date with this random bear and now Taylor Swift is going to be her sister-in-law.
bro i bet your duolingo score for sarcasm is crazy bro ur so fluent bro
They built it smol so he can’t get in and do magic tricks
It's just me and Cara Delvingne so far, but the rest of the squad is on their way
They're protesting outside the Model UN!
ugh don't even talk to me until I've had my first cup of setting fire to a homeless encampment
The fascists at home
They shouldn't do that. They should make normal toe noises.
The Tightpussification of the CIA
they’re showing me a scary color tomorrow
In my house we tell the children that the underwear went to go live on a farm upstate
hi we are sinking further into the hellhole known as credit card debt due to our old man cat's accidental injury. if anyone is capable and willing to help us out at any capacity we would be so so so so so grateful. gofund.me/9161d514
It’s a win for all of us
About to wreck myself on indian food
the only celebrity foisted on us is jerry
being worth over 100m himself, multiple super bowl wins, and likely ending his career as a first-ballot hall of famer probably helps in the ol' jealousy department
nine eleven too
when the sequel to 9/11 drops, do u think they'll call it 9/12?
I feel like this is how you get 9/12?
Stovey's account has been deleted, not deactivated. This sucks
Just send them to the dry cleaner like a normal cretin
the vibes are off for sure
of all the things that never happened, that harem didn’t happen the most
Whomst among us haven’t purchased the complete set of genshin impact bodypillows on a late night temu bender?
I do NOT envy the fate of those anime pillow covers
Hey everyone, you’ve been asking me to run for office for a while, so guess what? I’m running for California State Assembly! Now, I don’t like asking for money, but we gotta pay for this somehow, and if everyone throws in $7 we’ll have the resources to run one hell of a race, so, uh, do the thing.
going down to the statue to steal some offerings. things have gotten pretty bleak lately. normally i wouldve left them there
We’re so back
I know Germany isn’t exactly known for being a hotbed of humor, but surely you must have been exposed to satire at some point during your time in Oregon?
🧵 The numerous contradicting claims that Stovey (@/ stovey.thequeer.house) fabricated a story to manipulate people into giving her money are messy, reek of harassment, demonstrably untrue in some cases, and likely originate from the people who led to her hospitalization in the first place.
