Lifting this post into the stars
wet mystery coming soon…
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Lifting this post into the stars
that’s why he built Mario’s Time Machine
“learn to stridulate!” is terrible advice. they don’t even look at your resume if you aren’t a cricket.
if the skeletons were vandalized by locals, perhaps using hammers or rifles, you could order replacement bones easily, from Jurassic Park
if Jurassic Park was real they could generate enough dinosaur bones for every town, no matter how small, to be decorated with complete dinosaur skeletons
>be me >match with hot girl on tinder >says she’s not sebulba when i ask if she’s sebulba because legally she’d have to tell me if she was sebulba if she was sebulba >meet irl >sebulba
>be me >match with hot girl on tinder >says she’s not sebulba when i ask if she’s sebulba because legally she’d have to tell me if she was sebulba if she was sebulba >meet irl >sebulba
Viewers of this Simpsons season might notice something new: America's funniest family are pale, sick, and dying.
such a bechdel-baiting movie. pretends it’s going to be about a woman but then it turns out the chick is a guy.
unreal how they decided to be more “sensitive” and that got us the trans pooper episode where im expected to believe the characters of always sunny would ever say “trans person”
If we do anything to regulate capitalism or improve conditions for ordinary people the capitalists will simply withdraw, with all their wealth and brilliance, to the floating kingdom of Devil Land
we must bring bsky up to date. key old posts must be preserved. this was a particularly fine @winterk.bsky.social from long ago
want to read a book this weekend? i just put one out! if you don't want to read a book you could also play a video game or go to the park or something. those are good too merrittk.itch.io/vampirocene
i’m glad people no longer have to jump through so many hoops to get weed
Nurse? Will you bring in my big new pair of Pagliacci Penis Snippers? He's got an appointment for later today and I can't wait to strap him down and lop off that stupid clown pecker. Anyway, sir, go ahead. You were complaining about some bull shit
[morrissey] 🎵 dry leaves on the sidewalk she's out hailing a cab, it's a hansom one horse drawn. vicar amelia, clutching tight her rosary on sunday morning, screaming. she's a borzoi the size of a chapel praying, grinding her teeth awfully she snaps at me my cane unfolds into a razor chain
not discounting people’s efforts and maybe i’m off-base here but it seems far more likely that collective shout’s role in this was just tattling rather than convincing. like if some prick calls the cops on you you can’t just have all your friends call the cops and argue. power doesn’t work that way.
i’ve always loved l’occitane- verveine for a relatively cheap ($50/100ml on discount sites, but you can smell it for free at the mall) citrus though it doesn’t last super long
a bunch of libertarians set out to make a blockchain social media paradise for the crypto bourgeois but instead their dad abandoned them and their house got overrun by transsexuals
a bunch of libertarians set out to make a blockchain social media paradise for the crypto bourgeois but instead their dad abandoned them and their house got overrun by transsexuals
such a great name, just openly declaring that everyone else’s music is idiot music
installed an ai of the uvalde shooter on my phone and now i’m invincible to cops
Gracious as he is, Mario permits even his enemies to own and run businesses.
No, weapon formed against me!
i told them the brutal truth: upon becoming a vampire, a bishie’s dick shrivels up super tiny
in 1999 i made my first fujoshi friends in the computer lab at school as they were writing a story about the ranma 1/2 characters becoming vampires and they immediately asked me to settle an argument: is 15” too big or if they should reduce ryoga’s dick to a measly 12”
there should be an official Applebee's game about having a complete 60 minute Applebee's dining experience but you gotta get up and leave if you spot an Anomaly
ugliest damn baby i seen in a minute. this baby eats shellfish and has diarrhea at the casino
heh… go cry yourself to sleep! wait. don’t do that.
Mike… Thank you. - Nattie, Now Eternal
Q: Did you hear? A sleep champion has entered the bedtime tournament. A: Yeah, he’s a real honk shoo-in!
whenever a rando starts trash talking my milk builds i check their barnyard’s wiki and the notable cows section is entirely blank lmao
got an mri in 2005 when i liked gabber and i was pretty excited to listen to the mri gabber but the tech then exuberantly said “but don’t worry! you can listen to coldplay on these headphones!” and i didn’t have the heart to tell her i preferred the machine so i had to listen to coldplay+gabber
let the night crabs go about their night business
fucked up how g/abriel still follows him
charlie brown talking to an adult who only responds to him with the annihilation sting
Hey I was right about another angel I didn’t like in heaven being outed as a creep,
i liked that guys work on small craft on a milk sea but im not getting medical advice from a musician
tired of the heteronormativity in the pacts industry. not everyone has a firstborn!
you're gonna wanna make sure your game is as friendly to payment processors as possible, something like an online casino that connects 10 year olds to 45 year old roleplaying partners
whats 9/11 ?
Mr. Coyote 2: Death Of Mr. Coyote
doing an akira slide into the room on a horse, breaking all of its legs
can i have some
yes it is. look it up.
i heard ice cream music and looked outside and there was a pastamania truck being driven with hulk hogan’s body leaning out and posed like he was cupping his ear. there were kids running alongside, cheering him goodbye—they knew he was dead, but what’s one more round of “kayfabe” for the road
zoomers don’t care if your uncle works at nintendo. they only think you’re cool if your uncle works at jeffrey epstein.
websites need group dms so that delicate posts can thrive away from the harsh elements
thought this hammer was going to pay for itself but so far nothing in my home is a geode
BREAKING: the president has released an otherwise empty memo titled “Turtle Cruelty”
@MischiefDerek.pranknet.org here is the name of a pedophile, it is “tiny baby” @TheRationalPrompter.palantir.gov Get real, Derek. A baby can not be a pedophile.
Large, intricate fish are worth next to nothing in this workaday world.
it is 2027. buck angel is divorcing disgraced children fantasy author jake rowling .
Voiceover: There must be more to life than having everything. Miyamoto: Yes there is, but I won’t tell you what it is. Wario: Nor will I,
i would just add one but a really smelly one so everyone is forced to quit. after that it’s eternal stink law.
a16z valuations plummeting as his skull turns out to be a normal skull with a 750cc breast implant on top
marc andressen’s powerful brainthinks are evolutioning his skull into a klan hood
sorry u can’t appreciate adult comics
song name, artist name, and uploader name trifecta
welcome to online
scott adams prostate curling up like dilberts tie
enby gorean who doesn’t let he/hims and she/hers up on the couch
did a son write this
teacher wheeled it in saying she had a surprise for us then turned on the news. at first we didn’t know why because it was just normal news but then 9/11 happened and we were like ohhhh
sip with abandon, it leaves no trace. seltzer water is german for, “secret water”
wes anderson escaping bullies by faxing himself back to mother
well it sure aint “wescraft” !!
@wesanderson check this shit out bicth
back in my day, we didn’t have horse girls living in our phones. they lived in a big pit.
𝒩ℴ 𝒯𝒽𝒶𝓃𝓀𝓈, 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙾𝚗𝚕𝚢 “𝙲𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚊 𝙿𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚜” 𝙸 𝙽𝚎𝚎𝚍 𝘊𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘍𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘒𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘪 𝘊𝘰𝘥𝘦 !!
nobody likes a show-off
Bart simpson is missing. He was last seen at the cemetery. 𝙽𝚎𝚠 𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚊𝚍𝚍𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚓𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚊𝚕: 𝙵𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙳𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝙱𝚘𝚢
hungry lion stalking prey: prey have too many rights
one by one the penguins steal my fish
blade should’ve had a club scene
quite telling that zohran mamdani refuses to denounce zohran mamdani…
surgeon did a great job carving you a new face out of your old distended mr tastee skull
hmm, what name do i go with to represent myself online … how about, “ganja mojo”
scary! we aren’t even safe from fascism in a country that was founded on genocide and enriched by slavery and war profiteering :/
new law idea: to maintain a seat on the supreme court, you must navigate the cube from cube (1997)
“pride comes before the fall” - ancient gay saying to help remember pride is in the summer
ok, so you know how you don’t get to hear modem noises anymore,
“pride comes before the fall” - ancient gay saying to help remember pride is in the summer
in 9th grade a friend showed me that remix and also akira in the same weekend and doomed me to a pathetic nerd adolescence
regret voting for zohran. didn’t realize those ads were lying about how he’d do 9/11 2
“Shared with you by a Times subscriber.” oh, cool. what’s their name?
thank you for endorsing my “two wife theory,” my theory that my one wife is actually two or more wifes
under socialism, they’re gonna confiscate every broad’s jugs to combine into one gigantic communal knocker, and citizens will have to wait forever in line to honk it
