YOR MOST LUVD FAYVRIT PREZNIT IZ HEER FOR YOO! I WILL YUZE MY UNLIMITED POWER TO MAKE THIS CUNTRY GRATE AGEN WETHER IT LIKES IT OR NOT!! I'M GONNA BURN DOWN THE DEEYOJAY AN THE CRUPT CORTS WITH THERE DRANJED JUDJEZ! I RITE MY OWN POSTS! AN TERRIFS FOR ALL!
206 followers 268 following 569 posts
view profile on Bluesky
DUZNT IT LOOK GRATE? I THINK MY PITCHER SHOOD BE ON EVERY BILDING IN THE CUNTRY! IT ONLY COSTS MAYBE $10K TO HAV WUN MADE! I THINK ITZ MUNNY WELL SPENT! WE SHOOD PROLLY PAINT ALLA THE BILDINGZ IN WASHINTUN BRITE GOLD TO! THAT WOOD LOOK SO CLASSY! CALL SHERMAN WILYAMZ AN GET A DEAL!
EVERWUN SEEMZ TO WUNT TO COPY HOW I RITE MY POSTS! NEWSCUM DUZ PRETTY GOO WITH THE ALL CAPS AND EKSCLAMAYSHUN POYNTZ! YOO DO OKAY TO I GESS! BUT NUN UV YOO CAN MATCH MY WIT AN HYOOMER! NOT SUPRYZING CUZ NO WUN IZ AS SMART AN FUNNY AZ ME! YOO NO IT! I NO IT! EVERWUN NOSE IT!
JON "WHITEY" BOLTON HAS CLASSIFYD DOCUMINTZ AT HIZ HOWSE! PROLLY ENYWAY! IF THERE NOT HID IN HIZ HOWSE THEN HE PROLLY HAZ THEM IN HIZ MUSTASH! ITZ THICK AN WHITE AN HE COOD HAV LOTSA STUFF HID IN THAT WALRUS BRAMBLE! I SAY SHAVE IT OFF! SHAVE HIZ HOLE HED SO HE LOOKS LIKE SHINADE O'CONNEL!
MY AWTHENTIKNESS IZ UNKWESCHUNABLE! I MEEN, YOO CAN KWESCHUN IT BUT IT WONT ANSER YOO! DON JOONYERZ OLD GIRLFREND YUZED TO BE MAREED TO GAVIN NEWSCUM! SHE WUZ PRETTY HOT BACK THEN! NOW SHE TUCKS HER TIDDEEZ INTO HER BELT! PROLLY WHY DON KICKED HER TO THE KERB!
THE HOT CHIK IZ RITE! WE NEED TO OVEREMFASIZE THE POZITIVZ IN THIS CUNTRY! I NEVER SAY NEGATIV THINGZ ABOUT AMERIKA! IM ALWAYZ POSITIV ABOUT HOW THE DAM DEMOCRAPZ ARE DESTROYING ARE CUNTRY! I SAY IT ALL THE TIME! ENYWAY - SLAVERY WUZ PROLLY A HOAX! I NEVER SAW ENY SLAVES MY HOLE LIFE!
MOST GRASS IZ GREEN! LOTSA PEEPLE DONT NO THAT! IN KENTUKY THEY HAVE BLOOGRASS BUT ITZ GREEN TO! THEY MUST BE REEL DUM IN KENTUKY TO NOT NO THERE CULLERZ! GRASS NEEDZ LOTSA WATER TO! WET WATER! THE DRY WATER DUZNT WERK GOOD! IM A GRASS EKSPERT! THANKS FOR YOR ATENSHUN TO THIS MATTER! DJT OUT!
ADAM SHIFTY SHIFF IS CRAYZEE IN THE HED! HEEZ A CYCLE PATH! HE SED I WUNTED TO GIVE PUTIN YOOKRANE! AN THE ONLY EVIDENSE HE HAS IZ A TAPE UV ME SAYIN IT! I'M GONNA HAV PAM BLONDIE LOOK INTO IT! HER AN CASH WILL GET HIM THRODE IN JALE FER LIFE! OR LONGER EVEN! ARREST MY CASE!
THATZ NOT EVEN MY FONE NUMBER ENYMOR! I MEEN...THAT WUZ NEVER MY NUMBER! I NEVER EVER HAD A FONE! I DONT NO HOW TO WERK WUN EVEN! IF YOO EVER SAW ME YUZE A FONE... NO YOO DINT!
LOOK, YOO MUNKY! SHE HAZ ALL THE KWALIFICAYSHUN SHE NEEDZ! SHEEZ HOT AN SHE THINKS I'M GRATE! SHE DUZ WUTEVER I TELL HER TO DO! SEPT TAKIN OFF HER SHERT AN SHOWING ME THOZE YOOJ TIDDYZ! WEEL BE WERKING ON THAT!
LIKE YOR POSTS AR SO SMART, MARCAMEL! YOO HAVNT DUN MUCH SINSE YOO LEFT STAR TREK! I GESS THERZ NOT A LOTTA WERK FOR JEDEYEZ ENYMOR! TUFF LUK YOO MUNKY!
YOO CANT HAV BAD JOB NUMBERZ IF THERE ARENT ENY NUMBERZ! IT JUST MAKES SENSE!
SUMTIMEZ I SHIT SO HARD ITZ LIKE A FLOCK UV SPARROWZ FLYING OUTTA MY ASS! GRATE HOT LASHINGZ UV ANAL GRAYVEE FILLIN UP MY DEPENDZ! I GOTTA TELL YOO IT DUZNT SMELL GOOD EETHER IF I'M BEING HONEST!
YOR RITE! I MADE WUN UV MY RARE MISTAKES! ITZ PROLLY MORE LIKE 15,000% YULE END UP GETTING PADE TO TAKE THE MEDISIN! SUMMA YOO COOD MAKE A LOTTA MUNNY!
FRUM NOW ON THE COPS SHOOD ONLY HIRE PEEPLE HOO REELY LIKE TO HIT PEEPLE! EXPESHULY BROWN PEEPLE CUZ THERE THE BAD WUNZ! THEY SHOOD PROLLY START TO ISHYOO THE COPS BIG RUBBER MALLETZ! THAT WAY THEY COOD REELY RING THEIR STOOPID BELLZ!
I RED THE FERST CHAPTER! IT TOOK ME ALL DAY! I GIV IT MY PREZNITDENTAL SEEL UV APROOVAL!
BLONDIE WONT RELEES THE FILEZ CUZ THERE FAKE! ITZ NOW THE EPSTEEN EPSTEEN EPSTEEN HOAX! THEY WER MADE UP BY OBAMA AN HILLERY AN THE DAM DEMOCRAPZ! BIDEN MADE US THINK THEY WER REEL BUT THE FILEZ THAT WER MADE UP NOW DONT EVEN EGZIST! WE CANT RELEES SUMTHIN THAT IZNT EVEN REEL!
THIS GUY LIZE SO MUCH! I WUZ NEVER THERE AN NO WUN EVER TOOK ENY PITCHERZ! AN IF YOO SAW ENY PITCHERZ LIKE THAT - NO YOO DINT! ALSO THE GIRLZ WERNT TOPLESS! THEY HAD TOPS AN BOTTOM AN HEDZ TO! ALSO I DINT PREEMACHER JAKYULATE IN MY PANTZ SO STOP SAYIN THAT! THERE WUZ NO STANE!
FLUDZ AR VERY WET FRUM THE STANDPOYNT UV WATER! MOST PEEPLE DONT NO THAT! WEN WATER FALLZ FRUM THE SKY THEY CALL IT RANE! OR MAYBE A DOWNPOR! SUM EVEN CALL IT A DAYLOOJ! I NO LOTSA WERDZ! CUZ I NO MOR ABOUT WETHER THAN MOST WETHEROLOJISTS! NOO ZEKYOOTIV ORDER - NO MOR FLUDZ!
I WENT TO TEKSUS AN VIZITED THE FLUD! I BORROWD SUM WITE CHEERLEEDER BOOTZ FRUM RONDA SANTIS SO MY SHOOZ WOODNT GET MUDDY! I THOO PEEPLE SUM PAPER TOWELZ TO HELP SOP UP ALLA THE WATER! IT DINT WERK! IT WUZ PRETTY BAD! MAYBE KRUSTY GNOME WILL GET THEM SUM HELP! MAYBE NOT! ITZ A ROLE UV THE DYSE!
EETING ROKS WUZ A BAD IDEEYA!
@gtconway.bsky.social JUST ANUTHER EGZAMPLE UV SUMTHIN THAT WUZNT MY FOLT! I ALWAYZ SED AWGUST 1ST BUT SUM MUNKY ROTE DOWN JULY 8TH! I HAD TO FIX IT WITH WUN UV MY STRONG AN MANLY ZEKYOOTIV ORDERZ! ALSO, WEN I SAY AWGUST 1ST I MEEN WUTEVER DATE IT AKSHULLY HAPPENZ!
@atrupar.com THAT LYBEERYAN GUY TOKT SUCH GOOD INGLISH! HE YUZED TO MUCH SPRAY TAN THO! AND HIZ LIPS WER SO THIK HE MUSTA HAD THEM PLUMPT UP WITH FILLERZ! I WUNTED MELAWNYA TO GET THAT DUN BUT SHE LIKEZ HER LIPS THIN AN HARD! KINDA LIKE MY DIK - SEPT FOR THE HARD PART!
@acyn.bsky.social LOOK YOO MUNKY! I'M THE DESIDER AN I GIV THE ORDERZ! SEPT FOR WEN I DONT AN I TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY! UNLESS ITZ SUMTHIN GOOD AN THEN IT WUZ ALL ME! IF BAD THINGZ HAPPEN THEN SUMWUN ELSE - PROLLY BIDEN OR A DAM DEMOCRAP - DID IT! WERSHIP ME, YOO BICHEZ!
@bencollins.bsky.social I'M GONNA HAVE A1 ON TROOTH SOWSHUL TO! I'LL CALL IT GROT! YOO CAN ASK IT ANYTHIN AN IT'LL TELL YOO WUT I WOOD SAY! LIKE... YOO: WHY DO DEMOCRAPZ KEEP SAYIN PREZNIT TRUMP DID A BUNCHA CRIMEZ? GROT: CUZ THE CORTZ AR CRUPT AN THE JUDJEZ AR DRANJED! SO TROO!
THERE IZNT EVEN ENY EVIDENSE THAT EPSTEEN WUZ A REEL GUY! HE WUZ PROLLY A HOLLOWGRAM ER SUMTHIN! MAYBE HE WUZ LIKE A SYBORG! THAT WOOD BE PRETTY COOL! AN JIZZLANE WUZ A FEMBOT WITH GUNZ IN HER TIDDEEZ! BUT TERNZ OUT HE DINT KILL HIMSELF CUZ HE WUZNT REEL! GLAD WE FIGGERD THAT WUN OUT!
YES! I WUZ IN THE EPSTEEN LIST THAT NOW DUZNT EGGZIST! BUT I WENT TO THE EYELAND UNDERCUVER TO LOOK FOR PEEDERFILEZ! I DINT SEE ENY AZ FAR AZ I REMEMBER! AN JIZZLANE DEFNITLY DINT BRING ENY GIRLZ TO MY ROOM! AN NO WAY I FUKT ENY UZ THEM CUZ THEY WER NEVER THERE! YOO BELEEV ME, RITE?
LOOK! PAM BONDY NEVER SED SHE HAD THE EPSTEEN LIST! I NO THERE IZ VIDEEYO UV HER SAYIN THAT BUT ITZ FAKE! ALLA THOSE PITCHERZ UV ME WITH JEFF AN JIZZLANE AR FAKE TO! I NEVER MEST WITH ENY UNDERAJE GIRLZ EETHER! FACT IZ... I'M GAY! I DONT EVEN LIKE GIRLZ! I'LL SUK A DIK RITE NOW AN PROOV IT!
SLAP ON SUM UV MY CULONE AN YULE SMELL SO GOOD YULE PROLLY WANNA RUB WUN OUT! YOO ALMOST HAV TO! IT SMELLS LIKE... IF JAMES WOODZ AN MEL GIBSON SHARTED INTO WUN UV HULK HOGANZ SWETTY JIM SOCKS AN THEN SPAYD IT WITH FEBREEZ! ITZ STRONG AN MANLY AN MAKES YOO WANNA FITE FITE FITE! ONLY $199!
I BET SHE WUZ VERY CUNSERND! SHEEL PROLLY SEND YOO A STRONGLY WERDED LETTER ER SUMTHIN! IF THAT NOO POPE DUZNT WERK OUT - KEEP ME IN MIND! I ALREDY BOT SUM RED SHOOZ!
LIKE PEET SED - IRANZ NOOKLYER WUZ OBLITERAYTED! THE ADMINISTRAYSHUN AGREEZ! SO WE ALL NO THAT WUT WE SED WUZ WUT WE BELEEV IZ TROO! ANYWUN HOO SEZ THEY NO FOR SHURE WUT HAPPEND IZ LYING! BUT WE NO FOR SHURE AN WE NEVER LIE! DONT THINK ABOUT THAT TO LONG AN DONT GOOGLE THAT!
WE DROPT THE BUMPERBUSTERZ ON IRAN AN BLODE THEM UP REEL GOOD! THERE CALLD BUMPERBUSTERZ CUZ THEY BUST THE BUMPZ! BUMPZ ARE MOST TIMEZ CALLD MOWNTENZ BUT THERE REELY JUST BIG BUMPS WEN YOO THINK ABOUT IT! MAYBE THEY STILL HAV NOOKLYER! BUT THE BUMPS WER DEFNITLY BUSTED! MOSTLY ENYWAY! PROLLY...
LOOK YOO MUNKYZ! THEY HAV NO CAPASITY CUZ THE NOOKLYER WUZ OBLITERAYTED! THEY DONT HAV NO NOOKLYER ENYMOR! WE BOMD THE FUK OUTTA THEM! BOMD THEM WITH THE BIGLYEST BOM EVER! FAKE NOOZ IZ RONG IF THEY SED DIFFRENT! LISSEN TO WUT I TELL YOO CUZ I NEVER LIE! NEVER HAV EVEN WUNSE! DONT GOOGLE THAT!
MUSTASH MIKE HAZ THE BEST PILLOZE! THERE FILLD WITH LUMPY FOME AN ARE REEL CRUNCHY WEN YOO LAY YOR HED ON THEM! THERE MADE UV GEEZER COTTON! THEY GOT THOWZANDZ UV WUN STAR REVYUZE SO YOO NO THERE PRITTY GOOD! I EVEN BOT WUN TO SIT/SHIT ON!
JD NEVER FUKT A COWCH SO STOP SAYIN THAT! IT WUZ JUST KISSIN AN HE FELT UP THE PILLOZE A LITTLE! HE WUZ INVOLVD IN A CARJACKING WUNSE! BUT HE DINT GET ANY ON THE SEETZ! JD STANDZ FOR JELLY DONUT! MOST PEEPLE DONT NO THAT!
@markhamillofficial.bsky.social I EKSPLANE THINGZ BETTER THAN ENYWUN! I CAN EVEN EKSPLANE THINGZ THAT ARE UNEKSPLANABLE! SUMTIMEZ I EKSPLANE THINGZ SO GOOD YOO THINK "HE REELY NOSE WUT HEEZ TOKKIN ABOUT"! AN I DO! PROLLY! OR NOT! ITZ WUN OR THE UTHER! SO YOR RONG, MARK! YOO DINT HAV THE CARDZ!
IRAN BETTER BE CAREFUL! IF THEY ATTACK US THELL BE OPENIN AUNT DORA'S BOX! WE GOT MOR NOOKLER WEPPINZ THAN THEY DO! SO DUZ IZRAYEL! AN NETANYAHOO IZ JUST ITCHIN TO LOB A FEW AT TAYRAN! A CORSE I WOOD HELP! I'D LUV TO BE THE FIRST PREZNIT TO YUZE THE NOOKLER! BOOM - BIG BOOM!
I DINT SPEND NUTHIN! THE BILL WILL BE PADE BY AMERIKAZ GRATE PAYTREEYITZ! TO BAD ANTEEFUH AN THE DAM DEMOCRAPZ PADE MOST EVERWUN TO STAY AWAY! WE NO THIS IZ TROO CUZ TRUCKER CARLTON SED SO ON HIZ PODCAST! AN EVIDENTLY LOTSA PEEPLE WUNT TO KNOW KINGZ! WELL... MAKE ME WUN ALREDY!
YOO DONT NO WUT YOR TOKING ABOUT! THE ONLY THING THAT MADE ME SAD WUZ THERE WUZNT ENY HELLECOCKTERZ! AN THE SOLJERZ COODNT MARCH FOR SHIT! AN IT RANED! AN HARDLY ENYWUN CAME TO WOCH THE PERADE! AN MELAWNYA WUZ PISSY! OKAY... IT WUZ FUKT UP!
THIS WUZ THE EMPTY G UZ MILITARY PERAYDZ! ER MAYBE THE SARUH HUKABEESANDERZ ON A HOT JULY DAY AFTER A LONG HIKE AFTER 2 DAYS WITHOUT A SHOWER KIND UZ PERAYDE! YEAH... SOWNDZ ABOUT RITE!
MY DIK IZ REELY BIG ALL THE WIMMEN LUV MY COK! SEPT FOR MELAWNYA THO SHE SEZ SHE WILL NOT FOK! I SHUR LUVD MY PERADE! IT WUZ TOTLY SIK! BUT MELAWYA SHE DOZED OFF! AN STILL WONT SUK MY DIK!
I WUZ SITTIN IN THE OVUL ORIFISE WOTCHIN A BUG CRAWL UP THE WOLL! IT STOPT AN SAT THERE FOR OWARZ! I SAT AN WONDERED WUT THAT BUG WUZ THINKIN! THEN I WUNDERED WHY I SAT AN WOTCHED THAT BUG FOR ALL THAT TIME! AN I WUNDERED WUT I WUZ THINKIN! ANSER WUZ... I WUZNT! FUK ME!!
CUM SEE MY BIG BYOOTIFUL PERADE TOOMOROW! THER WILL BE LOTSA TANKZ AN HELLACOCKTERZ! AN MENY MENY WARFYTERZ MARCHIN IN THE STREET! IT ONLY COSTS ABOUT $100 MILYUN SO NO BIG DEEL! THEREZ ABSOLOOTLY NO BETTER WAY THAT MUNNY COOD BE SPENT! WELL... MAYBE THEY COOD BY ME A BIG CAKE TO!
@terribletowelie.bsky.social MY SOOT AN TIE IZ NOT A DRAG COSTOOM, HAND WIPE! IF I DID WARE DRAG IT WOOD BE A LONG LUVLY GOLD GOWN WITH MATCHING GOLD FUK-ME PUMPZ! NO TEEAHRA CUZ THAT WOOD FUK UP MY HARE! MY DRAG NAME WOOD BE IVA GOTTAFLEEZDIK! OR MAYBE LUNA TICK! I WOOD LOOK MAGNIFISENT!
@atrupar.com KRISPY GNOME IZ KINDA PRETTY IN A MELTED BARBIE SORT UV WAY! BUT UNDER THAT SKIRT IZ JUST A DUSTY NEST UV SPYDERZ! OR SO I WOOD GESS! I MEEN, IVE HERD STORYZ! SUM SAY SHE STRANGLZ KITTENZ FOR FUN! BUT I THINK ITZ PROLLY PUPPEEZ! I HERD SHE HAZ SUMTHIN AGENST DOGZ!
I HAVNT STARTED THE FOREVER WAR YET, @mollyjongfast.bsky.social FERST I HAV TO START IT, THEN I BLAME DEMOCRAPZ FOR IT! THEN I HAV TO PRETEND TO TRY AN STOP IT! THEN I BLAME DEMOCRAPZ CUZ IT WONT STOP! THEN I SAY I STOPT IT EVEN THO I DINT! NUTHIN IZ MY FOLT!
@adamparkhomenko.bsky.social YOO CAN LAFF ALL YOO WUNT BUT THEY HAD BRIKS! AN THEY WER THE BRIKYEST BRIKS EVER MADE! PROLLY CUSTUM MADE BY ANTEEFA! DARK RED CULLERD SO YOO CANT SEE THE BLUD ON THEM! THEY THROW THOZE DEDLY BRIKS AN KILL YOO! KILL YOO DED! BOOM! AH... MOM... I'M HIT! BRIKS!
I DONT SHIT MY PANTS CUZ I'M SCARED UV YOO! I SHIT MY PANTS CUZ I HAFTA SHIT! I PISS MYSELF TO! YOO JUST CANT SEE IT CUZ I WARE A DYPER! AL CAPONE WOR A DYPER! BET YOO DINT NO THAT! WELL HE DID! PROLLY... ENYWAY! HE COOD HAV!
THE CHYNA DEEL IZ GRATE! AN BY GRATE I MEEN FANTASTIC, GOOD, OKAY, BAD, TERRIBLE, UNFINISHT, AND IMAJINERY! ENY WERD CAN MEEN WUTEVER I SAY IT MEENZ! NOO ZEKYOOTIV ORDER - FUK ALLA YOO. I DO WUTEVER I WUNT!
@rollingstone.com THEY SHOOD HAV CHARJD HER WITH HARBORING AN ILLEGLE IMMIGRUNT CUZ THAT BABY INSIDE HER IZNT AN AMERIKAN SITIZEN UNTIL ITZ BORNT! SHEEZ CARYING A POTENTIAL MS13 GANG MEMBER AN SHOOD PROLLY BE DEPORTED OR THRODE IN JALE! ARREST MY CASE!
@rbreich.bsky.social I REELY LIKED YOR FERST SENTENSEZ! GAVE ME SUM GOOD IDEEYUZ! AN YOR RITE - THEY SHOOD STAND UP! IT MAKES IT EEZYER TO HIT THEM. IF THEY COOD PUT ON HANCUFFS AN BEET THEMSELVZ IT WOOD REELY STREEMLINE THE PROSSESS!
@crobertcargill.bsky.social AT MARALARDO ITZ THE VILLAJ PEEPLE 24/7! SUM SAY THERE HOMOZE BUT I DONT NO ABOUT THAT! NEVER GOT INTO THAT HOLE THING! BUT IF I GET TO BE A HUNDRED I'M GONNA SUK A DIK! AN IF I LIKE IT - I'M GONNA BE PISSED!
I DONT HAFTA IMAJIN IT! I ORDER THEM TO DO IT AN THEY DO - JUST LIKE GOOD LITTLE MUNKYZ! I'M THE CUMANDER IN CHEEF SO THEY GOTTA DO WUT I SAY! JUST WATE TIL THE MAREENZ SHOW UP! I'LL HAV THEM BUSTIN HEDZ AN YUZING REEL BULLETS PRETTY SOON! A CORSE THEYLL ONLY SHOOT BROWN PEEPLE! PROLLY ENYWAY!
MIKEY JONSON IZ RITE! GAVIN NOOSUM IZ A TARD AND SHOOD BE FETHERD! I'LL PROLLY HAV THE NASHNUL GARD KIDNAP HIM AN SEND HIM TO GITMO! MAYBE JUST MAKE HIM DISAPEER! HEEZ MEEN TO ME SO HE NEEDZ TO GO! ENYWUN HOO DUZNT SLOBBER MY NOB IZ A TRAYTER! YOO GOTTA GO DEEP OR GO HOME! CHUG MY CHOWDER!
I ERJ EVRY PROWD BOY AND NEEYO NOTZY MEMBER TO APPLY TO BE AN ICE AYJENT! YOR JUST THE KIND UV TUFF GUYZ WE NEED TO ROUND UP THESE DIRTY BROWN MONSTERZ! I'LL PROLLY SEND ALL THE SEEL TEEMZ TO CALIFORNYA TO FITE THE DRANJED PROTESTERZ TO! LOK AN LODE BOYZ! RUBBER BULLETS... FOR NOW ENYWAY!
@gtconway.bsky.social DONT BE MEEN TO JIMMY! HE JUST NEEDZ SUM ATTENSHUN! EETHER HE TWEETZ DUM SHIT THAT IZNT TROO OR HE FINDZ THE KID UV SUM FAYMUS SINGER TO MAKE AWFUL BORING SONGZ WITH! TWEET LIKES ARE ALL HEEZ GOT THEEZ DAYZ CUZ THE MUSIC THING IS LAFFABLE!
THERE ISNT ENY PROBLEM! JUST CUZ THE EVIDENSE DUZNT BACK UP THE CHARJE? WUT DUZ THAT MATTER? PAM SEZ SHE NOSE THE MESKIN IZ GILTY AN THATZ GOOD ENUF FOR ME! SHE JUST HASTA FIND A JUDJE THAT WILL DEPORT HIM WITHOUT DUM STUF LIKE "PROOF"! SLIP THE JUDJE SUM CASH IF YOO NEED TO! ARREST MY CASE!
YOO SHOOD TRY COMIC BOOKZ! THERE THE BEST! YOO DONT EVEN HAFTA REED! YOO CAN JUST LOOK AT THE COOL PITCHERZ! SPYDERMAN IZ PROLLY MY FAYVRIT!
PAM IZ GRATE! SHE GIVZ GRATE PRESS CONFRENSE TO! WEN SHEEZ NOT RUBBIN WUN OUT WILE WOTCHIN SNUFF FILMZ AN RAGE PORN! BUTTHATZ HER KINK AN THATZ OKAY! NUTHIN RONG WITH HATE-FUKIN SUM MESKINZ! WELL, NOT MUCH RONG ENYWAY! DUZNT REELY MATTER CUZ WE DO WUT WE WUNT! FUK THE CORTZ!
@thegodpodcast.com LETZ GET THIS STRATE RITE NOW! I YUZED TO BE A PEEDERFILE BUT I DINT LIKE THE PEEDER! I LIKED THE YUNG WIMMEN! YES, SUMTIMEZ THERE WUZ A GUY THERE BUT THATZ CUZ JEFF LIKED TO WOTCH SUMTIMEZ! BUT THAT WUZ MENY YEERZ AGO! BEFOR MELAWNYA STOPT FUKING ME!
@pbump.com A CORSE I'M SELLIN IT! IT DUZNT EVEN HAV A SIGARET LYTER! I DONT SMOKE BUT I MITE WANNA START! AN GOOD LUCK TRYIN TO FIND THE GAS CAP! I LOOKT EVERWARE! WUT A DUM DEZINE! I DO LIKE THE ADDIROL HOLDER IN THE SENTER CONSOLE THO!
@prophetjwally.bsky.social THATZ JUST DUM! I SMELL THE SAME ALL THE TIME! I'M BAYSICLY JUST PROSESSING CHEEZBERDERS AN DYET COKE ALL DAY LONG! I FILL MY DYPER A CUPPLE A TIMEZ A DAY AND IT ALWAYS SMELLS THE SAME! SMELLS JUST LIKE FREEDUM!
YOO SHOOD BE! ANYTIME YOO MAKE THE BUNNYZ MAD YOO SHOOD BE LOOKIN OVER YOR SHOWLDER! YULE PROLLY BE OKAY SINSE YOR NOT BROWN ENUF TO BE A MESKIN! STIL YOO COOD GET ROUNDED UP AN THRODE IN JALE FER BEIN A WHITE ILLEEGLE FORENER! WE CAN BAYSICLY DO WUTEVER WE WUNT!
@briantylercohen.bsky.social YOO AN THE REST UV THE FAKE NOOZ HAKS WILL STOP LAFFING WEN I SIK CRISPY GNOME ON YOO! SHEEL GET YOO THROWD IN JALE AN LOOZ THE KEY! NO CRUPT CORTS OR DRANJED JUDJEZ! YULE GET NUTHIN BUT BRED AN WATER AN YOO WONT EVEN HAV TOYLET PAYPER! ARREST MY CASE!!
IT DUZNT MAKE ME CRAYZEE SO STOP SAYIN IT DUZ! IF YOO KEEP MAKIN FUN UV ME I'LL SIK KRISPY GNOME ON YOO AN SHEEL GET YOO THROWD IN JALE FEREVER! WEEL THRO AWAY THE KEY TO! TRED LITELY, ROB! YOR IN THE CROSS HARES!
@thetnholler.bsky.social LOOK, I'M KINDA LIKE GOD, OKAY? ANYTHIN GOOD THAT HAPPENZ IZ REEZUN TO PRAZE ME! ANYTHIN BAD THAT HAPPENZ IZ COZD BY THE DEVIL - WHICH IZ JO BYDEN! DUZ THAT MAKE SENS TO YOO? IF NOT YOR PROLLY A DAM DEMOCRAP AND NEED SUM SMITING!
ME AN RFK WER DOIN SHOTS IV RAW MILK THE UTHER DAY AND I ASKT HIM WHY IT WUZ SO WARM AN THIK! HE SED HE MIXT IT WITH FRESH BULL SEEMEN! YOO NO, FOR STAMINA! MELAWNYA LUVD IT! SHE SED IT WUZ JUST LIKE HER MOM YUZED TO MAKE BACK IN HER SHITHOLE CUNTRY!
ITZ CUZ THEY LERND FRUM ME - YOO CAN SAY ANYTHIN! YOO DONT HAV TO BELEEV IT! IT DUZNT HAV TO BE TROO! IT DUZNT EVEN HAV TO MAKE ANY SENS! IF SUMWUN SEZ - THATS STUPID! JUST DUBBLE DOWN AN GO STUPIDER! IF THEY KEEP IT UP JUST START SPOUTING JIBBERISH! ALSO, I BELEEV IN JEEZUS! KINDA SORTA!
@adamparkhomenko.bsky.social I WOOD MAKE A GRATE TACO! PROLLY AN EVEN MOR DELISHUS BUREETO! BUT MAKE IT AMERIKAN STILE! FILLD WITH WELL DUN STAKE AN YUZE KETCHUP INSTED UV SALSA! NO LETTUS CUZ I HATE VEJTABLZ! AN NO CHEEZ EETHER CUZ IT GIVZ ME GAS! ALSO YUZE WITE BRED - NO TORTEEYAZ! MM MMM GOOD!
MY CABINET IZ MY MOB AN I'M A GRATE MOB BOSS. JUST FOR LAFFS I THINK I'M GONNA MAKE LITTLE MARCO SEKRATERY UZ EVERYTHIN! FIRE EVERWUN ELSE AND MAKE HIM DO ALL THE JOBZ! IT WOOD BE FUN TO WACH THE LITTLE BICH CRACK UNDER THE PRESHER!
@thegodpodcast.com I NO THE DIFRENSE! A HOLE IN THE GROWND IZ DIRTY AN BROWN AN MY ASS IZ DIRTY AN WITE! SEPT WEN I SHIT MY PANTS! THEN ITS BROWN FOR A WILE UNTIL LEENA HOBBIT CUMZ IN AN CLEENZ ME UP! I GESS YOR NOT ALL NOING LIKE YOO WUNT PEEPLE TO BELEEV!
DONT INSULT HER IGNERENSE! THERZ LOTSA CONSEPS SHE DUZNT UNNERSTAND! SUM UV THEM I TOLD HER TO NOT UNNERSTAND AN SHE DUZ WUT SHEEZ TOLD! I TOLD HER TO SPEND 100 MILYUN UV DHS MUNNY ON ADS TO THANK ME AN SHE DID! SHE MITE BE DUM - OKAY SHE DEFNITLY IZ - BUT SHE LISSENZ WEN I TOK! MAGA-DUM!
@georgetakei.bsky.social WHY DO I WARE THAT MAKEUP? ITS SIMPLE REELY! I YUZED TO LUV THE OOMPA LOOMPAZ IN THE WILY WONKA MOOVIE! THERE HARE WUZ GREEN THO! I DINT LIKE THAT SO I BASED MY HARE CULLER ON WILY WONKA! THIK AN BLOND! FUNNY THING THO - I DONT EVEN LIKE CHOKLIT!
WOW, ROSS FRUM FRENDZ HAZNT AGED WELL! I DINT NO HE CHANJED HIZ NAME AN GOT A JOB ON FOX! THE CHIK IZ KINDA HOT IN A SKOOL MARM KINDA WAY BUT SHEEZ A REEL BICH!
I COOD GROW A BETTER BEERD THAN LINKIN!
@atrupar.com STOP MAKIN FUN UV BOBBY! THE WERM ATE THE PART UV HIZ BRANE THAT WUZ YUZED FOR GOOD THINKING! NOW HE JUST SEZ STUF HE HEERZ! ITZ NOT HIZ FOLT THAT DUM PEEPLE ARE TELLIN HIM STUF THAT IZ RONG! AN STOP SAYIN HIZ FACE LOOKS LIKE AN OLD LETHER NAPSAK! IT DUZ - BUT STOP SAYIN IT!
I WUZ GONNA GET JOEL OSTEEN TO BE POPE! HE SEZ HE CAN TOK TO GOD YOO NO! BUT HE SEZ HE MAKES TO MUCH MUNY WITH HIZ CHURCH! HE DINT WANNA TAKE SUCH A BIG PAY CUT!
THEY SHOOD SEND US SUM F-18'S TO OFFSET ALL THE WUNZ PEET KEGBRETH KEEPS DUMPING INTO THE OWSHEN! I GESS I COOD SELL IT OFF AN YUZE THE MONY TO BY 6 MORE F18'S. NAH! THEY GAVE IT TO ME! I'LL PROLLY END UP LIVIN IN IT ANYWAY!
@atrupar.com LOOK, THERE GIVING ME A $400 MILYUN DOLLER PLANE JUST CUZ THEY LIKE ME! THEY DONT EKSPECT ANYTHIN IN REETERN! THEY DONT WUNT ENY SPESHUL FAYVERZ! ITZ NOT LIKE I JUST LOOK THE UTHER WAY WEN THEY MURDER JERNALISTS ER SUMTHIN! BUT I WOOD FOR YOO THO CUZ YOR FAKE NEWZ!
I DONT WANNA TOSS OUT THE CREEPY OLD MAN VIBES TO HARD BUT... YOUR EYES ARE KILLER! BEEYOOTIFUL!
OKAY - WE GOT A NOO POPE! AN HEEZ FRUM AMERIKA! YOR WELCUM CATHLIKS! HEE NEEDZ TO SLAP TARIFZ ON ALLA THE UTHER RELIJUNZ! AT LEEST A HUNNERD PERSENT ON MUZLIMZ! PROLLY SHOOD LEEV THE JEWZ ALONE THO! THEY REELY NO HOW TO HOLD A GRUDJ!
STEEVZ RITE! WEER GONNA GET RID UV BABYZ CORPSES CUZ HOO WUNTS PILEZ UV DED BABYZ LAYIN AROUND? AN HEEZ HELPIN TO GET RID UV THE TERRISTS! STEEV ALWAYZ ASKS HIMSELF WUT WOOD JEEZUS DO? AN HIZ ANSER IZ ALWAYS THE SAME... LITE THEM ON FIRE AN SEND THEM TO HELL! BUT FORGIV THEM UV CORSE!
CUZ THERE NOT RICH ENUF! THEY DONT HAV MASSIV UNDERGROWND BUCKERS LIKE ME AN MY BILYUNARE FRENDZ! WEN I GET DUN DESTROYIN AMERIKA AN THE BOMZ START WISSLING IN OVER YOR HEDZ! JUST RUN TORDZ THE SEERING LITE! ITLL BE OVER PRETTY KWIK FOR YOO!
FAKE PICHER AGEN! EVERWUN NOSE I DONT NO HOW TO WERK A SHUVEL! I NO HOW TO MAKE A MEXICAN YUZE WUN THO! I JUST YELL - DIG! YOO DERTY MUNKY!
THAT WUZ ALWAYZ THE PLAN! JUST LIKE I'M MAKIN AMERIKA GRATE AGEN BY DESTROYING THE ECONUMY! ITZ MY NOO WAY UV DOIN THINGZ BY NOT DOIN THEM! OR DOIN THEM IN THE MOST FUKT UP WAY! REMEMBER - I'M A FRIKEN JEENYUS!
I LUV JUDJE JENEEN! SHEEZ NOT THE SMARTEST BUT SHEEZ NOT THE DUMMEST EETHER! I ASKED EVERWUN TO GIVE HER A GRADE AN SHE GOT MORE C'S THAN A MEXICAN PORNO! I THINK C LEVEL LOYERING WILL BE OKAY! AT LEEST I NO SHEEL DO WUTEVER I SAY! ARREST MY CASE! I'LL SEND HER A NICE BOX UV WIN FOR CONGRATS!
YOR RONG AZ YOOSHUWAL! I'LL NEVER LEEV MAR-A-LARDO! THATZ A PRETTY GOOD PICHER UV EMPTY G THO! LOOKZ LIKE KASH IZ DRIVING! THATZ NOT A REEL GOOD IDEEYA CUZ HIZ IZE ARE KINDA FUKT UP!
JUDJE JINEEN HAZ HER HED SO FAR UP MY ASS SHEEZ BUMPING NOZEZ WITH YESTERDAYZ BIG MAC! AN SHE LIKEZ IT THAT WAY! SHEEL SAY WUTEVER I TELL HER TO AN I'M GONNA TELL HER TO SAY SUM CRAZY SHIT! JUST WOTCH! ITZ GONNA BE WILD! SHEEL PROLLY DOWN HAF A BOX UV WINE AN TRY TO BOLISH THE CORNSTITOOSHUN!
BRYON IZ WUN UV THE GOOD BLACKS! HE NOSE HOW TO LISSEN AN DO WUT HEEZ TOLD! HE FLUDZ THE ZONE WITH SHIT LIKE A GOOD BOY! IF HE WUZ WITE I'D GIV HIM A JOB IN MY CABINET!
FERST OFF - I YUZE SHARPEEZ SO THATS WUN WAY YOO CAN TELL THIS IZ A FAKE PICHER! SECUND - THATS NOT THE REZULOOT DESK AN THE OVUL ORIFICE IZNT THAT BIG! THIRD - I'M WAY MOR HANSUM THAN THAT GUY BY LIKE... A LOT!
BORDER CROSSING NUMBERZ ARE THE LOWEST IN RECORDED HISTERY! THERE DOWN TO ZERO! ALL I HAD TO DO WUZ FIRE ALL THE PEEPLE HOO KEEP TRACK UV THOZE NUMBERZ! YOR WELCUM, AMERIKA!
OH, AN CARRY LAKE IZ BATSHIT CRAZY - BUT I LUV BATSHIT CRAZY! SHE LOOKS LIKE A 12 YEER OLD MEXICAN BOY BUT SHEEZ MAGA TO THE CORE! BUT YEAH... THAT BICH IZ NUTZ!
OAN IZ GRATE! THEY ONLY SAY GOOD THINGZ ABUT ME! THEY NO THE TROOTH AN DESIDE WETHER YOO SHOOD NO IT OR NOT! IF THE TROOTH WOOD MAKE YOO SAD THEY TELL YOO SUMTHIN ELSE! THEY NO YOO LUV ME SO THEY TELL YOO WUT YOO WUNT TO HEER! THERE CALLED RITE WING CUZ THERE RITE - NOT CUZ THERE RONG!
I EXPLANE THINGZ IN SUCH A STRONG WAY! EVERWUN CAN EEZILY NO THAT I MEEN A SERTEN THING! AN THAT THING CAN BE WUN WAY OR ANUTHER WAY! I CAN MEEN YES BUT I CAN ALSO MEEN NO! I AM RITE EVEN WEN I'M RONG - WICH I NEVER AM. WUT WUZ I TALKIN ABOUT?
SHE SHOOD LIKE HAVIN BATHROOMZ LIKE THAT! IT WOOD BE A GOOD CHANCE FOR HER TO MAYBE SEE A COK! I'LL BET ITZ BEN A WILE! I WOODNT FUK HER WITH A STOLEN DIK BUT THER ARE PROLLY GUYS HOO WOOD DO HER... OR A GOTE OR MAYBE A SHEEP! HOO AM I KIDDING? MY DIK DUZNT WORK ENY MOR!
THIS IS SO DUM! I DONT LIKE BIRDZ! EXSEPT FOR HAMBIRDERZ! I DONT EVEN LIKE DOGZ OR CATS! I ALREADY HAVE MILYUNZ OF MY BYOOTIFUL MAGA PEEPLE HOO LUV ME UNCUNDISHUNALY! THERE GRATE AN THERE SO WUNDERFLY STOOPID! GOD I LUV THE ROOBZ!
EVERWUN NOSE THAT EDJUKAYSHUN JUST TAYSTS BETTER WITH A LITTLE A1! PERSUNLY I YOOZ KECHUP ON MOST THINGZ!
@prophetjwally.bsky.social IF THEY MAKE ME POPE ITLL BE LIKE JEEZUS HAZ RIZZEN I'LL MAKE PROCLAMAYSHUNZ FRUM MY BIG BYOOTIFUL PRIZZEN MY ROBEZ WILL BE GOLD AZ SOFT AZ A BUNNY MY SHOOZ WILL BE RED AN MY HAT WILL BE FUNNY AN DONT GET OUTTA LINE CUZ MY POPE HAND IZ STRONG!
THERZ MY BIG BYOOTIFUL PRIZZUN! I COOD FILL THAT UP WITH BROWN GANG PEEPLE PRETTY KWIK! GOTTA CHAYNJ THE NAME THO! SUMTHIN CATCHY LIKE TRUMP'S GANG GULAG! OR INCARSERAYSHUN STAYSHUN... BY TRUMP! I GESS WE COOD PUT THE GAYZ THERE AN CALL IT ALCATRANZ!
JUST KIDDING! I NO YOR WUN UV MY BIGGEST SUPPORTERZ!