Quelle surprise.
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Quelle surprise.
(GLaDOS sings "I'm Alive")
Gorka is a stupid cunt who dresses "solutions" up with stupid talking points. He's worthy of an ICE call.
"We see no threat because we embrace our AI overlords."
"Consumer confidence is up. Also, down is up, left is right, and Jesus Trump is immortal."
"I don't remember the NRA contributing millions of reasons to me to not vote for it."
"I don't remember the NRA contributing millions of reasons to me to not vote for it."
"Hey, 48% of the country believe anything we say, so here's some more bullshit."
It's called "causing crime".
America elected an absolute dumbfuck.
"But he also SEEMS to be following the science." As in, gives the appearance of following without actually following the science.
"Because Trump is a sneaky fucker who is going to get his ass handed to him if he pulls more of this shit."
The emergency might be Trump having a flashback to a late-night t.v. show he watched a few days ago.
"The president, Jesus Trump, can do no wrong."
L.A. wouldn't be "standing" in solidarity against the criminal administration, maybe. But you and your idiotic actions made that happen, Noem. Good job!
"Mr. President, you don't seem to have all the sandwiches in your picnic. How could we solve something like… murder?"
"Absolutely. After we conquer all the blue states."
"Facts shouldn't get in the way of a Republican's talking points!"
"Just trying to get a few shots in before the President shuts us down!"
Stephen Miller, one of the world's foremost bullshit artists, is working hard to make you believe Secretary Kennedy knows a damn thing about health.
Stephen Miller, one of the world's foremost bullshit artists, is working hard to make you believe Secretary Kennedy knows a damn thing about health.
What a novel way to destroy Social Security: make the most sensitive data vulnerable to black hats while making the adults in the room resign. If the system is too broken to fix, well… they just won't fix it.
Don't let the door hit you on the way out, Senator. Or do. I could care less.
A Republican said that? Oh, it's only Susan Collins. She'll be concerned all weekend and then go with the flow.
"At the same time, I'll go with whatever Jesus Trump commands me to do."
"At the same time, let's stop looking at guns."
You don't have to buy it, Speaker Johnson. Unlike President Trump, nobody's trying to sell you anything. These polls are just facts.
"We want to be the problem."
"We in the Congress have to back up fascism or we'll be convicted."
"Only us self-righteous creeps can dictate the lives of others."
"I also hope they don't look at my home state."
What on-the-job training he's gotten over the last 200 days? Taking vacations?
Better headline: WOMP WOMP.
Better headline: Trump illegally fires CDC director and installs nobody good to act like they know what they're doing. Meanwhile, the next pandemic gets closer.
"Now that his dick's not working so well, the president isn't forcing himself on anybody."
You have to invite the vampire into your house…
Vance is cowshit come to life and trying to get you to buy a timeshare.
"When you're a celebrity, they just let you do it!"
Fascist Barbie's cross has gotta be burning her right now.
Are they being prescribed guns?
"I wasn't briefed about this conspiracy theory, so let me ask one of our cabinet-level home-grown terrorists about it."
YOUR PRAYERS AREN'T WORKING, FASCIST BARBIE.
"Threatening to give Putin back his letterman jacket hasn't worked, so the president is out of options and will just let Putin bomb Ukrainian children."
"As you know, we're very picky about words around here. Unless Jesus Trump calls himself a dictator, which is just lols."
"It's not a gun thing. It's a democrat thing. And maybe a trans thing. Possibly a Soros thing. We're still sorting out our bullshit."
"We're investigating the potential side effects of everything except having too many fucking guns."
"The ICE officers need the masks because they're acting like criminals anyway."
We might need a ban on Republican lawmakers, too.
"We don't know the outcome because we don't know what we're doing and we're following the lead of a guy who changes his mind all the time."
Virginia Foxx doesn't need you to come into that room and impugn their integrity, Rep. Frost. They're doing it all by themselves every damn day.
Better headline: Trump makes up more crazy shit to distract his base from the Epstein files.
Hey, that's great. You guys know Trump's turning into a dictator, right?
Do they pass out mouthwash in the hallway after these cabinet meetings / fellatio sessions?
Kristi Noem is what you get when you let Fox News lie to the public for decades.
"President Trump just said he can declare war on blue cities, and I'm on board for that."
"My balls are getting chapped from all your gargling of them, so let's call it a day."
THE FUCK YOU DO.
Going third person again, like a normal person.
"I could say that, but you know I'm full of shit."
"When you're president, they let you get away with changing people's nationalities."
"That's how I've solved so many wars!
"I told him I just wanted to get my beak wet and then he'd be protected."
"That's also what I told all my victims on Epstein's Island."
"And some of us were elected to be criminals."
"Most people, as in the GOP and the Supreme Court."
"And then I can get 10% from the gun companies."
Better headline: Trump starts death squads.
"If she were president, maybe she could get away with it."
"You are the peace president. You've solved dozens of wars with your wise mind and bruised hands."
"Please stop giving me so much shit to do, Jesus Trump."
Never seen a group of people more scared to be honest in their lives.
"I only wish for your ego to be fed even more, Jesus Trump."
"If I could make myself look any more like a sniveling coward with no spine, I would, Mr. President."
Typical Trump. No concern about the future or anything but getting his billionaire buddies in Big Oil richer. Trump will be dead soon enough, so why should he care about the environment?
Could we build a windmill across from his bedroom?
What a dumb old man.
"Please don't notice my mortality. God-kings cannot show weakness."
"I mean, Trump doesn't think ALL Latinos are bad, right? Right?!?"
Forget Kilmar Ábrego García. How are we gonna keep Kristi Noem off of our streets?
"We're just following the glorious Chinese example. It's how we ought to run the economy."
Nut Nut Nut Lick Lick Lick
The Governor is not holding back. LET HIM COOK.
"You are neither wanted here, nor needed here. Your remarks about this effort over the last several weeks have betrayed a continuing slip in your mental faculties and are not fit for the auspicious office that you occupy."
"Most alarming, you seem to lack any appropriate concern as our commander-in-chief for the members of the military that you would so callously deploy as pawns in your evermore-alarming grabs for power." Damn. Go, Gov. Pritzker!
"You are neither wanted here, nor needed here. Your remarks about this effort over the last several weeks have betrayed a continuing slip in your mental faculties and are not fit for the auspicious office that you occupy."
The absolute greatest.
"It was right there, next to the unredacted Epstein files!"
"It's incredible. Nobody's ever heard of numbers like this before!"
Too much Satan fisting.
"They raided my house. I retaliated. The Supreme Court said I could. And the Republicans in Congress are too scared to say anything. I'm a king!"
"I have not been briefed. They've tried, but I was on the shitter."
"Nobody can forget October 7, so they should kill as many as they can. But they gotta stop eventually. Maybe when they run out of kids to kill."
In other words, nothing different.
"I would say that, seeing how I never walk in either city."
"Now I don't even talk about the ozone layer so I'm saving valuable golf time."
"I want my own monopoly!"
"They were pointing rifles and I said stop that and they all ran away and then Kim and I got ice cream and it was so fun and then we carved our initials in a tree and got more ice cream and I still think of that day…"
Motherfucker's just learning geography at 79.
"Putin will do it, so long as we go first."
"And then we'll expand the fort and get 10% of their chip manufacturers."